Showing posts with label advice. Show all posts
Showing posts with label advice. Show all posts

Thursday, May 15, 2014

Take My Advice... or Not

Somewhere it was suggested good blog topic would be "Life's Biggest Mistakes". I'm not so sure. I mean, it isn't like talking about them will make them disappear or change me in some way. I can't reverse the procedure. And I discovered a long time ago that giving advice to people is generally a waste of time. They don't listen to you and in all likelihood, they have probably, somewhere on the internet, posted a blog about their own mistakes. 

I decided to "offer advice" instead. Now, when I tell you you should do this, I tell you from personal experience. I either wish I had done or I have done each of these. But you're not going to take my advice anyway. You can leave when you don't want to hear it anymore. 

1.  Don't get married before you're old enough to vote. Yes, I did but don't do as I do, do as I say. I was young but I'd had a fairly rough life by age 17 and was a lot more mature than the average 17 year old. I know everyone says that but in this case it's true. I lucked out and married a guy who treated me like a queen.  You might not be so lucky. So, just don't do it. You have plenty of time. There are a lot of things you need to do before you settle on one person. If it is the right person, you'll be married longer than you're single, so make those single years count and take your time.

2.  Exercise religiously. Start as young as possible. And don't stop because you go to college, you have kids, or you go to work. They're the reasons you need to keep doing it. I exercised all my life... until I started college at 31. I had two children and a husband and a full class load for five years and by the time I was done, I had a BA in history and 30 extra pounds. Don't stop. 

3.  Eat healthy now. You'll pay for it later. In spades. You can dig a grave with those spades. Remember the Ace of Spades is called the death card? Now you know why.

4.  Don't ever buy a new car. Really. It cost $30K and you drive it off the lot and it is now worth $25K. Buy a good used one and save the depreciation. Even major repairs are cheaper than a new car. Drive careful and insure it well. 

5.  In fact, don't ever buy new if used works just as well. Use appliances, furniture, clothes, toys, books. Anything. Save your money and waste nothing. You can travel on it later. Cause you're going to be in good shape from all that exercise and healthy eating, right?

6. Open a savings account and a Roth IRA NOW. Just do it. It is very important. You'll thank me in 20 years. Or at least write a memorial to me.

7.  Travel whenever you get an opportunity. Use the money you saved on the car and from buying second hand. Or just take cheap day trips somewhere you can drive in a few hours. See new things, sit down and relax. You may never get another chance to see something new.

8.  Buy a good tent and camping gear. Forget the campers. Tents are cheaper and if you're going to take the housework, you might as well stay home. Buy a good sleeping mat for the tent, preferably a firm, 4 inch pad. Your back will thank you. And when the world becomes a mad house, go to the forest for a week. Your spirit will thank you. And if the power goes out, there's an earthquake, or some other disaster you'll be equipped. You'll thank me then, too.

9.  Learn to cook over an open fire. The food will be the best you ever ate. When you're done, sit beside the embers and stare into them. You stomach will be full and your soul will be warmed. And in the event of that natural disaster, you'll be equipped.

10. Learn to garden and grow your own food. It taste better and is healthier for you. You will need to know this at some point in your life. 

11.  Learn to sew buttons on, put in a hem, and repair a seam. Yes, even if you're a man. You'll always be able to mend your clothes instead of paying exorbitant fees to have it done. Besides, those skills can also be used to sew up open wounds in a disaster. Well, you've been wanting a zombie apocalypse. You might as well be prepared.

12. Keep a fully stocked emergency kit. No, not for a disaster, for the kids.  But it is good you're thinking ahead. And the zombies,too, if you really believe that stuff.

13.  Take photos, real ones, of people you love, smiling, laughing faces. Frame them and surround yourself with them. When the power goes out and those digital things don't work or life goes dark, you can take them down and hold them close. 

14.  Always tell the truth, even when it hurts. Lies hurt worse. Lay hold of the truth and hang on for dear life. 

15.  Never blame someone else for your mistakes. Sometime, somewhere, someone will blame you for theirs. You' won't like it. 

16.  Never abuse those you love. You may wake up tomorrow and they are not there... or you may not wake up. Either way, someone has to live with the memories. Make good ones. If you can't do that, leave.  Better yet, don't get married or partner up and inflict you're stupidity anyone else. And if you're with someone like that, get out now. You can't fix them and it will only get worse.

17.  Never argue with your spouse or partner in front of your children. If that's too hard, don't have children.

18.  Never let the sun go down on your wrath. Always, before you go to sleep, every night, make sure you clear any animosity, resentment, and anger from your heart and mind. They rot overnight. Eventually, everyone will smell you. You'll smell yourself when everyone is gone.

19.  Always be willing to apologize, even if you're not wrong. You're not apologizing for being wrong. You're apologizing for participating in a conflict where someone got hurt. Pride is useless when you are wrong and pointless if you're right.

20. Always accept defeat with grace and dignity. People will remember you far longer than they will the winner.

21.  Attend church regularly. Pray regularly. Pay tithes and give offerings. Count your blessings. You can't out give God. And if you don't forget Him, He sure won't forget you. 

22. You get out of life as much as you put in. Put all you have into it. If you do it right, a six foot hole won't be able to contain it. 

There's probably more but this will do. Maybe I'll do another one someday. Or maybe you will.


Friday, February 24, 2012

It's All About Priorities

Lots of things to think about today. I am home from work spending money. Yes. I had a gas leak this past weekend. It was in the line that goes from my meter to my den where I have a small gas heater. There is no central heat in that room and it gets bitter cold. The heater hasn't worked for some time, since at least since Jerry died. I've had it repaired several times. I had planned to get a new heater this year but that'll have to wait now. They shut the gas off to that line.

I also have to have the gas company replace the gas meter. They found when they came out that it isn't registering my usage. Now, I'm actually fine with that but they apparently want to keep track of this sort of thing. So I have to have them change it.

The problem is they would not disconnect the leaking line because they didn't install it. It isn't up to code. Of course, it was there when I bought my house. To remove said line requires that you turn off the gas, use a wrench to disconnect the line. That's it. Nothing more. But no, I had to hire a licensed plumber to do this.

As you know, plumbers aren't cheap. To at least save a double service call (removing the line and after the new meter was installed, coming back to install a new gas line to the den) I decided to have them do that all at once. Vectren can worry about how to get the meter out after the new line is done.

However, this very simple job is going to cost between $300 & $500. Yes. That's right. To just disconnect the line and install a new pipeline from beneath the house to the den, about 20 feet of pipe and fitting and two men cost that much. They do have to go under the house to do it.

So, in light of that little expense, there is now no money to actually buy a heater to use the new line. I still won't have heat in the den.

On top of that my microwave went out. It is costing $25 to have it checked to see if it can be repaired. Someone told me to just go buy a new microwave. I have a very nice microwave I bought probably 5 or 6 years ago. It cost around $200. It does all kinds of stuff. I like it. To buy a new one with similar features will probably cost only slightly less but if I can get it fixed for less why not? Problem is if it can't be fixed there is the question as to whether I can afford to buy a new one on top of the pipe expense. They just called and said it would cost $100 to repair it. Do I buy a new one or fix the old one? Choices.... it is a nice microwave. Could last another 5 years. I like it.

If you factor in that this past fall I had to replace the central unit to the tune of $3000... and that was the least expensive unit they have for my size home. The one I wanted was double that. Well, you can see my expenses have exploded. I didn't have the money to pay for it, I had to charge it and I truly hate using a credit card. But heat in the house was a priority.

I can live with out a heater in the den another year I suppose. I just can't use that room in the hardest part of the winter. Winter is nearly over I think. I can probably survive without a microwave for a while. It isn't a huge catastrophe. It means I have to cook on the stove, in the oven, use more energy, and take more time. I will have to defrost the old fashioned way. I have to heat a drink on the stove in a pot. So, it simply means more work for me. Since I have virtually no life... it shouldn't be a problem.

I had plans to take a small vacation in a few months to somewhere quiet, warm, sandy and sunny. Nothing expensive, just a break from the stress. I want to go to England but that requires a bit more planning and a lot more money. Gas prices just shot up over $4 here and that means travel will be extremely circumscribed for Americans. The economy is already in the tank. . . um. . . no pun intended, just truth. So, in light of heaters, gas lines, microwaves and gas prices my finances are in a not so good place.

I suppose it is ultimately all about priorities - what comes first. In my job I see people who feel they must have the best of everything . . . as long as someone else pays. It doesn't work that way for those of us who live in the real world. We have to pay our own way. And sometimes we have to settle for less than we think we're worth.

When Jerry died, I turned off the cable and started keeping lights off all over the house. Those are things I can live without. Once in awhile I think about getting cable turned back on. The cable company says they can give me a great deal in a bundle. It still cost more. But why? I can read, write, and crochet. My solution was to buy myself a Kindle for Christmas. I have over 80 FREE books on that thing! I'm loving it. I have the library and second hand stores and friends who give me books. Why would I pay for cable? I'm actually working on my novel at last, with some success.

I have learned that some things just don't matter in the grand scheme of things. Saving money is what Jerry and I struggled to do for 35 years. We had finally got a handle on it when he died. The hardest lessons are often mastered too late. I use what I've learned to keep me afloat.

What I've learned is no one needs as much as they think they do. You really don't need an iPhone, computer, internet, cable t.v., expensive cars, and expensive phone service to be live. The really don't matter. And you can get by with no phone, no microwave, no television, and no video games. Really. If you can afford them, fine. Although, if you buy such toys but can't pay your necessary bills, provide for a medical emergency, or some other emergency, don't complain about your money problems to me. I'm having to pay my own way and I don't have all those toys.

When my car was wrecked last year I was upset. But reality is a car is such a necessity. I bought a used one. A good used one but still used. Priorities. If it happened again, I'd probably get an even cheaper one.

Today, I'm reconsidering turning off my land line. I have a pay as you go cell phone. For less than the cost of that land line I could probably upgrade the phone service and get unlimited minutes every month for $45. Straight Talk offers great deals and I see no reason on anything else. I'm still using the now extinct phone they offered, their cheapest one! I could give up the cell and keep the landline but my family would have a cow. I am alone, you see, and if something happens when I'm away from a phone that is my lifeline to them. So, I'll keep the cell. But the land line is probably on it's way out.

I'm going back to sewing if it warms enough to get in the den. I can make clothes you see. I have tons of fabric I need to use. There are lot of ways I can cut spending. Priorities.

Life requires a lot less to survive that we think.  So, I'll get the gas line fixed and the rest of it will have to get in line.

I was talking to a friend last night about buying things. I was a used furniture junkie. I loved buying used furniture and refinishing it until about 10 years ago. I can't do the heavy work now. Why buy a new piece if you can find a quality used piece for less and with some stripper, stain or paint, and polyurethane make it brand new? I did it a lot. Beds, chairs, tables. And they were generally better quality because they weren't pressed or chipboard. However, there were certain things I didn't scrimp on. My dinning table was one. I bought a brand new, unfinished, solid oak table in early 1989. I put the finish on it myself. I still have it, rather my daughter-in-law does. My youngest, her husband, was 4. That table will be around when my granddaughter is a grown woman if it is cared for the way I have cared for it. It cost me $700 new. If you bought it today, it would cost more and if you bought mine, you'd pay every bit of that. Because the value is no longer just in the wood. The ladder back chairs everyone complains about... they don't wobble. You can sit on them, stand on them, and tilt them back against the wall (which I hate) and they have never given an inch. I have that has a broken ladder... one of the boys caused that. They stand as study as they were when I bought them... for $35 each. I thought it was a lot then.

I was fortunate enough to get the house refinanced and lowered my house payment by half. I though this would give me the extra cash I need to pay off that central unit and in the long term, my car. Retirement is only about 6 years away. If God blesses me with long life I might get to enjoy some of it. I saw the refinance as a safeguard against a lost job. If I don't lose my job the money could be used to insure I didn't have huge debt at retirement. That's not working out so well, as you can see.

Ultimately, I'm not an extravagant person. I don't care if anyone is impressed by my home, my car, my clothes, or my intelligence. It doesn't concern me. It is about all about priorities for me. I wish someone had told me all this stuff when I was 25. Still, it is never too late if you're still above ground. My advice: Scrimp on the unimportant stuff. Spend on the things you want to last. It makes a difference in the long run.