The Last Walk in July

That Kind of Week

I had good intentions. Really. I started this blog two days ago! Today, as for the last three days, we've had rain. I like rain but I'd rather be at home reading, writing or just sitting watching the rain. Do you ever watch the rain?

I was going to do a lot of writing but I had unexpected things happen, as usual. I'm really annoyed with myself. Saturday I had a writer's meeting and it was nice to just sit and chat. That morning I didn't write because I had some things to do and after the meeting I sort of ran out of steam, although I did write a little. But Sunday I was just tired and did nothing but sit and crochet. Crochet is the one hobby you can do when you feel bad.

I am having a bit of pain problems but my biggest problem is going to bed and sleeping. I really need to force myself onto a schedule. I stopped taking the Doxepin this past week because I think some of my problems with sluggishness were a result of that pill. It happens sometimes. That or the pill makes the sluggish, foggy feeling worse. Anyway, stopped it and my brain cleared. I really would rather not take it but it is probably the best sleep aid I have. I've been more alert but sleep is not as good and pain levels are higher.

The story has stalled out again but I'll keep plugging away at it. You can tell it stalled out. I've has some nice compliments so that's encouraging. Today, I'm at work and want to be home writing. Mornings are probably my best time of day, even though I'm not a morning person.

I went home for lunch yesterday and wrote on my lunch hour. That was nice! I got ahead and last night could take a rest. As of today, I only need 300 words. I'll finish it on time but short of my original goal..

I have so much to to that I don't know if I'm going or coming. I just realized Saturday that I'll be at the writer's conference in mid-October and return from the weekend before NaNoWrimo starts in November. I have to get my act together. Plan the kickoff, get a few goodies together, and sort out meetings. I have my NaNo friend, Tammy, acting as co-ML and that's should help a lot. She's going to host some of the write-ins as well. I'm looking forward to November but I am going to be really annoyed if I lose another NaNo.

Must go now because I'm hungry and it is lunch time. Not sure what I'll do today. I bought onion rings and went home with them yesterday. Worked out well. Today, I haven't even had breakfast!

So, off to feed and read.

A Yarn about... Well, Yarns

It is an absolutely gorgeous day outside my window! There is something so unjust about the fact that I'm on the wrong side of the window. I got a towel and cleaner and cleaned the window, inside and out. No, we do not have people who do that. Much better view now. I just wish I could be out there.

I've had a better week than usual, although I think it began a bit rocky. I really had a few days when I was not feeling well but muddled through. I'm antsy to get back to crocheting again. I've let it slide this week because I had some pain in my neck and shoulders. I know what is aggravating it. I've been at my computer at the dining table again. It is just too high and the chairs miserable. I have to stop it.

Here's the stuff I got last weekend for my next round of cloths. I finished two more for a friend of mine over the weekend. They came out just as pretty as the others have. You can see them in the photo below. These work up so fast and the variety that is possible is just wonderful. I have one not pictured here that I did in white and used some of the left over to trim the edge. Looks so nice. Now I want to get a bigger variety of colors than the store carries! I bought all this at Hobby Lobby. Their yarn is reasonably priced I think and they seem to have more than some of the other stores.

The orange and brown are for my friend, Carolyn. She's remodeled her kitchen and the walls are tangerine. These came out so pretty and very different from the other two variegated yarns I used. There is a more stripped pattern and it almost looks like a ripple. I'm impressed with it. There was a third one I did but I forgot to take a photo. It was a different pattern and looked more like a woven cloth.

Still running behind on my Camp NaNo story. It is frustrating but I can't help how tired I seem to be. I simply can't think when that happens. Creating a story takes a lot of work and a clear head. I think, no matter the outcome of camp I will continue till I have some kind of resolution. November is not far away and I will have to be done by then and ready to start a new one. I have the writing conference in October so maybe that will give me some inspiration. I do feel as if I've been trying to establish a routine and I feel it more now when I'm not writing. Writer's meeting is Saturday and it will be nice to meet up with them. Commiseration is very soothing. 

Had a lovely online chat with my friend, Jilly, today. She lives in a village in England. I've really missed the blog she did about her family. She's so busy since moving to the village! I watch all these English mysteries and the ladies are always so busy doing things. They always reminds me of Jilly. I've promised myself after this writing conference, my next big trip is to England to see her. I've said it for several years now but I've suddenly realized that time runs out and I need to spend some of it on me. 

I'd best get busy now. I will be so happy when the weekend arrives. I hope the weather will still be as lovely as today.

Wednesday Afternoon Ramble

Mirror, Mirror On The Wall

It seems to me that when I'm doing my best, I don't have time to post about it. That annoys me. If I'm only posting when things are bad then it tends to be nothing but a rant. I hate that. And that is probably why I've stopped posting a lot of anything. It is why I started another blog about praise. I just hate posting negative content all the time. I don't like reading it so why would anyone else?

Today is a really bad day and so that's how I know all that. I woke up hurting everywhere and most especially my neck. When my neck hurts I have balance problems and I'm really tired. This is fibro at its worst.To have to work with it is just horrible. Nothing works right. You can't really think clearly. You feel as if you're staggering around. You ache for no apparent reason. And you want to lie down and close your eyes. I sat down in a chair across the room earlier and closed my eyes. I knew immediately I could not stay there. So I got up and redirected my attention to work. 

We had a move briefing this morning. One of the first clients I interviewed had on his Jack Daniels cologne and he reeked. The landlord doesn't want to rent to him anymore because he apparently doesn't like the cologne either. When I told him the landlord didn't want to rent to him anymore because he drank too much. He said, "I drink a little but...." It was the neighbor's fault. 

 He was a friendly fellow who I instantly had an aversion to because he's a drunk who came to his meeting drinking.  He carried his problem with him and didn't understand why he had a problem. His paperwork was incomplete. He didn't have any documents. When I pointed it out he couldn't even figure out that he had not answered 7 pages of yes or no questions. He wanted to spend my time telling me how all his problems were his neighbor's fault. He informed me he was about to make her life miserable because his life is miserable. I didn't point out that he was making mine miserable and I hadn't done anything to him.  You'd have to know my history to understand. Just know my tolerance for drunks is below zero.

Another client, who is also moving, cries everytime I see her. Yes, every time. I think she has a anxiety disorder. Do I look scary? I suppose sometimes I'm intimidating.  When I asked her if she has a problem with anxiety she started to cry again and said she did. She sobs that the landlord hates her. She doesn't understand why. The landlord is tired of her constant complaining. I understand the anxiety issues. I have my own anxiety problems. I understand the landlord, too.

I decided that God sends us people that are mirrors. We are supposed to look into them and see our own flaws. The problem is that most of us don't see any reflection at all. We're kind of like vampires who, when placed in front of a mirror, have no reflection. We look at people like this and see nothing of ourselves. But mirrors reflect things back at us. The fact that you see no reflection is in itself telling you something. Because you should see something. 

It doesn't mean we have the same problems, but we might. Mirrors not only reflect what we see, the also reflect what we feel. They reflect light and magnify it. They also reflect darkness. Have you ever looked into a mirror in a dark room. It's scary. 

This lady made me wonder if I whine and complain too much. Do I do things that make people dislike me? When I'm stressed do I make life miserable for other people? Do I generally make life miserable for others? Am I concerned about another person's anxiety? Do I feel compassion for people who are suffering? Do I even care about anyone else's problems? The drunk... didn't do a thing for me. I didn't feel sorry for him. I have no compassion for his plight. Alcohol is simply a way of avoiding life and and responsibility. He is going to take his problem with him and make someone else miserable. If he looked into a mirror, he would see no reflection.

As a result, I can't say I much like mirrors. Today was not a good day to look into the mirror. I feel bad but maybe in the midst of it all I learned something good. When the lady left she asked me if she could hug me. "You're always so nice to me." {sigh} I looked deep into that mirror. Not really.