There has to be a place where you can escape all your problems and still be breathing and above ground. I mean, don't they say "if you can imagine it, you can do it"? So, I can imagine a place like that....
And there has to be enough money to not have to worry about bills or anything. And you're meals will be brought right to your chair on the lanai where you are intently studying the clouds' motions as they move with the sound of the surf. Right?
HEY! I'm a writer! I can make it up.
That's my point. If I can make that up, there has to be a place like that.
I'm depressed. I'm got this ringing in my ears and it is driving me mad, seriously. I'm so tired I could simply lie down right where I stand. Just give me a pillow and a blanket. I suspect they're connected. I don't want to know, so don't tell me. Even if they are there is nothing that can be done, just like everything else I have wrong with me.
I used to look up things to see if I could find out what was wrong and if there was something I could do. I stopped. Knowing became more frightening than not knowing. Now I just want to go away.
I don't know where that place is. Instead, I'm sitting here eating Peanut M&M's.
That's as close as I can get to heaven right now.
grief (185) writing (60) video (49) pain (44) Sarah (25) exhaustion (24) illness (21) humor (20) NaNoWriMo (19) depression (16) National Novel Writing Month (14) fibromyalgia (13) rheumatoid arthritis (13) music (12) WRoE (11) holiday (11) Epstein Barr (10) politics (10) sickness (10) fibro (9) religion (9) sadness (9) Smokey (8) mountains (8) God (7) easter (7) home (7) home repair (7) political (7) memorial day (6) reading (6) stess (6) stress (6) yarn (6) egg hunt (5) job (5) piano (5) science (5) song (5) depression grief (4) doctor (4) fatigue (4) government (4) grandchild (4) singing (4) thanksgiving (4) writer's group (4) furniture (3) gun control (3) happiness (3) journaling (3) patriotism (3) sinus (3) Dream Stealer (2) Jerry (2) divorce (2) earth (2) editing (2) health care (2) hope (2) lightening (2) prayer (2) prophecy (2) rain (2) rheumatoid (2) thanksgiving day (2)