Trip

I'm going on a little trip this weekend. I decided this morning that I have to go away for some much needed relaxation. I'm leaving Friday and coming back Monday. I don't think I will have an internet or computer during those days so you probably won't hear from me during that time. But I'll be back on by Monday night for sure.

I have a therapy appointment in about an hour and today I don't actually want to go. I just really want to lie down. I've been overly tired for a week now. I've been going to bed a bit earlier but I am just waking up earlier! So much for the theory that I'm not sleeping enough. LOL!

I've had a really horrible two weeks. I feel as if I've started all over and that can't be good. I'm not doing anything and I think that is the problem. I'm the kind of person who needs to be doing something constructive and game on the computer and internet reading are just not meeting that need. But I've been so tired and I can't get beyond the start of something before I run out of steam. I don't really know what to do or how to combat that.

I checked on support groups and there are none here. I guess no one else's spouses die. Or maybe their churches provide enough support. It is a heavily churched city - over 700 churches in a city of about 500,000. I don't know. I do know I can't keep operating this way. I am hoping a weekend away will help me get on track.

I've still not bought that laptop. I'm a bit paranoid about money at the moment. I've found that when I feel bad I want to go buy something. That has never been something I did. I've always been conservative about spending and when I had those urges I could handle it. I'd go and get a shake or drink or a book if anything. Or I'd walk around in the store until it passed. But now, it is harder. I've gone out several times and bought things and wondered why I did that when I got home. It isn't things I've splurged on. I could use every single one but this is how addictions are created. The other day I bought a display case for Jerry's flag they presented at the funeral and a frame for one of our family photos that I just love. The old frame got broken so long ago I can't remember. It was taken when the boys were not quiet teenagers. It is a great photo of a happy family, something we lost somewhere. The flag looks so nice in the case and the photo is a special one that should be hung.

I'm going to stop now so I can get some work done. I'll be back off and on the next three days.