When I started thinking about creating a website for myself it was just a passing fancy, messing around creating a site using programs designed for that. In my case, I used Microsoft Office Publisher. During my play, I had an idea that I could do one for my church as well. So, I did it and actually posted it first. It was nice but the side effect of that was I wanted to do it better. So, I used what I learned to do my own site. And I was pretty pleased with it, even while thinking it was silly. At my age! Then, I wanted to do it better!
So I did updates, scronging the web for ideas and fancy scripts and codes to play with, new little gadgets, moving stuff around, adding and dropping pages. After the second update I had added some of my writing to my personal site. I got compliments and requests. Then, I wanted to do it better! So, I did.
I found that the programs just didn't give me the creativity I wanted. I realized that the problem was I didn't really understand how to work with the codes. I decided I had to learn to create the pages from coding so the writing pages would look better and I could make other changes within the program formated pages. Two birds, one stone.
So, I cruised the web for sites to teach me, I printed off manuals. And I did it. I learned the basics and created some pretty, simple pages. I think they look beautiful. Nothing fancy, just nice and focusing on the writing rather than gadgets. Ah, but then, I wanted to do it better. So now, I am looking at style sheets and thinking I have to learn this next. I still rely on my good old Publisher to do the heavy work.
In the midst of learning html and creating pages, I decided on a blog. You are seeing the results of that. I love the learning process but it became a struggle. I almost quit a couple of times. However, tenacity is my secret name. It was whispered in my ear by God just before my birth.
He gave it to me because He knew I would need every ounce of it to get through the muddle people made of my life until I could take the reins myself or give them to Him. I realized early that He steered much better than I do. Occassionally, I take the reins back, just because I want to get better at it but He is a master charioteer. Riding next to Him has been an awesome experience.
I realized yesterday, when I saw the sonagram pictures below that I was having fun at all this. I am in the middle of turmoil, stress beyond imagination, pain nearly beyond endurance, broke most of the time, and frustration at my inability to fix it all. But I am having fun!
My oldest son recently visited my website after the recent update. He said "Wow, Mom, you have accomplished so much in your life!"
I had to step back and think about what he said. "What accomplishments?" I asked.
He said, "You have two grown sons who are married and on their own, you have two websites, a blog and your writing is on the web. What more could you want!"
In a couple of sentences he had boiled my entire 50 years down into its simplest terms. I can't write that well! And his view was a bit overstated. But just the fact that he stated it so succinctly annoyed me. He was complimenting me and I was annoyed by it!
I was forced to ponder life and my successes. I don't know that I have any. But I realized a couple of things. I dreamed of them. I worked at them. Some I attained, some I have not. It seems failures far out number the successes. The important thing is that I keep trying. Mama would have said it is the little things that are important. And Mike had seen right to the core of my life. I don't know whether I will be a published author or not. I don't know if my sites are a success. I don' t know if I will ever have a car that doesn't leak or stop in the middle of the road without warning.
I do know that it is unthinkable to stop. The road is a ribbon running through hills and valleys with hidden curves and bumps. I am in a red convertible and the top is down, the sun is high and the wind is filled with the scent of pines. Today the road is mine.
Saturday, March 4, 2006
Wednesday, March 1, 2006
It's a Real Baby!
Yahoo! Baby pictures are here! I have attached a copy of my first grandchild's picture. Isn't it adorable? These were taken this morning! If you click on the picture you will open one that is a bit larger. Use your back button to come back to this page.
We don't know if it is a boy or girl yet because it is too early to tell. But they said it could be left handed. You can see the left hand just below the word "Hi" in the picture. During the sonogram it kept moving the left hand to its face and didn't move the right hand at all. Becca was so worried she asked if it had a right hand. They laughed and showed it to her.
The left handed idea is not too farfetched. Becca is left handed and both grandmothers (her mom and I) are left handed. So, the odds favor it. There is not anyone in my family that we are aware of who was or is left handed. I am the only leftie in the Gilmore, Browder, Patch clans as far as I know. Neither of my sons is left handed. Strange, huh? But my son married a left handed girl who everyone thinks looks like my daughter!
Get this. The due day for above baby is between September 12 and 16. My due date for my other son, Mike, was September 12. He was born on September 22! We are hoping that that this baby will be born on Mike's birthday too. Every kid needs an Uncle Mike and to share a birthday with him would be awesome for both of them.
I think once we saw today's photos we all got excited. Becca said the baby was very active on the sonogram and the nurse said everything looked great. They also gave her some more medicine to help her not be so sick. Today she felt wonderful. She is such a fun girl to have around when she feels well.
I am going to bed now!! Really! Isn't it cute?
Monday, Monday
It seems that every time I think something is going to get better that something else happens to prove I am wrong. I don’t know what it is. I don’t believe in luck but it seems of late that dark clouds seem to follow me in mass.
On Monday, Jerry fell in the yard, onto the patio. He broke and dislocated his two middle fingers of his right hand. He had a small break but it was in a place where a ligament was attached and the bones broke through the skin causing what the doctor called an open dislocation. The exact piece of bone where the ligament was attached, the volar plate, is what broke off. The doctor put the fingers back in their proper place, sewed up the open wounds on the palm side of his fingers and sent us home. I had three hours sleep that night. I spent Tuesday morning at the orthopedic doctor’s, had lunch, then spent the afternoon at the rehab waiting while they put a splint on him. I went home and spent the evening playing nurse and fixing supper. I tried to take a nap but Becca was sick and needed something and I had to get up. So, I didn’t make a further attempt until midnight.
I was so sick today, Wednesday morning, that I just could not get up and go to work. I slept until 10:30 and was sluggish until about 2 p.m..
Since Monday afternoon, I was also angry because I was at work when this happened and my family had to call five times before they could get the moronic girl on the switchboard get someone call me to the phone. Actually, I was on the phone with a client. She told them she just didn’t have time to fool with it.
Tonight I am going to go to bed on time well, for me anyway. It is now 11:00 p.m. so I better get to it. Next post will contain some positive substance!
On Monday, Jerry fell in the yard, onto the patio. He broke and dislocated his two middle fingers of his right hand. He had a small break but it was in a place where a ligament was attached and the bones broke through the skin causing what the doctor called an open dislocation. The exact piece of bone where the ligament was attached, the volar plate, is what broke off. The doctor put the fingers back in their proper place, sewed up the open wounds on the palm side of his fingers and sent us home. I had three hours sleep that night. I spent Tuesday morning at the orthopedic doctor’s, had lunch, then spent the afternoon at the rehab waiting while they put a splint on him. I went home and spent the evening playing nurse and fixing supper. I tried to take a nap but Becca was sick and needed something and I had to get up. So, I didn’t make a further attempt until midnight.
I was so sick today, Wednesday morning, that I just could not get up and go to work. I slept until 10:30 and was sluggish until about 2 p.m..
Since Monday afternoon, I was also angry because I was at work when this happened and my family had to call five times before they could get the moronic girl on the switchboard get someone call me to the phone. Actually, I was on the phone with a client. She told them she just didn’t have time to fool with it.
Tonight I am going to go to bed on time well, for me anyway. It is now 11:00 p.m. so I better get to it. Next post will contain some positive substance!
Sunday, February 26, 2006
Whine Tasting Weekend
There is no point in moaning about it. I am going to state emphatically that I will never be a good blogger! I just don’t appear to have whatever it takes to keep it going. Actually, I started a post yesterday and something happened to it. Now, I am starting over.
I always put the blog last on the to-do-list and it shows. The last month I have spent time creating new pages for my website, updated and posted updates to the two sites, cut out the fabric for 4 maternity skirts and one blouse and made two of the skirts, gone shopping for maternity clothes for my daughter-in-law, I have worked 40 hours a week, and done housecleaning on the weekends. My RA has been very painful and I have worked in pain. There is no relief for it, so it seems.
I take 500 mg naproxen sodium twice a day for the RA and it usually takes the edge off. This month, the pain has been an endless expanse. Friday night, finally, I took a doxepin. I was prescribed this antidepressant about 15 years ago for migraine headaches and insomnia. It helps balance the serotonin in the brain. It worked wonders and I didn’t have to take it every day, only as needed. In the last couple of years, the doctors want me to take it every night before bedtime to help me sleep better and keep me from having so many headaches. I have not done that but I discovered Friday night that my pain was less on Saturday morning than usual. By the evening, it had worn off. So, I took another Saturday night. Today is Sunday and the pain is just as bad as it has been for weeks. I am tired of making the effort.
Everything is pushed aside for pain. I don’t want to go to work, I don’t want to write, and I don’t want to be around people. I have to pretend everything is ok or I am a whiner. I have to smile when I feel like collapsing in the floor and screaming or I am depressing to everyone around me. I want to cry but the cistern where they are stored is dry. It doesn’t help at all. Even writing this sounds like I am complaining. That makes me feel worse.
I got so angry last night with Jerry because he had done nothing while I worked overtime yesterday, Saturday. He was supposed to do several things and none were done. He sits in the chair all day, drugged out of his mind on morphine. All his trips are in his mind and he doesn’t even know it.
They are weaning him off Lortabs with the morphine. They have already stopped the Lortabs and upped the morphine. I expect them to start reducing the morphine in a few weeks. He took pain meds for two years for the problem with his back. And he is an addictive personality. He has lost 30 pounds since his surgery but morphine takes away appetite. I have no doubt that once they take him off the drug that he will gain it back.
He was not supposed to pick up anything heavier than a gallon of milk for three months but that doesn’t mean he can’t do other things. He never gets out and walks like they told him. He just sits in his chair and sleeps with the television going. That’s why I know the weight loss is not natural. I have told him he is supposed to walk but he won’t do it. He has taken two walks since December to the end of the street once (two houses down) and another about twice that far.
I guess I am just worn out. I stopped feeling appreciated years ago and I have learned to deal with it as a part of life. I stopped taking my sense of worth from everyone around me. But you get tired, you know. Trying to make sure all the bills are paid, that there is enough food in the house, that the house is clean, and that repairs are done, taxes filed, and appointments are kept. I am doing everything and frankly, some things are beginning to slip. I no longer care if the kitchen floor ever gets fixed, or why the washer is pouring oil by the gallon on the rotten floor in the laundry room or if the spray nozzle ever gets screwed back on, if the leak around the side door is dealt with, or if the cabinets in the garage are ever installed. Today, I want to walk and see what else is out there. Tired doesn’t begin to encompass it.
I always put the blog last on the to-do-list and it shows. The last month I have spent time creating new pages for my website, updated and posted updates to the two sites, cut out the fabric for 4 maternity skirts and one blouse and made two of the skirts, gone shopping for maternity clothes for my daughter-in-law, I have worked 40 hours a week, and done housecleaning on the weekends. My RA has been very painful and I have worked in pain. There is no relief for it, so it seems.
I take 500 mg naproxen sodium twice a day for the RA and it usually takes the edge off. This month, the pain has been an endless expanse. Friday night, finally, I took a doxepin. I was prescribed this antidepressant about 15 years ago for migraine headaches and insomnia. It helps balance the serotonin in the brain. It worked wonders and I didn’t have to take it every day, only as needed. In the last couple of years, the doctors want me to take it every night before bedtime to help me sleep better and keep me from having so many headaches. I have not done that but I discovered Friday night that my pain was less on Saturday morning than usual. By the evening, it had worn off. So, I took another Saturday night. Today is Sunday and the pain is just as bad as it has been for weeks. I am tired of making the effort.
Everything is pushed aside for pain. I don’t want to go to work, I don’t want to write, and I don’t want to be around people. I have to pretend everything is ok or I am a whiner. I have to smile when I feel like collapsing in the floor and screaming or I am depressing to everyone around me. I want to cry but the cistern where they are stored is dry. It doesn’t help at all. Even writing this sounds like I am complaining. That makes me feel worse.
I got so angry last night with Jerry because he had done nothing while I worked overtime yesterday, Saturday. He was supposed to do several things and none were done. He sits in the chair all day, drugged out of his mind on morphine. All his trips are in his mind and he doesn’t even know it.
They are weaning him off Lortabs with the morphine. They have already stopped the Lortabs and upped the morphine. I expect them to start reducing the morphine in a few weeks. He took pain meds for two years for the problem with his back. And he is an addictive personality. He has lost 30 pounds since his surgery but morphine takes away appetite. I have no doubt that once they take him off the drug that he will gain it back.
He was not supposed to pick up anything heavier than a gallon of milk for three months but that doesn’t mean he can’t do other things. He never gets out and walks like they told him. He just sits in his chair and sleeps with the television going. That’s why I know the weight loss is not natural. I have told him he is supposed to walk but he won’t do it. He has taken two walks since December to the end of the street once (two houses down) and another about twice that far.
I guess I am just worn out. I stopped feeling appreciated years ago and I have learned to deal with it as a part of life. I stopped taking my sense of worth from everyone around me. But you get tired, you know. Trying to make sure all the bills are paid, that there is enough food in the house, that the house is clean, and that repairs are done, taxes filed, and appointments are kept. I am doing everything and frankly, some things are beginning to slip. I no longer care if the kitchen floor ever gets fixed, or why the washer is pouring oil by the gallon on the rotten floor in the laundry room or if the spray nozzle ever gets screwed back on, if the leak around the side door is dealt with, or if the cabinets in the garage are ever installed. Today, I want to walk and see what else is out there. Tired doesn’t begin to encompass it.
Saturday, February 4, 2006
Oh the Woes of Everyday Life
Has this been a busy time for me or what! So true. I thought for a bit that I would have to just cash it in and not do the blog at all. But I am not a quiter and will continue to try. I don't know if anyone is even visiting! It says I have had 32 visits but no one says a word. Better no word than "You stink!"
I just posted the latest update to the church website. Please drop by and take a look. I love doing the websites but they take so much of my time when I do the updates. It took me two weeks to do this update and once it was posted, I had a problem with the photo page and had to take another week to find a slide show that would take a lot of photos and still load with some speed. I don't know if I succeded but take a look and let me know.
My website is next on my list. I am going to do a major overhaul on it. It was my very first expriement with website creation and since I have gained greater knowledge I am eager to update it. I do get a lot of compliments on the writing so I will be featuring more of it. I would love to do this stuff for a living.
Becca is as sick as a dog with "morning sickness" that she has most of every day. She has been to the ER three times to be rehydrated. They have been giving her meds which have not worked well. If you know of any good remedies, let us know!
Dave had a bug two weeks ago and was sick all of that Saturday night. The following Monday, Jerry appeared to have it. Only Jerry has been throwing up for the last week, off and on. I was getting ready for work Friday morning and he was in the other bathroom being very sick. He came down the hall and I told him to call his doctor. It was about the nth time I had done so. I also asked him if he was doing this all day every day ,as it seemed like it to me. He said no and then he looked at me and said, "I will be glad when she has that baby." I lost it then and laughed for about five minutes.
My Rheumatoid Arthiritis flared up this week and it was a terrible week but Friday was horrible. The pain in my legs, knees, shoulders and hands was the worst it has been in awhile. Not sure what triggered it because I take 500 mg Naproxin sodium every day. I am supposed to take it twice a day but it is hard on the stomach and so I play conservative with it. Have to keep antiacids handy even then and be sure to eat when I take it. Yesterday, I felt as if I had had no medicine at all. And last night I fell over a basket and caught myself with my hands. Pain is relative... to the abuse you place on your body.
Haven't worked on my writing as much lately because of the website updates. Hope to be back on track with that soon. I have stuff brewing in my head that needs to be on paper.
Also have been crocheting again this week. Working on the hair bun holders. Becca says I should sell these. I will have to upload a picture of one. And I decided to do a baby blanket and I might try a baby sweater or something.
Today I have been paying bills and now I must stop and do the bank statement. I dread that because Jerry and the debit card are not coordinated well. There is always about $100 missing in the register when I try and reconcile it. So he is not to use the debit card except when he absolutely must. Now, he just writes more checks.
I shall sign off now and hope to dash off another post soon. Today, life is grand. But be careful, it can turn in a moment.
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