The Down Side

I'm tired. There are no words to adequately express it so I'll just say I'm tired. I feel as if I could just lie down forever and not move. I lay on the sofa from around 10 a.m. until I went to bed at around 6 p.m yesterday. Then, lay on the bed until nearly 11. All I did was watch t.v. on the computer. Nothing more, nothing less. I didn't nap because what I felt was not sleepiness. I was simply exhausted, too tired to sleep. And the emotional roller coaster simply made it worse.

Mentally, I'm somewhat functional but if opportunity arose, I might be able to nap today. But alas, one must continue shoveling in the mine. My pain is relative. I had back pain when I woke. Muscle pain, too. But they pale in comparison to the tiredness. I was late getting up this morning, too. I simply shut off the clock and didn't realize it for  45 minutes.

I promised myself I was going to try and stop focusing on all the negative stuff. I want out of the cursed tomb I seem to be trapped in. I keep digging but it seems as if I'm simply making it deeper and the weight is getting heavier. If I'm not able to even go away for a weekend without becoming a mass of used up flesh, I don't know how I'll manage. I can't be sick even one day for the rest of the year. Not one. I have nothing to use and I really don't want to spend my vacation time on this. I have three vacation days off in December. There are three freebies in November and three freebies in December. October 28 is my birthday and I get that off and I'm taking one day on the 29 because I'm keeping Sarah that weekend and having my aunt and uncle here for my birthday and my sister, Phyllis' birthday. They are a week apart and they always celebrate with us. So, sickness is not an option.

I really would like to have days where I wake feeling good again. Or at least no in so much pain or so tired. To wake up and have a day where I can do something that is productive. To be able to go places and laugh and go home with a good feeling about it. I can remember that. It was a long time ago but I do remember it.