Thursday Happenings

It is nearly midnight, minutes, in fact. I've had a rather hard day. Honestly, I think I've had Covid again. I've had headaches a lot for a couple of weeks, congestion, more severe brain fog than my fibro usually causes, then coughing. And that tired. The bone breaking, brain draining fatigue. The weekend was the worst. I really felt I was dying a few times. Today I am better, but by late afternoon, I was pushing myself just to keep upright. 

Mike came to do his laundry today, and he went with me to buy a riding mower. I simply can't keep paying $200 a month to get this yard cut. The guy I use is so nice, and he actually reduced what he charges normally for me. Mike actually loaned me more than half the money. Someone else gave me $500 to help, and I put the rest with it from my savings. Nearly wiped that out, but at least there won't be payments every month. If you've priced them lately, they're very expensive. They will deliver it, I hope, before the weekend. Tomorrow is supposed to be rainy so won't need it but with all this rain, we'll need it by Saturday. 

I'm still going through drawers and pulling out things to get rid of. Tomorrow, I'm packing up more stuff that belongs to Sarah. She's not coming back here to live, so there is no need to keep them. If she doesn't want them, I'm sure some other girl will appreciate them. I think I'm going to repaint the room, too. A good coat of some bright color will blot out the past and make the house more saleable. 

After many views of YouTube videos, I want the bed in the small room made into a Murphy type bed. I use the room for sewing. I've seen many methods, some far more expensive than I want to bother with. However, I think I can do it rather cheaply. It doesn't have to be expensive to be functional and it will save me a lot of space while still leaving a useful bed in that room. Rarely do I have people visit me. Truth is, no one comes here but my aunt and uncle. So, it isn't like I even need the bed. But in a pinch, I've had to use it.

Hmmm, I could get a rollaway bed. The room is big enough for a full size bed and a chest. I could remove most of the other furniture. However, since I began sewing again, I want a space to do that. The small room is perfect. 

I should hit my bed now. It is well after midnight. Take care and have a lovely day. Do something nice for someone. Call them. Send a card. Or write a letter. You do not know how much you can change someone's day with just one of those things. 

Bad Moon

 There are days I feel as if I'm going to die. Really. I've been so sick the last few weeks. I thought getting back to the gym would help but it hasn't. The past weekend I was so sick I really felt as if I couldn't go another day. I wanted to disappear and not know anything. I tried to sew. Couldn't. I tried to write. Couldn't. Tried to clean, I did a few things but it took so much effort I really wanted to just give up and go to sleep. I've been going to the cemetery to get out and not think about things but I don't know if that's a solution. 

I think I have a cold. We've all had allergy issues and I've been coughing a lot in the last few days. Kept taking my mask off one night and Becca had to wake up because I was snoring so badly. I was really sick that day and the next. Probably because of breathing issues related to not wearing the mask. I haven't recovered, although I've had better sleep the last couple of night. 

Becca has helped so much, despite having a problem with her foot. I hope she knows how very thankful I am for her. She's like a daughter and is always willing to help me. 

Today, I'm doing laundry and putting laundry away. I'm also cleaning up the spare room and getting rid of some things. There are things of Sarah's that are going into boxes. If she wants them, she can have them and if not, they're ready for the charity bin. 

You know, love is a funny thing. You rarely get a good return for your investment. It's a money pit. No, I'm not even going to explain that or try to rationalize it. Today is not a good day for it. 

I'm thankful for the people who have always been there for me, who loved me and helped me in a thousand ways. I hope I've given them a good return on their investment. I hope they know who they are and that I did not disappoint them. 

I'm so done giving. Really done. I've reached a place where I have nothing left to give. I'm used up. It's almost time to get off this train and I'm not sorry anymore. There's no reason to waste sympathy or time on those who do not care if I'm here or not. I'm tired of investing in losers, quitters, and selfish ingrates.

I need to stop. It's a personal journal, but there is no need to drag everyone down.  

May I Say....

We're now in May. April wasn't much of a month. Gas and other things have skyrocketed and made it impossible to do anything other than survive. And there are those who are worse off than I. 

I went to Ohio and stayed with Sarah for a week. I had a pleasant time visiting with her when she had time for me. The Sarah I knew is gone and I don't know who she is now. I'll leave it at that. 

I've done crafty stuff in the last few months. I made an Easter outfit for Madilyn, Sarah's little sister. The skirt is a circle skirt of an appliqued fabric I had in my stash. I took some appliques off the scrap material and put them on her shirt to match. With her pink boots, she looked adorable. 

I'm really proud of the whole thing. Did it all with no pattern. I like that I still have this talent. Click photos to view larger size. I want to do a couple of more using some of the tons of fabric I have and would love to make one for Sarah but don't know if she'd wear it.

I also made a handbag from fat quarters. I saw this on
YouTube and liked it. So I made one for myself. I learned some things from it. Either the instructions and measurements were off or I did something wrong. You won't see the problem, but there is one. However, I've gone over it several times. I cut out a new pattern, changing the measurements a bit and will make a second bag to see if that fixes the problem. I'll let you know how that goes. 

There are a few more projects I want to do as well, but I'm having so much fatigue and difficulty focusing that I can't finish the most basic tasks some days.

Sarah is supposed to come for 7 weeks mid-June. Becca and I want to do some projects on the house and with Sarah here, it might actually be easier to finish them.

I've been cat sitting Becca's white cat, Gabi. She was here for three days and now she doesn't want to leave. When Becca comes in, she runs and hides. We don't know for sure what to do. She loves to play with my cats and I think she is lonely being an only cat. I have to tell you this is how animals always act around me. They all almost always like me. I remember Daddy telling me to stay away from his brother-in-law's dog because it was bad. Daddy was in the pasture at their house and looked up. He saw me standing with that dog and the dog sitting next to me.I was rubbing his head. Daddy yelled at me to get away from him because he'd eat me up. The dog and I just looked at each other. I think I wandered away, and the dog followed me. He never bothered me. 

I still need a riding mower to cut the yard. The $200 a month to hire someone is killing me. I need the money and would let the mess just grow up if the city wouldn't fine me for it. I'm going to shop around next week to see if some place has financing to buy one. Surely the payment wouldn't be as bad.

So, tomorrow is Mother's day. I'd rather sleep in. Don't think anyone cares if I'm their mother. I have my reason.

It is time for bed; I think. Today I did laundry all day and changed my sheets. I love clean, crispy sheets. If I had enough cotton sheets and didn't mind doing laundry, I'd change them every day. 

Happy Mother's Day to you mothers. I hope your children treasure you. My Mama was wonderful. I wish she were still here. 

April 2022 Update

 As with all things, the car situation finally cleared up and in February I bought another car. Yes, they finally paid. I was able to buy another Ford Fusion but a 2019. My old one was a 2016. Actually, it isn't a nice as my 2016. I had a cd player and four usb ports in the old one. I also had an arm rest in the back seat with cup holders. This one has one usb port and no arm rest. However, for 20/35 mpg I'm happy. And it is paid for, so double happy. This one does have more security and safety features. So another win.

I had arm surgery on my left elbow in mid-March to repair the pinched ulna nerve. It wasn't too bad, but I had an episode where it broke open the night after they took out staples. Blood and water poured out of a small opening and scared me to death. Becca came and helped me bandage it and I went to the doctor a couple of days later. The worst part of the whole mess was that the bandages I had to wear literally blistered the skin on my arm and it was more painful than the incision. 

It has healed up fine but is still sensitive. However, I can now snap my fingers and I'm not dropping things as much. The nerve stinging has lessened, too. The doctor was conservative in his belief it would clear up, but I'm fine with it. 

This month has been rough with pain levels nearly above tolerance. Mostly my left shoulder. It is so painful to move it in certain directions. The doctor said yesterday that if necessary they'll do a scan to see what's going on in it. I may need therapy and/or steroid shots. Therapy won't do a thing for me and steroids are helpful but not healthful. So, we'll see. 

Next week I travel to Ohio to stay with Sarah a week while Dave, et al. travel to Arizona. I'll stay there from Wednesday to Wednesday and come home. Sarah is supposed to come home for 7 weeks in the summer. I hope she does, but I've given up on all of it. 

For now, I'm off to bed. My sleep is horrible these days and I feel constantly tired. Hope you all have a wonderful Easter. 

Another Annoying Week of No Car

 Here we are, mid-February. Tomorrow is Valentine's Day. I never have gotten anything for Valentine's Day since I was a child and my Daddy would bring in chocolate candy in little heart-shaped boxes for us. I always thought it so sweet. 

My husband did nothing like that. Not in 35 years of marriage. I think I got a card a few times. I shouldn't be surprised since I was the one who remembered all the birthdays, holidays, and anniversaries and sent the assorted cards and, if necessary, gifts. Still, it is one area I still find very hurtful. He never remembered it. 

My sons have bought me flowers a few times when they had money, and that was always nice. Happened maybe twice each in their lives. I only get birthday cards from my aunt and my sister. When they were small, my sister took them shopping for gifts for me on special occasions. Again, that was nice. I have a couple of nieces who have done some special things for me a few times. 

Ever wondered how it feels to be unimportant? Imagine never getting a card or gift from someone you love on special occasions. Imagine buying your own Christmas gift and wrapping it and putting it under the tree. Yep. Sure did. He wasn't very thoughtful in that way. I tried not to think about it. But he wasn't happy when I started unwrapping those gifts at Christmas and raving over my own purchases. He did get Christmas gifts, if he remembered, last minute, Christmas eve bathrobes because what I wanted was already gone and he didn't want to spend the money. I still own two of them. I bought him nice gifts for Father's Day, his birthday, and Christmas. That is something I can say. 

I've never told people that, but I'm kind of in a bad place these days. I'm tired of all the drama of my family. I'm tired of being treated like an idiot because I disagree with their opinions and ideas. I'm tired of being important when someone else needs something and forgotten the rest of the time. It has taken me a while to remember I lived 20 years with no children. It was less painful, and I was pretty happy. I love my kids and they've been a joy growing up. You don't realize the price will often be painful. 

In other news, I still have NO CAR! The title I mailed to the address the claims office gave me never got there and has not been returned. So no payment. I spent $40 to get a new title overnighted to me. I have to spend another $20 to ship the new title to the agent. It will NOT go through the USPS. It will go FedEx. What I've spent on the title alone I could have driven to Indianapolis, an 8hr round trip from my home. How hard is it for an envelope with a TWO TRACKING NUMBERS to be lost?

Lately, I've experienced a tremendous amount of joint pain and cramps. No idea why. I was off my meds for roughly 6 weeks while the insurance worked out my records. That triggered much of it. However, the cramps in my arms, legs, back, sides, etc are inexplicable. I should get back to the gym, but at the moment, I don't know if it would cause more harm than good. The muscle cramps are not good at all. 

My D levels were too high and they've taken me off all vitamins for now. Not sure what happened with that. It's happened twice over the years and I can't figure out why it happens. I suspect that it is another deficiency that is causing the issue. A med I take prevents absorption of D, but for it to jump up randomly is just not logical.

Anyway, we wait and see and recheck in a few months. I hope it remains at a normal level. If I don't have to take extra, that would be outstanding. 

Have a good week. Be kind. Call your mother. Or your dad. Or your aunts and uncles. Say nice things and mean it. 

I'm going to bed now.