Sunday, April 26, 2009

First of the Week

Sunday is ending and I am waiting for my hair to dry so I can turn in. I wanted to stop a minute and say hello.

I've been doing those album all week and I'm sorry for taking so long. However, I want them right and to tell the story. So, it will take me the better part of the week to get over 300 photos posted. I'm sorting them into individual albums by event so I can fill you in as I go. I hope you enjoy the photos. There are some really beautiful shots coming of the Charleston carriage ride.

Also, I know I apologize for my haggard photos. I do look horrid without my glasses and my hair every which way but I always think it is humanizing for people to see you in a variety of situations and states. We tend to show our very best side all the time and never let anyone see us mussed up. But then, we don't really get to know anyone that way.

What you see in my albums is me, in all the finery and foolishness. Believe me when I say I hate those nasty shots where they were doing my hair! LOL, but you had to be there. I knew when they were doing them they were terrible and I wondered if I'd be able to post them. But sometimes, letting people see the real you is a good thing.

Everyone has been so wonderful and expressed so much concern for me during this period following my husband's death. I thought it would be a good idea for me to at least show you that I'm not a complete basket case and that sometimes, for intervals I laugh. I can't say I'm happy but when surrounded by my friends and family, I don't feel as if so much of "me" is missing.

Overall, I had a wonderful but not perfect, marriage and my husband truly adored me, often foolishly so. That kind of love leaves a gaping hole that I suspect is impossible to fill. I do not think I shall know another person who can love the way Jerry loved me. He never wavered in that, ever. I never doubted it. But I did not deserve that kind of adoration.

Knowing you are loved is a security of sorts that you don't understand the strength of until the giver is gone. The world is frightening without that stabilizer.

In light of my state of mind these last three months, I thought seeing the photos would at least let people know that I'm trying to climb out of this dark hole I've been cast into. Will I ever be happy again? I don't see it. I'd be content with not feeling as if a knife is in my chest.

Good night, my friends. I hope you all have a wonderful week.

Kiss those you love before you go to sleep. And tell them.

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