Another Annoying Week of No Car

 Here we are, mid-February. Tomorrow is Valentine's Day. I never have gotten anything for Valentine's Day since I was a child and my Daddy would bring in chocolate candy in little heart-shaped boxes for us. I always thought it so sweet. 

My husband did nothing like that. Not in 35 years of marriage. I think I got a card a few times. I shouldn't be surprised since I was the one who remembered all the birthdays, holidays, and anniversaries and sent the assorted cards and, if necessary, gifts. Still, it is one area I still find very hurtful. He never remembered it. 

My sons have bought me flowers a few times when they had money, and that was always nice. Happened maybe twice each in their lives. I only get birthday cards from my aunt and my sister. When they were small, my sister took them shopping for gifts for me on special occasions. Again, that was nice. I have a couple of nieces who have done some special things for me a few times. 

Ever wondered how it feels to be unimportant? Imagine never getting a card or gift from someone you love on special occasions. Imagine buying your own Christmas gift and wrapping it and putting it under the tree. Yep. Sure did. He wasn't very thoughtful in that way. I tried not to think about it. But he wasn't happy when I started unwrapping those gifts at Christmas and raving over my own purchases. He did get Christmas gifts, if he remembered, last minute, Christmas eve bathrobes because what I wanted was already gone and he didn't want to spend the money. I still own two of them. I bought him nice gifts for Father's Day, his birthday, and Christmas. That is something I can say. 

I've never told people that, but I'm kind of in a bad place these days. I'm tired of all the drama of my family. I'm tired of being treated like an idiot because I disagree with their opinions and ideas. I'm tired of being important when someone else needs something and forgotten the rest of the time. It has taken me a while to remember I lived 20 years with no children. It was less painful, and I was pretty happy. I love my kids and they've been a joy growing up. You don't realize the price will often be painful. 

In other news, I still have NO CAR! The title I mailed to the address the claims office gave me never got there and has not been returned. So no payment. I spent $40 to get a new title overnighted to me. I have to spend another $20 to ship the new title to the agent. It will NOT go through the USPS. It will go FedEx. What I've spent on the title alone I could have driven to Indianapolis, an 8hr round trip from my home. How hard is it for an envelope with a TWO TRACKING NUMBERS to be lost?

Lately, I've experienced a tremendous amount of joint pain and cramps. No idea why. I was off my meds for roughly 6 weeks while the insurance worked out my records. That triggered much of it. However, the cramps in my arms, legs, back, sides, etc are inexplicable. I should get back to the gym, but at the moment, I don't know if it would cause more harm than good. The muscle cramps are not good at all. 

My D levels were too high and they've taken me off all vitamins for now. Not sure what happened with that. It's happened twice over the years and I can't figure out why it happens. I suspect that it is another deficiency that is causing the issue. A med I take prevents absorption of D, but for it to jump up randomly is just not logical.

Anyway, we wait and see and recheck in a few months. I hope it remains at a normal level. If I don't have to take extra, that would be outstanding. 

Have a good week. Be kind. Call your mother. Or your dad. Or your aunts and uncles. Say nice things and mean it. 

I'm going to bed now. 

Shocking Findings

Well. The old year is gone and we have a brand, spanking new year. With brand, spanking new problems. Isn't that nice?

My car was totaled December 17. Not sure y'all knew that but if you're on Facebook, you might have read it. It is now January 26 and I still have no car and no payout from the insurance of the person who hit me. I'm so annoyed. A whole list if issues resulted from that. The claims adjuster went on Christmas vacation and left me hanging. 

Word of caution here: Auto Owners is the worst insurance agency I've ever had to deal with in an accident. I've had three accidents where the other driver totaled my car but this is the first time I've ever had nearly two months to settle. And they're not very helpful. People didn't answer the phone, didn't respond to my voice mails. Yes, I'm aware it was a holiday but has anyone ever seen an insurance agency who didn't have claims adjusters working at all hours of the day and night? Of course, it could have just been the agency I was dealing with but they've convinced me never to buy insurance with them.

I had my second round of Covid the week after Christmas. Rebecca, my ex daughter-in-law got sick first. I really think she'd have died if I hadn't got to her when I did. She could not breath. I brought her and Madilyn, who is only 6, home with me but Rebecca got so bad I had to take her to the hospital. They gave her monoclonal antibodies and that really helped get her back on her feet in a couple of days. I was not very sick at all and needed only cold medicine and acetaminophen. We both got back to business in two weeks. Madi seems to have missed the bullet.

Yesterday I had a nerve conduction test done, my third in four years. This time they sent me because I keep waking up and my hands are numb. Really numb. I can't feel them or use them. If you've never had a nerve conduction test, think Taser, on repeat. 

They take an electrode and send a shock through various muscles in the area you're having a problem with. Then, they start over with needles and jab, no really jab, those into the muscle and send the shock through the muscle while telling you to push against something, tightening the muscle so they get a reading of how well it is sending the signal. This is very uncomfortable and increases the feeling of electrocution. Yesterday, I had about 10 shocks on each arm: 5 electrode shocks and 5 needled. He hit a small vein in my hand and I bleed a bit. Took a bit for him to get it stopped. However, I say again, this is not a painful procedure. Well, not much.

The nice neurologist gave me the results immediately. In my right hand I have carpel tunnel. In my left hand, I have a pinched nerve in my elbow. He wanted to know why they operated on my neck when it was my hand that was the problem. I explained the ruptured disk and how my whole left arm had been affected. He said he didn't know how they'd missed the elbow problem. I had no answer to that since it was their doctors who checked everything but I suspect the compressed spinal cord was a bigger priority than my elbow at that time. Since I'd begun to have fainting spells, it was for me. 

So, now I have to go to my doctor and probably get sent to another, or two other doctors. No idea. Don't you love surprises?

That's about sums up my January... well, mid-December through January and since there are about four more days this month, who knows what joy awaits. 

May the Lord's face shine on you. May your road be smooth and your burdens light.

Happy New Year or What Next?

 

Happy New Year, my friends. I wish you joy, happiness, and blessing from God. May the coming year bring you only good and may you live and declare the works of the Lord.

Limping Along

 You get to a place you think life is going to be normal. "Normal". Right. I don't have a clue what that looks like. You understand what I'm saying, though. The field is level. There are no surprises left. No place where scary things can hide. No tears left to cry and nothing deep to feel. You just are cruising along.

Tonight I was going to watch an old mystery movie from 1953. YouTube is full of old movies from the 30s, 40s, 50s, and 60s that you can watch for free. Some even older. I actually started this movie, The Limping Man. It was interesting and stared Lloyd Bridges, one of my childhood favorites. Frank Pryor flew to England to see an old flame from the war. There was a suspicious death right at the beginning and you don't know if the victim was the target or Frank.

But I got about 10 minutes in where Frank was in the apartment of his sweetheart from the war when she walks in, and she ran to him and they threw their arms around each other. That was it for me. 

See, I could remember when I was a young wife and Jerry came home from long assignments. I remember that gasp of joy and the feel of arms around me and my arms around him and the breathlessness of being in that moment. The words we said were being echoed on the screen. Yeah, that was it for me. 

Just so you know, there is no normal. You just limp along and hope the scary things stay hidden.

Hectic Days, Changing Seasons

It's been hectic around here. I've done a little sewing and some editing as pain allows. Did a little crochet, but I've had a terrible time with my hands. Lots of pain and swelling. That's not a good sign. Stress and weather changes working their magic, I guess. For a couple of weeks, we've had lots of rain and the temperatures fluctuate wildly. It does bad things to my joints and muscles. 

I cut my den curtains off and made them window length. It just became more functional, and I find I like it much better. I'm planning on doing some more sewing soon. I'm waiting till Becca gets moved, so I've got room to spread out fabric.

She's getting moved into her new apartment this week. I've been busier with her and Madi here, but it has been in a good way. Madi is a joy to have around and the hugs and kisses are a comfort. I'm not sitting doing nothing so much and, if I am, I'm not so depressed. It is also nice to have conversations, to have someone to go to church with, and just hang with once in a while. I'll still watch Madi when she works at night and pick her up from school as needed. Once they move, I'll miss them but they're less that 10 minutes from my house. So, I hope the benefits will outweigh the bad.

Today was my birthday. Madi and Becca made me breakfast. That was nice. My sister brought me a card and a gift. I had a couple of calls and friends and family on Facebook sent birthday wishes. A nice day, really. 

Still no contact with Sarah. When she's allowed to have her phone, she tries to call, but her calls are being monitored and limited, as are her text. They're afraid she'll say something they don't want anyone to know. Not sure what state secrets she could share, or that I'd find enthralling, but apparently she's a security risk. Sad to see a family relationship destroyed so badly. Once she is free, she will hate those who held her hostage. Takes years to repair, if it is repairable. 

I am going to bed now. For days I've been exhausted. I even had a long nap today and I'm still tired. Perhaps tomorrow will be better.