YMCA! It's fun to stay at the . . .Did we really love this song? LOL, I did. Who knew they were gay! Just read that only the cowboy and indian were gay in the original group.
So, I'm going to the Y tonight for a hydrobics class. Basically, water aerobics. Don't know that I'll be able to post when I return. I'll let you know.
Pain is still not good and work was a nightmare. Everyone stayed away for two weeks and descended on us today. We weren't closed, mind you, just limited staff and fewer days. Well, one can only hope tomorrow will be better. If I could just get through the day and not be so tired. I really don't want to go to the Y tonight. I want to lie down.
So, off to get changed and head out. May be back later.
Monday, January 4, 2010
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Tales in the Dark
"What I tell you in the darkness, speak ye in the light" (Matt. 10:27).
The title for this post and the scripture came several weeks ago, on Dec 17. I put the title in the box and wrote the scripture and then. . . nothing. I had nothing else to say. A tiny bell had rung and it felt important. So, since I thought it was stupid to post like that, I saved it in my drafts. I've looked at it several times in confusion wondering what I had wanted to say. I didn't know. Still, I had the sense it meant something. I had no idea what I was supposed to do with it so I just closed it up again.
January 1, I was reading my Bible and a second bell went off. I thought fleetingly "That's odd." I learned long ago that nothing is really coincidental. Things happen for a reason. You don't have to agree. But small things are like pebbles dropped in a lake. They start ripples that move outward, forever if the source is large enough. In theory, if you drop one in the middle of the Atlantic there will be ripples that become waves that have great impact somewhere.
That second bell went of when I read the following scripture. "So the people stood afar off, but Moses drew near the thick darkness where God was" Ex. 20:21 The word "was" was not in the original Hebrew text. It is put there for clarity. It is italicized in the KJV to show this. So, Moses drew near the thick darkness where God.
I did nothing at first when I found it. But it kept coming to my mind and eventually I got out of bed that evening and marked it in yellow in my study Bible. Again, I had that sense that this was important... at least to me. Remember, I once said this blog is about me? So, I set up a marker and left the verse in the Bible.
Today, I became restless. That verse has continued to 'gnaw' at me and the post I had started but not finished. I decided to search for the phrase "darkness" in the Bible. Nothing else. Just that. I began to read each entry that fit my search criteria. Darkness is a broad term and not all verses I found seemed to relate, they didn't give me that same clanging sound in my head. But I did start to notice the connection to the word "God" in some of the results. Mentally, I refined my search farther.
Of course, as Christians we don't connect God to darkness. He's all about light. Bringing light to the world and lighting our paths. He's the bright and morning star. His light has expanded to encompass the globe in nations once shrouded in thick darkness. Everything we learn about God is stated in terms of brilliance. The Bible clearly states these terms in regard to God's character. It even says that God is not found in darkness.
As I searched I started pasting all the scriptures to my document. I realized I was in trouble because I usually over research things anyway and the Bible is a big book and the word "darkness" is repeated . . . well. . . a lot.
Bells and Voices
So, I further refined mentally. I formulated a filter to assist. What was I looking for based on the two verses already "given" to me? Surprisingly, I sort of knew the answer, too. God can be found in darkness. That bell clanged loudly. Well, that flies in the face of all Christianity! It was just a little voice that slipped past the sound of the bell.
However, after reading all the scriptures that I felt were closely related to my first two and seemed catch in my filter, I noted two things. In the Old Testament God was frequently mentioned as "inhabiting darkness". In the New Testament, he was frequently mentioned "inhabiting light" and literally banishing darkness. It confused me at first but after thinking about it a bit, it made sense to me. Jesus is considered to be the light of the world. We believe he illuminated the darkness where God dwelt. There was a distant clang there but I felt that was not the direction I was headed today. I note it for another study.
I listed all the scriptures I felt related in some way to my first two and my filter. There are dozens but I won't use them all. For my purpose, I'm looking for the reason those first two verses keep ringing in my head. What do they mean?
As I did my search, I notice that in many places where God revealed important information to a person, he did it in thick darkness. Sometimes, the human being was terrified. Sometimes, they simply took the news and made the necessary changes. But most of the time I suspect they were scared witless. That's why so much dictation took place. When you are afraid and in the dark, you don't think too well.
"And when the sun was going down, a deep sleep fell upon Abram; and, lo, an horror of great darkness fell upon him." Gen. 15:12
"And Moses stretched forth his hand toward heaven; and there was a thick darkness in all the land of Egypt three days:" Ex. 10:22
"The Lord said that he would dwell in the thick darkness." 1 Kings 8:12
"Clouds and darkness are round about him: righteousness and judgment are the habitation of his throne." Ps 97:2
In each instance God was cloaked in darkness but he was there, acting in some capacity. Giving Abram a dream, dealing with the stubborn Egyptians. That was interesting to me. I've been living in very dark places. Today I was still in those dark places. It was frightening and I don't think to well but. . .at least I am hearing bells.
Fire And Smoke
The next thing I found was the story of the Exodus that tells of where God put a cloud by day and a pillar of fire by night between the Hebrews and the Egyptians. This was to protect the Hebrews and not allow their recapture. What I didn't know was that there was a dual perception to this cloud/pillar.
To me the pillar of fire could easily be seen as a cloud in the daylight because . . . well, it produced huge quantities of smoke. I've seen enormous fires that appeared to be nothing but thick billowing smoke. You couldn't even see the fire! Until it got dark. What I found in the scripture was that the Egyptians only perceived the darkness. They never saw the pillar of fire! Read the verse with an emphasis on the terms "them" and "these" and you will see what I mean.
"And it came between the camp of the Egyptians and the camp of Israel; and it was a cloud and darkness to them, but it gave light by night to these: so that the one came not near the other all the night." Ex. 14:20
This cloud was darkness to the Egyptians but it was light to the Hebrews. The Egyptians didn't see the light! They saw only a great towering darkness before them and they weren't about to cross that line. Remember that I said in the Old Testament God cloaked himself in thick darkness.
"And ye came near and stood under the mountain; and the mountain burned with fire unto the midst of heaven, with darkness, clouds, and thick darkness." Ex 4:11
"These words the Lord spake unto all your assembly in the mount out of the midst of the fire, of the cloud, and of the thick darkness, with a great voice: and he added no more. And he wrote them in two tables of stone, and delivered them unto me." Deut. 5:22
Everyone outside the cloud saw thick darkness. Moses walked along the road and stepped into that darkness.
Down A Dark Road
Many of the things I found referred to the impact of this darkness on others. Frequently, darkness is laid across someone's path. This darkness was so thick, so terrible that the wicked couldn't even speak when confronted with it.
"He will keep the feet of his saints, and the wicked shall be silent in darkness; for by strength shall no man prevail." 1 Sam 2:9
It always surrounded the Almighty. "And he made darkness pavilions round about him, dark waters, and thick clouds of the skies." 2 Sam. 22:12 & Ps. 18:11
"He bowed the heavens also, and came down; and darkness was under his feet." 2 Sam. 22:10 & Ps. 18:9
Trouble in the Dark
Job said that God set the darkness in his path. He couldn't avoid it; it was across the path he had to take. Moses had to go into the darkness? Why? Why would God set darkness in the path of anyone, particularly people he held in high regard? Would God put darkness in our paths?
"He hath fenced up my way that I cannot pass, and he hath set darkness in my paths." Job 19:8
"He hath led me, and brought me into darkness, but not into light. He hath set me in dark places, as they that be dead of old." Lam. 3:2 & 6
"When I looked for good, then evil came unto me: and when I waited for light, there came darkness." Job 30:26
WHY? The question screamed at me. WHY? Why would he do that? And if it was there, why would anyone enter that darkness as Moses had? Why would they have to go through the darkness at all? There is no light there. It is a darkness you can feel, that burns its way into your soul and consumes you. You don't know what is there waiting. Why would I go into that darkness? Dear Lord! Do you hear those bells? There are secrets in the dark.
"He revealeth the deep and secret things: he knoweth what is in the darkness, and the light dwelleth with him." Dan 2:22
"And I will give thee the treasures of darkness, and hidden riches of secret places, that thou mayest know that I, the Lord, which call thee by thy name, am the God of Israel." Isa 45:3
"He discovereth deep things out of darkness, and bringeth out to light the shadow of death." Job 12:22
There is more to this story, but not today. There are a dozen more scriptures, but they'll still be there later. Today, that is what I needed to know. I heard it in the dark.
"Arise, shine; for thy light is come, and the glory of the Lord is risen upon thee. For, behold, the darkness shall cover the earth, and gross darkness the people: but the Lord shall arise upon thee, and his glory shall be seen upon thee." Isa 60:1-2
"And I will bring the blind by a way that they knew not; I will lead them in paths that they have not known: I will make darkness light before them, and crooked things straight. These things will I do unto them, and not forsake them." Isa. 42:16
"Rejoice not against me, O mine enemy: when I fall, I shall arise; when I sit in darkness, the Lord shall be a light unto me." Micah 7:8
Can you hear the bells ringing all over the house?
I can.
The title for this post and the scripture came several weeks ago, on Dec 17. I put the title in the box and wrote the scripture and then. . . nothing. I had nothing else to say. A tiny bell had rung and it felt important. So, since I thought it was stupid to post like that, I saved it in my drafts. I've looked at it several times in confusion wondering what I had wanted to say. I didn't know. Still, I had the sense it meant something. I had no idea what I was supposed to do with it so I just closed it up again.
January 1, I was reading my Bible and a second bell went off. I thought fleetingly "That's odd." I learned long ago that nothing is really coincidental. Things happen for a reason. You don't have to agree. But small things are like pebbles dropped in a lake. They start ripples that move outward, forever if the source is large enough. In theory, if you drop one in the middle of the Atlantic there will be ripples that become waves that have great impact somewhere.
That second bell went of when I read the following scripture. "So the people stood afar off, but Moses drew near the thick darkness where God was" Ex. 20:21 The word "was" was not in the original Hebrew text. It is put there for clarity. It is italicized in the KJV to show this. So, Moses drew near the thick darkness where God.
I did nothing at first when I found it. But it kept coming to my mind and eventually I got out of bed that evening and marked it in yellow in my study Bible. Again, I had that sense that this was important... at least to me. Remember, I once said this blog is about me? So, I set up a marker and left the verse in the Bible.
Today, I became restless. That verse has continued to 'gnaw' at me and the post I had started but not finished. I decided to search for the phrase "darkness" in the Bible. Nothing else. Just that. I began to read each entry that fit my search criteria. Darkness is a broad term and not all verses I found seemed to relate, they didn't give me that same clanging sound in my head. But I did start to notice the connection to the word "God" in some of the results. Mentally, I refined my search farther.
Of course, as Christians we don't connect God to darkness. He's all about light. Bringing light to the world and lighting our paths. He's the bright and morning star. His light has expanded to encompass the globe in nations once shrouded in thick darkness. Everything we learn about God is stated in terms of brilliance. The Bible clearly states these terms in regard to God's character. It even says that God is not found in darkness.
As I searched I started pasting all the scriptures to my document. I realized I was in trouble because I usually over research things anyway and the Bible is a big book and the word "darkness" is repeated . . . well. . . a lot.
Bells and Voices
So, I further refined mentally. I formulated a filter to assist. What was I looking for based on the two verses already "given" to me? Surprisingly, I sort of knew the answer, too. God can be found in darkness. That bell clanged loudly. Well, that flies in the face of all Christianity! It was just a little voice that slipped past the sound of the bell.
However, after reading all the scriptures that I felt were closely related to my first two and seemed catch in my filter, I noted two things. In the Old Testament God was frequently mentioned as "inhabiting darkness". In the New Testament, he was frequently mentioned "inhabiting light" and literally banishing darkness. It confused me at first but after thinking about it a bit, it made sense to me. Jesus is considered to be the light of the world. We believe he illuminated the darkness where God dwelt. There was a distant clang there but I felt that was not the direction I was headed today. I note it for another study.
I listed all the scriptures I felt related in some way to my first two and my filter. There are dozens but I won't use them all. For my purpose, I'm looking for the reason those first two verses keep ringing in my head. What do they mean?
As I did my search, I notice that in many places where God revealed important information to a person, he did it in thick darkness. Sometimes, the human being was terrified. Sometimes, they simply took the news and made the necessary changes. But most of the time I suspect they were scared witless. That's why so much dictation took place. When you are afraid and in the dark, you don't think too well.
"And when the sun was going down, a deep sleep fell upon Abram; and, lo, an horror of great darkness fell upon him." Gen. 15:12
"And Moses stretched forth his hand toward heaven; and there was a thick darkness in all the land of Egypt three days:" Ex. 10:22
"The Lord said that he would dwell in the thick darkness." 1 Kings 8:12
"Clouds and darkness are round about him: righteousness and judgment are the habitation of his throne." Ps 97:2
In each instance God was cloaked in darkness but he was there, acting in some capacity. Giving Abram a dream, dealing with the stubborn Egyptians. That was interesting to me. I've been living in very dark places. Today I was still in those dark places. It was frightening and I don't think to well but. . .at least I am hearing bells.
Fire And Smoke
The next thing I found was the story of the Exodus that tells of where God put a cloud by day and a pillar of fire by night between the Hebrews and the Egyptians. This was to protect the Hebrews and not allow their recapture. What I didn't know was that there was a dual perception to this cloud/pillar.
To me the pillar of fire could easily be seen as a cloud in the daylight because . . . well, it produced huge quantities of smoke. I've seen enormous fires that appeared to be nothing but thick billowing smoke. You couldn't even see the fire! Until it got dark. What I found in the scripture was that the Egyptians only perceived the darkness. They never saw the pillar of fire! Read the verse with an emphasis on the terms "them" and "these" and you will see what I mean.
"And it came between the camp of the Egyptians and the camp of Israel; and it was a cloud and darkness to them, but it gave light by night to these: so that the one came not near the other all the night." Ex. 14:20
This cloud was darkness to the Egyptians but it was light to the Hebrews. The Egyptians didn't see the light! They saw only a great towering darkness before them and they weren't about to cross that line. Remember that I said in the Old Testament God cloaked himself in thick darkness.
"And ye came near and stood under the mountain; and the mountain burned with fire unto the midst of heaven, with darkness, clouds, and thick darkness." Ex 4:11
"These words the Lord spake unto all your assembly in the mount out of the midst of the fire, of the cloud, and of the thick darkness, with a great voice: and he added no more. And he wrote them in two tables of stone, and delivered them unto me." Deut. 5:22
Everyone outside the cloud saw thick darkness. Moses walked along the road and stepped into that darkness.
Down A Dark Road
Many of the things I found referred to the impact of this darkness on others. Frequently, darkness is laid across someone's path. This darkness was so thick, so terrible that the wicked couldn't even speak when confronted with it.
"He will keep the feet of his saints, and the wicked shall be silent in darkness; for by strength shall no man prevail." 1 Sam 2:9
It always surrounded the Almighty. "And he made darkness pavilions round about him, dark waters, and thick clouds of the skies." 2 Sam. 22:12 & Ps. 18:11
"He bowed the heavens also, and came down; and darkness was under his feet." 2 Sam. 22:10 & Ps. 18:9
Trouble in the Dark
Job said that God set the darkness in his path. He couldn't avoid it; it was across the path he had to take. Moses had to go into the darkness? Why? Why would God set darkness in the path of anyone, particularly people he held in high regard? Would God put darkness in our paths?
"He hath fenced up my way that I cannot pass, and he hath set darkness in my paths." Job 19:8
"He hath led me, and brought me into darkness, but not into light. He hath set me in dark places, as they that be dead of old." Lam. 3:2 & 6
"When I looked for good, then evil came unto me: and when I waited for light, there came darkness." Job 30:26
WHY? The question screamed at me. WHY? Why would he do that? And if it was there, why would anyone enter that darkness as Moses had? Why would they have to go through the darkness at all? There is no light there. It is a darkness you can feel, that burns its way into your soul and consumes you. You don't know what is there waiting. Why would I go into that darkness? Dear Lord! Do you hear those bells? There are secrets in the dark.
"He revealeth the deep and secret things: he knoweth what is in the darkness, and the light dwelleth with him." Dan 2:22
"And I will give thee the treasures of darkness, and hidden riches of secret places, that thou mayest know that I, the Lord, which call thee by thy name, am the God of Israel." Isa 45:3
"He discovereth deep things out of darkness, and bringeth out to light the shadow of death." Job 12:22
There is more to this story, but not today. There are a dozen more scriptures, but they'll still be there later. Today, that is what I needed to know. I heard it in the dark.
"Arise, shine; for thy light is come, and the glory of the Lord is risen upon thee. For, behold, the darkness shall cover the earth, and gross darkness the people: but the Lord shall arise upon thee, and his glory shall be seen upon thee." Isa 60:1-2
"And I will bring the blind by a way that they knew not; I will lead them in paths that they have not known: I will make darkness light before them, and crooked things straight. These things will I do unto them, and not forsake them." Isa. 42:16
"Rejoice not against me, O mine enemy: when I fall, I shall arise; when I sit in darkness, the Lord shall be a light unto me." Micah 7:8
Can you hear the bells ringing all over the house?
I can.
After You've Taken the Pill
LinkI was doing some research on my muscle pain and decided to run it as a connection to Lipitor. My pain is very bad today. I found a lot of hits with Google. The consensus for recovery for Lipitor induced problems is not known and is not good. But this page gives a lot of insight to possible alternatives to Lipitor and possibly other cholesterol lowering medications.Lipitor, Neuromuscular Degeneration, and Recovery
Of course, before you make any changes to any medications you are taking, you should consult your doctors. They need to know what you are taking or not taking in the event of an emergency. What I am telling you here, is what I do for me. What you do must be based on your own findings, not mine. I am extremely cautions and demand facts to support my care. My doctors get annoyed with me very quickly. But I'm paying them.
Do not assume that your doctor knows what every pill will do to you. Listen to your body. Pay attention to symptoms. Most importantly and it should probably be placed a the top of any list: READ THE INSERT. There is vital information on the inserts. That is why they are printed in very small print. They have to disclose the side effects and uses of the medicine. But they don't have to make it understandable or easy to read. You defeat this misdirection by looking anyway or elsewhere.
If you are reading this post, you have one of the greatest inventions for gathering information, true and false information. If you have internet, it should become a vital part of your medical kit. Look up every pill you take - before you take it. You will find websites designed simply to describe a medicine's uses, dosages, and side effects in an easy to read format. They offer, not advice, just facts on what you put in your mouth. No all sites can be trusted where advice is concerned, so you must search carefully. My counselor did not know that a medicine I've been taking 20 years was even sold in the dosage I take. I take 10 mg. He looked it up in something he uses to prescribe it for depression. The lowest dosage was 300 mg! He said it it wasn't sold in 10 mg and wouldn't be effective for depression. He's wrong on both counts. Sincere, but wrong.
Read the comments of other readers. They have the problems you have. You will learn a lot from the readers.
Read more than one source. Multiple sources help you fine tune your information, weed out the crazy stuff. It's out there.
Ask your pharmacist for information. Some are very helpful, particularly if you are a regular. Change pharmacies if they are rude and unhelpful. Some pharmacies give you a easy to understand print-out describing your medicines. You usually toss them. How many of you have read the whole print out? How many have stopped after your read what you are supposed to take? Hmmm, read it.
Do not assume your doctor knows how the medicine he is giving you will affect you. He will NOT know the side-effects. He will only know what it is used to treat. Ask your doctor. Believe me, I know this. Usually they will say, "Nothing you need to worry about." And they will recite the most banal side effects on the list because that is the ones listed first and repeated the most often and like you, they don't read the inserts either. Want proof?
My rheumatologist suggested I take Glucosamine Chondroitin for my joints. It is true that research has shown it to be fairly effective in the treatment of arthritis and joint pain related to cartilage loss. However, I had done a LOT of research on nutritional supplements years ago when I had problems with depression. I had even taken the supplement because I had some minor knee pains they said was probably early arthritis (aerobics will do that to you). I took it about a year, until I found one tiny fact in a book I happened to pick up on supplements.
Glucosamine increases blood sugar levels. For anyone prone to or actively diabetic, this is bad. Since I was predisposed genetically I stopped taking it. I wasn't diagnosed with a blood sugar disorder at that time. I just felt it best not to tamper with it. I had taken it for months and stopped because it didn't work!
So, when my Rheumatologist suggested it I told her this. She was surprised and said she didn't know where I heard this but that she didn't think it was accurate. She asked me where I got the information but obviously I didn't have it with me. Anyway, she handed me a leaflet and said to read that and try the supplement. I said I would.
I went home and sat down to read her leaflet, most of which I already knew anyway. Then, on the second page, at the bottom in a paragraph, guess what I found?
YES. Glucosomine was found to increase blood sugar levels and was not recommended for diabetics or those with metabolic disorders. And just today, I ran across more information that suggest more severe side effects. But one source won't do. I don't have to look it up because I don't take this but if you do, look it up.
Now, if she had read her own informational packet, she would have known what I knew. She was so certain of her own knowledge that she insisted I take a pill she knew about only through word of mouth. Because that is what she based her suggestion on. She "heard" it was beneficial. And it may be for some people! But there is always a double edged sword to anything you put in your mouth.
How do you think doctors learned to treat your illnesses? They are not born with this knowledge. The read it. They read tons of material on every disease and illness they intend to treat. Thousands! They can't retain all that information. Often after getting your test results they may actually refer to some text to find the most appropriate and most accepted treatment. And they will call you with any changes in their treatment! Drug companies are sending them their information, their studies... and it may not be accurate as we all learned with Vioxx - the best medicine I ever took for my arthritis pain. They may be reading these or they may accept that what the company says is gospel. You won't know. I am a firm believer that to stay alive, as healthy as possible, you have to get actively involved learning about what is good for you, what is wrong with you, what is prescribed for you, and what you can do naturally to help yourself.
You should have seen my doctor's face freeze when I refused the flu shot. He was quick to point out it was a regular flu shot, not the H1N1. He's heard the hype. What he didn't know was I've been reading about the effects of mercury on people with muscle problems. Every vaccine you take has a mercury base. Children now receive over 39 vaccines before they are five! Mercury is poison, deadly poison. I'm not saying don't vaccinate, I'm saying find the truth before you put a needle in someone's arm.
I never ever got flu shots until I went to work. Now, I have lots of muscle problems and pain problems which might be linked to things I've been given since I went to work - flu shots and Lipitor.
I'm on a mission. My gut says the Lipitor is the culprit. But I want the pain to stop and I'm not taking another thing that is related to that problem until I can sort it out. I may never sort it out. I just don't intend to take things to make it harder for me.
So, I'm going to go back and read up on my Vitamin C information. The site above suggest it may help with the damage caused by Lipitor. But it may not. But it also said it will help lower cholesterol naturally. I am aware that high levels of Vitamin C are toxic. So caution is essential here. Old research never goes away. But new research is always happening. So,I'll be looking for other resources to give me new information. New discoveries are released every day... some are good news, many are very bad news. You don't usually know until after you've taken the pill.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
To The Pain
That's what Wesley says in The Princess Bride when he challenges the Prince to duel. Not to the death, but to the pain. Then he recites all the horrible things that will result from this. Before he is done, you figure death is preferable.
I woke up in agony. Seriously. I could barely use my arm. My shoulder and neck hurt. Both calves. My hand felt crushed in a vice. I do not remember this much pain in forever. I am supposed to see my rheumatologist Feb 2. but you watch. Pain will be minor by then. She can't help me anyway.
I've had a cup of coffee. I've been checking out your blogs. Nancy PM'd me about that woman who is posting her photo all over the place. She wanted to know how to delete it. I told her. Then, I remembered seeing that on one of my posts and had to find it.
The sun is again shining. But it is so cold, 12 degrees, that I wouldn't dare go out there. Or maybe. . . {looks toward the window in her study} nah, I don't think so.
I'm going to sit here and write. I'm thinking about working on Hidden in the Mist. I haven't heard from Alice in ages she hasn't responded to my messages. Kind of worried there.
Or if I do go out, it will be to see Sherlock Holmes. That's the ticket. . . well, I have to purchase it. . . this isn't going well. Need more coffee and food.
Everyone raise you glass or cup. Now, TO THE PAIN!
I woke up in agony. Seriously. I could barely use my arm. My shoulder and neck hurt. Both calves. My hand felt crushed in a vice. I do not remember this much pain in forever. I am supposed to see my rheumatologist Feb 2. but you watch. Pain will be minor by then. She can't help me anyway.
I've had a cup of coffee. I've been checking out your blogs. Nancy PM'd me about that woman who is posting her photo all over the place. She wanted to know how to delete it. I told her. Then, I remembered seeing that on one of my posts and had to find it.
The sun is again shining. But it is so cold, 12 degrees, that I wouldn't dare go out there. Or maybe. . . {looks toward the window in her study} nah, I don't think so.
I'm going to sit here and write. I'm thinking about working on Hidden in the Mist. I haven't heard from Alice in ages she hasn't responded to my messages. Kind of worried there.
Or if I do go out, it will be to see Sherlock Holmes. That's the ticket. . . well, I have to purchase it. . . this isn't going well. Need more coffee and food.
Everyone raise you glass or cup. Now, TO THE PAIN!
Friday, January 1, 2010
Sunshine Overhead, Dark Clouds on the Horizon
The sky is an icy blue and the sun is sliding through it the way a hot knife slices butter. It is 20 degrees! Ten o'clock is gone and eleven just got here. I got up around 8:00 a.m. and I didn't go to bed until 2:00 a.m. Not sure it is enough but I didn't want to waste it in bed. Besides, the neck and shoulder were screaming for me to get off them. So, I did.
I'm sitting here in sweatsuit and house shoes with my hair twisted in a banana clip... looks more like bear claws to me but they call them banana clips. Why? Combs joined by a spring. Go figure.
My house is very quiet. I've read my Bible this morning. Prayed. Am working on my second cup of coffee, eating pancakes and sausage on a stick... like a corn dog but different. I had two with sugar-free syrup.
I've been trying to get around to reading everyone's blogs. That panorama feature works well for that. But I still like going to the blog directly now and then, to see what designs everyone is using.
I just learned a neat little trick in Firefox. If you hold down the shift key and roll your mouse wheel it will take you either back to the page you were on before or forward to one you were on before you went back! Found it by accident! I knew that if you hold the ctrl key down and use the wheel it increases or decreases the screen fonts in Firefox but this shift key thing is new. Neat.
So, what's on the timetable? Nothing. I look around and see things I should do. I don't want to. I'm finding there is little motivation to do much of anything anymore. I just don't want to do anything. I always has a partner to do the things around here. I had some hobbies of my own, crochet, sewing, writing, reading but everything else was a joint effort. If the house needed cleaning most of the time, I had help. If something needed repair, we did it together. If I wanted to rearrange things, I had help. If I wanted to clean out a closet or cabinet, I had help, maybe just with the lifting and checking to see that I wasn't tossing something important. But there was that other person who makes any task or journey easier.
In the last two years I was doing more and more alone, blissfully unaware of any reason for it, and I hated it. Things began to not get done. I got angry and fussed all the time about it. To no avail. I never got an explanation for it. I remember telling him one night that it felt like I was living with a roommate because he was never "there". He looked stunned but I don't remember him saying much. I was a nasty bitch a lot of that time.
I just sit here now and look around me and think, that needs repair. No strength in my left arm means I'm not going to try and pick it up, move it, or anything that will move the deltoid muscle, the one on the back of your upper arm. Just in case you think it isn't much use, think again. That's the one that, if you use it enough, you won't have flabby upper arms. Yeah, that one. You use it for virtually EVERY motion you make, except lifting your arm straight ahead and straight behind you...both pretty worthless motions for day to day activities.
Lift your arm straight out to the side, palm facing down, level with your shoulder. I can't do that. I get my palm about a foot from my thigh and then someone stabs me with a butcher knife or meat cleaver. I can't go to a drive-thru at the bank or pharmacy and use the slide out drawers or automated tellers. I can't prop my arm on anything shoulder height. Can't carry a purse or lift a box down form a shelf. Anything overhead is almost impossible, even hanging a shower curtain.
And forget carrying anything over a pound for more than a few minutes. That muscle is what allows you to carry anything heavy. It takes the brunt of the weight when you carry a piece of luggage or handbag by your side.
So, if the elves don't do it, it probably won't get done. Actually, I've done a few things I realized later I shouldn't but I can't let stuff just lie around forever. I try and find a way to get things down from shelves that won't leave me in the floor or doubled over clutching my arm.
Now that I have ragaled you with my woes and observation and played the old lady by reciting my ills I will leave you. I hope your New Year is way better than my old one. Gee, I hope my New Year is better than my old one! I hope this first day of this new year finds you with people you love. Remember the ten foot rule... all you truly care about is within ten feet of you. Hold on tight. My computer is a bit bulky but it's warm.
I'm sitting here in sweatsuit and house shoes with my hair twisted in a banana clip... looks more like bear claws to me but they call them banana clips. Why? Combs joined by a spring. Go figure.
My house is very quiet. I've read my Bible this morning. Prayed. Am working on my second cup of coffee, eating pancakes and sausage on a stick... like a corn dog but different. I had two with sugar-free syrup.
I've been trying to get around to reading everyone's blogs. That panorama feature works well for that. But I still like going to the blog directly now and then, to see what designs everyone is using.
I just learned a neat little trick in Firefox. If you hold down the shift key and roll your mouse wheel it will take you either back to the page you were on before or forward to one you were on before you went back! Found it by accident! I knew that if you hold the ctrl key down and use the wheel it increases or decreases the screen fonts in Firefox but this shift key thing is new. Neat.
So, what's on the timetable? Nothing. I look around and see things I should do. I don't want to. I'm finding there is little motivation to do much of anything anymore. I just don't want to do anything. I always has a partner to do the things around here. I had some hobbies of my own, crochet, sewing, writing, reading but everything else was a joint effort. If the house needed cleaning most of the time, I had help. If something needed repair, we did it together. If I wanted to rearrange things, I had help. If I wanted to clean out a closet or cabinet, I had help, maybe just with the lifting and checking to see that I wasn't tossing something important. But there was that other person who makes any task or journey easier.
In the last two years I was doing more and more alone, blissfully unaware of any reason for it, and I hated it. Things began to not get done. I got angry and fussed all the time about it. To no avail. I never got an explanation for it. I remember telling him one night that it felt like I was living with a roommate because he was never "there". He looked stunned but I don't remember him saying much. I was a nasty bitch a lot of that time.
I just sit here now and look around me and think, that needs repair. No strength in my left arm means I'm not going to try and pick it up, move it, or anything that will move the deltoid muscle, the one on the back of your upper arm. Just in case you think it isn't much use, think again. That's the one that, if you use it enough, you won't have flabby upper arms. Yeah, that one. You use it for virtually EVERY motion you make, except lifting your arm straight ahead and straight behind you...both pretty worthless motions for day to day activities.
Lift your arm straight out to the side, palm facing down, level with your shoulder. I can't do that. I get my palm about a foot from my thigh and then someone stabs me with a butcher knife or meat cleaver. I can't go to a drive-thru at the bank or pharmacy and use the slide out drawers or automated tellers. I can't prop my arm on anything shoulder height. Can't carry a purse or lift a box down form a shelf. Anything overhead is almost impossible, even hanging a shower curtain.
And forget carrying anything over a pound for more than a few minutes. That muscle is what allows you to carry anything heavy. It takes the brunt of the weight when you carry a piece of luggage or handbag by your side.
So, if the elves don't do it, it probably won't get done. Actually, I've done a few things I realized later I shouldn't but I can't let stuff just lie around forever. I try and find a way to get things down from shelves that won't leave me in the floor or doubled over clutching my arm.
Now that I have ragaled you with my woes and observation and played the old lady by reciting my ills I will leave you. I hope your New Year is way better than my old one. Gee, I hope my New Year is better than my old one! I hope this first day of this new year finds you with people you love. Remember the ten foot rule... all you truly care about is within ten feet of you. Hold on tight. My computer is a bit bulky but it's warm.
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