Illumination

Well, I think I've finally found Simon's last name. Simon Lancaster. Not sure but it keeps coming up. So. . . Lancaster it is. As he's apparently British... I suppose it is fitting. I have a peripheral knowledge of the name... something about roses and a 100 years war. {shakes head} I was AMERICAN history. But I did study other history. I suppose this means I have to research it but that always leads to rabbit trails that lead everywhere but the direction I'm going. I will trust my wonderful Brit contacts to give me any interesting or pertinent details. Might make an interesting blog post. The sex in novels did.

I've got several other names as well. Quinn McKinley, Simon's old "friend". Hugh Hamilton, a person involved in the Horus Corporation who is apparently in charge of something important. Incidentally, this Quinn character is trying to talk. Got to shut him up since he's not my focus at this point. But an interesting development. Soon as I said his name he said, "Yes?" LOL.

If there is a female character I think her first name is Madison. That's isn't decided definitely yet but Snowgoon offered it one morning online and it rang a bell. Filed for the moment with no last name.

So, some things coming to light. I'm please to finally get some names! It is very difficult to try and write about someone with no name.

I'm off now. I've got to do some running and then get back to the writing.

Brrrr, Hand Me A Sweater

It wasn't chilly when I went to lunch but as soon as I walked out the wind had a distinct chill to it. The temp show online says 70 but it doesn't feel like 70. And it is, once again gloomy. But I'm thankful for the last week of sun. Maybe this will blow through quickly and sun will return.

I'm at work, about to start on late letters. I would rather be home. I'm supposed to go to the Y tonight but honestly, I'll like a night of nothing... just sitting watching television, reading or writing and not bothering with anything else. I'm a bit tired and my neck is achy. Although, I must say it is still better than it was a week ago. I think the Valtoren may be helping.

The Writers' Asylum meets next Wednesday and I'm up. I have to get busy. I've got 10 pages of my story. I'm not thrilled with it but it could be worse. I've got to get at least 10 more for critique. Amazing how changing the dynamic and momentum of the story has slowed down my progress. But I think I'll be fine. I have a good feeling about it and I realize I've been gaining more confidence about the writing in the last year. Probably due in part to the writing group.

Ok, time for work. Hope your day is brighter and warmer than mine. I will be home later and maybe I'll pop back in.

The Season of PicNic

I watched the sun come up. It looks like the day might be pretty. I hope it does, even though I can't spend the whole day in it. Kathy, from Writers' Asylum, and I are supposed to have a picnic in the park if the weather holds. That will be nice. I like Kathy. She one of those naturally funny people. Everything she says has a twist of humor to it. So it should be a nice visit

I'm on my way to work. Went to the Y last night and came home, my head was no worse but it was no better either. I took a pill. Oddly enough, it made me ill. I felt very dizzy and sick to my stomach. I was a little concerned but since there was nothing to do about it and no one here I simply went to bed and hoped nothing would happen. This brand is different from the one I usually got and they look smaller but the dosage is the same. I have had reactions to the medication in the past but very mild. This was not what I'd term mild. Dave had been over for a short while for me to fax something for him but he had just left when I got all weird.

I woke up around 5:30 and took a bathroom trip. I went back to bed and dozed until nearly seven. Now, I'm contemplating breakfast. Probably be my usual of OJ and a breakfast burrito from McDonald's. Actually when fresh that is really delicious - eggs, sausage, peppers and cheese in a flour tortilla. I've been tempted to try to make them homemade. Lot of work though.

Pain in my shoulder this morning. The areas I put the Valtoren on do feel better after a bit. My knee was hurting last night in the pool. That jumping is just not something I can do even in water. My neck doesn't have as much pain. But that trapezoid muscle just hurts constantly and when I put on a bra, it just build up worse and worse. So... not sure what I can do about it. I put the cream on that too but it has no impact on it. Seems to just work on bony areas. I had the script filled yesterday. That stuff, one very large tube, $30. I'm guessing that is the normal price since my copay is usually between $20 and $40.

I'm off now. Grumpy is waiting at the door and he's not a morning person.

Morning

It isn't a good morning. I had some good time to relax physically, more of the weekend passed with unbearable thoughts as I sorted through items I should have left another year. But the den is at least passable now and I can sit at the table and look outside. I had a bad episode last night triggered by trying to remember if I took my meds or not. I took them late and they was afraid I'd already taken them and couldn't remember. This has happened more than once. And yes, I have a pill minder. Have for a while. But I've even taken the morning dose at night so, it doesn't seem to be as useful as I thought it would. Yesterday was just the culmination of a long weekend.

This morning, I don't have a lot of pain but my neck is hurting a bit. Wasn't when I got up I don't think. I put the cream on it. We'll see. Seems to work some but not totally.

Near as I can tell, I am having a migraine probably every day. I think the neck aggravates it. I'm guessing based on the way I've been for the last for or five days. Is a front moving in? Haven't looked but will now. My guess is a low is passing over soon... in hours. Maybe it is just my life that is too stressful. I don't think I slept well either.

Work now.

A Wise Old Bird

Last year I had the most trouble with pigeons (my aunt calls some of them doves). They wanted to roost in my awnings over the front door! Poop was all over the porch and steps and walkway. I hate pigeons and their cousins the doves. They are the nastiest creatures. They live in their own poop and the are continually pooping.

So, I hear owls help. I went an bought one. Here he is on my front steps.

His head will bob and turn in the wind and at the moment I have tilted it up where it is stable so he could get his photo taken. I really like my owl. Although when I first got him, he scared me to death several times when I came around the corner of the house and he was sitting there. I'd forget he was there. I have to move him around ever few days or the pigeons get complacent about him.

Isn't he a handsome fellow?

Resurrection Morning

This is the culmination of the Easter season. Christians celebrate this day in honor of the resurrection of Jesus. He lives. Millions will attend services somewhere today who have not attended church in months or even a year, since last Easter. It is sad really, to give the impression to the world that you have this faith in a risen savior but you can only manage to pay honor to him once a year. Were I a non-Christian I'd have to wonder exactly how much you really believe in that risen Lord.

I'm going to church this morning and this Easter is the second since my husband died.I do not remember last Easter. Still, I no longer view death as I once did. I'm more frightened than I was before I saw the eyes that no longer reflected love for me. And desperately hope for a chance to see them shining when I walk into a room.

For me resurrection has also taken on a new meaning. My husband loved God so much and he would have been so excited to be in church this morning. My guess is he would have had to work this evening. He'd have been so tired because he would have worked last night. But he'd be there. But perhaps, this morning he is somewhere, near the throne, not tired, not sick, happy, standing with the risen Savior celebrating in a style I can't begin to imagine.

I hope. That's the meaning of resurrection.

First Results

I'm checking in to give you the early results of my experiment with the Valtoren on my neck. My neck feels almost normal. There is on spot where it has a slight pain but it could be from sitting in an awkward position for a little while. I've got some food in the oven and will go eat soon so I'll stretch a bit.

The only really painful place is the top of my shoulder, that rotator cuff area. Just a constant pain there.

More results later.

Saturday. . . meh

I woke to gray skies and a distinct chill. I have had the heat off for several days and actually had to turn on the air for one because working in the house got so stuffy! Today, the heat came back on. Don't need much, just enough to get it to 69F degrees in here. It is 55F outside right now and windy. So wind chill will make if feel colder.

I finished paying the bills. I hate paying bills and found a couple I'd forgotten. That makes it frustrating on a budget. I also did two statements for Feb and Mar.because I forgot to do Feb. As I recall there were some difficult days around the time the statement came out and I am not surprised I overlooked it. But I could have sworn. . . but I didn't. So, did two in two days. Not good either.

On that Feb one I was missing several entries in my check book and that always annoys me and scares me. Fortunately, I had put some money back and it was covered with no problem but in the past that was what caused all manner of stress for us. Jerry forgetting to put things in the register. That last six months we were overdrawn every month. I was going crazy with it. I knew then something was wrong but still never saw it right. Not until December did I get it fixed and I will never forget his face when I said, "We're going to be all right. If you will let me take care of it from now on we might even be able to take a nice vacation by the summer." He looked so relieved, as if a great weight was lifted and his face cleared of this. . . terrible expression I had not even noticed. He was dead in a month.

Ok, that's not good. I'm going now. It has been like this all weekend and I just can't do it right now. I've handled stuff that I've avoided handling for a year and it has been just terrible. But it has to be done and there is no one else. And I'm not done. There is still a lot to get sorted.

I'm a bit tired but actually the only thing hurting is my shoulder and a small pain in my neck. I put Valtoren on it last night to see if it helped. I'm putting more on in in a minute. I want to experiment with that. If the arthritis in my neck is the culprit for the pain, I do not know what the solution will be. That can't be fixed. I suddenly occurred to me after Lisa worked on it. I was tons better for two days and then this small pain in the back of my neck began. It was the first time I was not hurting so much I couldn't locate it. So, lab experiment over the weekend. If it is that, I'm guessing a couple of days of that cream may tell me for sure. If it doesn't hurt....

Have a great weekend. I was hoping to dye eggs today but everyone is in bed I guess. Life is short. It is passing by. I'm so glad I did not miss the times with my children growing up.. We got into so much stuff together. Parks, museums, camping, walking, riding bikes, playing games and getting out in the back yard or a playground. Sometimes I'd just take a book and let them play for hours. We took short drives to the country and explored trails and parks together. Just walking and laughing. The boys loved hiking in the woods with us, at least they seemed to do so. I would sit in my den and sew while they played outdoors where I could watch them. I had such good boys and I loved being with them. I guess I miss that too. It all ends somewhere, doesn't it.

Logging off now. Have a great weekend.

Afternoon Break

I've had to sit down and take a break. I put some cream, Valtoren, on my knees because one was really hurting. My doctor gave me samples to see if it helped with the arthritis pain I have. I don't know if it has or not. I've not used it every day, just when I have some pain. I can't really tell.

I also had to stop because I was having a major meltdown. I'm cleaning, as I mentioned somewhere earlier. In my den is a box of things taken from Jerry's drawers after he died. I have not sorted through them but once, a few months after his death. I quickly saw then that it was impossible. But today, I have to get that room cleared. I can't stand it a moment longer. I was going to have help but they never came. I began sorting through it and had to stop when I got dizzy because I hyperventilated. Once past that I tried again. I managed to get through the whole pile, most of which was all those receipts he kept. I didn't bother to see what they were for because I just don't care. But then there was this bag of medications, nearly a dozen bottles, all nearly full. The lables told me what each one was for and that just did me in. I have cleaned up all the stuff I was trashing and put it in the box to dispose of. The medicine I've put back in the bag. I don't feel comfortable putting that much medication in the trash or flushing it into the water supply.

I put all the little keepsakes, like the small knife he carried and a buck knife, and his watches. He had nearly a dozen! Some old and not working but one is nearly new and still running. I don't know what to do with them. The boys will never wear any of them.

I am going to find a keepsake box to put things in for Sarah. I found his baby blanket in a suitcase that Becca had borrowed. I loaned the blanket to her when Sarah was born. Jerry's mother gave it to me when Mike was born. It is all I have really from his childhood aside from two or three photos. They gave him nothing when she died. My sons have no shared keepsakes from his childhood. That is the kind of people his family were, selfish and greedy. He begged for photos of his grandparents and was never given anything. No photos of his parents either. But I do have his blanket and that will be stored for Sarah with her daddy's blanket and his dedication shawl I used for both boys. I had wanted Sarah dedicated with it but it didn't happen. Still she will have it and the memories and photos.

I wish I knew what I am going to do. I am simply moving through days with no meaning at all. I get up, do what has to be done, go to bed. I don't actually think of tomorrow much at all. I think about some things I would like to do but then, I get thoughts that upset me and I put it all out. I think, I'll have to do that alone; Oh, it would have been nice to have Jerry with me; Jerry would have liked to do that too; Jerry won't be able to go with me; Jerry would have laughed at that. It become this looming monster and so I just put the whole thing out of my head. If I'm doing something the enjoyment just evaporates, like cleaning the den so I can sit in there on nice days. I don't care now.

I'm not depressed. LOL, seriously, this isn't depression. This is grief. And it never goes away. You learn to avoid anything that brings emotions to the surface. You learn to not talk about certain things, not look at certain things, not think certain things. You avoid movies, music, books and conversations about certain things. You life becomes circumscribed to a routine of "safe" zones. You can go here but not HERE.

My aunt called me the last couple of days. Her first words one day was, I haven't had a heart attack. {ok, not the best way to start a conversation}. I know why she did it but it didn't help. She has some kind of spell and they sent her to the hospital and they ordered a stress test. She will get the results next Thursday I believe she said. She has asthma and this time of year is very bad for her. She says she's fine. Please pray for her. She's a healthy woman but she is 71 and tends to over do because she's always been healthy. Problem is, I really really really can't contemplate this. I really really really can't think about it. This is one of those place I cannot go.

I'm stopping since this is going nowhere fast. I'll drop by again later. I still have the den to deal with and a pile of paper in my study.

A Friday Like Saturday

It FEELS like Saturday. I have a lot I want to do today but don't know if I will get the help to do it. I'm going to start calling in few minutes to see if Mike will come over. It looks like summer out there today!

Woke up at 8 a.m. and checked to see if moving was a problem. It wasn't. Slight kink in my neck but I moved a pillow and released some strain on it. I had a terrible time with acid reflux last night. Thought I'd be sick for a bit. The OTC meds that have replaced the prescription do not work very good and I can't figure out a way to make it better. I took one prescription every other day and now, with the insurance not covering it, I can't get that dosage. I will have to go back to taking it every day. The pill I can get is half the dose I was taking and only last 12 hrs instead of 24. To buy it OTC will cost me twice as much as as my co-pays.

I think I'd like to go sit outside but it is still a bit cool.I'm going to do my bank statement.. the second one I forgot to do. Get the bills in order and see what's left. Then, if I have enough in my savings, I'm going to find Sarah a swing. I've been planning it for a while so we'll see.

I'm going now. Too much to do. I'll pop in off and on probably. I usually do. Multiply is one of my home pages so it opens when I am online. Have a great day everyone.

Thursday, My Friday

Yes, today is MY Friday. It is a beautiful day and I woke up with virtually no neck pain today. Unless you have this chronic pain in your neck and shoulders, you can't imagine how that feels.That knot in the trapezoid is burning but that's manageable at the moment. If I'm careful, I might get through the next couple of days with minimal pain in my neck.

I am wading through the piles of paper that just keep coming in. The software switch buried all of us in a backlog of paper and my vacation will make this even worse to come back to if I don't get a handle on it. It's very stressful so it doesn't help the pain issues.

Writers' Asylum met last night and we had a fairly productive meeting I think. Kathy, Doug, Cassie and I were there. We read Cassie's paper and gave her lots of feed back that I hope will help her. She's a very sweet girl and I realized watching her last night that she's very eager to participate in the group. She's had a rough week the last two weeks with a breakup and so I think it was good for her to think about something else for an evening. Of course, we all missed Sarah. There was a big gaping hole where she usually sits. And Katie couldn't make it either because of scheduling conflicts. I hope by the next meeting everyone will be back on track. I suggested we do something like Skype so we could include them. LOL, be interesting to try that.

Ok, back to work. I've taken about an hour an a half to work on this during lulls in the chaos. I made a video last night and tried to post it but something was wrong and it didn't want to play. So, I deleted it. I'll try again tonight to post it.

A Slow Start

At least it feels like it. I was up early and had very little pain but now my neck is really hurting. If it weren't for that, I could say I feel pretty good. I put Icy Hot on it yesterday and it blistered me! Never has done that before so don't know why it did it now. My co-worker had to take some lotion and put on it to soothe it.

I'm having lunch today with two of my multiply friends- Lisa and Cheryl. They are both coming into town and wanted to meet up. I'm looking forward to that. I don't have a lot of free time during the week so it will be on my lunch hour but that's fine. We're doing a lunch in the park across the street from work and the day looks beautiful. So I think it will be nice to just sit and talk a bit. If we had more time we could go down to the river front and walk but maybe they can get down there and enjoy the afternoon before they leave.

I have writer's meeting tonight but it will be a small number. Sarah has to go out of town. Katie has a scheduling issues, Kathy has sick husband and son. So, be just Doug and Cassie and me. LOL, hope they show up. Be really pathetic to meet with myself! LOL

I hope everyone enjoys a day of sun if you get it. I wish I could spend the day in it. Thankfully, Friday I am off and will be able to have a whole day to myself! I want to do some work in my yard if I can get Mike up early enough to come help. I have to cut the grass and there are some brown spots I want to actually burn off. Not big ones but they are places that had obvious weeds. When I was growing up we used to always burn off the grass in our yard.My grandparents said the ash was a good for the soil and and grass. We always had pretty green grass so it must have been. Later in life I learned that lye is made from wood ash. They also said if you plant a can of lye near a tree it will provide nutrients to the tree. Can't be too close.. I think it was about several yards from the base. So, burning off the grass isn't a bad thing. And I won't burn it all off, just these huge brown spots. I think they show up in one of the Sarah videos a few weeks ago.

I'm gone now. Got to get to work.

Monday Migraine

Woke with a headache. Had it all day. Took med at 2. Just beginning to get some relief in the last couple of hours. Did NOT got to the Y but still exhausted.

Nite.

A Sunday with No Sun

On my way out the door in five minutes. I have to pick up Mike, my sister, and Becca and Sarah all before 9:30 and they live in different parts of the city!

Rain falls but pain this morning. It was terrible yesterday but I think the weather was only a contributing factor. The lack of good sleep on Saturday night was probable sent me over the top. Everything hurt. I could hardly move when I got up and it didn't get much better. Had to clean the house a bit as writer's meeting is Wednesday. Moving loosened things up but did not make it feel better. My shoulders felt as if someone took a hammer to them.

On top of the pain, my depression was pretty bad. Only takes one flashback to tip the scales when I"m in severe enough pain. I suppose I've learned the trigger. Now if I can get the gun... Anyway, very bad day. I cleaned house and then called the kids and asked them all to go to lunch so I could get out of the house and have company for an hour or two. They all came home with me but I wasn't much company actually. I felt horrible. I kept Sarah for Dave and Becca to go to the store and take Mike home and she's good company. Played with her toys while I just sort of lay around.

Finally everyone went home and I went to bed. I posted videos that I'd been wanting to post but had to wait until I could get them from Dave's computer on Friday night. Then, once I got them I couldn't post them until Saturday night! I tried posting them but it took too long. So I waited till last night. They still had problems with them and it frustrated and upset me that I couldn't fix it. I knew I had to convert them to a different format. Took me two hours last night to figure it out. I'd post a couple and they didn't work right. I was in bed when I remembered something and got up to check it. My HP printer program will convert video formats from .mov to .mpg. Worked perfectly and the vids are up. I felt better then.

Ok, time to run.

What's in a Name?

{This was written months ago and I never posted it. Don't know why but here is is now.}

It is important. It matters. It should get careful consideration because the person is stuck with it for a long time. The Bible says God knows the very number of the hairs on our head and that he knew us before we were born. That's another reason to be cautious in picking a name.

When I was naming my son's we talked about a lot of them and my oldest son's name was a compromise. I was very foolish in picking his middle name but I still love the name. It was a character in a book I had read and I was still young enough to be influenced by such things. He hates it. A good sign it was the wrong choice. I don't think he actually likes the name Michael but we did. Maybe he doesn't like himself much and that's sad because he's a great person.

Both of David's names were considered as first names but I tossed it out as a pair and Jerry liked it. I promptly went to sleep and forgot it. We didn't decide on a name that night and I was seven months pregnant! Not until the nurse handed the baby to Jerry did I know what David's name would be. Jerry had liked it so much and had kept it to himself for three months. And we still took another day to decide. But in the end, Jerry named him.

In one of my last posts I had a several comments in regards to Sarah's name. We've had people comment on it many times in the last four years. People always say "Oh, that's a beautiful name" or something similar. We always enjoy watching people's faces when they hear it because for some reason it strikes a chord with them.

There is some interesting information about her name. Before Sarah ever got here her parents began thinking about who she would be, what she would be called. Jerry and I tried to keep our thoughts to ourselves unless we were asked. We remembered how people had bombarded us with family names that we "ought " to use.

But of course, everyone got asked about names. Jerry and I said our children would have their own names, not a relative's and not something so weird they'd be embarrassed. I still have the name book I used to find names.

Michael means "Who is like the Lord?" He was a messenger of God in the Bible. Mike won't give his middle name and for that I'm sorry. But it means a dweller at the court. He's an honest man, serving royalty. David means "Beloved" and was a man after God's own heart in the Bible. His middle name means "helper of mankind". I've always thought they were strong and good names.

Personally, their names reflect our feelings of how we viewed God and the kind of men we hoped they would become. That's why a name is important. We've always told them this, so they would know how important their names are to us and to them.

I told my daughter-in-law this as well, in hopes she'd approached the name search with care. Parents can be a bit silly in name choosing, as I may have been with Mike. And I must say she took a lot of time, looking up and trying out a lot of names. Some I liked and some I didn't but ultimately, it was their choice.

We spent a lot of time looking up all her choices in several sources. Becca and I are close and she likes talking to me so she included me in the process.

Most of the sources we used said that Sarah meant "Princess" and we knew her position in the Bible. Becca was trying to use a Biblical first name, perhaps to keep a family tradition. Her family has few of those and she's trying to make her own traditions for her family.

The importance of a name was brought home to me when Sarah's full name, Sarah Cheyenne was found. It has a unique story behind it that I hope will someday tell her how special names are for all of us. And how special her's became to everyone of her relatives. I learned later that Jerry secretly told Becca he really liked the name Sarah.

Becca was looking for names. We knew we needed a girl's name. She gathered lists of names from everywhere. I think she was about halfway into her pregnancy when she asked me if I had any names I had liked. I told her the ones we had picked out if the boys had been girls. Then, I told her when I was a teenager there was a name I had just loved and said it was Cheyenne. She said her mom had said the same thing, that when she was a teenager there had been a name she loved but that she not been able to remember it.

So, right then she got on the phone and called her mom to see if she had remembered the name she had liked. She said, "Mom, have you remembered the name you liked when you were a teenager.I was watching her and her face went all funny and she said, "You're kidding! That's the same name David's mom just gave me!" Becca and I sort of just stared at one another and she laughed and said, "Well, I guess it is Cheyenne." I was pretty stunned and said, "Oh my God!"

Needless to say, "out of the the mouths of two or three witnesses every word shall be established!" You can't get more Biblical than that. Cheyenne was ordained.

Sarah was a bit more difficult. I don't know if Becca really took to it at first but for some reason, it seemed to fit and flow and that was the name that she was given. Becca told me latter that Jerry had taken her aside and told her he liked the name Sarah. That's another memory for her. Once the two were brought together, they just seemed right. Once heard, everyone loved Sarah and we liked the fact that it was a Biblical name, a family tradition carried on.

We were curious to know about Cheyenne, aside from the fact it was a well known Indian tribe and a favorite name of both grandmothers. Knowing what a name means is so important. Remember, they're stuck with it. And pretty or not we wanted to give her something with meaning. If the meanings didn't feel right, Becca would have to start over. And we'd already listened to dozens of names.

Four years ago, there was very little on the name that we could find. We had a hard time finding anything. Lineage is obscure at best. However, after more research and we discovered another very interesting translation in one source. "People of an unknown tongue." Anyone who knows my religious background will know the impact this had on us. For us at least, Sarah Cheyenne could not have been named anything else.

As I wrote this today, I looked again for sources and Cheyenne is all over the place now. Once source says this, "One of the most common etymologies for Cheyenne is "a bit like the [people of an] alien speech" So, not much different in one regard.

Another site by a Native American did not advocate giving Indian names to white children. They say that the meanings are virtually never what white's think and are usually not flattering. As I said, research is necessary in picking a name!

OUR story of Cheyenne in our family has made it much more than the name of a native American tribe and a language that has only about 1200 speakers today. That's not why we picked it. It is more than a city in Wyoming. And it is more than what it means. It was a connection made before she was born. Her name was known before she ever arrived. There is no way to improve on that.

What's in a name? History, tradition, faith, and identity. Family.

Housekeeping

Had to fix the blog background. The other was just too hard to read. I kept trying to get a background that worked but only one, the summer wood theme, did and one gets tired of it. So, I've gone back to a melon based theme. Works well and easy to read. I'll be changing the pictures before long. I like changing it up but it takes a lot of time to make some of them work the way I want it to so I've started changing it less.

I am exhausted and I've been hurting all over for most of the week. It has rained for a couple of days and I believe the weather (low pressure systems) has made me worse. I've been going home and going to bed. Mostly reading and a little writing.

After months of planning and character development, Simon put his foot down and I've started writing his story... from the beginning, which I am quite pleased with. . . so far, and it is going fairly well... if I don't get discouraged. I'd like to do a couple of chapters a week and have the writing group critique them. There are some holes I have to fill but I decided I wasn't going to get it done if I didn't do it.

I have spent most evenings doing nothing but lying in bed watching old television shows, reading some, and listening to music. I haven't chatted much with anyone. Not much blogging. Some video blogging but even that has been too much. For two weeks now I've just been exhausted.

The severe depression seems to be under control. I'm taking the St. John's Wort morning and night. I am having "moments" now instead of hours of depression and sadness. Still can't shut off the images but as a writer, that would be a sort of suicide if I couldn't visualize. The mind is a bit controlling in that area. Thinks what it pleases, like it or not. I've already has experience with not dreaming and that didn't work well. Now, I am having dreams again and fairly regularly. Don't remember them well but that's fine, too.

Dave and Becca brought Sarah over the other night and she was a lot of fun. I took photos of her and will post those. I was going to try and get her tonight but don't know if that is still on or not.

Writers' Asylum meets on Wednesday evening. I'm going to be glad of that. I don't like this three weeks between meetings! Really difficult to get by without the other inmates and their version of insanity. Sarah and Kathy are off in the wide world somewhere. A missive comes through here and there. Katie is busy, busy, busy. Doug is silent. Cassie has sent her work for critique and it is rather good. I haven't finished it but . . . well . . . it would appear that she can write.

I'm going to get to work now. I'm so tired but there are piles growing so I have to get busy. Hope to catch you all later.

Social Media: Be Careful What You Share on Twitter, Facebook - ABC News

Link
I watched this on the news this morning and since I use Multiply, Blogger, and Facebook I thought it would be a good idea to share it.

Because of this story, I'm locking down tighter now on several fronts. I do put a lot out there on the blog... not usually so much people could find me but ultimately, if you know where to look, and you know my name, you can find me. I don't like that about Facebook. You have to use your name. And with a name... well, I can find you if I know your name. That's my job. Google Earth will give me directions to your home if I have the address. I can get the address in a lot of places. You are on a thousand lists.

So, if you have my name and address, I probably gave it to you and I'm fine with it but if you don't, well, it's going to get harder now. My life is much more uncomfortable since Jerry died and I don't want to add to the fears and woes. This frightened me.

Please read and watch the story. And close up the holes!

As I was writing this, I realized that Jilly and I gave lovely tours to our homes! It was fun! But maybe I wasn't being very bright to suggest it? Well, we can't undo it but some things I may now show only to contacts. LOL, course I'm sure neither of us has tons of stuff that is of great value but it's our stuff. And it makes you think.

So, caution my friends. Turn off the GPS in your phones and cars. Don't put your every move out there. No times, dates, appointments, addresses, locations. Close your calendar to all but yourself. Remember, if a family member can see it, so can their friends, particularly on FB. It is the one place I think Multiply is a bit ahead. No just anyone can get into your information. Only those you allow.

I don't use Twitter and I've got FB locked down pretty tight but there was some really good advice in this story.

Take care.

Sarah Cheyenne Serves Smiles

Tuesday ... Just Tuesday

Only have minutes to do this so I'll dash off what I can. I went to the Y last night. Got home around 8:30 or 9 and watch a couple t.v. shows...while half asleep. I tried to write, do some research on the story I am working on, tried to read email, tried to read. Brain just gave up and left me there confused. After the last show, I decided to turn out the light.

I still have to turn on some sort of noise because when the lights go out my personal theater turns on and all the horrible past rushes at me in force. I do not know if I will ever be free of it. I have the problem during waking hours but I try and keep my mind busy with very little down time. Probably why I'm exhausted most of the time. But the night, I can't control. So, I fill them with some kind of sound. This week it is classical guitar music and turned very low. It works well. I've used Spanish, classical piano, and classical orchestra. All seem to work well.

I woke this morning when the clock went off but just lay in bed for another ten minutes. I've had coffee and now I'm going to dash off because I want to stop at McDonald's to get breakfast. I don't have time to fix it here this morning. I have to get some more breakfast food too. I'm tired of the same old stuff here and sugary foods in the a.m. bother me. Truth is, if I'd get up another 20 minutes earlier I could fix a good breakfast. I've done it. Maybe when I start waking up again I will. LOL

I'm hoping for sun today. My back hurts this morning but now sure if I slept wrong or did something at the Y. Could be both.

Hope everyone of you has a beautiful sunny day. Send some my way.

(Picking up my bags, I grab the nearest dwarf. "Come along, Dopey. They'll leave us if we don't get moving. It's a long way to the mines and I'm not up to the walk this morning. HEY! Grumpy, get the lead out!")

Another Grey Monday

I'm about to head out for the mines. It is gloomy and raining... still. I slept for hours yesterday after church. I woke just in time to get dressed and go back for the evening service. I slept hard. When I woke up it took several minutes to get to the point I could actually function. My brain was just a fog. I must have been really tired.

I had taken my meds before I left and they kicked in about the middle of church. It got very warm in the sanctuary and I got sleepy. But still, when I got home last night I was concerned I'd not be able to get back to sleep because I'd had that hard nap. No problem. I chatted with Kat a bit and went to bed. For a minute I lay looking at the ceiling and realized the problem was the silence. It never used to bother me much but it drives me insane now. I hear other things, see other things lying in the dark in the silence. I turned on the cd player and after a few minutes I was out. But this morning I'm still tired.

Well, no rest for the weary so it is off to work I go. I have the Y tonight and I have to get some serious writing in. Time Simon got down to business in his real story.He's talking again and that's good. Before I went to sleep I heard a bit of it. LOL.

Later!

{dashes out, grabbing bags} "WAIT, DOC!"