The Price of Fame

For the first time since I started this blog in 2005 I've had to turn on word verification. I'm getting slammed with spam from dummies from overseas with commercial sites. They're pretending to be reading the blog and commenting on my wonderful content and excellent layout. All have badly worded comments that are obviously from a translation and probably being sent by bots.

First, I'm not stupid. I don't have anything approaching wonderful content. It is a personal journal that gets comments mostly from people I've been acquainted with in some way for years. While I do like the visual aspect of my blog, again, it isn't typical nor earth shaking. So, obviously, the dopes sending the lunch meat can't even program their bots to fool anyone. What a waste of time.

Just like the canned counterpart, spam stinks, tastes nasty, and is more or less meat parts trying to pass for steak. So, I've turned on the word verification feature and you'll have to type in a bunch of numbers or letters and submit if you comment, making it more difficult and frustrating for some to leave a comment.

Ah, the price of fame. Suddenly, I'm worth spamming. Who knew.

Through the Wringer and Out Back

Today is not a good day. I'll just tell you up front. Sometime during the night I went through a wringer washer and every joint is screaming in pain today. Many of you won't remember wringer washers but believe it or not it revolutionized laundry for the common housewife and rumor has it that it broke a few arms in the process. Let me just tell you, it is painful.

As I type this I hear heavy thunder which tells me another round is coming. I've called my RA doctor several times but no one answers the phone. You have to leave a message. I did but since she isn't even in but a few days a week, I have no idea when someone will get back to me. So, this isn't going to improve soon.

Before my journey through said wringer, the weekend was productive as far as getting the yard in shape. I still don't have my flowers out and at this point, I'm not sure when I will... if I will. The weather has turned rather, well, not exactly nasty but repeatedly wet at inconvenient times. However, we have a couple of raised beds with stuff planted. My sister and I are doing this together and we eat different things; it became apparent when we shopped for stuff to plant. I don't do yellow squash but like zucchini. I don't do okra but she does. I don't do eggplant but she does. We ran into difficulty finding things we really wanted that we both liked.

Also, it seems that everyone in Indiana eats huge quantities of tomatoes because they had hundreds of plants of a half dozen varieties. Since tomatoes give me acid reflux I don't do those either, although I do like them. We did buy one of the low acid variety and maybe I can have a few BLT's or just a plain old tomato sandwich. Love those. 

We got a couple of blackberry vines but probably won't see berries in quantity until next spring. I don't care. Sarah is going to pick blackberries. Never heard of cultivating the things until I came here and there are no dirt roads where you can just stroll along and eat them right off the vine until you bust. 

 We bought some seeds but it is rather late to start those but what the hay, we did anyway. Maybe we'll have three different varieties of beans. I was flabbergasted at what they didn't sell here. Not turnip, collard, or mustard seeds. 

And wonder of wonders, I bought a fig tree! Yes I did. This is another thing I have missed. You can't find a fig tree here to save you. I grew up eating fresh figs. Mama made jelly and preserves. I just want them fresh. I know that these things may never get big enough before I die to get more than a few figs but I'm good with that. 

I went to bed 11 a.m. and dozed for about two hours. I simply couldn't take it anymore and had to get my hands under the covers and warm. I wasn't really cold but I just didn't know what else to do. It helped marginally. When I got up, I wasn't feeling a whole lot better. I've not been able to do anything today but sit and read and stare at the rain falling.

The rain continues to fall in spurts but very heavy ones and the air is nice and cool. I am slightly better at 6:30 p.m. than I was at noon, when I began this post. I'm headed to the kitchen for some chili and then to the bathroom for a hot shower. 

My doctor's office never did call me back. I don't suppose it matters. Hands still hurt and burn. Nothing they can do for me. It would be nice to ask though. 

Rememberance

It was a beautiful day outside today. I got up this morning, pain in my neck, and headed out to the hospital lab to get blood work done for my primary care doctor. I decided that since my rheumatologist has standing orders for me to have blood test every 4 weeks I thought it was a good idea to kill two birds with one stone and combined the draw for both doctors. Only one stick.

After I left the vampires behind, I headed back home, changed my shoes and went to the cemetery to walk. I was surprised. I've been walking at there for almost a year now, off and on. It is just a beautiful place but I rarely see anyone about, even the cleaning crews. It is part of the reason I like walking there.

Today was different. The place seemed to be crawling with people and cars. They were coming and going and I had to get off the road a couple of times to allow two cars to pass. Most were old people, some on walkers, and some were probably middle age, and there were a couple of young mothers with children. Everyone had flowers and I noticed that flowers were more prevalent all over the cemetery. I found myself feeling a bit put out by all the coming and going but comforted by the fact someone remembered.

America is not a culture of death. Quite the contrary, we exhibit life with all the stops pulled out, never thinking about tomorrow, never looking back. We're a country focused on, as one beer company used to put it, "all the gusto you can get." We live for and in the moment, at break-neck speed. It is why drugs are so popular. When this feverish existence seems to slow down, because life actually runs at a much slower pace than we force it to, we are faced with normalcy and the drugs speed things up again. When you're moving so fast, reality is a blur you can ignore.

So, cemeteries are places we go when we die, to be forgotten. It is where life stops. If you don't believe me, ask anyone if they visit the cemeteries for any reason and how often. You may even get a few pulled faces and comments about morbidity and creepiness. But if you ask the same folks if they want to be forgotten, they will tell you they don't. In fact, I think most of us don't believe we will be forgotten. 

As I walked today, around each curve someone was getting out of a car, bending over a grave, placing flowers, or leaving a grave site. It was moving in an odd way. Of course, you know me, always find the flaw in the pattern, I realized that my home is not here. I have no extended family here but a granddaughter, son and a sister, none of whom I believe will remain here when I am gone, if they outlive me. My granddaughter, especially will likely go off to college, meet a Prince Charming and move somewhere else. I'm not likely to see that. And I will lie here in this cemetery, forgotten. No one will lay flowers or stare at my name carved in the stone and remember me.

This has bothered me a lot since Jerry died. As I said, no one wants to be forgotten. One of my greatest sorrows has always been that my Mama lies in a cemetery so far away I can't visit her grave and place flowers on it. I know that they're not "there" but this desire to leave mementos on graves is as old as humanity. It is inherent in us. Archaeologist repeatedly find sites of ancient burials with the remains of flowers and other mementos that were left by the living. Maybe some people do not have this inclination but it is so prevalent around the world that I wonder what is wrong with those who don't. What has happened to change us? 

It used to be even more common for people to visit cemeteries than it is today. Latin American countries have Dia de los Muertos (Day of the Dead) where whole families have veritable picnics in cemeteries to pay homage to their dead and celebrate their life. Asia and Africa have many special ceremonies to honor their dead.  While these may seem extreme or weird to us, I don't find the intent odd at all. 

I rounded the last curve in my walk and the VA section came into view. I saw all those flags waving in the breeze. I saw the flowers I  placed on Jerry's grave and flowers other's had placed on their loved one's grave. I walked over to Jerry's and adjusted it. I read the name carved in the stone. I looked at the rows of graves of those who served this country, some sacrificing their life for it. More than a hundred small flags fluttered in the breeze and there were more on other Veteran graves in other parts of the cemetery. Monday there will be a memorial service here and the names of all the veterans who died in the last 12 months will be read aloud. There will be a 21 gun salute fired and a benediction given. For this weekend, at least, they are remembered. 

For those of you who are still with us who served and those who still serve, you are a special breed and you have my eternal thanks for your service to this nation. 

Remembering The Rules

Today I was reading a set of penalties posted on Facebook for parents to use with their kids. It focused on doing good things to earn points to revoke grounding. It was a brilliant idea. It reminded me of the set of "rules" we posted on our refrigerator for our sons when they were teenagers. When they got in trouble they had to read them and specifically focus on the item that applied to their situation. It was posted on the fridge for years and I remember when they finally moved out, I took it down and the paper was all stiff and the ink faded but it was still legible.

As I read over them again today it reminded me that I wasn't a terrible parent. I did do some things right and now, years after I wrote and posted these rules, I can look at my sons and realize that despite their flaws, we didn't do a terrible job. If I compare the positive with the negative I can see that something got through to them. I see caring and compassion men who show respect for others, well, most of the time. No one is perfect here. They love their country and respect its laws and as far as possible, its leaders. They believe in the rights of others and when those rights are infringed, they are incensed. They recognize the dangers of tyranny and want to fix it. 

They love God. This has always been so important to us. We saw how the world was failing and we feared that they would stray far away from their faith and never find their way back. And they did stray but we also watched, with great fear, as they struggled to return to that faith and to reinstate the values we tried to instil in them. We often feared the struggle would end in failure. Their dad is dead now but I know, were he alive, he'd feel so relieved at some of the changes in his sons. He'd be so proud of them.

I am blessed with good boys. There are things I'd change if I could but they became who they are because of who we were and how we raised them. And if there is something I don't understand about them or can't accept, I have to deal with that.  As adults, it is up to them to fine tune their character if it needs it. I hope we gave them the tools to do that. Reading those rules and seeing the results of our work, I think we might have done. I hope so.

Rules of Respect

1. Show courtesy to everyone. Please, Thank you, Sir, M’am, You’re welcome, and excuse me, are all keys that open doors. Everyone likes respect. You get what you give.
2. Ask first. Do not take something that is not yours. If you “borrow” without asking, it is stealing. Get permission
3. Wait your turn. Do not interrupt others when they are talking. Or, if you are not part of the conversation and need to speak to someone, “excuse me” is an appropriate way to get their attention if you have waited for several minutes.
4. Know who’s in charge. If you see a need or problem, do not give orders – find the person in charge and politely mention the problem. If you have not been put specifically in charge, allow the person in charge to give the orders.
5. Refuse to argue. Ask if you can quietly discuss the problem. The Bible says “a soft answer turneth away wrath.” Usually, it is hard to yell at someone who won’t yell back. After a while they get tired. Remember, sometimes it doesn’t work, especially if you have wrecked the car or broken curfew.
6. Allow the other person to be right. No one is right all the time but neither are they always wrong. YOU could be wrong. It is more embarrassing to loudly declare you’re right and be proven wrong than it is to keep your mouth shut and let others loudly declare when you are right.
7. Offer help. If someone is ill, physically unable to do a chore, or simply needs an extra pair of hands, offer to help. Do not wait to be asked. Offer kindly. If your help is refused, say nothing and allow them to do it themselves. If asked -- give your help to the best of your ability.
8. Respect other’s privacy. Do not ask questions about someone’s personal life unless it will affect you personally. For example: You do not need to know about someone’s sex life unless you plan to have sex with them. Do not tell secrets you have been told unless there is a danger involved or a crime. Do not listen in on others’ conversations uninvited. Do not tell something you have overheard in a private conversation. Would you want someone to tell your secrets?
9. Do unto others. If you want kindness, give it. If you want love, give it. If you want help, give it. If you want friendship, give it. If you want understanding, give it. If you want fairness, give it. If you want truth, give it. If you want joy, give it. If you want peace, give it. If you don’t want any of this, do nothing and you’ll get nothing.
10. Overlook the jerks. There will ALWAYS be someone who defies all of the above. And because of it, no matter what you do, it will never be enough or it will always be wrong – to them. Walk away and smile. If you have done your best and followed the rules, you have won anyway. Always, always, always let them go before you. When the axe falls, it will be their head that rolls.

You have been taught a set of values. If you choose to abandon these, we will not avert the consequences of your actions. If you get arrested, we will not bail you out; if you catch a disease, we cannot cure you or even get expensive medical care. Adult behavior requires adult responsibility. You are on your own when you set your own values and rules of behavior. If they conflict with our moral code, you must move out and support yourselves. We will still love you but we made our choices before you were born. We have not changed our minds since then and will not do so now. As a result, we may lose you but if we give in, not only will we lose you but we will also lose ourselves.

Litany of Lament

Just when you think things might improve, they don't. After a long and torturous week, I woke to some very unusual symptoms. I ached all over particularly my hands. The index finger of my right hand was doing something weird. I held my hand open and that finger remained at a 90 degree angle at the middle knuckle. I couldn't not straighten it, no matter how hard I tried. Finally, I took my left hand and pushed the finger forward and it snapped up, just like you'd snap a lid, with the same snap feel. Not terribly painful but down right freaky. I closed my fist and tried again. I did this several times to test it and it happened each time. All the joints were stiff and hurting. 

In addition, my right leg was in a vice. I was having continual cramps from the hip all the way to the ball of my foot which felt as if it were crushed. I could barely stand on it and it felt as if the tissue inside my foot was jelled. I've had major pain in the foot and cramps up and down the leg all day. I have no idea what it is or the cause. I suspect the foot and hip is the RA and this could cause the cramps I suppose. 

In a few hours of rising, the finger seemed to have recovered its sanity and was working normally, very little pain remained in my hands. The foot and leg... not so much. It is pretty much agony and walking is simply unbearable. My ankle feels sprained. But I got out and cut the back lawn because I simply refuse to go quietly. There is no knight in shinning armor coming to my rescue, no hero going to save the day, no dashing man to hand me a drink. tell me to take it easy, and offer to take care of things. I eventually may end up wheeling myself to the mower but if that's what I  have to do...well, then I'll do it.

We've had a cold snap with lots of damp. I suspect this is the catalyst for all the stuff that's been happening to me. On Wednesday the physical therapist was at a loss. All the apparent progress seemed to have evaporated and she didn't know what to do. She opted for less to see if I could recover by Monday. Long term I've had a pretty good run but if the trend continues, I'm not so sure this is going to end well. Already walking is looking bleak. 

And in other news.... it is freaky cold! What happened to spring? You can bet it will end abruptly and be an arid opposite with intense humid heat. I haven't been able to walk because of the cold and my foot. Soon the humidity will make it miserable to be outside.

Ok, nuff said on that.