Twiddling My Thumbs

We had our office Christmas luncheon today and revealed our Secret Santa's. We exchanged names and have been getting and giving small presents for the last couple of weeks. Lunch was good and it was a lot of fun watching over the last week when people got their gifts. I got candy and body butter from Victoria's Secret and some lotion from Bath & Body Works. Actually the person I drew also drew my name so it was amusing when the reveal came today.

As most of you know, I've been in fairly dark places the last week. I apologize if anyone is bothered by that. I wish I could say it won't happen again. I can't. At the moment, I'm better. I have gotten some much needed rest. I went to bed last night at 9:30 p.m.. I've said before I am pretty sure that lack of sleep is one of the biggest problems and it makes everything else profoundly worse. I have noticed when I don't sleep, I become severely depressed and distraught. Everything snowballs.

With that early night, I got up at 6 a.m. this morning! That's a lot of sleep. I was so tired I could hardly stand it. It was such a dreadful weekend that I think I was just spent by Monday morning. When I got home I was nearly a zombie. And I was frustrated about going to bed so early but I simply could not stay up any longer. Once in bed, I was out in in minutes

I'm doing something you will think very odd. For the last two nights, I have turned on one of my Spanish language tapes when I went to bed. Last night I only woke up once that I recall when there was a change of speaker on the tape. It only last 45 minutes anyway.

I've used this technique for years to learn things. I did it all the time in college, taping my notes and listening to them. I've recommended this to probably half a dozen other people and each one who tried it said it was tremendously helpful. My theory is that hearing your own voice actually helps your brain accept the information. There were several information intensive course I had and this worked for me. I need to find my pillow speaker, though. I am just using the player's speakers and last night I had to turn it down. Sunday night it didn't bother me but it did last night. I finally got a comfortable level and was fine but I recall the speaker pillow was really good.

I'm trying to brush up on my Spanish and I figured that a good way would to get my "ear"in tune by letting it play when I was asleep. I read Spanish fairly well up to a point; I'm rusty. But understanding spoken Spanish is difficult for me because I've never got to use it. I'll let you know if I can detect an improvement. I plan on making recordings of my own voice soon and see if that will help with my spoken Spanish, too.

I began editing The End of Winter this morning. Yes, this morning at 7 a.m. I wanted to start this weekend but when I'm so mentally stressed and tired I simply can't function. I was very upset by not being able to do any writing this weekend. This particular story is probably one of my favorites and I'd really like to get it presentable. I have a good group of writers whose opinions I trust so I think I'll know if it is worth the effort. But if I can't keep my focus I'm never going to be able to do this. I'm beginning to think I'll never be clear headed again. Surely if I can crank out 20,000 in one week I can edit an already written work!

Now, I should get back to work. I'm here twiddling my thumbs and I'm thinking about asking to leave a bit early today. I have 3 hours of personal time and if I don't take it I will lose it at the end of the year. Maybe I should wait until Friday and take it all? I'm already wanting to go home so I don't know.

Hope you all have a good Tuesday.

Understatements

It isn't fair you know. To be isolated like this. To wake up and go to bed in this cave. I wish I had saved all my vacation for the month of December. I'd catch a plane and go somewhere that there is sunshine, heat and people. I didn't.

I will never love snow or the thought of snow again.

I'm about as tired tonight as I can ever remember being. And I did very little this weekend but sit and keep a tight rein on my emotions. But they still slipped the reins and took off across the field. I was left behind in a heap.

Now, I want to lie down but I have things I'd like to do. I wanted to write but I can't think. I wanted to read, but I can't think. I wanted to watch something, but I can't think.My brain seems to be straining to even get this simple, unimaginative post out. I've had a headache all day but am too frightened anymore to take the meds for it. Ludicrous.

I'm going to bed. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof. Ain't it the truth.

Holiday Hells

I don't think we generally use the term holiday juxtaposed with the term hell but it has a certain ring to it, don't you think? I think so... today.

What are these Holiday Hells? Amazingly enough they are everywhere.

Yards filled with elf, snowman, or Santa balloons half filled with air. I passed one the other day of a toy soldier who had lost half his air. He was bent at the waist, his face near the ground, one arm raised. He looked like he was praying. What does a toy soldier, an air filled toy soldier, have to do with Christmas? Maybe he was praying, asking the same question.

Stores with long lines of people who are generally in a nasty mood because they are having to stand in a long line to buy gifts for people they don't actually like anyway. Or complaining because they can't afford it and will be miserable into June because they spent too much.

Traffic jams at already poorly planned intersections, where horns blow for no apparent reason and to no apparent effect except to annoy those of us waiting patiently for the moron at the front of the line to realize the whole world has stopped in their tracks and is waiting for them to GO ON!

Christmas songs, with few religious ones, in every store in town that play over and over and over beginning in August and that we are all heartily sick of by December 1 but still have four weeks of them left. We don't even hear the words anymore, never mind feel the spirit that they were originally written to express.

Oh Holy Hell is what you hear the stressed mother in the toy aisle singing because she's trying to shop with her children and they are kicking and screaming and throwing tantrums because she won't let them pick up every item on the shelf. She's forgotten all about the wonder of the Holy Night. And Silent Night? That won't happen until after the kids are in bed and she can pull the plug on the television that had been running for 12 hours because her husband has been glued to the sports channel.

And my own personal holiday hells?

Waking up every few hours to pain strapped around my shoulders like a yoke.

Dragging myself out of bed for church and wondering why I have to live another day with this kind of pain, without Jerry. Wishing my children would go to church with me but knowing there is no point even asking anymore.

Sitting through worship service at church, clutching a fist of tissue until it is little more than dust so I can keep some of my dignity and composure while actually wanting to crawl under the pew and scream and scream and scream.

Enduring hugs from wonderful, well-meaning friends who tell me to hang on, it gets better.

Finding the sun shining as I come out of the church and as I head toward home, thinking how nice it would be if Jerry and I could take a drive somewhere this afternoon all while realizing it will never happen again.

Watching my son do something the way his father always did it.

Happy Holidays.

Live from My Study, It's Saturday Night

I just got in from my friend's birthday party. I was so nice to see her and spend time with her. We met in college in 1989 and spent the next five years studying together and I've always missed her since we graduated. We've managed a few lunches since 1995 but jobs, families, and other things have prevented us being able to spend time together like we did when were were at school. We had those things then too but school was our escape.

I don't know if anyone could view the snowball fight video I uploaded. Seems some might not have been able to work it. I'm reposting it with Youtube so we'll see how it works.

I'm going for a hot shower. As I suspected, I didn't get to write today. No spare time anywhere but I have pulled off the first chapter of The End of Winter. I think I will start there. We'll see.

Snowball Fight

A good friend of mine posted this for my daughter-in-law's birthday. It is just too funny! Go watch...

Snowball fight

Are We Having FUN Yet!

Of course we are! I'm really excited about starting my challenge tomorrow. I have a blast with NaNo and it seems as if that is the kind of craziness I thrive on writing wise. I've provided helps to keep track and now the rest is up to us.

I've got a couple of NaNo'ers joining me. But you don't have to be a NaNowrimo to participate in this challenge. Just love to write. Remember you set the total goal, divide it up and write the appropriate number of words each day that wiil get you to the big finish.

Cass, I think Nina is going to join Multiply so who knows, she may catch the late train.

I have a birthday party to go to tomorrow night. Shhhh, it is a surprise so I won't breath a word until after the festivities. She isn't on this blog but I don't know if she reads my blogs! So, quiet!

I had a busy day at work and am thoroughly tired. Sitting four hours in a chair watching the overhead and computer screen for training is a literal pain in my neck. I'm going to the shower soon and then, I plan on pulling up my old NaNo and see if it is up for rewrite. I want to work on an existing work so it will be a bit harder to count my words. I"ll have to do a bit more math. I hate math.

By the way, I've fallen apart about every day this week, usually at night around bedtime. Particularly when I turn out the lights and look at the ceiling with the tiny glowing stars we put up. How will I ever take them down to paint now?

I think I'm more or less learning that it is going to happen. I can't prevent it, stop it, or make it any better. I've managed to gather some wonderful people around me that are just tremendous at popping in with a call, email or lunch (feeding the wounded is ingrained in all of us) and they have made life tremendously easier to cope with. I'm grateful for that. The night the writers group is here are so filled with laughter that is is very difficult to be depressed afterward. Of course, I manage somehow 8-(. I seem to love a challenge.

I'm finding nights in general a real problem at the moment . . . yes, I know, again. Look I have no idea what comes next. I don't like this position I'm in. If Jerry were alive, I'd be ranting and raving at him for doing this to me. That's stupid. I wouldn't be in this position if he were. I'd throw something, I'm sure. . . . . not that I ever did that before.

It is just so frightening to be approaching this . . . this deadline. I've considered what I'd be doing on the critical days the 25th, 11th, & 29th. It defies me because I don't want to think about them. So, I don't. . . much. A little.

For now, shower. Later, plotting.....

20 Day Challenge Prep

The challenge was issued and I've agreed to join. So have some of you. I've found a couple of gadgets I've used each NaNo to help me keep up with word counts without having to stop and do the math. One is the attached Excel form. If you don't have MS Excel, you can download the free OpenOffice.org. I've found it as excellent to use as MS Office and it can also create PDF files!

Also, here is a link to Writetopia's page where you can find a word count gadget to put on your page showing what your total word count is and where you are each day. They have several fun one. You just have to paste the code on your page and it shows up. If you have trouble with the coding.... ask me and I'll try and give you a hand.

Writetopia Toolbox

All right. We're doing our stretches. The event starts tomorrow, whatever time you want to start. Set a daily goal, find the total you should be at on the 20th day an get started before midnight tomorrow. Good luck! You can't lose!

Sacrifices and Service

Link

I only ran across this story tonight. Next time you think you have sacrificed anything, or that you've given some great service, remember these men.

I was speechless when I read it. Honored that these were American men willing to risk everything in service to their country. And amazed at their family's ability to sustain such a terrible loss. They couldn't even bury their children but instead, had to settle for memorial stones.

Challenge Issued, Hurdles to Come

I've been issued a challenge by my writing buddy, Snowgoon. He is doing a mini-nano of his own and has thrown out a dare. He says his wife has given him her blessing. I don't know about his four kids, LOL.

His dare is 800 words a day for 20 days beginning Saturday. So far, Sarah and Kathy have accepted but Sarah went for a higher count, around 1071 and I shot back with a challenge of my own. 1000 x 20 days. That is 20,000 words.Piece of cake.

He won't let me back out either. He'll send me thousands of emails calling down all kinds of wrath on me. He'll taunt me unmercifully, call me all manner of coward.

So, beginning Saturday, I'm writing again, dashing down the road to reach a goal, jumping 1000 word hurdles! Any NaNo'er's out there care to join us?

Our group has tentatively titled ourselves the Misfit Writ Crit - al la our Empress Sarah in jest (Sarah of the writing group, not my G'daughter). We all discovered last night than none of us had ever been in a clic or one of the in-crowd. LOL, ergo, MIsfits. Sarah has a gift . . . of gab and words and all kinds of things. All my Multiply friends would love her immensely. I'm betting her title is going to stick.

I spent the afternoon in software training. We're getting better with it but still not really pleased. But you do what you have to do. That is my philosophy about pretty much everything. Now, my back, esp my neck is not good from sitting and craning my neck back and forth to see the overhead and the monitor and talk to my neighbors, show someone how to do something they didn't get, etc.

They did tell us they've moved the roll out back another month to February. Glory be! Glad someone grew a brain. It has been horrendous. You could hear a huge sigh go up around the department.

I'm going to go now. I want to plan some stuff to write for the coming three weeks. I'm really thinking of working on one of the previous NaNo's. That would be really cool. So, I'll go for now. Might be back later.

Weekend alert! It's right THERE!

And Tuesday Arrived Wrapped in Shimmering Gray

Yes, she did. Wet, shimmering gray. Perhaps because she fell in the pool on the way in? At any rate, what a gloomy girl.

I went to bed at 9:30 last night. I just was so tired. I didn't get up until 6:30 this morning. That's 9 hours sleep! I have not been taking the Doxepin because I just needed my head cleared for a bit. It does get me foggy after about a week but it makes me sleep better at night. Although, I still take the muscle relaxant and melatonin. Maybe I just need a regular bedtime.

I'm not good and I can't tell why. I'm very depressed. I recognize the signs. Then, there is that hollow feeling that never really leaves and looms larger some days. I don't know if you can understand this concept but have you ever stood next to an open elevator shaft that had no elevator in it? I have and that is what it feels like. This yawning hole, not really threatening, just disconcerting.

Lately, I've been on the verge of tears all the time. I manage to maintain my composure for the most part. Yesterday, at my desk I just started to cry and had to close my door. I've been hearing things in the house again, as if someone is there. One night I got up and searched the whole place. It wasn't fun. I don't actually tell that to people much. I'm not imaginative in that way. I've always been pretty down to earth. A noise is a noise. I can't say the noises frighten me. I don't frighten easily, thankfully. I just don't like hearing sounds of people walking or moving about. I've not had mice for some time and they are not shy about leaving me signs so it isn't mice. I guess I'm not used to being afraid. And I am, most of the time.

I'm seeing my counselor today. I don't anticipate a very positive session. I'm very depressed. I did take Mike to lunch with me. He's the only one who calls these days or answers his phone when I call. It is always an adventure with Mike. You never know what mood he will be in. Today he was still coughing from the cold he can't seem to shake. But I think his mood was good all the same. I think he's been getting more sleep.

I'll be glad when my aunt comes back from her cruise. She calls everyday and it is nice to hear from her. My writer's group meets tomorrow night and that crew is always entertaining and just a pleasure to see.

Let's face it. I despise this whole thing. I'm not going to "get used to it". I'm not going to "get past it". I'm not going to "adjust". Makes me sound like one of those old televisions with the "rabbit ears" (you know those two pronged antenna that you had to put foil on and have someone adjust them so you could see a picture). I don't know how I am supposed to adjust.

I'm going to go home tonight and maybe go to the Y or I may be taking Mike to the store for some items he needs. We can argue about the merits of what he wants and who's paying. LOL, adventure, remember?

It's Oooooverrrr!

There is an old song (well not too old since I remember Elvis singing it) called "It Over". Monday is, to all intents and purposes over. I hate my job today. I told my boss I considered quitting when I woke up this morning. Of course I can't do that. It isn't an option.
Unless I win the lottery.

I don't believe in the lottery and never bought tickets before. I think my husband bought one once. But my boss plays it religiously. He goes around spending his winning... which he has yet to obtain. As a joke, I' tossed a few dollars at him telling him that it is money down a black hole but if he feels luck then I'm game. He laughed. I've been right so far. But sometimes I wish God had a perverse sense of humor and would let one of those dollars win the big pot. Proving that my lack of faith in anything is incorrect. Neither I nor God are laughing at this point.

No, I do not regularly play the lottery. Never have played before now. Last time I looked stupidity wasn't a sin. Be terrible if it was since there is sooooo much of it. But I'm two dollars broker. And that is probably a bigger sin. I would have been anyway when I spent it on a coke and apple pie that are neither good for me. Do not go out and buy lottery tickets. They are a waste of money. I don't advocate it. But I told him today that when I woke up I wanted to quit my job and if I felt even the least lucky I'd buy a ticket. If I dreamed the numbers tonight I might be very tempted.

I went to the doctor. I have bursitis in my upper arm and am to go to the orthopaedic doctor. They will give me a shot of cortisone to get rid of the pain. You know, I seem to recall months ago hitting my arm up there and thinking, "that's going to hurt tomorrow." I don't remember thinking about it again. But apparently, IT didn't forget. I can't remember what I hit but I hit it rather hard. Now, I can hardly brush my hair, can't lift a coffee mug from the shelf, and can't carry some items in a certain way without terrible pain. My arm just won't comply without biting me. And my shoulder is giving me fits on top of that.

My doctor told me to TAKE caffeine. He said my migraine was a rebound headache. I don't think so.I think I was dehydrated. I had the headache when I got up. I had coffee last night so I wasn't short of it. I've stopped trying to tell him anything on this issue. There all believe caffeine cause headaches and I don't doubt it does in some people. It has never affected me that way and my own evidence tells me it helps me stay migraine free longer. When I told him they get worse in the fall and better after spring, he said, "Oh, that sounds as if you have an allergy!" I told him I had reached that conclusion some time ago but didn't know what to do. So, we are going to get a spray and he will schedule me for allergy shots. Anyone ever had those? Do they work? Forever or just until they end?

My blood sugar is excellent he said.... still. I forgot to get my vitamin D refill. I'm tied. I don't want to go to the store. I'm sick and don't want to go to the Y either.

My blog is dismal, boring, and unenlightening. I hate being this way. Look back at some of the post two years ago. I had a BRAIN at some point. I actually could think for short periods of time. I know there are some lousy posts too but there were some thought provoking ones, interesting one, funny ones. People actually WANTED to read them. Now I feel as if everyone sees the title and wonders what ails me today. "Wonder what she's whining about now?" "How long can she yammer on about that?" "When will she get a clue that we are BORED?"

Don't say you haven't thought it. I have!

I do not like being a curmudgeon. I wonder what happened to the nice southern girl with the lovely manners who never spoke her mind but allowed everyone to speak theirs? What happened to the girl who believed everyone was nice, or good, or salvageable?

Beats me. Not sure she was even real.

You know, sometimes in my mind, I can actually seem myself 30 years ago, walking along with my arm in Jerry's and we're laughing and having a great time. I don't remember a care in the world. They rested on such broad, strong shoulders. I didn't have any reason to be concerned about anything. He always fixed it. Until he got sick. And I resented that he didn't fix things anymore because I didn't know he was sick. And now, I just want someone else to carry the load because it is way too much for me. I'm really just tired. I think sometimes my shoulder hurts because of the load I'm carrying on it.

Monday is over and the bathroom is warm now.

Monday Morning Blahs

I woke to find a dusting of snow on the ground and was so stressed I didn't want to leave the house. I've been depressed all weekend and missing Jerry terribly. I can't do anything about it.

I have a mild migraine headache on top of that. I think I may take something in a bit if it isn't better.

I had to go get that lab work done that I keep forgetting. They had to stick me twice in the back of my hand and said they still did not get enough. I think I was dehydrated. I had not had anything to drink and I was sweating when I woke up. The reason for my headache most likely. My doctor will probably be annoyed. I don't care.

My sister's tenant moved out of her rental unit. She is stressed and as a result so am I. I wish she had never bought the thing. The market is bad and she can't keep anyone in it for more than a year. She asked if Mike would want to move into it but he doesn't want to move in. I did ask him and then she asked him. It is a nice apartment but people don't want to pay their bills. They want everything free.

First Dave and Becca lived in it they didn't pay their utility bills and had to go somewhere that the Landlord would pay them. Then, Becca's mom and dad moved in and they didn't pay their security deposit and complained about rent half the time. They just moved out without any notice and they still owe rent because they have the keys. Do you think they will pay it? I doubt it. Actually, the wife moved out first with a cockamamie story that they were going to live in separate places. I told Phyllis to advertise then because I didn't believe he would stay. She believed he'd stay. He calls on the 1st to say he's moving. But he hasn't paid his rent. I told her to file it in court and report it to the credit bureau. They are both on the lease and it is a record for future landlords. There will be others. There always are.

Sadly, I had suggested Dave and Becca and Becca's folks. I thought these were people who were reliable. And they did take care of the place. But you can't live and not work and pay your bills. I've learned my lessons. Mike wants to stay where he is and that is better for him. Probably for me, too.

You know, I'm done with handouts. I give everything I can and all I get is smacked. No matter how nice, no matter how much money I fork out, no matter how I bend over backward to help, I end up with a knife stuck in me. I've been praying about it and asking God if I should change my character to stop this destructive behavior or sever ties with people who behave this way. There are times when someone needs help. And if I can do that then I want to do it. But when the same people come back again and again and again and never offer to return the favor, you got to wonder where the problem lies. I'm thinking I just need to stop rescue operations and everything that resembles favors. Start saying no.

I was asked today who I wanted to give as an emergency contact. Do you know, there wasn't anyone locally? Isn't that crazy? There isn't anyone capable of handling my affairs if something happens to me and I can't act. That is scary. Oh, I give my sister as primary but things are just crazy here.

I've thought over and over about moving but I can't do it. I have my house, my job, Jerry for all that he is dead, is here. I have a church that I truly love, warts and all. I don't know where I'd go. It is a very strange position to be in where those who love you most are gone. I've never realized how hollow life is without that. It pretty much doesn't mean anything. I can see why some people stop believing in anything and become bitter and hard.

Sorry for the depressing rant. I have lots of new friends and I'm grateful for them. I have my friends here on Multiply, nearly all long time friends. I do have family that love me. It just doesn't seem like it sometimes. I looked at Michael the other night and I thought how very very blessed I am to have Michael. In the early months of this nightmare I've been living, Mike was here. He stayed around when everyone else was gone. He didn't ask me questions, try to cheer me up, ask for anything. He sat here watching television or on the computer... just in case. And when I fell apart, he did his best to keep me together and when he couldn't, he made the calls.

He has no job. He has no money. He has no prospects. He has nothing at all. But Michael loves me completely and without any reservations or expectations. He is difficult to handle at times but Michael has, all his life, made my life brighter. He was the sunshine in nearly every day of his life. And the greatest heartbreaks have been for him. But he was just a good boy and still is. Everyone should have a Michael in their pocket. He was well named.

Loose Ends

I'm about to get ready for bed but from the notes I've been seeing, it seems I've forgotten to mention one or two important things.

My father is taking me on a cruise in April. I had to buy my passport this week. I only found out about it a few weeks ago when he emailed to ask me to go with them. He, my step-mom, and my aunt Joan (dad's sister) will all be going together. But Jilly, I had planed on taking a trip to England. I had been thinking about later in the coming year. It would be wonderful. And I just would love to do it. And now, I'll have my passport all ready! So, fingers crossed.

I've never been on a cruise and this will be a five day cruise to Mexico. I'm very excited about it and do so hope I'm not prone to seasickness. I've been on boats before but not for extended periods of time at sea. I have had problems with vertigo in the recent past so not sure how this will play out.

Nano finished on the 30th as you all know and I check out my word count. As I mentioned early on you must write 1667 words a day to be able to finish NaNo and I was all right at first but got dismally behind. By the 15th of the month I was supposed to be at 25000 but was not even close. By the 20th, I was around 10,000 behind without much hope to catch up. Well, here are the number of word I did each day for 30 days. You will see that there are several days of zeros where I was not able to do any writing. Most days, I never made the required total. But notice the last five days.

2595
1217
727
1089
1373
1473
1617
1048
424
0
1544
1016
1001
1757
1551
1825
993
0
1832
316
1638
3257
645
0
327
2779
0
5378
5795
7262

Those last three days, Saturday - Monday, are unbelievable even to me. And honestly, I do not know, even now, now I managed that. I do remember I was taking frequent breaks because I didn't feel well either. But that's how it broke down. Folks, that is NOT the way to do NaNo. Take my word for it.

So, that catches up some loose ends, I hope. I'll go for now. Have a good week.

I hate Mondays.

Unsunny Sunday

At first, the sun was shinning and now it isn't so I guess there is some cloud cover out there. I know it is cold! A whopping 24 degrees! Buurrrrrr! I get cold easily so it will be bad for me.

I will be leaving in a moment to pick up Mike for church. He's the only one who goes with me these days. I'm glad for that at least. I don't understand anyone not going. My faith says not to forsake the assembly (of those with like faith). And I so wish Sarah could go to Sunday school. She never gets to interact with children from good backgrounds. And she is not learning her heritage either. I can't do anything about it but it hurts a lot.

Sadly, I see the results of such upbringing in my job. Parents who said, "I don't understand what got into them." But there is no training, no teaching of Godly principles, nothing that would ground a child in holiness. There is a story in the Bible that tells of a whole generation that turned away from God and some bad things were happening. I don't have the scripture here but I think I did post it somewhere. I'll look. The Bible says that it was because they had never heard the teachings of their parents. They didn't know because their parents neglected to instruct them. They didn't take them to the sanctuary to be taught. They forgot to relate the miracles, the blessings, the salvation, the Law. The parents simply didn't get out of bed. A whole generation lost. I have seen another.

I've been depressed for the last week, not horribly, but enough. And there is nothing I can do about that either.

So, I'm out of here to get Mike. I'll be back later or tomorrow or sometime.

The Smoking Pen 2009

Once again, I spent a lot of time in the forums during NaNo. For any of my friends and co-writers of the Pen who visit here is this year's edition. Last year's is also on one of the blogs around this same time of year in 2008.

What a blast it was to visit the Smoking Pen Bar and Grill 2009

Dancing Shoes

I slipped my feet into them when I rolled out of bed! It is FRIDAY! Hellooooooo! FRIDAY! In 8 hours I will be done with another week. Thank goodness.

I think I'm getting a cold. My boss was saying yesterday, "You're sick!" I told him I was NOT sick and if he didn't want me missing any work he better not put that on me. But I do think I have a mild cold. I hope it stays mild.

Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome, and dash over to her page for a wave, Nancy January. She just came over to Multiply. Nancy is a new friend that I met in the Smoking Pen Bar and Grill over in the NaNo forums. She is a smart and talented lady as you will see if you read her posts. That's the only kind I have on my blog, by the way.

I went through my contacts this morning and last night. I do not like dropping people but I cleared out people who seem to have disappeared. If I haven't heard from them in a year, I probably won't keep them unless I know something is going on that has kept them away. {sigh} As a result, I find that my contact list doesn't grow past 40. However, that's a manageable number. I can read all the fun and still have time to take care of mine. And they are people who are serious about blogging, and keeping friends they make in the process.

I like that Panorama feature Multiply has come up with because I can read the blogs much faster and comment on the inbox page. The there is one major drawback. I can't see what the pages look like or when you make changes to your pages and that is part of the fun. . . to me. And I spend a lot of time on mine so I would hope people visit it too! I still visit just everyone's just to see how your pages look. {smile} And I announce when I have been making changes to mine. Mine is real purty right now... LOL!

Well, work is calling and despite the 24 degree temp, I have to drag myself out into it. The drive is only about 20 minutes counting stopping for juice and a breakfast burrito. I will be back tonight I'm sure.

Post NaNo TGIO Party

Well, it was sort of a party. There were five of us there. LOL, told you it would be different. Kat was sick, two others had things come up, one had too far to drive, one we have no idea what happened to her. And it was a week night. That makes it a bit harder. And COLD!

Still, the five of us just sat around and laughed and talked and got to know a bit about each other. The two youngest were Alex and Cassie - 18 or 19 and both college students, Snowgoon (Doug) and Tricksie (Sarah our ML) and I were the older ones in the group. NanNo'ers come in all ages. It was nice and I think we all had a good time just talking, telling amusing things about ourselves. Although, Doug was rather quiet on that point, now that I think about it. Now, I'm just tired and glad it is all over. . . until next year.

Writer's meeting is next week. I really enjoy those meetings. I think we all do. I don't know if they do as much as I do. LOL. These are just very special people and they all make me laugh and forget how lonely life is now. I mentioned to Sarah (Tricksie) tonight before everyone arrived that Kathy had said she thought our writer's group had been brought together by divine intervention. Sarah said that she also felt it was really strange the way we all sort of found each other and that we all really liked each other and seemed to be meeting a need in each other's life.

What is odd is that I haven't really come out and told any of them that I was actually praying for God to please send just such people into my life. You may laugh here but I actually was praying this. I was really losing the battle to hold it together when these four people showed up. . . on my doorstep, so to speak. And they ALL showed up at the same time! Even Doug, whom I'd not even talked to for a year except in an occasional "hi-how-are-you" email.

But this little band of strangers have become very special people to me. Each one is unique and yet the group seems to mesh. Sarah, with her bubbly, laughing personality, inquisitive mind and compassionate heart. Kathy, soft-spoken, open, friendly and so caring. Doug, "our guy", possessed with a great sense of humor that keeps us laughing at every event and in his emails and chats. At first he was quiet but once he gained his confidence in his ability to write, he has opened up and become someone with important things to say. He even settles us down now and then. And finally, Katie, filled with exuberance, excitement about everything, her emails are filled with lots of exclamations points, just like her personality. They've saved my life, my sanity. I don't now if any of them will read this. I'm not arrogant enough to think my blog is everyone's reading of choice, but if they do, I can't thank them enough for extending their friendship and sharing a part of their lives with me.

Now, I am going to bed. I've had a rather frantic week and I'm not done yet. I sort of got my feelings hurt at work, not intentionally but the usual kind of thing people say to people like me without thinking. It just overwhelmed me on my way home and I sort of fell apart when I got home. I kept trying to blow it off, even posted that earlier blog, and kept pointing out to myself that I should just ignore it but still I was hurt but the crassness of it. I finally just decided to go the Panera and leave it for a bit. Of course Sarah met me with that hug of hers and I almost lost it again. LOL, that helped. But um.... I can't actually think about it now either!

Good night all.

Dasher

Home from work by 5:15! Showered, washed hair, leaving it down, dressed, and ready to go to TGIO party by 6:00 p.m.. Starts at 7:00 p.m. I'm not one to linger over my face and other things. If I can't be dressed in 30 minutes, I don't really want to bother. Hair is the only real issue I have and most of the time I have that down to less than half an hour. Sometimes it takes a while. I get up at 7 a.m. and am at my desk by 8 a.m. if that tells you how serious it is for me. There are those who think I overdress. LOL.

This is not a party in the usual sense, folks. So, don't expect much. I expect to be home by 9.

I'm tired from work and it doesn't feel as if the week is half over. But it is and I'm so glad. It is still raining and colder. My Google gadget says 43 degrees F. So, I can't decide what jacket to wear and should I carry a sweater? Will the restaurant be cool or cold or warm or hot?

Well, off now to take care of the pearly whites. Back later with details.

Post NaNO Slow Down?

I haven't noticed it. I got off last night, came home, changed and went to the Y. Worked with my friend Carolyn about an hour. I think that's all I'm good for. I don't know about her but we left at the same time. LOL.

Tonight it is TGIO party at Panera. I'm kind of glad about that. I like all my writerly friends and it will be nice to listen to all the garbage that we all talk.

Thursday should be quieter....

Friday, I'm thinking that if Becca and Sarah and Dave want to come over and watch movies, we could do that. We didn't get to last week. Too much stuff. But this week looks better.

Saturday, I want to clean up, put my tree up, and go shopping for Christmas presents. Oh, I wish I had unlimited funds. I'd love to buy some nice things for a couple of people. But I have to be a careful.

Still have to get the passport. THIS WEEK!

MIke missed his doctor appt yesterday. He has a dental appt today. Will he keep it? Sheesh.... who knows.

I have to go to work now. Byeeeeeee!

{turns of computer, brushes teeth, grabs handbag, and coat. Slamming of the door can be heard in the distance.}

Holiday Cheer

I've changed things a bit as you can see. Weather outside is frightful....

I'm annoyed by a problem. My navigation bar looks just fine in Firefox... the whole page does. But in IE7 the nav bar is right in the middle of my picture. Anyone else see that? Please let me know. Means I have to work on coding to figure it out. They keep making changes that mess up the CSS or they change the CSS and you have to start over. That is VERY time consuming.

More later, after my TGIO party tomorrow.