I thought I was fine last night. I haven't really felt good all week but I've managed to get by, even writing a bit. Still, I've been very down. I have gone to bed a bit earlier several nights, only to arise earlier. I was resting I suppose. I remember even dreaming several nights. I do think I'm getting Mike's cold.
Around 10 p.m. last night I simply descended into hell. Sometimes it feels like I'm dying and it frightens me. You just can't breath. I don't think I've descended that far in a while. It is the worst place to be and there really is no escape. Once you hit the steepest part of the slope there is nothing to stop you, nothing to grab onto. You end up at the bottom with bloody knees, torn nails and a bruised soul.
This is as far from normal as you ever want to get. Everything is upside down. I look around my house and feel, despite it being clean and fairly organized, that it is a waste land. Devoid of anything that makes it home. I don't love it anymore. It doesn't love me either.
I see things I'd like to get done and find I just really don't care anymore. The hot water faucet in the tub is leaking. The half bath toilet has no water in the tank because it was leaking and I just turned it off, cleaned out the bowl, and poured cleaning solutions through it to make sure it was clear of any odors. The kitchen faucet has a leak; I've mopped up water underneath it twice this week. The leak in the bottom of the tub I've stopped, I think with spray foam that expanded to form a round glop in the bottom of the tub. It's stuck there until I discover if I'm up to taking it out and put in a new one.
But I don't care, actually. I know these things need fixing. I just don't see how or when or even if I want to. I've no problem turning off the water to the kitchen sink and tub but I actually have to wash dishes and take a bath. But I no longer use the half bath toilet since it has no water. I just brush my teeth in there and fix my hair because it has the best light and mirrors. Most of the time it is closed off.
We're just rotting corpses. Dust to dust. Eventually, we'll just be dust.
Letting the leaks on your faucet could give you much more problems than what you could imagine. Cleaning up the mess is just one. Molds, water damage, and severe pipe damages can occur if you let the drips go on. And we should add in your water bill. I hope that you've changed your view about fixing these things by now. It's for the better, Cynthia. Darryl Iorio
ReplyDeleteActually, no I didn't change my mind. At that point in my life I was in a seriously depressed state over the death of my husband. I didn't care about leaky faucets, broken valves, or holes in the tub. There are points in life when plumbing is the least of your worries.
DeleteBut if it makes you feel better, I've very aware of all the problems leaks cause. I was raised by a master carpenter and if you read the blog, you'll see that I'm very acquainted with home repairs. But they eventually got repaired, the tub replaced. Unfortunately, rather than doing the work with my husband as we had always done, I had to hire it done. Which caused me problems you can't imagine.