Sunday, December 2, 2012

Upheavels

Sunday afternoon. I usually have a quiet afternoon with no company but David moved in this weekend. The divorce was final this past week and he had to move out. I spent Saturday afternoon and evening moving  furniture around, switching the study to the smaller room so he'd have a bigger room. The desk is huge and takes two people to disassemble, move, and reassemble. Then I had to reconnect all the electronics: computer, printers, modem, router, phone. I had problems with the internet on the desktop but the laptop worked fine so I don't know what caused it. It took a few hours for it to correct itself. Needless to say, today I'm in a very bad state. I think the weather may be partly responsible. It rained sometime during the night.

It was after midnight before I went to bed. This was because Sarah wanted to go "home". Sarah is with us this weekend as it is his weekend. She goes home tonight. It was difficult because she simply refused to go to bed. Normally, it isn't a problem but she no longer has her own room so it made it hard for her to know what to do. I'm going to have to do some additional shifting. I'm thinking the study will go back to the den/dining room. It was there, once, long ago before both the boys were grown. I liked it then. I'd like it again but I also want to be able to sew back there. At the moment, it looks like a Goodwill collection point. Of course he says he'll be getting his own place in a few months. I don't know. This job is a temp job and he as no idea what he'll do next.

So, this Sunday afternoon has been loud with cartoons, drums, and Sarah running all over asking questions, cooking a birthday lunch for Spot, and just being Sarah. I'm exhausted and in desperate need of a lie down.

David seems more his old self. I didn't really know why David became distant and cool to everyone. I'm still not really clear on what happened. Family members often commented on this fact but I didn't really see it. I do now. It is confusing. I'm not happy with the divorce. I'm glad he's more like my David but to me, divorce is a failure and not something to gloat about. I care very much about my daughter-in-law and I see a little girl who wants to go home to her "family" and can't. Ever. I see two people who got along well, who liked doing the same kind of things. I see a family forever changed. I see the ripples of a stone dropped in the lake.

Oh, I suppose many will say I am over reacting or I'm being overly dramatic about it. You go on. I'm a child of divorce. I never knew my father after the age of five and I have no memories save that of his leaving. I remember that day in high definition. It is always with me, just beneath the surface of other memories. I'm probably the only person left alive who remembers that day. Of course, David isn't going anywhere. Her mother isn't going anywhere. Her parents didn't marry just to insure legitimacy. They loved each other and they adore their child. Children don't know or care about these things. They only know who they love. But the effects of divorce are always there.


5 comments:

  1. Divorce is never an easy thing to get through. It doesn't only effect the couple who is divorcing but the extended family hurts from it as well. I hope the transition that your house will go through will go smoothly. Your son and granddaughter are blessed to have you there for them:-)

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  2. I'm so sorry you all are going through this. Divorce is never easy, for anyone, and it does involve two whole families, not just two people. You are a blessing for them, and I'm sure they know that. I hope you got some rest and won't hurt too bad tomorrow. Peace.

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  3. Divorce is painful for everyone, but it destroys some innocence in a child that is never regained. I've spent some time with these verses: And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away? He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so. (Matthew 19:5-8 KJV)

    "Hardness of your hearts" is a good phrase. My husband is a child of divorce and family dismemberment. The pain remains.

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  4. It is a heart breaking time to see our children go through something like this. My oldest son went through this. He has a wife of about 8 years now that loves him and their children , his two boys (which she was able to adopt) her daughter which my son adopted and a little one they had together.Healing comes and grace covers all but there are always issues that need to be dealt with that shouldn't have to be. Divorce ripples out and effects more than the couple and even the children of the couple.

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  5. God bless you all with strength and mercy for each new day. I know it is hard. Been through situations here as well

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