Thinking On Thursday

I think I couldn't have asked for a lovelier day that today. The sun shone all day and there was no biting wind to cut through your clothes. When I came home for lunch it was warm enough to leave my coat open. I still needed it but I didn't have to be wrapped in a bear rug. And the final bonus is that the snow was melting... again.

Work was meh. Not very hectic and I actually had only about four phone calls. That's almost astounding. Rarely do I have a day with less than ten. It ranges from 125 to 170 a month. I have has 225 one month. Thank God that is rare as well. So, I came home tired but not in a metal stupor.

I'm not writing and I hate it. I am, of course, doing this blog but this is the easy part. Very few people read or comment and I don't feel compelled to writer riveting prose. I've done a bit on my novel but it is virtually impossible to do more than a few hundred words and I went through a week where when I tried, I simply wanted to toss it all out the window and pretend it never happened. Everything about it stunk. I didn't, of course, but the impulse is still hanging around.

No, the creative stuff is what I'm having the most trouble with. I simply can't shake the brain fog. This is about as bad as it has ever been and today is a bit better than usual. I feel as if I need days and days of sleep. I push through the work day to come home feeling as if I've done an all nighter. I could go to bed at 7 p.m. and sleep but I'd be up in six hours in pain and my schedule would really get out of whack. I doubt I'd get through the work day.

I think it is time for a real vacation. Seriously, I need to start planning it. I have to do it well in advance or I will just sit at home and do nothing. Which, if I think about it, sounds heavenly if I could be sure no one would need something. No, the only way to do that is leave town. But funds are severely limited and thus my choices. I would dearly love to have a week, in a room, on the beach where I could wake up in the morning and look out and see the blue ocean and hear the waves. I'd go sit in a chair or lie on a blanket in the sand and bask in the warmth of a coastal sun. I'd slater up with lotion with just enough spf to let me toast a bit. The cost of that little trip is beyond me.

The other problem with this idea is with the fog in my brain I don't like driving and going places because it becomes very confusing after a bit and extremely tiring. So, I'd end up feeling depressed to be stuck in one place alone. I suspect it is why I really don't do the shopping thing at all anymore. I used to tolerate it once in awhile if I had company. These days, it ends up a long walk to nowhere and I feel that time could have been better spent and have cost me less in terms of money and energy.

Tonight I've just played it quiet and easy. Took a hot bath, had waffles and sausage for supper. Had a cup of coffee, which I might regret, and discovered that Apple Cider Vinegar in ice water stops my indigestion. Go figure on that last one. I actually like the tart taste of this drink and for some reason, the vinegar makes the water seem colder. I just used about a teaspoon in a 8 ounce glass of water and ice. I didn't realize the indigestion was gone while. That's when I realized I could have those waffles, sausage, and coffee. An upside down day, for sure.

Now I think I will stop this and get ready for bed. Last night I was in bed by 10:30. I am planning on doing that tonight. I'd like to do it for several weeks and see how I feel. One of the problems with fibro is sleep deprivation. No matter how much you get, it seems to never be enough. And, if you really don't get enough, you pay a heavy price. The fog is near impenetrable.

So, good night sweet prince, wherever you may be. Our paths are not destined to cross. For you are there and I am here. And never the twain shall meet.

To the rest of you, g'nite.