Is There Anyone Out There?

Do you ever feel as if you are standing in an open field and all around you is absolutely nothing and on the horizon you see roiling black clouds that are quickly overtaking your position. Lightening bolts slash and slice across and through them and strike the ground beneath. You feel the electricity in the air and a strong wind carries the sent of ozone. A terrible storm is approaching.

You know you must run and warn others of what is coming and yet, you can't move. You feel as if you are so far out into this wilderness with no means of communication that will be effective and you want to shout a warning to the top of your voice but it becomes completely lost in the vast surroundings in which you find yourself. There is nothing you can do to stop the coming storm. No one can hear you and if they could, they wouldn't listen.

As I study the candidates for this election and as I study the things happening in my world, in my country, I feel a coldness creaping up around me. It is portentous and insidious. A storm on the horizon that will bring destruction. I am left with a feeling of desolation and futility.

Hogwash! you say. Negative thinking, Cassandrian attitude, doomsayer. Perhaps. I don't know but too much of what I am finding is very frightening. And I find that the fears are not so much for myself but those surrounding me. I look at loved ones, people I like, people I respect and even people with whom I have a passing acquaintance. And I am terrified for them and horrified at their blindness. Can't they see what is right in front of them? What, just tell me, what can cause such ostrich behavior!

Why are we silent? Why do we fear to speak? Is it because we fear being labled a fanatic? A lunatic? I suppose they are valid fears. For many, they already bear the lables but they continue to warn, they continue to scream and yell that there is a storm coming. And yet, the vast majority looks at them, if they even see them, and shake their heads in scorn or misplaced sympathy. There goes another one of those weirdos.

I try not to think about a lot of things because frankly, I can't change a single one of them. I can't fix morals, values, ethics, or behavior. So much that needs fixing and I. . . can't. . . fix . . .it. If you knew me, you'd know why this is the absolute, most frustrating thing that can happen to me. I want to fix it. Someone needs to fix it!

But everyone, EVERYONE, is blind. A small group who sees and knows the storm is coming is standing in that vast wilderness and they are screaming at the top of their lungs, as loud as they can, their voices straining, veins bulging, eyes protruding. Screaming for the safety of those who neither see, hear, or feel.

The Watchmen are calling out. For God's sake, no, for your own sakes, LISTEN!

The storm is approaching! Seek shelter NOW!

Gotcha!

I think I have a cold. Sore, scratchy throat, so hoarse I can hardly speak, stuffy nose, beginning of a cough. Yes, I think I've been caught.

Language is just so facinating. Why do we say we "I caught a cold"? I mean, does anyone go out and chase one down? And once caught, do you just gulp it down so you get immediate contagion?

"Why are you breathing like that?"

"I just ran four blocks to catch a cold."

"Oh, so you're already feeling it, huh? How's the nose?"

Sniff, sniff. "Still clear but I think if I eat a bit more I can get it really stuffed up, maybe even get a headache and fever."

I don't think so.

I'm the one who got caught. It snuck up on me, too. I thought it was an allergy because it started like one with just a slight stuffy nose and scratchy throat. Today, I feel lousy.

Sneaky little imp.

I Can't Complain... well, maybe just a little.

I've been pretty negative lately and I don't like it much. I suppose that is the nature of pain. It brings out all the worst in us. I apologize to anyone I have depressed and stressed and annoyed by my persistant whine tasting sessions. Really, I do.

I don't know if anyone who is not experiencing pain can really grasp what it means to have unrelieved pain for which there seems to be no pill or recourse. I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid arthiritis about 4 years ago. Actually, the doctor I saw was wishy-washy about it but my primary care doctor had already done the blood test and it was positive. So, I changed specialist and the next one, also relucant, did confirm the original test results... with a caveat that other diseases can mimic RA. I already knew this from my research. (Side effects of a history major are propensensity for research.)

She further concluded that while I do have a mild case of RA, she suspect that the pain I am experiencing is related to fibromyalgia, an elusive disorder that appears for no known reason, strikes at random in the body to cause inflamatory pain. No cause, no cure. Until a few years ago, this particular disorder was considered imaginary. Sufferers appear perfectly healthy on the outside, if you exclude the strained smiles, wrinkled foreheads, tense postures and stiff movements.

Really, if I want to keep it hidden, I can but once out of sight, it is normal to breakdown and cry with pain or just suffer in silence. For example, my right calf muscle frequently feels like a torn muscle that makes it extremely painful to walk. I limp. Someone ask, "What's wrong with your leg?" I reply, "Nothing, just hurts today." They walk on and have no idea that I would rather be crawling down the hall than put my weight on that leg.

The pain in my neck and shoulders is continous, with brief lulls in the severity. I suffer from TMJ and migraine headaches, both of which are symptoms of the disorder. I have had TMJ since I was in my twenties and migrains began in my 30's. Muscle pain in my late 40's. It is a progressive disorder. I do not sleep well and disrupted sleep is thought to be a common problem. Too little sleep and pain escalates which in turn causes you not to sleep.

I did aerobics for a couple of decades and road a stationary bike. I was very active and weighed 70 pounds less. I could move furniture alone. I painted my home, hung dry-wall, replaced floors, toilets, sinks, refinished old furniture, sewed, crocheted, wrote, and took care of my family while I attended college full time in my 30's. Once I graduated, I went to work. I work 40 hours a week. I can no longer do any strenous work for very long and I can't think. And that is the worst side effect of all.

They say exercise is one of the best defenses of the problem but you hurt so bad and are so tired it is a herculean feat to accomplish it. A treadmill puts me in tears after 30 minutes. And I so miss exercising but I cringe at the thought of an aerobics routine.

Now, what to do. There is no known cause. There is no known cure because you can't cure something you can't define. There are medicines to take. They usually don't work. I am taking an RA medicine now and an antiinflamatory. I take Previcid to combat the stomach damage caused by the anti-inflamatory. I am also insulin resistant and have high blood pressure. I take meds for both those. I take a muscle relaxant to help me sleep but it causes severe dry mouth and I can't take if for more than a few days at a time. I take a medicine for migraines when I have them and another medicine that helps me sleep. That medicine has limited effects after a week. There are some new experimental medicine. I won't take them. The RA med has potentially lethal side effects and some pretty scary non-lethal ones, one of which is blindness. I am sick enough already and don't need any more symptoms.

I still have pain. I still don't sleep. I probably should quit work but I am the primary support for my family so, that is not going to happen. Well, not unless God gives me a few million to retire on. So far, that hasn't happened. I'm hopeful but not optimistic.

So there you have what all the whine is about. It goes down better with cheese but my humor is not up to speed at the moment. Still, for everyone who has dropped a word of sympathy and concern, it is so very appreciated. Sometimes, just hearing someone say something nice is the best medicine there is.

I promise to try and be more upbeat. The weather is changing so maybe some sunshine will cheer things up a bit. I am looking forward to sitting in the sun and just relaxing for a few hours on the weekends. I do know how to relax but finding a comfortable position is the problem.

Tomorrow is one day shy of the week-end. We have rain at the moment. This means in Indiana that spring is at the door. I hope you all have a lovely weekend wherever you are.

My final words: God is good. All the time. In the good, in the bad, in the happy and in the sad. And in the midst of great suffering, he is closer that your skin. You just have to open your eyes.

Blessings and good wishes to you all.

Over the Mountain

It is Wednesday and like the bear who went over the mountain, all I see is the other side of the mountain. Paperwork is piled around me in stacks of varying height. I have folders, and faxes, and mailings. Oh my!

It has been a long week and I was off one day of it! My pain levels have been high for a couple of weeks now. Sleep has been another problem. I decided to ask my doctor the next time I see her if she will order a sleep study. Something is wrong because I just can't get enough rest. I don't sleep soundly. I wake several times a night to reposition so I can stop something from hurting. I can't lie on my side because on the left the shoulder hurts and on the right the hip and leg hurts. I can't use a pillow because my neck hurts. I can't lay on my stomach for the same reason, well and because I am a "D" and it is impossible to sleep uphill. The end result is very little recuperative sleep. I'm beginning to wonder how long I can continue to function with the way I currently feel.

A lady here today said, "You should be able to draw Social Security." I am astounded because I have no choice but to work. I can't survive on about $600 a month! At least, not at this point in my life. I've lived at that level before and it is no picnic.

So, I will just keep pounding away in the mine and hope someone will give me my life back. The other day I realized I now understand why some very ill people are not afraid of dying. You can actually reach a point where the thought of rest or no pain or sleep, any kind of sleep is a blessing. I'm not ready to die but I am very tired of living like this.

Got to get back to work. Break is over.

A Short Tale of Blessing

Sometimes you have to let people know that God is still doing good things for people. Not because they don't know but because for the most part, we don't hear much about how good God is but rather, we hear how God is responsible for all the bad that happens in the world.

For several years now, I've been supporting what amounts to three households. Mine, my son and his wife, and an unmarried son who lives with us. We've had car troubles times three, job troubles times three, grocery troubles times three, utility troubles times three, illness times three.

My job is not the end of the rainbow, folks. My husband and I could live reasonably if it were just the two of us. But how many parents are going to see their children do without something it they can help. We all need a car and a job and food and a place to live. My kids are extravagant and wastful with very little money to start with. I know this but when the lights are about to be shut off or there is no food in the house, I am required to do something, if only by my own conscience. They are my children, any character flaws are probably partly my fault. You don't have to agree.

When they are sick, I have to buy medicines. If they need clothes or shoes, I have to help. I grew up fairly poor because my grandparents raised me on social security and child support of $60 a month. My grandfather worked but he drank up any surplus he had after Mama paid our living expenses. I remember commodities with canned meat, powdered eggs and milk and cheese. We gardened. I had flour sack dresses as a small child. Hey, back then it was pretty material and people baked their own breads. God took such good care of me through other people who provided beautiful clothes and sometimes food and even my grandmother's medicines. I would be truly unthankful if I did not give back some of that blessing. So I do more for my children than I should.

The consequences have been that I've had times in the last six years when I had money problems that caused me a lot of stress and I've done without some things I needed for myself. Thankfully, I have good health insurance and a steady job and my husband has a small VA pension and medical care. So, we've survived.

Even before I got my job, in fact, since my sophomore year in college in 94, we struggled with more debt that we could handle that resulted from two years unemployement and waiting on the VA to get his pension. Family sent money here and there when they could but we nearly hit bottom a few times. And there was no housing assistance or food stamps. We had to make it alone. A second mortagage gave us enough money to consolidate debts and temp jobs kept us above water, barely. That extra debt didn't go away once we got jobs. It was one more bill to pay. We struggled to keep from drowning until this last year.

God blessed us by letting us get the house refinanced just before the real estate market bottomed out. I might have gotten a cheaper rate today but I would not have been able to refinance because now, the values of homes has spiraled downward.

During all that time, I have always paid my thithes. There were times when not paying them seemed the better choice but I made a promise that when I got my first job, as long as I earned a dollar, God would have his portion and more if I could do it. I've never backed down from that. And the first two years I worked at my current job, I added $25 every two weeks to my tithes because I had promised God I would if he gave me the job. I had promised to do that for one year but I felt so blessed that I continued for a second year. But hard times came in the form of a teenager who got in trouble. So the extra just wasn't there.

I realize all this may mean nothing to you if you are struggling. The bitterness of hardship lashes out at such tales with "why not me?" Believe me, I know.

I can only say that God has been so very good. He has put people in my path who made my way easier at times. He has opened doors and coffers to fill needs. Not every issue is resolved easily and sometimes something doesn't get fixed. At times, I can't buy something I need. Groceries at times are a problem because I may have to feed six of us for a few days. But we've not gone hungry. The lights are paid, although it has become more difficult here. And we've cut down on going anywhere but to work or to church twice on Sunday.

Today, as I paid my bills, I realized that there has been a little money left over lately that allowed me to start paying down on the few credit debts we have left. I will be clear of one in 60 days and that money can be applied to the second one. I found my student loan payment has dropped to 1/4 of what I was paying. I have no idea why! but I paid more than the minimun, just as I have always done. If God continues to help, I will be able to clear that debt in 12 months... after more than 10 years of trying to pay it off!

In January I got a raise. We get cost of living increases in my job, not that they are anywhere near the cost of living! At the end of the January, during Sunday night service, I felt prompted to give an offering equal to the amount of my raise that month. That's $50. I hesitated about a minute because I debated doubling it. But I stuck with the $50. That is what it cost me in gas each week.

I don't believe in the so called prosperity doctrine. I don't believe that the more you give to a church or a tele-evangelist the richer you will get. BUT I do believe that God takes care of his people. I believe that if we give to God what he asked of us, he will give us all he promised. There may be times we have to struggle but David said that "I've never seen the righteous forsaken or His seed begging bread."

I can promise you, I've never gone hungry but bills have gone unpaid for a time. I always pay my debts but there have been times when it took a little time. I have had to struggle. I have been afraid. And I have cried over my situation. But it is days like today, when I can't figure out what happened to my bills that I am reminded that God is working for my good.

You need Macromedia's Flash player to view this item.

Rain

There is something about rain that soothes the soul. I'm not sure why. Something about the sound of the crystal clear drops splattering on a sidewalk or running off the eaves of the house is just the most beautiful sound in the world. I never grow weary of it.

My grandmother used to tell me that it wouldn't rain in heaven and there would be no storms there. I'm sure for someone nervous about storms this was a comfort. But as a hurricane hardened child, I was very saddened by that news and when I prayed, I would often tell God that wherever he put me, I hoped there would be rain and thunder and lightening once in awhile. Streets of gold are all well and good but I suspect that gold won't be slippery enough to do a really good slide if it isn't wet. And the smell of grass is not nearly as sweet as it is after a summer rain. The air of a hot summer is only freshened by a quick thunderstorm that you can smell half an hour before it arrives.

For me, sitting in the dark watching heaven throw flaming arrows at the earth is the most exciting contest I can imagine.

It is one thing I miss most about my Southland. We have wonderful thunderstorms that charge the air with excitement and electricity. Just standing on the porch during a storm with the air sizzling from a lightening bolt and feeling the force of the thunder against your chest and the explosion in your ears gives you a physical impression of raw power that you can get nowhere else and survive. If you aren't cautious, you won't survive that either.

Tonight it is raining. For me, it is one of those nights when the sound of the rain brings a coolness to fevered thought, a freshening of the spirit, and a cleansing of the soul.

Turn your face up to the heavens and let the rain fall.

Just When I Was Feeling Better

You know, sometimes it doesn't pay to read the paper or watch the news or well, read anything at all! I was getting my feet back under me and along comes another domesdayer.

Can We Really Run Out of Food?


I need to just shut off everything, phone, cable, internet, subscriptions, etc. and find a place in the woods where I can grow my own food and live off the land. Sounds good to me.

No Blue In Sight

Gray skies, nothing but gray skies. Gray skies from now on.... Well, it feels like it. Rain is falling. Does rain do anything else? Lately, not much but once it falls, it just sort of lies there. The ground is saturated and I'm beginning to feel as if I'm watching a lake form around my house. Fortunately, I live on high ground so, I'll have plenty of warning if it gets too bad.

I have to say I am having a really bad bout with pain. My back, from my neck to my ankles. feels as if I have been beaten with a stick. It feels just like I am bruised all over. It isn't funny but my butt and upper thighs are probably the worst. I"ve never had pain in that location of this type except when I started doing squats to strengthen and tone that area. I can assure you, I have not done that for years.

This pain thing is just insane. There is no rhyme or reason and no way to predict where it will strike next. If it wasn't so miserable it would be fascinating. I test areas to see exactly what hurts and how it feels and I am always surprised by what I find. But it really hurts.

My husband told me today I needed to see the doctor and get something for it. I looked at him and wondered where he's been for the last two years. I said, "There is no sense seeing a doctor. I am already taking everything they know to give me. It doesn't work. There is no medicine, no cure, no reason, no understanding in regards to this. Until a few years ago insurance wouldn't cover it because it "didn't exist" except in the patient's head. It can't be fixed or repaired or managed."

He looked at me as if I had just sprouted two heads. I'm not sure if this isn't the first time it has really registered that I am really hurting and it is not going to go away. Well, not unless God heals me. And I don't think my husband really gets it yet.

What is St. Patrick's Day?

I was a bit surprised when Riete told me she had no idea what St. Patrick's Day is! But when I think about it, perhaps a lot of people don't. So, I've provided a a link to the History Channel website with the interesting details of this Irish American holiday. We don't take off for this holiday, by the way. It is more of a tip of the hat to our Irish roots... well, those of us who have them.

St. Patrick's Day

An Irish Blessings

May the road rise up to meet you.
May the wind always be at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
and rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of His hand.

Hope you have a grand St. Patrick's Day.

Well, the Irish do have a great way with words. I believe it is called the Gift of the Gab. I've been told I have that gift, too. I found lots of blessings and prayers. I love this one,
If God sends you down a stony path,may he give you strong shoes.

I could celebrate St. Patrick's Day but since I don't drink beer of any color, it may be difficult. I didn't wear green today and I am too sore to dance a jig! Since I am of Scot-Irish-German descent with little bit of Cherokee I imagine there are several holidays I could celebrate but I have no idea what they are. I'll have to google and find out.

Today is my maternal grandparents anniversary, or would be if they were still alive. I've always had a fondness for the day for that reason.

How will you celebrate today?

Soap Story

I've slept and my sentiments have not changed much. The compassionate responses are appreciated, of course, but I suspect I've gone beyond the reach of rational thought.

But there is something theraputic about making soap. My husband saves the soap slivers, actually still big enough to use but hard to handle when wet. The cache had become so big I was going to toss them last weekend. He stopped me and said he wanted to use them to make a bigger bar. We've done this before and it works very well but I haven't done it in a long time. Tonight I decided to try it again.

I've had Sarah most of the day and after I took her home, I got the slivers out and put them in a bowl. I must remind anyone who tries this to use a glass ovenware dish. Melting soap is hotter than you can imagine. I forgot this rule tonight and had a small puddle of soap and plastic on the bottom of my microwave. And the bowl was one I've microwaved in before! Wear at least platex golves for handling it. It will still burn if you get it on your hands but it is managable. Getting it melted is a pain because it doesn't all melt at the same time and for some reason it foams rather than melting like wax.

Once you get it soft, add a little water but not to the hot dish, which will also be hotter than you think and will shatter if you add cold water. I put it in a pan and used a metal spoon to mix in a little water. You have to really brake the soap into small pieces and it is best to do this before you start. I didn't. This is probably why it didn't melt very consistently. After finally, getting most of it soft and coated with water I lined a cake pan with wax paper and dumped the mess in. I covered it in the same and used another cake pan to press it. I needed more water. I started over.

I then dumped it all in a plastic zipper bag when it had cooled enough to handle safely. I added a small amount of water and began to smoosh it all around in the sealed bag. Be sure and let enough air out to be able to do this. Then, I began to press it into the bottom of the bag to form a loaf shape. I rolled out all the air and rolled the top of the bag down to compress it further. It is sitting in the kitchen to cool and it will probably be a couple of days before it dries. But I will have the equivalent of two bars of Dial soap.

For those worried about germs. Believe me, the heat of melting soap will actually raise a blister on your skin if you don't protect yourself. Nothing could live in it.

I would also recommend trying this in a double boiler with a smidgen of water in the soap. I think the melt would be more even. You could even add purfume if you are so inclined. As long as it won't conflict with the scent of the soap. I didn't try this but with the slivers I used, there wasn't much but a soap smell.

So, I burned my fingers slightly, created something useful and conserved on soap and money. And my kitchen smells of soap. Better that than the garbage. I have polish sausage in the oven and I am going to have the baddest dog in town.

Tomorrow is Sunday. Maybe it will be a better day.

Chaos Reigns Now

I'm not sure where all my drive went. Perhaps it drove off and left me. The faint of heart need read no further. I am absolutely certain there is something in here to offend everyone. I believe in equal opportunity annoyance.

It has been an absolutely crazy week that started off with a Monday and got steadily worse. The one bright spot was that my boss let me leave an hour early today. The week was so dreadful that, on my way home, I was wondering what that gift of an hour was going to cost me in the long run. Very negative of me, I know, but that is the kind of week it was.

I was told this week that I have a harsh tone but that I do hold people accountable for their actions. My response was, "It is what it is." If the rule says, "Don't" then you don't. If it says, "Do" then you do. As Yoda said, "There is no try. There is only do." Now how hard is that!

I've been thinking about it and remembering the quiet, southern girl who smiled a lot and grew up around very dedicated Christian people who laughed a lot and loved everyone. Where's the girl who was friendly to stranges around the world? I wondered when I got so very hard. I can guess but let's just say the last 15 years have been my own personal hell and has given me a hard outer coating, kind of like an M&M but less sweet. Who I "was" is trapped somewhere inside. The continual irritants I face daily have created the hard shell as a means to protect the inner heart, mind and soul of me.

See, I am sick to my core of the poison oozed by some people. I am disgusted by rude behavior. I have no tolerance for social ignoramouses, ingrates, and ignorant leaches who suck the life out of those extending an hand to help them. I am more than annoyed by whiners who do nothing to help themselves and inflict their misery on everyone they come in contact with so that a hand will be extended which they can then suck on to refresh their energy to whine a little more.

Sometimes, I'm not surprised by all the calamity that befalls the planet. We are a worthless lot bent on our own destruction in an effort to satisfy our insatiable lust for pleasure. And we don't care who we have to walk over to get it.

I am certain that my opinion comes, partly, from the fact that I work in a job where I see rules broken every single day. I hear one lie after another, told in an effort to steal from taxpayers who work extremely hard for their dollar, of whom I am one. I see political appointments and hires that make one wonder what were they thinking!

And it also comes partly from a planet where all the above people live! I am sick of criticism of the decisions every person in authority makes, no matter what party they represent. THEY'RE ELECTED, people, if you don't like them, maybe we can get a dictator next time? Don't worry, that's coming.... sooner than you think.

I am disgusted with amoral leaders who lie to their constituents or expect those of us with slightly higher standards to excuse or "forgive" their getting caught with their pants down. And I am doubly sick of media who milk misfortunes for everything they are worth and then rehash the destruction for days on end. They are like vultures picking the bones of thed dead.

I realized that I have conformed in a way to my surroundings. I have transformed into a person who despises a lot of people because there is no integrity, no truth, no honor and precious little dignity. I speak without sympathy to people who lie to my face and they know I know they are lying but am powerless to stop them. I am disgusted because there are those who think they are deserving of respect simply because of their religion, their sex, or their color and yet they are disrespectful to every person, every ethic, and every value they encounter but deny me the right to respond. I mistrust a lot of people simple because the majority of those I am in contact with and read about and see on television are little more than theives. It is a sad state of affairs and one for which I have relized there is absolutely no cure. And I despise that fact most of all.

We are standing at the brink of a great catastrophy for which we will not find a solution. We seek the answers in the "goodness of mankind", who has shown time and again that there is no goodness in us. We pontificate with pat answers. We write books about god being us, we have power, we are our own salvation. And those are the ones who would have organized religion destroyed because they disagree with their philosophies.

Then those, such as I, who believe in a single deity we call God, are mocked and ridiculed and accused of starting every war in history but we are also usually the first burned at the stake! Or we go out and start a war in God's name! No religion is sacred and only one is true and it depends on who you ask because there are no longer any sacred text unless they appear on Oprah!

And we continue to spiral out of control.

Am I the only person who sees things getting worse rather than better? The environment is a mess, energy cost are skyrocketing, prices are skyrocketing, diseases are becoming untreatable, new strains of bacteria are resistant to treatment, people are nastier than ever and have no tolerance for one another. Perverts are growing faster than weeds. There are wars and rumors of wars. There is hatred, malice, perversions, strife, etc.

Chaos, folks, is in charge. And he is Hell on wheels.

When you see these things come to pass you will know the end is near....

Joke of the Day

I love "kid" jokes. This was so cute I had to post it.

A Thoughtful Teacher

After school one day, a young first-grade boy was sitting at
the kitchen table, eating his afternoon snack, when he
blurted out, "Mom, the teacher was asking me today if I have
any brothers or sisters who will be coming to school."

The boy's mother replied, "That's nice of her to take such
an interest, dear. What did she say when you told her you
are an only child?"

She just said, "Thank goodness!"

(From the Good Clean Funnies List (gcfl.com)

No Voy

No, I did not go to church. Shoot me, please. I've laid on the couch and watch Mythbusters blow things up. It was sort of cathartic.

No, the knees don't work, ankles don't work, bottom of my feet refuse to support me, headache coming and going, shoulders in knots and lower back sore. I have no idea what is going on. Surely cleaning the oven is not responsible for all this. I didn't even do it all at once. I did it over the course of 8 hours. I sprayed cleaner and left it. I came back and cleaned the door. It wasn't done so I sprayed again. I waited a couple of hours and returned to clean the door and sides. I sprayed the bottom again because it looked like a swamp --too many pizzas I guess. Hours later, I returned and did the bottom. Looks great and much easier than I remember them. The irony here is I have a self cleaning oven and have never used the feature. I don't have time to figure it out. I just bought stuff for self cleaning ovens. Stupid, right?

Actually, I recommend cleaning an oven this way. During the lulls I did laundry and moved furniture. {Hard smack to the head here}. Could moving furniture do this? I actually remembered this as I wrote it. I did move stuff around, no real lifting, just pushing and scratching an already horrendous floor. I don't care anymore, you see. It's never clean anyway. Sarah played while I cleaned and I would stop to sing and read a story. She is such a joy to be around.

Anyway, that's how it went. So maybe I did this to myself. Yea, that's probably it. God hates a clean oven and house so as punishment, I get a semi backed over me.

Whatever.

You know that multiply posting feature I mentioned, they have fine tuned that thing even more than I realized. I can actually pick a single individual on my contact list to allow access to a particular post! That is just too crazy! How neat. When did they do that?

I also did a neat thing on my Blogger account. I added a translator so now I can be read in eight languages! I'm global! Right. Who the heck cares.

I'm gone. I have a flexiril calling my name. Work might not be pretty if I don't take it.

Four Letter Words

Pain. Yes, really. It is a four letter word that is creative in its ability to allow the recipient to create other four letter words. Of course, it is also a word that can result in bodily harm to anyone surrounding the recipient.

Migraine headache, RA, and fibro picked today to party. My husband came in from work at 6 a.m. and I though my son would take him to church. He can't drive himself because he worked all night and will go to sleep at the wheel. If someone doesn't go on Sunday mornings he never gets to go to church. My son didn't want to go and I had to get up and get dressed and take him to church. Believe me when I say this is a feat worthy of a gold medal or two. When my husband saw the shape I was in he asked me what I wanted to do! I said, "Die." Maybe I already have. I got dressed and hobbled like a 90 year-old to church. Since then, I've been told twice I don't look so good. How nice. So very tactful of folks. Do you know how hard it is to smile and say, "No, I'm fine." when you feel as if you've been hit by a car and backed over? Guess. Finally when a third woman ask if I was all right, I said, "No, it is not a good day." Hey, I never lie. As in true Christian spirit, she beat a hasty reteat with a "Oh, sorry." tossed across her shoulder. I'd have laughed if I had not wanted to cry so bad.

Some of you will be getting notice of relationship changes as my contact. I am utilizing the lovely multiply screening mechanism so I can post more personal information for my nearest and dearest. I did this awhile back and since then, I've added a few people without selecting and it chose for me. Some I just never bothered with. But now, I have too many unsecured openings to post some family stuff I want to post and they won't be pleased if I broadcast some things to the world. And I may just want a bitch session that I don't feel like sharing. Happens. So, these changes will allow me to make certain post specifically for family and people I know personally amd for those times I want to share something with everyone.

No, I'm not booting anyone unless you want booting. If so, you have a way to do that on your end. I promise, if you feel that strongly, it won't hurt my feelings. Today, there is no one big enough to do that.

I've stopped posting as much lately. Frankly, I am re-evaluating my place here and on every other blog. In fact, today I'm re-evaluating my place on the planet. But where the blog is concerned, I've been considering whether to just blow the whole thing off and get back to real life. However, I've learned to not make any decisions when I am in this much pain. so it will have to wait. I started blogging to force myself to write and it worked. And I caught some friends along the way. There are bonuses to blogging. I just have lost sight of it.

I'm on my way to bed and it is only 1:30 p.m. here. The sun is shining and water is pouring off everyting. The snow is melting and it is warmer, 41 degrees. But I'm looking for a bed and something that will knock me out so I don't feel anything for several hours. Church starts at 7 but I like to get there by 6:30 for the prayer room. My feelings are that should I miss that tonight, it will not bode well for anyone tomorrow.

I hope you have a great start to the week. If any of it spills over, toss it this way. I'll need all the help I can get.

Unless I can find that pill. Now, where did I put that bottle....

Bits and Pieces

Several bits and pieces here. I've posted the next chapter in the Hidden in the Mist saga. For those reading it. I don't think anyone but Alice is but that's ok.

Also, Cajun Girl posted today that Patrick Swayze is dying with pancreatic cancer, a very painful way to die. I find this terrible. In all the inteviews I've seen him in, he always is so well mannered and seems like such a very nice guy. I've never heard of any scandal or bad behavior either. How very sad that someone who seems to have kept his career on track and his life in order should have his life cut short.

I am still wanting to go to the Women's conference that Skeeter has mentioned on her blog. I was checking it out again today, and I want to go. If you are interested in such things, check her blog for the link. There are three in three different states so you may have one near you.

Any of you ladies who plan to go to the Illinois conference, please email me. It is November 13-15 and I will probably take off that Thursday early and drive over. My plan is to find a room at the Hampton Inn (free breakfast and clean rooms) in Marion. That is 16 miles from Benton, where the conference is held. I'm less than two hours away. I'd love for us to meet face-to-face and get to know each other better. I am taking my daughter-in-law because she never gets to go to thise kind of things now and she likes them.

I am taking off the Monday after Easter Sunday. I HAVE to have a four day weekend alone. I thought it would be a day alone but I found today that my husband is also taking off and so, it will be just another day at home. It will at least have a four day weekend.

Not sure what everyone else is doing. Not many post lately from the masses. But then, I've been busy, too. I hope you all have a lovely weekend. We are, again, supposed to have snow. When will it end!

Who Am I?

I saw this on Alisone's blog and thought I see what I ranked. Not bad but the negatives sure make me sound like a school teacher!

- October 28 -
You are very independent and don't care what others think of you. You are genuine and romantic. You love the outdoors, travel and the arts.
Positive Traits: a leader, willpower, self-confidence, originality, stamina
Negative Traits: cold, unfeeling, workaholic, domineering, obsessive
'What does your Birthdate mean?' at QuizGalaxy.com

A Good Monday Morning?

Is there such a thing? I truly didn't want to get up this morning and come to work. It is a rainy day and the weather has turned ugly - rainy and cold compared to yesterday's sunny 70 degrees. On rainy days, I want to be curled up in a cozy corner with a book.

I've been away from here for a bit, except for changing the look of things when I get bored. I want to respond to a couple of comments on the post prior to this last one, the one regarding Sunday morning. A several people made comments and I found them interesting, although not very surprising. I am thinking about my response carefully because I want to take each viewpoint into consideration.

I haven't been writing much either. February was a short month where it was too cold and dreary to get anything done and I was sick for about two of the four weeks anyway. However, spring is in the air and the days will steadily get warmer and sunnier. I hope the allergies don't present a problem but we shall see. I am going to put out weed killer BEFORE they take hold and see what happens.

Does anyone but me find time a problem? I can remember getting numerous things done and having plenty of time left over. Now, there seems to be no time to complete anything and I am always left with something hanging unfinished, never to be completed. I hate that.

I won't get much done today or tomorrow. I have a doctor's appointment today and a dentist appointment tomorrow. A check-up and a cleaning. Still, boring. Loads of work to do before lunch. They won't let us take our lunch out for doctor's appointments. I've decided that I will start trying to set all my appoinments on the same day so I won't have to miss an hour here and an hour there. Stupid if I only need an hour and could use a lunch hour and save the sick time for those days I am actually sick!

You know, I just noticed that several people have left my contact list but they didn't even say so long. How rude! As far as I know, I didn't do anything to them but to just leave without a good by. Anyone ever tell you that it was good manners to speak to your host if you are leaving the party? I added people who requested to be added. I didn't go seeking them. Oh well, Mama always said you can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear.

Now I shall get back to work. I'll try and catch you all later!