Answers on a Cup

 For over two decades, I've lived in almost constant pain. Real, I can't move pain for over 20 yrs. It went from bad to worse. And some days, I tell God how very tired of it I am. I just want it to stop.

 It doesn't, and neither do I. 

I enjoy being here, but I hate being here on days when so much fog clouds my brain that I can't think, write, or wash dishes. Days when I can't hold my hairbrush, walk without feeling like there's gravel in my feet, bend my knees, or simply sit in a chair on pelvic bones that feel like they've been hammered. And then there's the nerve damage in my arm and the carpal tunnel in both hands. 

On those days, I'm not happy. I'm not mildly annoyed either. No. I'm so angry I could punch walls or scream. One would hurt me and the other would get me arrested.  I also want that annoying person to experience what I'm feeling so I can give them the same treatment I'm getting. 

So, I'm furious on those days and avoid contact with as many as I can, even my family. Being nice is the most difficult thing in the world on those days when pain is using a stone to pound me into the ground. 

Add all that to my family that experienced their own pain. For example, Mike had a kidney stone and then a stroke. Phyllis has her foot in a boot from a near amputation, and David was laid off (he got another job). All that happened in the last 60 days. 

We all got problems, right? 

But today, the pain is less. The sun is shining. And for the moment, the world has not intruded on my psyche. So, for today, as the cup says, I'll just be happy and hope tomorrow is the same. 

What am I saying! I hope the next two hours are the same! 

May your day be pain free. However, I am available to listen if you wish to rant, cry, or whine. Because we should never walk away from someone else's pain.  

 

April 2022 Update

 As with all things, the car situation finally cleared up and in February I bought another car. Yes, they finally paid. I was able to buy another Ford Fusion but a 2019. My old one was a 2016. Actually, it isn't a nice as my 2016. I had a cd player and four usb ports in the old one. I also had an arm rest in the back seat with cup holders. This one has one usb port and no arm rest. However, for 20/35 mpg I'm happy. And it is paid for, so double happy. This one does have more security and safety features. So another win.

I had arm surgery on my left elbow in mid-March to repair the pinched ulna nerve. It wasn't too bad, but I had an episode where it broke open the night after they took out staples. Blood and water poured out of a small opening and scared me to death. Becca came and helped me bandage it and I went to the doctor a couple of days later. The worst part of the whole mess was that the bandages I had to wear literally blistered the skin on my arm and it was more painful than the incision. 

It has healed up fine but is still sensitive. However, I can now snap my fingers and I'm not dropping things as much. The nerve stinging has lessened, too. The doctor was conservative in his belief it would clear up, but I'm fine with it. 

This month has been rough with pain levels nearly above tolerance. Mostly my left shoulder. It is so painful to move it in certain directions. The doctor said yesterday that if necessary they'll do a scan to see what's going on in it. I may need therapy and/or steroid shots. Therapy won't do a thing for me and steroids are helpful but not healthful. So, we'll see. 

Next week I travel to Ohio to stay with Sarah a week while Dave, et al. travel to Arizona. I'll stay there from Wednesday to Wednesday and come home. Sarah is supposed to come home for 7 weeks in the summer. I hope she does, but I've given up on all of it. 

For now, I'm off to bed. My sleep is horrible these days and I feel constantly tired. Hope you all have a wonderful Easter.