Saturday, June 6, 2009

Saturday Mid-Morning

I got a good night's sleep, thank God. I always do feel better when I get up when I wake up instead of begin dragged out of my bed by a crowing rooster. That is the sound my alarm makes. I don't care how often you hear it, you never get used to it and it never fails to wake you. I actually beat him this morning and have already had my hazelnut coffee. I just went and turned off the alarm.

I was wakened by a strange dream and I don't usually remember them. I used to, long ago, remember my dreams and write them down. I stopped dreaming years ago when I started having pain problems. I've always believed that was a sign I wasn't getting enough REM sleep. If you don't know about REM sleep you can look it up but basically, lack of REM can make you sick and you can actually die from a lack of it. I suspect it is the culprit in much of my problems.

Anyway, over the last 10 years or so, I only had dreams once in awhile and could rarely remember them. After that cervical block in October I began to dream, crazy dreams. I promptly forgot most of them when I got up. This morning, I woke from a crazy dream and I am writing it down here. Why? Because I am afraid not to.

Last year, when I began to dream a bit more I had a dream about Jerry. I dreamed we were working in our yard and the ground where he stood began to swirl, like a whirlpool. I could see the grass begin to spiral around his feet and the ground appeared to be sinking where he stood. He looked me and but I don't think he asked me to help him. I can't remember that. I believe I tried to get him to come away but the ground had opened and was beginning to draw him down into it, the spiral grew outward until I was forced to back up or be sucked down with him. I frantically looked around for something to help him but couldn't find anything but the water hose. I remember the frustration and fear as I watched as he began to sink. Finally, when only his hands and arms to his elbow were visible I grabbed the water hose and threw it to him. But he couldn't grasp it and the spiraling whirlpool grew and I couldn't go near enough to reach him. I woke up just seeing his hands.

I remember thinking what a crazy dream. I don't know if I told him about it. But I did tell him I was having these crazy dreams since I had the cervical block. Suddenly, I was actually sleeping again and dreaming. It had been so long since I had real dreams that I had lost sight of what my dreams often were in the past. I take it the majority of you can see this dream for what it was. I did not at that time. Only after the Lord reminded me of it weeks ago did I grasp the full impact of it.

This morning I woke from another weird dream. So, I will write it down as best as I can now remember it. Because I don't know if it means something or if it is beans.

I was in a place where a man was brought in on a gurney. He was a big man, not fat as I recall, just big. He had white blond hair and he had been injured in some kind of accident but was alive. I wasn't sure he was at first but I gradually got the impression he was alive. There was a woman nearby but I can't see her face I just know she is distraught. I do not think she is me but who knows. Anyway, they tell her the man's lower face is destroyed and I"m confused because I feel like these are mortuary people and they are going to bury him.

He is covered up but I know he isn't dead. I'm not afraid, by the way, just watching. I don't sense any emotion, just a mild concern for the woman. They wheel him away and I have a sense of time passing.

They bring him back and he is lying slightly on his left side away from the woman. I am standing at the foot of this gurney and I can't see anything but his the side or his face from his eye to his forehead. He has been crying. For some reason he is half uncovered. I can see his slightly bent right leg and arm.

They tell her they have to remove part of his face. Again, I don't feel anything in this dream but a sense of concern for the woman and sadness for this man. At first, I think they will wheel him away again but then, I watch as they take surgical scissors and began to cut the skin away from his face. He begins to cry this terrible cry and his eyes are looking at me. I never really see his lower face at all, only his terribly sad and frightened eyes. I had a sense of something destroyed beyond repair. I woke up.

I put this out there so, oh, I don't know. I didn't write down my dream about Jerry as I should have. Maybe I would have seen something. I didn't see it for what it was because of my own condition. I'll never know the truth.

Now, for those unfamiliar such things, you must realize not all dreamer dreams mean something. For me, some dreams actually happen and they are not usually good things. I'm some sort of special dreamer. But I haven't had dreams like that in many years. I've prayed repeatedly NOT to have them. I got sick with this pain issue and stopped sleeping well and my dreams were impacted. I didn't dream at all that I could remember. {sigh} I know, my prayers were answered. I just realized that writing the preceding statement.

Anyway, you don't want to have dreams where you are told people are going to die or or injured, or about their personal problems. Particularly when you can't tell the difference. I don't know the difference in a dream like that and indigestion dreams. I don't know when a premonition is imagination or warning. It is why I kept asking not to dream those kinds of dreams. If I can't recognize it and I can't change it or fix it, then is serves no purpose and is useless to me and anyone else involved. I've done this as long as I can remember. At least since I was 17.

So, there. Now you know just how strange things are for me. I feel like I should just stop running and let it overtake me. I do not know what I am supposed to do with such things if I can't tell what is real and what is imaginary.

I stopped to take a call from my aunt for a while and finally got of the phone so I could finish this. I'm going now and get dressed and get busy. I have things I must do.

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