Today on my job we are doing client recertifications. It is always a busy time because we see about 150 people in one day, individually. There is tons of paperwork to complete and shuffle. I work in Section 8 housing. I am a caseworker. My name is not Friday.
Basically, I manage a caseload of nearly 300 tenants and I process the paperwork for all of them. I am also the landlord liasion for all landlords participating in the program. There are approximately 900 of them. I manage all their files. I am very good at what I do. No one else wants to do it, so I must be. They pay me fairly well for the job. They don't pay me enough for the job hassels.
I also give landlord orientations twice a month to familiarize new (or confused) landlords with the program and to help them understand what they can expect of the program. It helps some and there are a couple who have attended several briefings and still don't get it. They aren't paying attention to what I say unless it involves how much money they can get. These are the people who have problems with tenants later and call me to whine for half an hour on how the latest tenant catastrophy happened. I listen, offer help if I can, and silently tell them they should have listened more in the briefing instead of dreaming of dollar signs. You won't get rich as a Section 8 landlord.
And I am the general computer bloodhound. I am given a problem with a computer or software and I sniff out it out. If I can figure it out and fix it, I do. If I can't I call Tom. He is tech support. He gets paid for it. I don't.
My job is interesting sometimes. Sometimes it is not. I work with some nice people. I work with some jerks. If they read the blog they can decide where they fall. I am not here to make friends. I am here to feed my family. I don't really care if someone is a jackass, as long as they don't get in my way. I don't have time to feed hay to the jackasses in the world. I have work to do.
Ya'll have a nice day now. I have something better at home but I was too tired to post it last night. I'll get it later tonight. Maybe.
Anyone get the impression I am not having a good day?
Tuesday, March 7, 2006
Saturday, March 4, 2006
Relative Success
When I started thinking about creating a website for myself it was just a passing fancy, messing around creating a site using programs designed for that. In my case, I used Microsoft Office Publisher. During my play, I had an idea that I could do one for my church as well. So, I did it and actually posted it first. It was nice but the side effect of that was I wanted to do it better. So, I used what I learned to do my own site. And I was pretty pleased with it, even while thinking it was silly. At my age! Then, I wanted to do it better!
So I did updates, scronging the web for ideas and fancy scripts and codes to play with, new little gadgets, moving stuff around, adding and dropping pages. After the second update I had added some of my writing to my personal site. I got compliments and requests. Then, I wanted to do it better! So, I did.
I found that the programs just didn't give me the creativity I wanted. I realized that the problem was I didn't really understand how to work with the codes. I decided I had to learn to create the pages from coding so the writing pages would look better and I could make other changes within the program formated pages. Two birds, one stone.
So, I cruised the web for sites to teach me, I printed off manuals. And I did it. I learned the basics and created some pretty, simple pages. I think they look beautiful. Nothing fancy, just nice and focusing on the writing rather than gadgets. Ah, but then, I wanted to do it better. So now, I am looking at style sheets and thinking I have to learn this next. I still rely on my good old Publisher to do the heavy work.
In the midst of learning html and creating pages, I decided on a blog. You are seeing the results of that. I love the learning process but it became a struggle. I almost quit a couple of times. However, tenacity is my secret name. It was whispered in my ear by God just before my birth.
He gave it to me because He knew I would need every ounce of it to get through the muddle people made of my life until I could take the reins myself or give them to Him. I realized early that He steered much better than I do. Occassionally, I take the reins back, just because I want to get better at it but He is a master charioteer. Riding next to Him has been an awesome experience.
I realized yesterday, when I saw the sonagram pictures below that I was having fun at all this. I am in the middle of turmoil, stress beyond imagination, pain nearly beyond endurance, broke most of the time, and frustration at my inability to fix it all. But I am having fun!
My oldest son recently visited my website after the recent update. He said "Wow, Mom, you have accomplished so much in your life!"
I had to step back and think about what he said. "What accomplishments?" I asked.
He said, "You have two grown sons who are married and on their own, you have two websites, a blog and your writing is on the web. What more could you want!"
In a couple of sentences he had boiled my entire 50 years down into its simplest terms. I can't write that well! And his view was a bit overstated. But just the fact that he stated it so succinctly annoyed me. He was complimenting me and I was annoyed by it!
I was forced to ponder life and my successes. I don't know that I have any. But I realized a couple of things. I dreamed of them. I worked at them. Some I attained, some I have not. It seems failures far out number the successes. The important thing is that I keep trying. Mama would have said it is the little things that are important. And Mike had seen right to the core of my life. I don't know whether I will be a published author or not. I don't know if my sites are a success. I don' t know if I will ever have a car that doesn't leak or stop in the middle of the road without warning.
I do know that it is unthinkable to stop. The road is a ribbon running through hills and valleys with hidden curves and bumps. I am in a red convertible and the top is down, the sun is high and the wind is filled with the scent of pines. Today the road is mine.
So I did updates, scronging the web for ideas and fancy scripts and codes to play with, new little gadgets, moving stuff around, adding and dropping pages. After the second update I had added some of my writing to my personal site. I got compliments and requests. Then, I wanted to do it better! So, I did.
I found that the programs just didn't give me the creativity I wanted. I realized that the problem was I didn't really understand how to work with the codes. I decided I had to learn to create the pages from coding so the writing pages would look better and I could make other changes within the program formated pages. Two birds, one stone.
So, I cruised the web for sites to teach me, I printed off manuals. And I did it. I learned the basics and created some pretty, simple pages. I think they look beautiful. Nothing fancy, just nice and focusing on the writing rather than gadgets. Ah, but then, I wanted to do it better. So now, I am looking at style sheets and thinking I have to learn this next. I still rely on my good old Publisher to do the heavy work.
In the midst of learning html and creating pages, I decided on a blog. You are seeing the results of that. I love the learning process but it became a struggle. I almost quit a couple of times. However, tenacity is my secret name. It was whispered in my ear by God just before my birth.
He gave it to me because He knew I would need every ounce of it to get through the muddle people made of my life until I could take the reins myself or give them to Him. I realized early that He steered much better than I do. Occassionally, I take the reins back, just because I want to get better at it but He is a master charioteer. Riding next to Him has been an awesome experience.
I realized yesterday, when I saw the sonagram pictures below that I was having fun at all this. I am in the middle of turmoil, stress beyond imagination, pain nearly beyond endurance, broke most of the time, and frustration at my inability to fix it all. But I am having fun!
My oldest son recently visited my website after the recent update. He said "Wow, Mom, you have accomplished so much in your life!"
I had to step back and think about what he said. "What accomplishments?" I asked.
He said, "You have two grown sons who are married and on their own, you have two websites, a blog and your writing is on the web. What more could you want!"
In a couple of sentences he had boiled my entire 50 years down into its simplest terms. I can't write that well! And his view was a bit overstated. But just the fact that he stated it so succinctly annoyed me. He was complimenting me and I was annoyed by it!
I was forced to ponder life and my successes. I don't know that I have any. But I realized a couple of things. I dreamed of them. I worked at them. Some I attained, some I have not. It seems failures far out number the successes. The important thing is that I keep trying. Mama would have said it is the little things that are important. And Mike had seen right to the core of my life. I don't know whether I will be a published author or not. I don't know if my sites are a success. I don' t know if I will ever have a car that doesn't leak or stop in the middle of the road without warning.
I do know that it is unthinkable to stop. The road is a ribbon running through hills and valleys with hidden curves and bumps. I am in a red convertible and the top is down, the sun is high and the wind is filled with the scent of pines. Today the road is mine.
Wednesday, March 1, 2006
It's a Real Baby!
Yahoo! Baby pictures are here! I have attached a copy of my first grandchild's picture. Isn't it adorable? These were taken this morning! If you click on the picture you will open one that is a bit larger. Use your back button to come back to this page.
We don't know if it is a boy or girl yet because it is too early to tell. But they said it could be left handed. You can see the left hand just below the word "Hi" in the picture. During the sonogram it kept moving the left hand to its face and didn't move the right hand at all. Becca was so worried she asked if it had a right hand. They laughed and showed it to her.
The left handed idea is not too farfetched. Becca is left handed and both grandmothers (her mom and I) are left handed. So, the odds favor it. There is not anyone in my family that we are aware of who was or is left handed. I am the only leftie in the Gilmore, Browder, Patch clans as far as I know. Neither of my sons is left handed. Strange, huh? But my son married a left handed girl who everyone thinks looks like my daughter!
Get this. The due day for above baby is between September 12 and 16. My due date for my other son, Mike, was September 12. He was born on September 22! We are hoping that that this baby will be born on Mike's birthday too. Every kid needs an Uncle Mike and to share a birthday with him would be awesome for both of them.
I think once we saw today's photos we all got excited. Becca said the baby was very active on the sonogram and the nurse said everything looked great. They also gave her some more medicine to help her not be so sick. Today she felt wonderful. She is such a fun girl to have around when she feels well.
I am going to bed now!! Really! Isn't it cute?
Monday, Monday
It seems that every time I think something is going to get better that something else happens to prove I am wrong. I don’t know what it is. I don’t believe in luck but it seems of late that dark clouds seem to follow me in mass.
On Monday, Jerry fell in the yard, onto the patio. He broke and dislocated his two middle fingers of his right hand. He had a small break but it was in a place where a ligament was attached and the bones broke through the skin causing what the doctor called an open dislocation. The exact piece of bone where the ligament was attached, the volar plate, is what broke off. The doctor put the fingers back in their proper place, sewed up the open wounds on the palm side of his fingers and sent us home. I had three hours sleep that night. I spent Tuesday morning at the orthopedic doctor’s, had lunch, then spent the afternoon at the rehab waiting while they put a splint on him. I went home and spent the evening playing nurse and fixing supper. I tried to take a nap but Becca was sick and needed something and I had to get up. So, I didn’t make a further attempt until midnight.
I was so sick today, Wednesday morning, that I just could not get up and go to work. I slept until 10:30 and was sluggish until about 2 p.m..
Since Monday afternoon, I was also angry because I was at work when this happened and my family had to call five times before they could get the moronic girl on the switchboard get someone call me to the phone. Actually, I was on the phone with a client. She told them she just didn’t have time to fool with it.
Tonight I am going to go to bed on time well, for me anyway. It is now 11:00 p.m. so I better get to it. Next post will contain some positive substance!
On Monday, Jerry fell in the yard, onto the patio. He broke and dislocated his two middle fingers of his right hand. He had a small break but it was in a place where a ligament was attached and the bones broke through the skin causing what the doctor called an open dislocation. The exact piece of bone where the ligament was attached, the volar plate, is what broke off. The doctor put the fingers back in their proper place, sewed up the open wounds on the palm side of his fingers and sent us home. I had three hours sleep that night. I spent Tuesday morning at the orthopedic doctor’s, had lunch, then spent the afternoon at the rehab waiting while they put a splint on him. I went home and spent the evening playing nurse and fixing supper. I tried to take a nap but Becca was sick and needed something and I had to get up. So, I didn’t make a further attempt until midnight.
I was so sick today, Wednesday morning, that I just could not get up and go to work. I slept until 10:30 and was sluggish until about 2 p.m..
Since Monday afternoon, I was also angry because I was at work when this happened and my family had to call five times before they could get the moronic girl on the switchboard get someone call me to the phone. Actually, I was on the phone with a client. She told them she just didn’t have time to fool with it.
Tonight I am going to go to bed on time well, for me anyway. It is now 11:00 p.m. so I better get to it. Next post will contain some positive substance!
Sunday, February 26, 2006
Whine Tasting Weekend
There is no point in moaning about it. I am going to state emphatically that I will never be a good blogger! I just don’t appear to have whatever it takes to keep it going. Actually, I started a post yesterday and something happened to it. Now, I am starting over.
I always put the blog last on the to-do-list and it shows. The last month I have spent time creating new pages for my website, updated and posted updates to the two sites, cut out the fabric for 4 maternity skirts and one blouse and made two of the skirts, gone shopping for maternity clothes for my daughter-in-law, I have worked 40 hours a week, and done housecleaning on the weekends. My RA has been very painful and I have worked in pain. There is no relief for it, so it seems.
I take 500 mg naproxen sodium twice a day for the RA and it usually takes the edge off. This month, the pain has been an endless expanse. Friday night, finally, I took a doxepin. I was prescribed this antidepressant about 15 years ago for migraine headaches and insomnia. It helps balance the serotonin in the brain. It worked wonders and I didn’t have to take it every day, only as needed. In the last couple of years, the doctors want me to take it every night before bedtime to help me sleep better and keep me from having so many headaches. I have not done that but I discovered Friday night that my pain was less on Saturday morning than usual. By the evening, it had worn off. So, I took another Saturday night. Today is Sunday and the pain is just as bad as it has been for weeks. I am tired of making the effort.
Everything is pushed aside for pain. I don’t want to go to work, I don’t want to write, and I don’t want to be around people. I have to pretend everything is ok or I am a whiner. I have to smile when I feel like collapsing in the floor and screaming or I am depressing to everyone around me. I want to cry but the cistern where they are stored is dry. It doesn’t help at all. Even writing this sounds like I am complaining. That makes me feel worse.
I got so angry last night with Jerry because he had done nothing while I worked overtime yesterday, Saturday. He was supposed to do several things and none were done. He sits in the chair all day, drugged out of his mind on morphine. All his trips are in his mind and he doesn’t even know it.
They are weaning him off Lortabs with the morphine. They have already stopped the Lortabs and upped the morphine. I expect them to start reducing the morphine in a few weeks. He took pain meds for two years for the problem with his back. And he is an addictive personality. He has lost 30 pounds since his surgery but morphine takes away appetite. I have no doubt that once they take him off the drug that he will gain it back.
He was not supposed to pick up anything heavier than a gallon of milk for three months but that doesn’t mean he can’t do other things. He never gets out and walks like they told him. He just sits in his chair and sleeps with the television going. That’s why I know the weight loss is not natural. I have told him he is supposed to walk but he won’t do it. He has taken two walks since December to the end of the street once (two houses down) and another about twice that far.
I guess I am just worn out. I stopped feeling appreciated years ago and I have learned to deal with it as a part of life. I stopped taking my sense of worth from everyone around me. But you get tired, you know. Trying to make sure all the bills are paid, that there is enough food in the house, that the house is clean, and that repairs are done, taxes filed, and appointments are kept. I am doing everything and frankly, some things are beginning to slip. I no longer care if the kitchen floor ever gets fixed, or why the washer is pouring oil by the gallon on the rotten floor in the laundry room or if the spray nozzle ever gets screwed back on, if the leak around the side door is dealt with, or if the cabinets in the garage are ever installed. Today, I want to walk and see what else is out there. Tired doesn’t begin to encompass it.
I always put the blog last on the to-do-list and it shows. The last month I have spent time creating new pages for my website, updated and posted updates to the two sites, cut out the fabric for 4 maternity skirts and one blouse and made two of the skirts, gone shopping for maternity clothes for my daughter-in-law, I have worked 40 hours a week, and done housecleaning on the weekends. My RA has been very painful and I have worked in pain. There is no relief for it, so it seems.
I take 500 mg naproxen sodium twice a day for the RA and it usually takes the edge off. This month, the pain has been an endless expanse. Friday night, finally, I took a doxepin. I was prescribed this antidepressant about 15 years ago for migraine headaches and insomnia. It helps balance the serotonin in the brain. It worked wonders and I didn’t have to take it every day, only as needed. In the last couple of years, the doctors want me to take it every night before bedtime to help me sleep better and keep me from having so many headaches. I have not done that but I discovered Friday night that my pain was less on Saturday morning than usual. By the evening, it had worn off. So, I took another Saturday night. Today is Sunday and the pain is just as bad as it has been for weeks. I am tired of making the effort.
Everything is pushed aside for pain. I don’t want to go to work, I don’t want to write, and I don’t want to be around people. I have to pretend everything is ok or I am a whiner. I have to smile when I feel like collapsing in the floor and screaming or I am depressing to everyone around me. I want to cry but the cistern where they are stored is dry. It doesn’t help at all. Even writing this sounds like I am complaining. That makes me feel worse.
I got so angry last night with Jerry because he had done nothing while I worked overtime yesterday, Saturday. He was supposed to do several things and none were done. He sits in the chair all day, drugged out of his mind on morphine. All his trips are in his mind and he doesn’t even know it.
They are weaning him off Lortabs with the morphine. They have already stopped the Lortabs and upped the morphine. I expect them to start reducing the morphine in a few weeks. He took pain meds for two years for the problem with his back. And he is an addictive personality. He has lost 30 pounds since his surgery but morphine takes away appetite. I have no doubt that once they take him off the drug that he will gain it back.
He was not supposed to pick up anything heavier than a gallon of milk for three months but that doesn’t mean he can’t do other things. He never gets out and walks like they told him. He just sits in his chair and sleeps with the television going. That’s why I know the weight loss is not natural. I have told him he is supposed to walk but he won’t do it. He has taken two walks since December to the end of the street once (two houses down) and another about twice that far.
I guess I am just worn out. I stopped feeling appreciated years ago and I have learned to deal with it as a part of life. I stopped taking my sense of worth from everyone around me. But you get tired, you know. Trying to make sure all the bills are paid, that there is enough food in the house, that the house is clean, and that repairs are done, taxes filed, and appointments are kept. I am doing everything and frankly, some things are beginning to slip. I no longer care if the kitchen floor ever gets fixed, or why the washer is pouring oil by the gallon on the rotten floor in the laundry room or if the spray nozzle ever gets screwed back on, if the leak around the side door is dealt with, or if the cabinets in the garage are ever installed. Today, I want to walk and see what else is out there. Tired doesn’t begin to encompass it.
Saturday, February 4, 2006
Oh the Woes of Everyday Life
Has this been a busy time for me or what! So true. I thought for a bit that I would have to just cash it in and not do the blog at all. But I am not a quiter and will continue to try. I don't know if anyone is even visiting! It says I have had 32 visits but no one says a word. Better no word than "You stink!"
I just posted the latest update to the church website. Please drop by and take a look. I love doing the websites but they take so much of my time when I do the updates. It took me two weeks to do this update and once it was posted, I had a problem with the photo page and had to take another week to find a slide show that would take a lot of photos and still load with some speed. I don't know if I succeded but take a look and let me know.
My website is next on my list. I am going to do a major overhaul on it. It was my very first expriement with website creation and since I have gained greater knowledge I am eager to update it. I do get a lot of compliments on the writing so I will be featuring more of it. I would love to do this stuff for a living.
Becca is as sick as a dog with "morning sickness" that she has most of every day. She has been to the ER three times to be rehydrated. They have been giving her meds which have not worked well. If you know of any good remedies, let us know!
Dave had a bug two weeks ago and was sick all of that Saturday night. The following Monday, Jerry appeared to have it. Only Jerry has been throwing up for the last week, off and on. I was getting ready for work Friday morning and he was in the other bathroom being very sick. He came down the hall and I told him to call his doctor. It was about the nth time I had done so. I also asked him if he was doing this all day every day ,as it seemed like it to me. He said no and then he looked at me and said, "I will be glad when she has that baby." I lost it then and laughed for about five minutes.
My Rheumatoid Arthiritis flared up this week and it was a terrible week but Friday was horrible. The pain in my legs, knees, shoulders and hands was the worst it has been in awhile. Not sure what triggered it because I take 500 mg Naproxin sodium every day. I am supposed to take it twice a day but it is hard on the stomach and so I play conservative with it. Have to keep antiacids handy even then and be sure to eat when I take it. Yesterday, I felt as if I had had no medicine at all. And last night I fell over a basket and caught myself with my hands. Pain is relative... to the abuse you place on your body.
Haven't worked on my writing as much lately because of the website updates. Hope to be back on track with that soon. I have stuff brewing in my head that needs to be on paper.
Also have been crocheting again this week. Working on the hair bun holders. Becca says I should sell these. I will have to upload a picture of one. And I decided to do a baby blanket and I might try a baby sweater or something.
Today I have been paying bills and now I must stop and do the bank statement. I dread that because Jerry and the debit card are not coordinated well. There is always about $100 missing in the register when I try and reconcile it. So he is not to use the debit card except when he absolutely must. Now, he just writes more checks.
I shall sign off now and hope to dash off another post soon. Today, life is grand. But be careful, it can turn in a moment.
Monday, January 16, 2006
Time Dilation & The Dishes
I am not going to apologize! I have been truly busy and so I have no reason to feel guilty. But I do. I wanted to do this blog but it just is not going well. I can’t find time or I can’t find topic. Very annoying.
Today is a holiday and I am off from work. I have found that the amount of things I have to get done increases exponentially in direct proportion to the amount of time I have off work. I think it is in the opposite direction. So, I end up with more to do than I have time to do it.
I did manage to clean most of the house on Saturday and do laundry. But I have to do dishes from Saturday through Sunday. I don’t have a dishwasher. On Sunday I spend nearly 6 hours in church. We generally go out on Sunday to eat so I am home approximately 4 hours during which time I am tired and try to rest and prepare for evening service. There is about 2 hours spent on getting ready for each service and another hour in the evening getting ready for bed. Then I usually spend an hour or two on the computer. So that leaves about 8 hours for sleep maybe. Sunday is a busier day than any of my work days!
There has to be some law that governs this but I have not found it written down. I wonder if this is like what they call “time dilation”? You know, the idea that moving clocks move at a slower rate than stationery ones. This would have to be something similar. If anyone comes up with a name, let me know!
I have dropped off the history board so I will stop spending huge chunks of time on that. I liked it but one can only talk so much on a single topic before one becomes redundant. Redundancy is boring. I met some nice friends on the board and I hope they keep in contact. I just need the time spent there for other things.
I found out last week I am to be a grandmother. I will have to think about it and give another post on it. I have been trying to garner some excitement but have not managed to do it. There are reasons. One being that I feel much too young to be a grandmother.
Well, the dishes await and so does breakfast!
Today is a holiday and I am off from work. I have found that the amount of things I have to get done increases exponentially in direct proportion to the amount of time I have off work. I think it is in the opposite direction. So, I end up with more to do than I have time to do it.
I did manage to clean most of the house on Saturday and do laundry. But I have to do dishes from Saturday through Sunday. I don’t have a dishwasher. On Sunday I spend nearly 6 hours in church. We generally go out on Sunday to eat so I am home approximately 4 hours during which time I am tired and try to rest and prepare for evening service. There is about 2 hours spent on getting ready for each service and another hour in the evening getting ready for bed. Then I usually spend an hour or two on the computer. So that leaves about 8 hours for sleep maybe. Sunday is a busier day than any of my work days!
There has to be some law that governs this but I have not found it written down. I wonder if this is like what they call “time dilation”? You know, the idea that moving clocks move at a slower rate than stationery ones. This would have to be something similar. If anyone comes up with a name, let me know!
I have dropped off the history board so I will stop spending huge chunks of time on that. I liked it but one can only talk so much on a single topic before one becomes redundant. Redundancy is boring. I met some nice friends on the board and I hope they keep in contact. I just need the time spent there for other things.
I found out last week I am to be a grandmother. I will have to think about it and give another post on it. I have been trying to garner some excitement but have not managed to do it. There are reasons. One being that I feel much too young to be a grandmother.
Well, the dishes await and so does breakfast!
Tuesday, January 3, 2006
Much Ado...
I am trying to find my way through the morass of internet entertainment I am now involved in and it is not easy. I spend about 2 hours answer things like email, groups I belong to, and this blog. I need to update two websites, the church site and my personal one.
It came to me in the evening yesterday that I might be spending valuable time posting to a blog, updating a site, and participating in banter on boards that could be better used in writing that novel I keep putting off working on. I do work on it but allow myself to be distracted. It is kinda hard to ignore someone wanting assistance to get up after back surgery. And the boss would not approve of my using job time to write my novel. At least. . . I don't think so. Mmmm.
Anyway, I am going to sit down and work out a plan. I have to limit something. Since I have an eight hour, five day a week job and have to keep house and have church a couple of times a week, I am going to have to work hard to find the extra time. Or I could let something go. Maybe I could give away someone.
What puzzles me is why, when it seems to be going well, and the writing is flowing, that I just get distracted with living and doing other things I find less enjoyable? I have no answer. I doubt anyone does. I don't know if it matters.
So, today it will be brief. I am tired of messing with all of the stupid things I mess with to no point. I am obviously looking for answers in the wrong place! If there are way to structure my time that will still leave me with an unstructured feeling I would love to know about it.
It came to me in the evening yesterday that I might be spending valuable time posting to a blog, updating a site, and participating in banter on boards that could be better used in writing that novel I keep putting off working on. I do work on it but allow myself to be distracted. It is kinda hard to ignore someone wanting assistance to get up after back surgery. And the boss would not approve of my using job time to write my novel. At least. . . I don't think so. Mmmm.
Anyway, I am going to sit down and work out a plan. I have to limit something. Since I have an eight hour, five day a week job and have to keep house and have church a couple of times a week, I am going to have to work hard to find the extra time. Or I could let something go. Maybe I could give away someone.
What puzzles me is why, when it seems to be going well, and the writing is flowing, that I just get distracted with living and doing other things I find less enjoyable? I have no answer. I doubt anyone does. I don't know if it matters.
So, today it will be brief. I am tired of messing with all of the stupid things I mess with to no point. I am obviously looking for answers in the wrong place! If there are way to structure my time that will still leave me with an unstructured feeling I would love to know about it.
Sunday, January 1, 2006
Happy New Year!
I never make resolutions. I call them lies dressed in fancy clothes. But I would like to do a lot of things better next year.
I want to: pray more, go to church more, be kinder, love more, write more, travel more, sleep more, enjoy life more, be more compassionate.
Would those be resolutions? No. I don’t promise I will do any of those things. I just want to.
This comes as I have been pondering my Christianity lately. Several people have said some things in the last few months that really irked me. No, actually, I think they offended me. They also made me realize that I am not loud enough. So add, I want to be a louder Christian. Today, I am ranting and you don't have to like it or agree! Much of this was written as the new year came in so beware. If you are not a Christian, you might want to leave now.
No, I did not tell these people they offended me. They wouldn’t believe me nor would they care. They don’t want to hear what I think or what I have to say about my beliefs. My views, as a Christian, have no merit.
That is why I have a blog!
Here’s the thing that bugs me. Have you ever noticed how non-religious people love to rant about how wrong you are and how right they are and how they know exactly what is wrong with you and the world? How, if you would just listen to them, all your problems could be solved. And all your problems are religious.
Yet, when it is your turn to respond to their claims to try to explain how and why you think and believe the way you do they don’t want to listen to your response or your opinion. Because nothing you say could possibly be important, factual, good or right. You, the religious person, don’t know yourself because religion has blinded you to the real world and therefore, you must be told how to fix your life.
You, a religious person, could not possibly have the wisdom, the insight or the intelligence of non-religious people. Nothing you think or believe could be right because you are tainted . . . with religion. You, the religious person, must keep your mouth shut and listen to the elitist intellectuals. You, the religious person are an idiot and the non-religious is the only person with divine knowledge!
Check the barnyard because it is overflowing with that stuff.
Let me see now. Intolerance. They keep saying religious people (read Christians) are intolerant. I wonder now… my thesaurus and dictionary… wait, here it is:
Dictionary: Intolerant: Unwilling to tolerate differences in opinions or beliefs, especially religious beliefs. Unable or unwilling to endure or support[1]
Thesaurus: intolerant, close-minded, mean, narrow, narrow-minded, small, small-minded, unfair.[2]
Really?
It crosses all genders, races, religions, nationalities, national and international borders and,
Does the above described behavior sound like tolerance, the thing all non-religious people say they possess in vats?
Tolerance: 1. The capacity for or the practice of recognizing and respecting the beliefs or practices of others. [3]
Not agreement with or acceptance of, but recognizing and respecting the beliefs and practices. Wouldn’t you have to listen with courtesy and allow a difference of opinion to be called tolerant?
All right, now, let me clarify something else, for me if no one else. I was told not too long ago (by an imbecile of gargantuan proportions that I only know slightly) that Christians are responsible for all the wars. I did not respond because, well, how can you respond to such an idiot? That is just so strange.
Anyone read Foxx’s Book of Martyrs? I can’t relate the butchery the book relates nor the time span it covers. But the let me give you a clue, Christians are the ones being killed.
Wasn’t it the Christians who were fed to the lions in Rome just because they WERE Christians?
Then, there were the Protestant Christians who were burned at the stake, beheaded, drawn and quartered, boiled in oil, hacked to pieces, flayed alive, generally killed in the Inquisition in Spain and France, Britain and various other countries all over the known world have had similar purges. Why? For the European continent it frequently resulted when Protestants would not comply with the Roman Catholic Church, which during those times had become a political entity run by emperors and kings of those countries.
(Note: This is NOT a reflection on the current Catholic Church, which still has even more serious problems with its clergy than with the masses. They are not the only ones, all religions have similar problems because humans inhabit the churches and the pulpits. We are all trying to get to the same place but it is not easy for some of us. Gee, would that be a tolerant response?)
Russian Christians disappeared because they were
Hitler and his cronies killed more people in captivity than anyone in history! Six million Jews (a vast number of them believe in and worship One God but some were just Jews of no religious persuasion) and half as many Christians killed in the gas chambers of the Third Reich. He said it was because they were all intellectually inferior!
And please, let’s not forget the unholy war Islam has instigated against all Christians and Jews in the 21st century in an effort to exterminate them. They say so openly! No Christian group I can recall has ever done anything remotely like that.
However, this is not the first time Islam has done this. Byzantine ruler, Leo III, stopped the Muslim advance at Constantinople around 740 B.C. In France, Charles Martel led the battle and stopped them. Yes, it took a war of global proportions. Surprise! By the way, they were seeking world domination then, too. Yes, I heard about the Crusuades and it was the same war.
There have been a few “Christian” fringe groups out there with an insane leader wanting to take over the world, or his part of it. I think Waco comes to mind, and Jonestown. Does anyone who is a Christian really believe those people were practicing Christianity? Jones was drugged out of his mind and was certifiably psychotic. He had brainwashed hundreds of unfortunate dysfunctional followers. Some of his inner circle did actually get away. They didn’t like Kool-aide and had no brain to wash but they knew when to run.
As for Waco, the Federal Government came in and put a stop to that “Christian” group. Whether or not he was insane, Uncle Sam made an assault against a self-styled “Christian” group who had not made any serious threat against anyone outside the group. Still Uncle Sam had a duty to tell them what they believed and how they should behave because, well, a Christian group of any ilk couldn't actually know.
It was true that they had re-written the Book and set up their on version of Christianity. It didn’t match much of anything in THE BOOK. Of course, it wasn’t about that, because Uncle Sam was telling them that they were not thinking what they were thinking. They were thinking something else, and Uncle Sam knew what it was and it was wrong!
But the non-religious won’t let you say any of that, because they can read minds. They know what you are thinking. You aren’t thinking what you think you are thinking. You are thinking something else, and they know what it is and it is WRONG!
They have the answer to all of life’s problems. Since mostly un-Godly people have been in charge for most of civilized time, I’d say they have not gotten their message out very well. Of course, if you try to say differently, they will resort to belligerence or out-right violence. It's ok when non-religious people resort to violence. Because they have a good reason.
Give me a break.
Oh yes, I did not say non-Christian, I said un-Godly. You can call yourself a Christian and have absolutely NO Christ-like behavior or ideals whatsoever. I could name a roster full but that would just bore us all.
Now, I don't care if you agree or not. Your opinion has no bearing on my views and as such can have no valid point and so would be a waste of time for you to share it. I know exactly what you are thinking and you are wrong. No response is necessary.
You see, I am practicing my intolerance level. And I feel pretty good about it.
Seriously, have a Happy New Year!
Source for Definations:
[1]Excerpted from American Heritage Talking Dictionary. Copyright © 1997 The Learning Company, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
[2]Excerpted from American Heritage Talking Dictionary. Copyright © 1997 The Learning Company, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
[3]Excerpted from American Heritage Talking Dictionary. Copyright © 1997 The Learning Company, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
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