Bad Apples

 The day is gloomy, and we've had a little rain. Yesterday I had the abscessed tooth pulled. I thought he was going to pull my head off! He had to split it into three pieces and pull each one out. Then he had to stitch me up with three stitches. None of it hurt because they had me numbed. However, as he's pulling, I had to hold my head and shoulders down with some effort. 

Mike drove me home and as soon as I got in the house, I sat down. He left, and I passed out in the chair. I was so exhausted. I went to bed early last night and got up around 8:30 this morning. Still not having a lot of pain but I'm still so tired. And my neck and shoulders feel tired. 

I can only say, I'm glad that is over. I never want another abscess tooth. And I never want another extraction. Unfortunately, I have at least one that has to be pulled on the opposite side. Teeth are probably another casualty of Covid. We couldn't get dental treatments for nearly two years. One year of lock down and the second year of trying to get an appointment. 

In other news, I guess things are fine. The things going on in the world have disturbed me and made me wonder how we got to the place where we've placed evil, corrupt people in charge of the country. It isn't like we have a King or a dictator ... well, except for the Democrats, who appear to think they should be the only people in charge. I know no one is perfect, but let's just say some are far less perfect that others. There isn't enough money to pay me to vote for a single Democrat. Until the Trump election, I'd always voted for the person, never for the party. I wasn't even registered with either party until Bush. After the last election, I'll never vote for any candidate on the democratic ticket, no matter how much I think they're a good choice. And I'm not real happy with the Republicans either. 

I never thought I'd say this, but I agree with Roseanne Barr. I do not believe we'll ever see another election. I believe they'll prevent it at any cost. The downfall of America has happened in the last 4 years. We knew it was coming, but it is painful to see. We're rotten to the core. 

Yeah, that's where I've been living since they burned Lahaina down. That gave me several sleepless nights. And the forest fires that they've been starting. Just read somewhere that Gates is going to cut down seventy million trees in the US. Why would a climate change guru do that? Because he can. 

Oh poop. This blog is about my life, not the rest of the world, and certainly not the baffling people running the show. And if you don't think Gates is running anything, do some research. I did. 

They should release the Epstein List to the public. We have a right to know who the sickos are. We should make sure none of them are in office anywhere on the planet.

OK, rotten to the core. Rotten apples spoil the whole barrel and this barrel is rank. 

Today's rant is over. I'm so tired!

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Line Dried Sheets

Have your children ever experienced sleeping on cotton sheets that were dried in the sun? If they haven't, you've deprived them of one of the most exquisite sensations in life and a marvelous memory to carry with them. 

The feeling of slipping between cool cotton sheets and putting your head on a cotton pillow case is something no one can describe adequately to you. You must experience it. 

There is also a special scent to them that only comes from line drying. I pity those who have severe allergies and cannot experience this. Being tucked between those crisp sheets and surrounded by the sweet scent of the outdoors at bedtime is one of the most wonderful memories from my childhood. I have carried those memories with me and now, my granddaughter has learned to appreciate crispy, sun-dried cotton sheets. 

Today, my white cotton sheets are out on the line, drying in a boiling sun. Those in the photo are not mine. All my favorite sheets are white, though I have a couple of pastel colors. I also still have a few printed sets. I stopped buying those when I realized only one item in any set, usually the bottom sheet, will get too worn to use and I had either throw them all away or create mismatch sets. And that sets my teeth on edge. 

I have several microfiber sets I bought when the old sets wore out and I couldn't find affordable cotton sets. Just try to find a set of cotton sheets, or try to find a single fitted sheet. I've walked Walmart, Target, and cruised Amazon many times and couldn't get cotton. That changed recently when I found Thread Spread on Amazon. I was overjoyed to find a single fitted sheet, 400 thread count, for less than $20. That's astounding. 

Why am I telling you this? I don't know. Maybe because when I was hanging up those sheets, I realized how much it felt as if I was back to a different time and place. I've hung so many sheets on so many lines. I was in my 30s before I had a dryer. We lived in the south, where it is hot and clothes lines are standard with nearly every home. If I recall, we even had clothes lines in some apartments we lived in. And in Germany, we had a line on our balcony that the owner had installed. In the winter, Jerry's underwear froze, but it eventually dried. 

Anyway, I enjoyed the sensation of hanging up those sheets and pillowcases. I was so caught up in the act that I didn't really notice how hot it was until I came inside. When I sat down, I had this flood of memories of Mama hanging up clothes in the backyard while singing hymns. Or yelling at us to stop fighting. Or calling Daddy to come take care of something. I remembered Michael in a walker darting around me while I hung clothes, and Jerry took photos of it all. I still have that photo. Warm days, gentle drying breezes, and cool, crisp sheets at the end of the day to dream sweet dreams. 

Here's a challenge. Hang out your sheets and when you tuck your child or your grandchild into bed on them, tell them about your memories of line dried sheets and your Mama as she hung them out. I hope they're cotton sheets. If not, buy a set to use for just this purpose. The memories are worth it. 

Fighting Dragons

It would be so nice if you could reach out and capture a day and hold it in place for a little longer, if you could take a net and gather up moments to store them for darker days. You can't but how nice if you could. 

Sarah has been home since the first of June. She leaves Saturday going back to Ohio where she lives with her dad. I know grandmothers are supposed to be used to the grandchildren living elsewhere, but Sarah spent her first 9 years in my home, sometimes with her parents, but much of it without them. So, to say there is an immense hole in my home and heart when she isn't here is an understatement. This month has given me back laughter and joy. 

I loved being a mom. I had so much fun with my boys and I missed it when they left. It has been the same with Sarah when she came into our lives. 

I'm always fascinated by kids. They're amazing creatures and watching their development, their mental growth is just awesome. Who and what they'll be is a mystery that is solved over time. If we're blessed, we'll see the solution. 

I am always stunned when I see myself in Sarah. We share a love of deep conversation. She's a skilled listener in those moments. I can't tell you when I've discussed issues of faith and prayer and the Bible so much with one person. She is open to discussion, and she asks questions. That's half the battle with teens. But she has far more understanding than I expect. Several years ago, I commented on this to her and she said; I listen when I am in church. It showed. Her attentiveness hasn't waned as I expected and this time with her has refreshed my spirit. It has reminded me of the late-night conversations with Mama and how we would sometimes talk for hours when everyone in the house was sound asleep. It is what I miss most about Mama. But Sarah has the gift.

We also share a similar sense of humor. She's always joking or saying things that have a humorous twist. I'm reminded of a text I read once that said humor is a sigh of intelligence. I'm not talking about playing pranks or making fun of people, that's shifts into psychopathy. Genuine humor isn't about that. She's mastered the art of understatement and I've often been nearly hysterical at things she says.

The month has done more than give me some happiness. I've regained a fragile hope. You worry, you know. When they go through dark times, you worry they won't come out of it. Many children don't. She's lived through a lot of dark times in 16 years. She's done some really stupid things. Children do that. It is how they grow. Life is a series of tests. But what I've seen in the last month, tells me the Sarah I know is still in there. The humor, kindness, compassion, and love I've always seen in her is intact. But she's fighting dragons. And fighting dragons is exhausting. However, seeing the craving for understanding the Bible, her  desire to grow her faith, and her desire to learn more are positive signs that she will not let the dragons eat her. Not without a fight.

Dragons are real. They come in all shapes, sizes, and guises. Facing them takes tremendous determination, strength, and courage. I know this from experience. Thank goodness I had a Sword and Shield and Mama. 

As our time ends, I see a strength in Sarah that I feared she did not have. She's fighting dragons between moments of despair. But she's fighting.

Jerry and I tried to provide our sons with the same weapons. I may have failed them, but I hope not. Still, I made a greater effort to arm Sarah with weapons that could slay dragons. I've spent more time sharing my battles with dragons. We're so afraid of letting our children know about the dragons we face and the battles we lost. That's a mistake. If you want to encourage your children to fail, don't let them see your dragons. And hide your scars. Pretend there are no dragons. Tell them they're the problem, not dragons. Send them out with no warning, no defense, and no faith in them. 

Dragons will eat them.

Songs in My Heart

 I'm not feeling well today. I hurt all over, that wonderful steamroller sensation one gets when you lie down in the road in front of one. I lay down earlier before getting a showerand examined all my pains. They are as follows:

The bottom of my feet, ankles, knees, hips, the palms of my hands, elbows, my left upper arm and shoulder (PT yesterday was extremely rough). The swollen lymph node beneath my left arm hurts and my neck skin hurts. I also have a mild headache.

My sister, Roselynn, asked if I had a fever because my face is very red. I don't run fevers but I am hot after my shower. 

While we sat and chatted, I had a memory. I do not know why, but I remembered a song my Mama used to sing. I can still hear the tune but could find no trace of it online. There are other versions, but they're not at all the same.

A Psalm of Life

BY HENRY WADSWORTH LONGFELLOW

What The Heart Of The Young Man Said To The Psalmist.

Tell me not, in mournful numbers,

   Life is but an empty dream!

For the soul is dead that slumbers,

   And things are not what they seem.

Life is real! Life is earnest!

   And the grave is not its goal;

Dust thou art, to dust returnest,

   Was not spoken of the soul.

Not enjoyment, and not sorrow,

   Is our destined end or way;

But to act, that each to-morrow

   Find us farther than to-day.

Art is long, and Time is fleeting,

   And our hearts, though stout and brave,

Still, like muffled drums, are beating

   Funeral marches to the grave.

In the world’s broad field of battle,

   In the bivouac of Life,

Be not like dumb, driven cattle!

   Be a hero in the strife!

Trust no Future, howe’er pleasant!

   Let the dead Past bury its dead!

Act,— act in the living Present!

   Heart within, and God o’erhead!

Lives of great men all remind us

   We can make our lives sublime,

And, departing, leave behind us

   Footprints on the sands of time;

Footprints, that perhaps another,

   Sailing o’er life’s solemn main,

A forlorn and shipwrecked brother,

   Seeing, shall take heart again.

Let us, then, be up and doing,

   With a heart for any fate;

Still achieving, still pursuing,

   Learn to labor and to wait.

Imagine my surprise as a teenager when I picked up a book of Longfellow's poems and found that poem in it! He became my favorite American poet, and I found many poems in the book I loved. I read a lot of classic poems as a teenager and it continued as an adult.

Mama also knew the following poem. See, in the period she grew up, education meant learning a variety of things and the educated person knew poems and pieces of classic literature, even little country girls. The following poem is one I always loved, and I too memorized it. However, today, when trying to recite it, I found I'd forgotten most of it. Mama never forgot a word of either of them. 

The Arrow and the Song

BY HENRY WADSWORTH LONGFELLOW

I shot an arrow into the air,

It fell to earth, I knew not where;

For, so swiftly it flew, the sight

Could not follow it in its flight.

I breathed a song into the air,

It fell to earth, I knew not where;

For who has sight so keen and strong,

That it can follow the flight of song?

Long, long afterward, in an oak

I found the arrow, still unbroke;

And the song, from beginning to end,

I found again in the heart of a friend.

I don't think poems today have such sentiments. People don't think of life as anything but a party until the music stops. And they don't go looking for songs in the hearts of friends.  

April Happenings

 

Y'all! What a year and I'm only 4 months into it. 

As many of you will know if you're on my Facebook page, I had to have my left shoulder repaired. An old rotator cuff injury had become objectionable. This took place on April 4th. As of today, four weeks later, I'm doing pretty well. 

My youngest sister came up from Florida to take care of me and that has been a lot of fun, making a difficult situation far less stressful. We've laughed a lot and I've eaten far more good food than I should. I will be sorry to see her leave in a few weeks.

The only complaint I've had was with the sling. It caused enormous pain in my neck and shoulders and after a week and a half, I had to remove it. My doctor was not happy, but I told him, "The arm doesn't hurt but the neck is unbearable." The PT doctor wasn't happy, and I told him, "I'm already hauling 50lbs around on my chest and the sling too much."

I took painkillers to stop the pain in my neck and back for four days. I couldn't sleep on my pillows without pain. The muscles on either side of my spine were in knots.

As of today, I'm doing a lot better. I still have to be careful lifting things and still have weeks of PT, but I think I'll get through that with little trouble. 

My sister plans to return home around the 10th. After that, I'll have to go back to eating sandwiches. (The meals have been amazing.)