Widowed Friends

 If you're one of my widowed friends, hop over to Rendered Praise for the post titled

Where was Job's Wife.

Try To Remember... September

 My senior check-up today went well. I could remember the three words and set a clock. I told them they should ask me about the calendar instead, since half the time I don't know what day it is. My doctor, who is probably half my age, said she can't either. 

The doctor I see is lovely. She doesn't berate me about my "herbal" experiments or refusal to take certain medicines or shots. They gave me a pneumonia shot, but I refused the flu shot. I told her the only time I ever got a flu shot was in 1999 and it made me terribly sick. I haven't had one since. She said, "I saw that."

I've lost 10 lbs in the last month. It is probably because I've cut most of my carbs and I've eliminated one meal a day. I also have been taking B1 for three months now and it has had a huge effect on my sugar cravings. So, we'll see how this goes.

The effect on my fibro is nothing sort of miraculous. Brain fog disappeared and my pain from fibro has dropped very low. I still have RA and fibro, but most of the fibro symptoms are barely noticeable. The only thing I still notice is fatigue. It has lessened but not disappeared. 

I have started back at the gym but I'm not doing weights for a bit. My arm is doing well, but they've said to wait because of the pain I've been having in the arm. 

I've been trying to get myself organized. Again. I've been making lists of things I need to do the next day. Then, as I do it, I mark it off. This may sound fairly normal to you, but for me it isn't. I'm definitely not a list person. 

For weeks, I've had problems with depression and a sense of despair. Auto-immune diseases do that to you. But so does the news. No one wants to hear about your problems, so you have to keep it bottled up. Again, not a good idea. So, I spent an afternoon ranting to God. He's much nicer than people. He listens, doesn't smite me, and once I'm finished, he helps me see much clearer. I had a short piece of writing that day that came to me and was surprised it helped me. For some reason, the contents helped me. I'll share it on Rendered Praise soon. Maybe someone else needs it.

After my meltdown, I realized the people who fail you are often the most surprising. People say things you never dream they'd say. It's painful when it happens, but it reminded me that what a person says in those moments tells you more about who they really are than the face you often see. Those unguarded moments, reveals the person behind the mask. 

For a day, I hung clothes on the line. I planned to hang more, but by the time I got to the next load, it was getting dark and I don't actually like hanging clothes in the dark. I don't get scared, but having my back to the dark part of the yard is uncomfortable. Having my back to open doors is too, but in the dark, that's worse. 

Last weekend I priced wall panels for the half bath. Bead board panels. That bathroom is so small I can't do a lot of crazy stuff. The wall is so damaged after having contact paper on it, that I either have to rip it out or find something to go over it. Panels are the easiest and bead board, I think will look nice in a small space. To make it feel less closed in, I plan to hang a picture of a window with an exterior view on one wall. A smaller sink will also give me more space. I mean, all we do in there is wash hands and brush teeth. I'm not washing my hair or doing laundry. 

So, that's my September. 

Bad Apples

 The day is gloomy, and we've had a little rain. Yesterday I had the abscessed tooth pulled. I thought he was going to pull my head off! He had to split it into three pieces and pull each one out. Then he had to stitch me up with three stitches. None of it hurt because they had me numbed. However, as he's pulling, I had to hold my head and shoulders down with some effort. 

Mike drove me home and as soon as I got in the house, I sat down. He left, and I passed out in the chair. I was so exhausted. I went to bed early last night and got up around 8:30 this morning. Still not having a lot of pain but I'm still so tired. And my neck and shoulders feel tired. 

I can only say, I'm glad that is over. I never want another abscess tooth. And I never want another extraction. Unfortunately, I have at least one that has to be pulled on the opposite side. Teeth are probably another casualty of Covid. We couldn't get dental treatments for nearly two years. One year of lock down and the second year of trying to get an appointment. 

In other news, I guess things are fine. The things going on in the world have disturbed me and made me wonder how we got to the place where we've placed evil, corrupt people in charge of the country. It isn't like we have a King or a dictator ... well, except for the Democrats, who appear to think they should be the only people in charge. I know no one is perfect, but let's just say some are far less perfect that others. There isn't enough money to pay me to vote for a single Democrat. Until the Trump election, I'd always voted for the person, never for the party. I wasn't even registered with either party until Bush. After the last election, I'll never vote for any candidate on the democratic ticket, no matter how much I think they're a good choice. And I'm not real happy with the Republicans either. 

I never thought I'd say this, but I agree with Roseanne Barr. I do not believe we'll ever see another election. I believe they'll prevent it at any cost. The downfall of America has happened in the last 4 years. We knew it was coming, but it is painful to see. We're rotten to the core. 

Yeah, that's where I've been living since they burned Lahaina down. That gave me several sleepless nights. And the forest fires that they've been starting. Just read somewhere that Gates is going to cut down seventy million trees in the US. Why would a climate change guru do that? Because he can. 

Oh poop. This blog is about my life, not the rest of the world, and certainly not the baffling people running the show. And if you don't think Gates is running anything, do some research. I did. 

They should release the Epstein List to the public. We have a right to know who the sickos are. We should make sure none of them are in office anywhere on the planet.

OK, rotten to the core. Rotten apples spoil the whole barrel and this barrel is rank. 

Today's rant is over. I'm so tired!

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Line Dried Sheets

Have your children ever experienced sleeping on cotton sheets that were dried in the sun? If they haven't, you've deprived them of one of the most exquisite sensations in life and a marvelous memory to carry with them. 

The feeling of slipping between cool cotton sheets and putting your head on a cotton pillow case is something no one can describe adequately to you. You must experience it. 

There is also a special scent to them that only comes from line drying. I pity those who have severe allergies and cannot experience this. Being tucked between those crisp sheets and surrounded by the sweet scent of the outdoors at bedtime is one of the most wonderful memories from my childhood. I have carried those memories with me and now, my granddaughter has learned to appreciate crispy, sun-dried cotton sheets. 

Today, my white cotton sheets are out on the line, drying in a boiling sun. Those in the photo are not mine. All my favorite sheets are white, though I have a couple of pastel colors. I also still have a few printed sets. I stopped buying those when I realized only one item in any set, usually the bottom sheet, will get too worn to use and I had either throw them all away or create mismatch sets. And that sets my teeth on edge. 

I have several microfiber sets I bought when the old sets wore out and I couldn't find affordable cotton sets. Just try to find a set of cotton sheets, or try to find a single fitted sheet. I've walked Walmart, Target, and cruised Amazon many times and couldn't get cotton. That changed recently when I found Thread Spread on Amazon. I was overjoyed to find a single fitted sheet, 400 thread count, for less than $20. That's astounding. 

Why am I telling you this? I don't know. Maybe because when I was hanging up those sheets, I realized how much it felt as if I was back to a different time and place. I've hung so many sheets on so many lines. I was in my 30s before I had a dryer. We lived in the south, where it is hot and clothes lines are standard with nearly every home. If I recall, we even had clothes lines in some apartments we lived in. And in Germany, we had a line on our balcony that the owner had installed. In the winter, Jerry's underwear froze, but it eventually dried. 

Anyway, I enjoyed the sensation of hanging up those sheets and pillowcases. I was so caught up in the act that I didn't really notice how hot it was until I came inside. When I sat down, I had this flood of memories of Mama hanging up clothes in the backyard while singing hymns. Or yelling at us to stop fighting. Or calling Daddy to come take care of something. I remembered Michael in a walker darting around me while I hung clothes, and Jerry took photos of it all. I still have that photo. Warm days, gentle drying breezes, and cool, crisp sheets at the end of the day to dream sweet dreams. 

Here's a challenge. Hang out your sheets and when you tuck your child or your grandchild into bed on them, tell them about your memories of line dried sheets and your Mama as she hung them out. I hope they're cotton sheets. If not, buy a set to use for just this purpose. The memories are worth it. 

Fighting Dragons

It would be so nice if you could reach out and capture a day and hold it in place for a little longer, if you could take a net and gather up moments to store them for darker days. You can't but how nice if you could. 

Sarah has been home since the first of June. She leaves Saturday going back to Ohio where she lives with her dad. I know grandmothers are supposed to be used to the grandchildren living elsewhere, but Sarah spent her first 9 years in my home, sometimes with her parents, but much of it without them. So, to say there is an immense hole in my home and heart when she isn't here is an understatement. This month has given me back laughter and joy. 

I loved being a mom. I had so much fun with my boys and I missed it when they left. It has been the same with Sarah when she came into our lives. 

I'm always fascinated by kids. They're amazing creatures and watching their development, their mental growth is just awesome. Who and what they'll be is a mystery that is solved over time. If we're blessed, we'll see the solution. 

I am always stunned when I see myself in Sarah. We share a love of deep conversation. She's a skilled listener in those moments. I can't tell you when I've discussed issues of faith and prayer and the Bible so much with one person. She is open to discussion, and she asks questions. That's half the battle with teens. But she has far more understanding than I expect. Several years ago, I commented on this to her and she said; I listen when I am in church. It showed. Her attentiveness hasn't waned as I expected and this time with her has refreshed my spirit. It has reminded me of the late-night conversations with Mama and how we would sometimes talk for hours when everyone in the house was sound asleep. It is what I miss most about Mama. But Sarah has the gift.

We also share a similar sense of humor. She's always joking or saying things that have a humorous twist. I'm reminded of a text I read once that said humor is a sigh of intelligence. I'm not talking about playing pranks or making fun of people, that's shifts into psychopathy. Genuine humor isn't about that. She's mastered the art of understatement and I've often been nearly hysterical at things she says.

The month has done more than give me some happiness. I've regained a fragile hope. You worry, you know. When they go through dark times, you worry they won't come out of it. Many children don't. She's lived through a lot of dark times in 16 years. She's done some really stupid things. Children do that. It is how they grow. Life is a series of tests. But what I've seen in the last month, tells me the Sarah I know is still in there. The humor, kindness, compassion, and love I've always seen in her is intact. But she's fighting dragons. And fighting dragons is exhausting. However, seeing the craving for understanding the Bible, her  desire to grow her faith, and her desire to learn more are positive signs that she will not let the dragons eat her. Not without a fight.

Dragons are real. They come in all shapes, sizes, and guises. Facing them takes tremendous determination, strength, and courage. I know this from experience. Thank goodness I had a Sword and Shield and Mama. 

As our time ends, I see a strength in Sarah that I feared she did not have. She's fighting dragons between moments of despair. But she's fighting.

Jerry and I tried to provide our sons with the same weapons. I may have failed them, but I hope not. Still, I made a greater effort to arm Sarah with weapons that could slay dragons. I've spent more time sharing my battles with dragons. We're so afraid of letting our children know about the dragons we face and the battles we lost. That's a mistake. If you want to encourage your children to fail, don't let them see your dragons. And hide your scars. Pretend there are no dragons. Tell them they're the problem, not dragons. Send them out with no warning, no defense, and no faith in them. 

Dragons will eat them.