Rundown of the Weekend

 The leg is better. Have I told you about the leg? 

My lower back (SI joint) has flared up. I overdid it at the gym one week and walked the next week. Felt good at the time, but I did too much. Results were an inflamed SI joint and bursitis in my left leg, flaring all the way to my knee.

They started PT last Friday. It helped a great deal. For a couple of days, the pain was so much better. It came back, but not as bad. Today I'm wearing my diclofenac patch. That actually seems to help the most, but I have trouble keeping it on my back. It isn't glue but a kind of foamy, sticky substance that thins over 12 hours. Hits the pain hard, and I feel good if it stays where I put it. But it slides around. 

I will have PT twice a week for about six weeks. They used a TENS unit, and that was amazing. 

Writing has kind of stopped with this latest pain but I think tonight I'll start back up. Or tomorrow if I am too tired. 

I'm not sleeping well most nights. Either too worried, too upset, or too excited. My brain just doesn't shut off. One night I spent all night writing in my sleep! It wasn't a deep sleep, and I kept waking up. I considered getting up and writing. But I was so tired. 

I think I am going to plan a trip home. I need to go. And it would get me out of my head for a bit. Mike goes to Indy for an appointment with the neurosurgeon to get his brain disease checked for treatment. We know there's only one treatment at this point. But we need to know his status. Maybe when I get back, I can head home. 

Planning on getting rid of at least one cat. I simply can't cope with three anymore. Also, I may get rid of the second one. I love her, but again, I'm at my limit. And I want to get away more. Of course, Jet is not going anywhere. I think he's too attached and wouldn't do well if he were re-homed. Besides, I talk to him a lot. I actually talk to them all. And they try to answer back. 

Reading four books at the moment. I haven't done that in a while. Mostly because I had been reading a book a day since November. Once I began writing, I couldn't read a book a day. It took three days. So, I finished one yesterday and began two today. There are two others I was already reading. And yes, I can keep up with them. 

For now, I'm headed to the shower. 

Life in My Own World

 What do you do when your world constricts to a period? 

Yesterday, I realized that is what my world has done. While working on my novel, I realized I don't live in the real world anymore. I'm in the Matrix. I didn't even watch those movies. I've seen bits and pieces but never the whole movie. I'm living there! 

My family is for the most part all dead. Well, I am 69. Parents, grandparents, and a sibling dead. Siblings left are either in jail or far away. My sons have their own lives, and my only grandchild remembers me about twice a month and either texts or calls for a few minutes. I go to church, have items delivered, get my reading online, and talk to my cats. Doesn't that sound like a place you want to live?

The only world I experience now is fictional, and I created it. I meet good and evil people. The evil people are worse than any I ever met in the real world, but I can kill them off. The good people are also no reflection of the real world. There is no real affection, but there isn't much in the real world either. 

I made a comment after Jerry died that 6 weeks after the funeral everyone forgets you're alive. No one has proven that wrong. He's been dead 17 years and I've sat right here, buried. It has taken me this long to realize what happened. Well, I was kind of traumatized watching someone die that way. But yeah.

Yesterday I decided that I'm going to live in this fictional world. I'm tired of trying to fit in the real world or find kindred spirits or a new life. But there is a dark, empty depth you can sink where there is no way out.

I'm too tired to mess with it.

So, it's less stress and less work to sit down and open a portal to a fictional world where everyone knows you. They rely on you for their existence. If I must be a spectator, I might as well make myself comfortable in a place I like. The alternative is much darker and emptier. 

New Year's List of Don'ts

No resolutions for me, thanks. Tomorrow is the last day of 2025. I had thought to start my new year on a positive note. Things in the last couple of months looked up, but I expected far too much and didn't see what was coming. So rather than resolutions, here's my New Years List of Don'ts

Never take the initiative. Just follow the rules of your existence. It won't look like anyone else's. And no one will notice.

Never presume. The universe hates presumptions and will put as many stumbling blocks in the road as possible to ensure that you do not get out of line. It will also slap you silly if you step out of the line it has instructed you to march in.  

Never say someday. That doesn't exist. Today. That's it.

Never utter a word about your plans. This should probably be #1. 

Never desire something beautiful. You'll break it. Or it will break you.

Never stop moving. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. It's harder to hit a moving target. 

Never let them see you cry. Your strength evaporates with the tears. 

Never ask questions. Particularly if you don't want to know.

Never give advice. You'll be to blamed if it fails. 

Never give away your shovel. There will be a million things you need to bury. Parts of your self included.

Never, ever, ever trust your heart. Jeremiah 17:9: "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?".

The Last Day Revisited

The Last Day

 I share this post from time to time. It's one I like and it never goes out of date. I find that fascinating and sad. 

What do we do with that last day? How do we spend it? And what about tomorrow? Will we make it better? 

I don't know the answer. I hope I do something to make it better, but I'm only one. I think, looking back on this year, of Charlie Kirk. He sought to make the world better, one mind at a time. They silenced him. For a brief moment, the darkness seemed overpowering. 

The darkness mentioned in The Last Day post, won. The stars didn't shine;. The tree didn't bloom. People were lost.Until the stars came out around the globe. People stood up and made their voices heard. 

Still, the problems are not fixed. Other people would silence any dissenting voice. It is a real war that too many do not wish to fight.  

It isn't The Last Day yet. There is time to make a difference. 

Have a happy New Year!

A Week Outside the Bubble

 

Life looks nice in a glass bubble. From the outside, anyway. I don't live there.

It's been a strange week. Woke up on Saturday and couldn't walk. Inflamed bursa in my leg. The pain was terrible. I forgot I can't wear flat shoes or go barefoot. 

Plantar fascitis means I need to wear heels. I love heels. But not to wash dishes or vacuum. And I don't own any real pearls. 

That is going to go over the head of anyone who didn't watch 50s television. Think Leave It To Beaver's mom.

Today is Friday. I've been to the pain doctor, and he's sending me to physical therapy because we both believe that fewer drugs are better. Today I have my annual torture session at the Breast Center. It makes me a better person. At least I tell myself it does. On the 30th, I see PT. 

I'm alternating between depression and a weird happiness. No idea, so please don't ask me to explain. I know where the depression is coming from. The weird happiness, too. I'd like to reconcile them so I only feel one a day. Or maybe just one and not depression. Weird happiness isn't bad. It just isn't genuine happiness in the sense that you feel secure. It's very shaky. Like skates. I don't skate well. So, yeah, that's what it feels like. 

No holiday decorations, but I've reconsidered it a bit. A wave of immense guilt washed over me when my son asked me to fix a ham, remembering I no longer celebrate Christmas at all. Well, he's been away from home for the holidays for years. Now he wants a ham? 

Don't get me wrong. I celebrate the birth of Jesus. I don't need trappings to do that. They're nice. I love them. I enjoyed decorating. But decorating an empty house is not weirdly happy. It's utterly depressing. So, since I'm already battling that beast, I won't feed it. 

Writing? Yeah, that's been going full blast. Only this week, I've kind of hit a bump. The leg pain means sitting for lengthy periods is pretty uncomfortable. I usually can't walk for several minutes without pain. Also, wearing heels leads to foot pain in the metatarsal area. Heels are not for daily wear, although I did it when I worked. I don't know how! Regardless of that; I have to wear a shoe with at least an inch and a half heel if I want the pain to lessen. 

So, 66,612 words for November and December is a lot of writing. I began on the 12 of November, and that's the count as of today. And I still seem to have a lot of it left. It's so odd because I haven't done this much writing in years. Not in one book. Weirdly productive? Maybe. Hope it last till I get it done because the storyline has now made it impossible not to have a book 2! I do not know how that happened. 

I'll wish you a Merry Christmas & a Happy New Year. 

May the dreams you dream come true and the wishes you wish do too.

CM