20 Day Challenge Prep

The challenge was issued and I've agreed to join. So have some of you. I've found a couple of gadgets I've used each NaNo to help me keep up with word counts without having to stop and do the math. One is the attached Excel form. If you don't have MS Excel, you can download the free OpenOffice.org. I've found it as excellent to use as MS Office and it can also create PDF files!

Also, here is a link to Writetopia's page where you can find a word count gadget to put on your page showing what your total word count is and where you are each day. They have several fun one. You just have to paste the code on your page and it shows up. If you have trouble with the coding.... ask me and I'll try and give you a hand.

Writetopia Toolbox

All right. We're doing our stretches. The event starts tomorrow, whatever time you want to start. Set a daily goal, find the total you should be at on the 20th day an get started before midnight tomorrow. Good luck! You can't lose!

Sacrifices and Service

Link

I only ran across this story tonight. Next time you think you have sacrificed anything, or that you've given some great service, remember these men.

I was speechless when I read it. Honored that these were American men willing to risk everything in service to their country. And amazed at their family's ability to sustain such a terrible loss. They couldn't even bury their children but instead, had to settle for memorial stones.

Challenge Issued, Hurdles to Come

I've been issued a challenge by my writing buddy, Snowgoon. He is doing a mini-nano of his own and has thrown out a dare. He says his wife has given him her blessing. I don't know about his four kids, LOL.

His dare is 800 words a day for 20 days beginning Saturday. So far, Sarah and Kathy have accepted but Sarah went for a higher count, around 1071 and I shot back with a challenge of my own. 1000 x 20 days. That is 20,000 words.Piece of cake.

He won't let me back out either. He'll send me thousands of emails calling down all kinds of wrath on me. He'll taunt me unmercifully, call me all manner of coward.

So, beginning Saturday, I'm writing again, dashing down the road to reach a goal, jumping 1000 word hurdles! Any NaNo'er's out there care to join us?

Our group has tentatively titled ourselves the Misfit Writ Crit - al la our Empress Sarah in jest (Sarah of the writing group, not my G'daughter). We all discovered last night than none of us had ever been in a clic or one of the in-crowd. LOL, ergo, MIsfits. Sarah has a gift . . . of gab and words and all kinds of things. All my Multiply friends would love her immensely. I'm betting her title is going to stick.

I spent the afternoon in software training. We're getting better with it but still not really pleased. But you do what you have to do. That is my philosophy about pretty much everything. Now, my back, esp my neck is not good from sitting and craning my neck back and forth to see the overhead and the monitor and talk to my neighbors, show someone how to do something they didn't get, etc.

They did tell us they've moved the roll out back another month to February. Glory be! Glad someone grew a brain. It has been horrendous. You could hear a huge sigh go up around the department.

I'm going to go now. I want to plan some stuff to write for the coming three weeks. I'm really thinking of working on one of the previous NaNo's. That would be really cool. So, I'll go for now. Might be back later.

Weekend alert! It's right THERE!

And Tuesday Arrived Wrapped in Shimmering Gray

Yes, she did. Wet, shimmering gray. Perhaps because she fell in the pool on the way in? At any rate, what a gloomy girl.

I went to bed at 9:30 last night. I just was so tired. I didn't get up until 6:30 this morning. That's 9 hours sleep! I have not been taking the Doxepin because I just needed my head cleared for a bit. It does get me foggy after about a week but it makes me sleep better at night. Although, I still take the muscle relaxant and melatonin. Maybe I just need a regular bedtime.

I'm not good and I can't tell why. I'm very depressed. I recognize the signs. Then, there is that hollow feeling that never really leaves and looms larger some days. I don't know if you can understand this concept but have you ever stood next to an open elevator shaft that had no elevator in it? I have and that is what it feels like. This yawning hole, not really threatening, just disconcerting.

Lately, I've been on the verge of tears all the time. I manage to maintain my composure for the most part. Yesterday, at my desk I just started to cry and had to close my door. I've been hearing things in the house again, as if someone is there. One night I got up and searched the whole place. It wasn't fun. I don't actually tell that to people much. I'm not imaginative in that way. I've always been pretty down to earth. A noise is a noise. I can't say the noises frighten me. I don't frighten easily, thankfully. I just don't like hearing sounds of people walking or moving about. I've not had mice for some time and they are not shy about leaving me signs so it isn't mice. I guess I'm not used to being afraid. And I am, most of the time.

I'm seeing my counselor today. I don't anticipate a very positive session. I'm very depressed. I did take Mike to lunch with me. He's the only one who calls these days or answers his phone when I call. It is always an adventure with Mike. You never know what mood he will be in. Today he was still coughing from the cold he can't seem to shake. But I think his mood was good all the same. I think he's been getting more sleep.

I'll be glad when my aunt comes back from her cruise. She calls everyday and it is nice to hear from her. My writer's group meets tomorrow night and that crew is always entertaining and just a pleasure to see.

Let's face it. I despise this whole thing. I'm not going to "get used to it". I'm not going to "get past it". I'm not going to "adjust". Makes me sound like one of those old televisions with the "rabbit ears" (you know those two pronged antenna that you had to put foil on and have someone adjust them so you could see a picture). I don't know how I am supposed to adjust.

I'm going to go home tonight and maybe go to the Y or I may be taking Mike to the store for some items he needs. We can argue about the merits of what he wants and who's paying. LOL, adventure, remember?

It's Oooooverrrr!

There is an old song (well not too old since I remember Elvis singing it) called "It Over". Monday is, to all intents and purposes over. I hate my job today. I told my boss I considered quitting when I woke up this morning. Of course I can't do that. It isn't an option.
Unless I win the lottery.

I don't believe in the lottery and never bought tickets before. I think my husband bought one once. But my boss plays it religiously. He goes around spending his winning... which he has yet to obtain. As a joke, I' tossed a few dollars at him telling him that it is money down a black hole but if he feels luck then I'm game. He laughed. I've been right so far. But sometimes I wish God had a perverse sense of humor and would let one of those dollars win the big pot. Proving that my lack of faith in anything is incorrect. Neither I nor God are laughing at this point.

No, I do not regularly play the lottery. Never have played before now. Last time I looked stupidity wasn't a sin. Be terrible if it was since there is sooooo much of it. But I'm two dollars broker. And that is probably a bigger sin. I would have been anyway when I spent it on a coke and apple pie that are neither good for me. Do not go out and buy lottery tickets. They are a waste of money. I don't advocate it. But I told him today that when I woke up I wanted to quit my job and if I felt even the least lucky I'd buy a ticket. If I dreamed the numbers tonight I might be very tempted.

I went to the doctor. I have bursitis in my upper arm and am to go to the orthopaedic doctor. They will give me a shot of cortisone to get rid of the pain. You know, I seem to recall months ago hitting my arm up there and thinking, "that's going to hurt tomorrow." I don't remember thinking about it again. But apparently, IT didn't forget. I can't remember what I hit but I hit it rather hard. Now, I can hardly brush my hair, can't lift a coffee mug from the shelf, and can't carry some items in a certain way without terrible pain. My arm just won't comply without biting me. And my shoulder is giving me fits on top of that.

My doctor told me to TAKE caffeine. He said my migraine was a rebound headache. I don't think so.I think I was dehydrated. I had the headache when I got up. I had coffee last night so I wasn't short of it. I've stopped trying to tell him anything on this issue. There all believe caffeine cause headaches and I don't doubt it does in some people. It has never affected me that way and my own evidence tells me it helps me stay migraine free longer. When I told him they get worse in the fall and better after spring, he said, "Oh, that sounds as if you have an allergy!" I told him I had reached that conclusion some time ago but didn't know what to do. So, we are going to get a spray and he will schedule me for allergy shots. Anyone ever had those? Do they work? Forever or just until they end?

My blood sugar is excellent he said.... still. I forgot to get my vitamin D refill. I'm tied. I don't want to go to the store. I'm sick and don't want to go to the Y either.

My blog is dismal, boring, and unenlightening. I hate being this way. Look back at some of the post two years ago. I had a BRAIN at some point. I actually could think for short periods of time. I know there are some lousy posts too but there were some thought provoking ones, interesting one, funny ones. People actually WANTED to read them. Now I feel as if everyone sees the title and wonders what ails me today. "Wonder what she's whining about now?" "How long can she yammer on about that?" "When will she get a clue that we are BORED?"

Don't say you haven't thought it. I have!

I do not like being a curmudgeon. I wonder what happened to the nice southern girl with the lovely manners who never spoke her mind but allowed everyone to speak theirs? What happened to the girl who believed everyone was nice, or good, or salvageable?

Beats me. Not sure she was even real.

You know, sometimes in my mind, I can actually seem myself 30 years ago, walking along with my arm in Jerry's and we're laughing and having a great time. I don't remember a care in the world. They rested on such broad, strong shoulders. I didn't have any reason to be concerned about anything. He always fixed it. Until he got sick. And I resented that he didn't fix things anymore because I didn't know he was sick. And now, I just want someone else to carry the load because it is way too much for me. I'm really just tired. I think sometimes my shoulder hurts because of the load I'm carrying on it.

Monday is over and the bathroom is warm now.

Monday Morning Blahs

I woke to find a dusting of snow on the ground and was so stressed I didn't want to leave the house. I've been depressed all weekend and missing Jerry terribly. I can't do anything about it.

I have a mild migraine headache on top of that. I think I may take something in a bit if it isn't better.

I had to go get that lab work done that I keep forgetting. They had to stick me twice in the back of my hand and said they still did not get enough. I think I was dehydrated. I had not had anything to drink and I was sweating when I woke up. The reason for my headache most likely. My doctor will probably be annoyed. I don't care.

My sister's tenant moved out of her rental unit. She is stressed and as a result so am I. I wish she had never bought the thing. The market is bad and she can't keep anyone in it for more than a year. She asked if Mike would want to move into it but he doesn't want to move in. I did ask him and then she asked him. It is a nice apartment but people don't want to pay their bills. They want everything free.

First Dave and Becca lived in it they didn't pay their utility bills and had to go somewhere that the Landlord would pay them. Then, Becca's mom and dad moved in and they didn't pay their security deposit and complained about rent half the time. They just moved out without any notice and they still owe rent because they have the keys. Do you think they will pay it? I doubt it. Actually, the wife moved out first with a cockamamie story that they were going to live in separate places. I told Phyllis to advertise then because I didn't believe he would stay. She believed he'd stay. He calls on the 1st to say he's moving. But he hasn't paid his rent. I told her to file it in court and report it to the credit bureau. They are both on the lease and it is a record for future landlords. There will be others. There always are.

Sadly, I had suggested Dave and Becca and Becca's folks. I thought these were people who were reliable. And they did take care of the place. But you can't live and not work and pay your bills. I've learned my lessons. Mike wants to stay where he is and that is better for him. Probably for me, too.

You know, I'm done with handouts. I give everything I can and all I get is smacked. No matter how nice, no matter how much money I fork out, no matter how I bend over backward to help, I end up with a knife stuck in me. I've been praying about it and asking God if I should change my character to stop this destructive behavior or sever ties with people who behave this way. There are times when someone needs help. And if I can do that then I want to do it. But when the same people come back again and again and again and never offer to return the favor, you got to wonder where the problem lies. I'm thinking I just need to stop rescue operations and everything that resembles favors. Start saying no.

I was asked today who I wanted to give as an emergency contact. Do you know, there wasn't anyone locally? Isn't that crazy? There isn't anyone capable of handling my affairs if something happens to me and I can't act. That is scary. Oh, I give my sister as primary but things are just crazy here.

I've thought over and over about moving but I can't do it. I have my house, my job, Jerry for all that he is dead, is here. I have a church that I truly love, warts and all. I don't know where I'd go. It is a very strange position to be in where those who love you most are gone. I've never realized how hollow life is without that. It pretty much doesn't mean anything. I can see why some people stop believing in anything and become bitter and hard.

Sorry for the depressing rant. I have lots of new friends and I'm grateful for them. I have my friends here on Multiply, nearly all long time friends. I do have family that love me. It just doesn't seem like it sometimes. I looked at Michael the other night and I thought how very very blessed I am to have Michael. In the early months of this nightmare I've been living, Mike was here. He stayed around when everyone else was gone. He didn't ask me questions, try to cheer me up, ask for anything. He sat here watching television or on the computer... just in case. And when I fell apart, he did his best to keep me together and when he couldn't, he made the calls.

He has no job. He has no money. He has no prospects. He has nothing at all. But Michael loves me completely and without any reservations or expectations. He is difficult to handle at times but Michael has, all his life, made my life brighter. He was the sunshine in nearly every day of his life. And the greatest heartbreaks have been for him. But he was just a good boy and still is. Everyone should have a Michael in their pocket. He was well named.

Loose Ends

I'm about to get ready for bed but from the notes I've been seeing, it seems I've forgotten to mention one or two important things.

My father is taking me on a cruise in April. I had to buy my passport this week. I only found out about it a few weeks ago when he emailed to ask me to go with them. He, my step-mom, and my aunt Joan (dad's sister) will all be going together. But Jilly, I had planed on taking a trip to England. I had been thinking about later in the coming year. It would be wonderful. And I just would love to do it. And now, I'll have my passport all ready! So, fingers crossed.

I've never been on a cruise and this will be a five day cruise to Mexico. I'm very excited about it and do so hope I'm not prone to seasickness. I've been on boats before but not for extended periods of time at sea. I have had problems with vertigo in the recent past so not sure how this will play out.

Nano finished on the 30th as you all know and I check out my word count. As I mentioned early on you must write 1667 words a day to be able to finish NaNo and I was all right at first but got dismally behind. By the 15th of the month I was supposed to be at 25000 but was not even close. By the 20th, I was around 10,000 behind without much hope to catch up. Well, here are the number of word I did each day for 30 days. You will see that there are several days of zeros where I was not able to do any writing. Most days, I never made the required total. But notice the last five days.

2595
1217
727
1089
1373
1473
1617
1048
424
0
1544
1016
1001
1757
1551
1825
993
0
1832
316
1638
3257
645
0
327
2779
0
5378
5795
7262

Those last three days, Saturday - Monday, are unbelievable even to me. And honestly, I do not know, even now, now I managed that. I do remember I was taking frequent breaks because I didn't feel well either. But that's how it broke down. Folks, that is NOT the way to do NaNo. Take my word for it.

So, that catches up some loose ends, I hope. I'll go for now. Have a good week.

I hate Mondays.

Unsunny Sunday

At first, the sun was shinning and now it isn't so I guess there is some cloud cover out there. I know it is cold! A whopping 24 degrees! Buurrrrrr! I get cold easily so it will be bad for me.

I will be leaving in a moment to pick up Mike for church. He's the only one who goes with me these days. I'm glad for that at least. I don't understand anyone not going. My faith says not to forsake the assembly (of those with like faith). And I so wish Sarah could go to Sunday school. She never gets to interact with children from good backgrounds. And she is not learning her heritage either. I can't do anything about it but it hurts a lot.

Sadly, I see the results of such upbringing in my job. Parents who said, "I don't understand what got into them." But there is no training, no teaching of Godly principles, nothing that would ground a child in holiness. There is a story in the Bible that tells of a whole generation that turned away from God and some bad things were happening. I don't have the scripture here but I think I did post it somewhere. I'll look. The Bible says that it was because they had never heard the teachings of their parents. They didn't know because their parents neglected to instruct them. They didn't take them to the sanctuary to be taught. They forgot to relate the miracles, the blessings, the salvation, the Law. The parents simply didn't get out of bed. A whole generation lost. I have seen another.

I've been depressed for the last week, not horribly, but enough. And there is nothing I can do about that either.

So, I'm out of here to get Mike. I'll be back later or tomorrow or sometime.

The Smoking Pen 2009

Once again, I spent a lot of time in the forums during NaNo. For any of my friends and co-writers of the Pen who visit here is this year's edition. Last year's is also on one of the blogs around this same time of year in 2008.

What a blast it was to visit the Smoking Pen Bar and Grill 2009

Dancing Shoes

I slipped my feet into them when I rolled out of bed! It is FRIDAY! Hellooooooo! FRIDAY! In 8 hours I will be done with another week. Thank goodness.

I think I'm getting a cold. My boss was saying yesterday, "You're sick!" I told him I was NOT sick and if he didn't want me missing any work he better not put that on me. But I do think I have a mild cold. I hope it stays mild.

Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome, and dash over to her page for a wave, Nancy January. She just came over to Multiply. Nancy is a new friend that I met in the Smoking Pen Bar and Grill over in the NaNo forums. She is a smart and talented lady as you will see if you read her posts. That's the only kind I have on my blog, by the way.

I went through my contacts this morning and last night. I do not like dropping people but I cleared out people who seem to have disappeared. If I haven't heard from them in a year, I probably won't keep them unless I know something is going on that has kept them away. {sigh} As a result, I find that my contact list doesn't grow past 40. However, that's a manageable number. I can read all the fun and still have time to take care of mine. And they are people who are serious about blogging, and keeping friends they make in the process.

I like that Panorama feature Multiply has come up with because I can read the blogs much faster and comment on the inbox page. The there is one major drawback. I can't see what the pages look like or when you make changes to your pages and that is part of the fun. . . to me. And I spend a lot of time on mine so I would hope people visit it too! I still visit just everyone's just to see how your pages look. {smile} And I announce when I have been making changes to mine. Mine is real purty right now... LOL!

Well, work is calling and despite the 24 degree temp, I have to drag myself out into it. The drive is only about 20 minutes counting stopping for juice and a breakfast burrito. I will be back tonight I'm sure.

Post NaNo TGIO Party

Well, it was sort of a party. There were five of us there. LOL, told you it would be different. Kat was sick, two others had things come up, one had too far to drive, one we have no idea what happened to her. And it was a week night. That makes it a bit harder. And COLD!

Still, the five of us just sat around and laughed and talked and got to know a bit about each other. The two youngest were Alex and Cassie - 18 or 19 and both college students, Snowgoon (Doug) and Tricksie (Sarah our ML) and I were the older ones in the group. NanNo'ers come in all ages. It was nice and I think we all had a good time just talking, telling amusing things about ourselves. Although, Doug was rather quiet on that point, now that I think about it. Now, I'm just tired and glad it is all over. . . until next year.

Writer's meeting is next week. I really enjoy those meetings. I think we all do. I don't know if they do as much as I do. LOL. These are just very special people and they all make me laugh and forget how lonely life is now. I mentioned to Sarah (Tricksie) tonight before everyone arrived that Kathy had said she thought our writer's group had been brought together by divine intervention. Sarah said that she also felt it was really strange the way we all sort of found each other and that we all really liked each other and seemed to be meeting a need in each other's life.

What is odd is that I haven't really come out and told any of them that I was actually praying for God to please send just such people into my life. You may laugh here but I actually was praying this. I was really losing the battle to hold it together when these four people showed up. . . on my doorstep, so to speak. And they ALL showed up at the same time! Even Doug, whom I'd not even talked to for a year except in an occasional "hi-how-are-you" email.

But this little band of strangers have become very special people to me. Each one is unique and yet the group seems to mesh. Sarah, with her bubbly, laughing personality, inquisitive mind and compassionate heart. Kathy, soft-spoken, open, friendly and so caring. Doug, "our guy", possessed with a great sense of humor that keeps us laughing at every event and in his emails and chats. At first he was quiet but once he gained his confidence in his ability to write, he has opened up and become someone with important things to say. He even settles us down now and then. And finally, Katie, filled with exuberance, excitement about everything, her emails are filled with lots of exclamations points, just like her personality. They've saved my life, my sanity. I don't now if any of them will read this. I'm not arrogant enough to think my blog is everyone's reading of choice, but if they do, I can't thank them enough for extending their friendship and sharing a part of their lives with me.

Now, I am going to bed. I've had a rather frantic week and I'm not done yet. I sort of got my feelings hurt at work, not intentionally but the usual kind of thing people say to people like me without thinking. It just overwhelmed me on my way home and I sort of fell apart when I got home. I kept trying to blow it off, even posted that earlier blog, and kept pointing out to myself that I should just ignore it but still I was hurt but the crassness of it. I finally just decided to go the Panera and leave it for a bit. Of course Sarah met me with that hug of hers and I almost lost it again. LOL, that helped. But um.... I can't actually think about it now either!

Good night all.

Dasher

Home from work by 5:15! Showered, washed hair, leaving it down, dressed, and ready to go to TGIO party by 6:00 p.m.. Starts at 7:00 p.m. I'm not one to linger over my face and other things. If I can't be dressed in 30 minutes, I don't really want to bother. Hair is the only real issue I have and most of the time I have that down to less than half an hour. Sometimes it takes a while. I get up at 7 a.m. and am at my desk by 8 a.m. if that tells you how serious it is for me. There are those who think I overdress. LOL.

This is not a party in the usual sense, folks. So, don't expect much. I expect to be home by 9.

I'm tired from work and it doesn't feel as if the week is half over. But it is and I'm so glad. It is still raining and colder. My Google gadget says 43 degrees F. So, I can't decide what jacket to wear and should I carry a sweater? Will the restaurant be cool or cold or warm or hot?

Well, off now to take care of the pearly whites. Back later with details.

Post NaNO Slow Down?

I haven't noticed it. I got off last night, came home, changed and went to the Y. Worked with my friend Carolyn about an hour. I think that's all I'm good for. I don't know about her but we left at the same time. LOL.

Tonight it is TGIO party at Panera. I'm kind of glad about that. I like all my writerly friends and it will be nice to listen to all the garbage that we all talk.

Thursday should be quieter....

Friday, I'm thinking that if Becca and Sarah and Dave want to come over and watch movies, we could do that. We didn't get to last week. Too much stuff. But this week looks better.

Saturday, I want to clean up, put my tree up, and go shopping for Christmas presents. Oh, I wish I had unlimited funds. I'd love to buy some nice things for a couple of people. But I have to be a careful.

Still have to get the passport. THIS WEEK!

MIke missed his doctor appt yesterday. He has a dental appt today. Will he keep it? Sheesh.... who knows.

I have to go to work now. Byeeeeeee!

{turns of computer, brushes teeth, grabs handbag, and coat. Slamming of the door can be heard in the distance.}

Holiday Cheer

I've changed things a bit as you can see. Weather outside is frightful....

I'm annoyed by a problem. My navigation bar looks just fine in Firefox... the whole page does. But in IE7 the nav bar is right in the middle of my picture. Anyone else see that? Please let me know. Means I have to work on coding to figure it out. They keep making changes that mess up the CSS or they change the CSS and you have to start over. That is VERY time consuming.

More later, after my TGIO party tomorrow.

Winner's Circle

Done! And am I thrilled! I don't think I want to ever see this novel again.


What madness it is to attempt this. I did the last 20,000 words in five days!

THIO party Wednesday night!

Ten Feet of Space

My holiday is over. I can't say I am sorry. I have to go back to work tomorrow. I've sat in my pj's all day, pain virtually everywhere, with every move. I try and think of a time when I didn't hurt. And I can't remember it. Years I think. And it gets worse.

I have been writing as hard as I could because frankly, I would really not like another loss at this point. It may seem a small thing but it matters. I have a wonderful group of writer friends who have encouraged and propped me up for weeks now. I have until midnight tomorrow. I'm tired, though and I don't know if I'll get there. They all agree I've accomplished much and should be proud of myself for getting so far under the circumstances. They're such nice people. One of the girls said in an email to me that she thought it was divine intervention that had brought the five of us together. Since I believe in such things, I suspect she is right.

As I write this post, I am sitting listening to Hillsong in the dark. I had hoped it would life my spirits. It didn't. I'm depressed because today, I realized that I don't love my life much. Despite it being Thanksgiving holiday, I'm not very thankful. At least, I don't think so. I've noticed that the rain finally began a short time ago. I should be thankful since it means the pain may lessen. I guess I'm grateful for being alive but how selfish is that? I'm grateful I am able to meet my financial obligations. But thankful? I'm not certain anymore what that entails. I've tried not to think about this aspect of my circumstances. I suspect what I feel is quite common. I've tried very hard for months to come to terms with it. I found that it doesn't help. It is very difficult to say "thank you" for a black hole that was created in my life. Everything is sucked into it and not even light can escape. I don't know how to say thanks to that.

Today, I sat down, overwhelmed by some ache when I tried to get out of my chair and the words tumbled out without my even realizing I was thinking it. "I hate my life." It was mostly whispered and as soon as I said it a light went off in my head and I recognized it as the truth. I try to never lie to anyone.... even myself. So, I don't love my life or anything much about it. I looked around because I did not want Mike to hear me say it. He worries so much anyway. And after he left for church, I managed to write some more and push it all away. But eventually, cracks opened up and I lost my hold on it all.

I've fallen apart at such stupid things and tonight, it was just about pain and how there was no comfort, no relief, and no one to just hold my hand. I never realized how important that is. And I never really knew how much Jerry did that. I remember him asking me to ask the doctor for something to stop it. And I got mad with him. Because I couldn't take a pill strong enough to relieve the pain that would allow me to remain conscious to live my life. I couldn't understand why he couldn't understand that. I didn't realize how much pain he was in as well. Still he sat close by, silent, while I struggled to deal with it.

Tonight I sit in a room that is approximately 9x10. The realization came to me tonight that all that matters of all that we do or say can be found within ten feet of you. And we usually stay close to what we love. But we don't notice it. It is silent and we don't really notice. Unless at some point it disappears. A void opens up.

I suppose the answer would be to look around and see what is within ten feet of where you sit right now. Reach out and grab it. Don't let go. If you do, it will begin to drift away, beyond your reach. Until you can't reach it anymore.

Oh, oh, oh, oh!

Whooo Hooooo!

Getting off at 3 pm today. The weekend starts now!

Writing hard for the next four days, I hope. Hands, arms, shoulders and neck are really giving me a hard time so we will see.

But I have some good ideas, thanks to Snowgoon (that's my pal, Doug, from NaNo and my writing group). I'm putting a character called Goon in my story. He gave me several insights to Goon last night on G-mail chat when he helped me brainstorm. I think my next story will be The Guy Who Said He Couldn't Write, in honor of Snowgoon. LOL. Actually, I've read what he is working on it is extremely good.

Catch you all later, I am sure. For those celebrating, Have a Happy Thanksgiving holiday. I will be having dinner with my family tomorrow evening.

Touching Base and Counting Word

I am stopping in to just catch up a bit. I am using the Panorama mode in my inbox again. It makes it very easy to read the blogs! I like going to them to see what decorations people have up but sometimes, I need to read them in a hurry and this is a good way to do it. I don't like getting a ton of digest in my email so I don't use that.

I've reached a point in my NaNo that I am probably not going to reach the target goal. I'm just below 29,000 and by Friday I should be at 45,000 if I intend to even have a hope of reaching the final word count. I'm not expecting it.

I have no plans for Thanksgiving except taking my kids out to eat at Golden Corral. We talked about Wednesday night going because my sister has to work on Thursday but I just heard she doesn't want to do that. So, not sure yet what the plan is. I'm not in a celebratory mood and really won't care if I can just have the whole day to write. I might be able to hit that target if I can do that.

I suppose I should put my tree up this weekend as I usually do but even that seems too much effort for me. The whole house needs a thorough cleaning and I need to get rid of a bunch of things. I find myself needing less and less. Or wanting less.

I'm going to get back to work. There is lots of paperwork here and it needs my attention. We got our new hire in and she's been doing some of my work until her case load is handed to her. It has been a great help to me.

I may get back in later but when I get home I am going to hit the writing hard again tonight. So, not sure what my plans will be.

Three Days in the Tomb

Yes, that's pretty much how it feels this morning. The good thing is that there is a four day weekend at the end of it.

I had a monster migraine yesterday and the pain in my neck and shoulder became unbearable. I went to church in the morning but went to bed afterward. I've had three "Imitrex" required migraines since November 2007. That is an improvement but I suspect that some days I should have taken a pill and didn't. I used to take at least nine of them in less than three months. I truly believe if I could get rid of this shoulder and arm pain, I'd feel a lot better. My shoulder and arm feels like this constant, day in and day out cramping bruise. It can trigger a headache at any moment. This morning I know that a migraine is just below the surface. I just get this feeling in my head and I know. I always feel pretty bad after a bad pain day. I know it is just the lack of rest that triggers a depressive state and I'll get through it but the ride is not fun.

I joined the Y on Saturday as I believe I already said but when I got done I was so exhausted I could hardly move. I will have to go back but it won't be tonight I suspect. I need to call and ask about getting help to use the weights so I can see if they will help with the muscle weakness.

I am only 10,000 words behind on my word count. Don't see how I can catch up unless something dramatic happens to fire off the befuddled synapses. I've just sort of given up on it but I keep writing, even a few hundred words, as I did last night.

I have to go now and finish getting ready for work. I have a ton of stuff waiting to be done and a short time to do it. I would like to go in today and have the energy just to get it done. It isn't impossible, just overwhelming. So, say prayers for me, cross fingers and toes, wish me luck, say more prayers. Whatever blessing for productivity you can throw at me, please do.