Return

I returned home this morning around 10 a.m.

Saturday morning we had breakfast at the La Quinta Inn on Preston Bridge Hwy, in Louisville. I highly recommend this hotel if you are in the area. It was spotlessly clean, the rooms were beautiful and spacious, and the staff were just so friendly. If I have to go back over there, that's where I'll stay. They serve a buffet breakfast with things like eggs, biscuit and sausage gravy, juice, coffee, you can make Belgian waffles in about 2 minutes, fruit, pastries, milk, cereal. Really a nice set up.

We sat around in the morning sitting by the pool just reading, chatting and relaxing. It was cool so I didn't go in but just enjoyed the sunshine. The day was beautiful. We went to lunch at Chilli's where I had Chicken Crispers with french fries and corn on the cob. I've had this here in Evansville at Chilli's so I knew it was good. I followed that with the chocolate brownie topped with vanilla ice cream and chocolate sauce. Yummy. I was stuffed.

We went back to the hotel and they rested. I went down to the pool with my book. I swam a few laps, read a bit and warmed up, swam again, read some more, swam again and read some more. At four I went upstairs to dry my hair and get ready for the concert at 6. We left at 5 on a shuttle the hotel provides.

I spent the next six hours sitting and listening to quartets sing.  The music was very good but sitting so long was not very fun. I did get up a few times and go out so that helped. Unfortunately, there were many moment when I was miserable. I didn't expect that. Several groups sang songs that Jerry, my sister Phyllis, and I used to sing together. No, we weren't professionals. I sang in church growing up. When I married, Jerry sang with me. Then my sister moved close by and she joined us. People liked it and would ask us to sing. I don't think I was that good but they were both very good singers. Jerry was a tenor and Phyllis an alto who could also sing harmony. I tend to be a soprano but not the upper soprano. I have a mediocre voice but I love to sing. They made me sound better. Although, there are people who still ask me to sing. So, it must not be terrible.

Anyway, I was stressed the first two hours. Jerry and I had gone to this convention once, seven years ago. We were given the tickets because my aunt and uncle couldn't go and had already paid for them. We spent the weekend in Louisville and we really enjoyed it. That weekend kept roaring through my head. Once I saw a man standing in shadow several sections away. I had to look again because the stance was familiar. It was distressing. I was exhausted by the time it was over. We caught the shuttle back and were at the hotel by 11 I think. It was only about a 15 minute ride from our hotel to the convention center.

It is apparent that everything I do and every place I go is going to be unpleasant if it is something we did together or something I know he would have loved to do. I keep saying it will get better but I can't figure out how. I can't stop thinking about it. I can't shut off the memories once they start. I am at a point I don't really want to go anywhere and leaving on any trip is horrible. I got off Friday and once home I didn't want to leave. It was terrible trying to get out of the house and into the car on on the road. I cried for the first 50 miles. Struggled to stay focused the next 50 and thankfully that is the length of the trip.

I did enjoy visiting with my family. They are always fun to be around. I had a ot of back and hip pain too but the actually swimming helped the back. I can see I'm not much good for anything but sitting in the sun, reading, swimming and talking. Today, I'm exhausted but the fibro does that to me anyway. I've spent a lot of effort to maintain a facade and it takes a toll. By midnight last night, it was cracking.