Things that Blind You

It is often easy to focus on the negative in any situation. At least, it seems pretty easy to me! I seem to always have bad stuff to say.

Today on the way home from the eye doctor, I was so annoyed with my oldest son, Mike. I took him with me because they were going to dilate my eyes and my last experience was less than joyful. I was nearly blind outside. He waited in the car. I was there two hours! I only saw the doctor 30 minutes of that. I was astounded as how long I had to wait. And let me tell you, the little Missy tech assistant who ran a couple of test before I saw the doctor needs to develop a personality! That woman was so rude. She rolled her eyes at me two or three times and huffed and puffed.

Once I was done, I was waiting to be checked out. I called Mike on his cell. I could see the car in the parking lot. I told him I didn't know how much longer I'd be but that I hoped it wouldn't be long because I was waiting to be checked out. Twenty minutes later, I came out, ready to go and he was gone!

I was standing in the parking lot with no coat and NO SUNGLASSES. It has been a bright sunny day and now was late afternoon. I called and he was at home! His place is just around the corner from this office. I flipped my lid. He was supposed to drive me home. I was so annoyed when he got there but then he was nasty because I was angry about being left. I told him to get out and I would drive myself. That made him madder and he was ranting at me. He made it sound as it were my fault. I finally had to tell him if he yelled at me one more time he could walk home. He's lazy and that never goes over well. Oh, he was just so ugly! I took him home and he wanted to slam my car door! Wait till he needs to borrow that car again.

For those who do not know a thing about Mike, this is not unusual behavior but it is not common. My guess is he's sleep deprived again. However, I do not tolerate it because that is is his choice but I don't have to be treated that way. He forgot who pays the rent I suspect. And tomorrow, when he's thinking about that lunch date we had... he'll remember.

So, I drove him home with the cheap sunglasses I have in the car from the last time. Since it was much later in the day this time I was all right, although it still wasn't any fun.  I started thinking how focused I was on Mike's nastiness. There is always something negative to blind you. It gets old.

On the way home I was pondering this. So, I turned my thoughts to the exam. The doctor said my eyes show no sigh of Plaquanil toxicity and I don't have to be seen for another 5 years. I just have to see my regular doctor every 6 months.

So, I said, "Thank you, God, for a good report."

Eyes Wide Open

I have an appointment today with an eye doctor. Yes, I had an eye exam a few weeks ago. My annual check up... did I blog about it? Can't remember. Anyway, they dilated my eyes then as they usually do.

They are sending me to a specialist to be checked for Placquanil toxicity. Precautionary at this point. This is the RA medicine I take and it can cause blindness  with prolonged use. I've been on it for about 5 or 6 years. So, if they find I have it, I have to stop taking it immediately.

Guess what? Today this new doctor will also dilate my eyes! My last experience was horrible so today, I'll take Mike with me and he will drive me home. I was virtually blind last time for hours. I had to drive in bright sunlight without adequate sunglasses. I stopped and bought some but they were not enough. My eyes were so dilated that there was no visible color, just two huge black pools. Freaky.

I shall let you know what happens.

In the Still of the Night

I was headed to bed and decided to stop in for a quick post. I've had a long day and I'm tired but I still don't feel well and I don't know if I can sleep.

I saw my doctor today. Actually, my pain levels were a bit better but I went in anyway. She wants me to try Cymbalta for the pain. I'm leery of this as I never know what a medicine will do to me. There are only two medicines I can take for RA. One is Plaquenil  which I currently take, and the other is Methotrexate  a common RA/cancer drug. She wants to consider starting me on that but she's holding off because you have to run so many test when you take that one.

I'm allergic to sulfa and apparently, ALL RA medicines contain sulfa. What's that about? I'm surely not the only person allergic to sulfa. So, if those two medicines do not work for me what then?

Cymbalta has numerous side effects. My friend took it for 5 weeks and had to stop because she started bleeding from "everywhere" she said. It apparently is also a blood thinner. Wonderful.

I saw on the flyer about it that migraine medicines can't be taken with it. Ah, that's really nice as I have severe migraines and take a med for it when I have one.

So, while the doctor offered some ideas, there appears to be nothing they can do for me in reality.

I have to finish reading the flyer and check with the pharmacy to see if there is anything else I take that would conflict with Cymbalta. Do not assume your doctor knows this stuff. They do not always know. I've had more than one give me a med that can't be taken with another med I was on. I always ask the guys handling the meds. That's what they're trained for.

G'nite. At least it is Thursday tomorrow. Two more days to get through.

Wrecked Week

I've had a horrible couple of days. My pain has skyrocketed to the point that I thought I was going to be sick last night and have to go to the ER. I never remember hurting this bad before. I've sent a message to my doctor's office asking if there was anything they could do but I haven't heard a word yet. I may not until tomorrow.

I'm so far behind in my word count for NaNo that it is impossible for me to ever catch up at this point. Even if I felt all right I don't think I could do it. I am working all week and by evening, I'm fairly wiped out. I had a write in last night and got a lot done but  the cost was high. I was very sick when I go home. I have another tonight but if things don't improve, I doubt I can do it. There is a final one on Friday evening unless everyone is finished.

Am I disappointed? I don't know. I don't think so. Things have been so bad lately that it is hard to feel bad about not winning. It would be nice to do it but I'm beyond caring now.

I haven't been blogging as much but I've been when I've been able, I've been working on NaNo. Blogging just hasn't been on my agenda. In fact, I wrote a post last week just before the holiday and forgot to send it. I did that today so there will be two post for today but actually there is only one. I told you things were crazy.

I'm going to work till noon today but I may go home and not come back the rest of the day.

Sleep on the Ledge

This has got to be one of the most hectic months that I can remember. And I have been more tired than I ever remember. I'm so tired all the time I can barely move and yet I have to move. I have to be at work by 8, get off at five and on nights I have a write-in I'm out the door by 6 and home again around 9.  I've slept late every day for the last several weeks. Fortunately, I've managed to get up and dressed and out the door in time to get to work, usually five minutes late. I don't know what's up with that. It could be the stress level is too high I suppose and my body and mind simply are not able to keep up.

NaNo is nearly over and honestly, it probably is over for me already. I don't see making even 20,000 at this rate. I just have no story and I'm so tired at night that I'm not really able to think enough to write. 

I know I say I'm tired a lot. It probably sounds nutty. But honestly, there is no describing this tired. You never feel rested. Always I feel as if I need to go to bed. It has been a long time since I actually woke up without having an alarm clock wake me up. I'm using two alarms now. Even when I've slept I'm only able to go about 4 hours before I feel like I need sleep. 

One more day this week and I will have 4 days off. I'll do some writing but I am going to try and get all the sleep I can and see if it helps. I will be spending lunch with the boys and my sister and Sarah on Thursday but after that, I'll spend the weekend alone.Each year I have hoped that some of the pleasure I always got at this time of year would return. This year I think I realized that it isn't going to happen. I do not feel there is a point to it. All the traditions I kept alive have disappeared and the effort to do traditional things for my own entertainment is simply not worth the disappointment.