Rundown of the Weekend

 The leg is better. Have I told you about the leg? 

My lower back (SI joint) has flared up. I overdid it at the gym one week and walked the next week. Felt good at the time, but I did too much. Results were an inflamed SI joint and bursitis in my left leg, flaring all the way to my knee.

They started PT last Friday. It helped a great deal. For a couple of days, the pain was so much better. It came back, but not as bad. Today I'm wearing my diclofenac patch. That actually seems to help the most, but I have trouble keeping it on my back. It isn't glue but a kind of foamy, sticky substance that thins over 12 hours. Hits the pain hard, and I feel good if it stays where I put it. But it slides around. 

I will have PT twice a week for about six weeks. They used a TENS unit, and that was amazing. 

Writing has kind of stopped with this latest pain but I think tonight I'll start back up. Or tomorrow if I am too tired. 

I'm not sleeping well most nights. Either too worried, too upset, or too excited. My brain just doesn't shut off. One night I spent all night writing in my sleep! It wasn't a deep sleep, and I kept waking up. I considered getting up and writing. But I was so tired. 

I think I am going to plan a trip home. I need to go. And it would get me out of my head for a bit. Mike goes to Indy for an appointment with the neurosurgeon to get his brain disease checked for treatment. We know there's only one treatment at this point. But we need to know his status. Maybe when I get back, I can head home. 

Planning on getting rid of at least one cat. I simply can't cope with three anymore. Also, I may get rid of the second one. I love her, but again, I'm at my limit. And I want to get away more. Of course, Jet is not going anywhere. I think he's too attached and wouldn't do well if he were re-homed. Besides, I talk to him a lot. I actually talk to them all. And they try to answer back. 

Reading four books at the moment. I haven't done that in a while. Mostly because I had been reading a book a day since November. Once I began writing, I couldn't read a book a day. It took three days. So, I finished one yesterday and began two today. There are two others I was already reading. And yes, I can keep up with them. 

For now, I'm headed to the shower. 

Life in My Own World

 What do you do when your world constricts to a period? 

Yesterday, I realized that is what my world has done. While working on my novel, I realized I don't live in the real world anymore. I'm in the Matrix. I didn't even watch those movies. I've seen bits and pieces but never the whole movie. I'm living there! 

My family is for the most part all dead. Well, I am 69. Parents, grandparents, and a sibling dead. Siblings left are either in jail or far away. My sons have their own lives, and my only grandchild remembers me about twice a month and either texts or calls for a few minutes. I go to church, have items delivered, get my reading online, and talk to my cats. Doesn't that sound like a place you want to live?

The only world I experience now is fictional, and I created it. I meet good and evil people. The evil people are worse than any I ever met in the real world, but I can kill them off. The good people are also no reflection of the real world. There is no real affection, but there isn't much in the real world either. 

I made a comment after Jerry died that 6 weeks after the funeral everyone forgets you're alive. No one has proven that wrong. He's been dead 17 years and I've sat right here, buried. It has taken me this long to realize what happened. Well, I was kind of traumatized watching someone die that way. But yeah.

Yesterday I decided that I'm going to live in this fictional world. I'm tired of trying to fit in the real world or find kindred spirits or a new life. But there is a dark, empty depth you can sink where there is no way out.

I'm too tired to mess with it.

So, it's less stress and less work to sit down and open a portal to a fictional world where everyone knows you. They rely on you for their existence. If I must be a spectator, I might as well make myself comfortable in a place I like. The alternative is much darker and emptier.