Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Mirror, Mirror On The Wall

It seems to me that when I'm doing my best, I don't have time to post about it. That annoys me. If I'm only posting when things are bad then it tends to be nothing but a rant. I hate that. And that is probably why I've stopped posting a lot of anything. It is why I started another blog about praise. I just hate posting negative content all the time. I don't like reading it so why would anyone else?

Today is a really bad day and so that's how I know all that. I woke up hurting everywhere and most especially my neck. When my neck hurts I have balance problems and I'm really tired. This is fibro at its worst.To have to work with it is just horrible. Nothing works right. You can't really think clearly. You feel as if you're staggering around. You ache for no apparent reason. And you want to lie down and close your eyes. I sat down in a chair across the room earlier and closed my eyes. I knew immediately I could not stay there. So I got up and redirected my attention to work. 

We had a move briefing this morning. One of the first clients I interviewed had on his Jack Daniels cologne and he reeked. The landlord doesn't want to rent to him anymore because he apparently doesn't like the cologne either. When I told him the landlord didn't want to rent to him anymore because he drank too much. He said, "I drink a little but...." It was the neighbor's fault. 

 He was a friendly fellow who I instantly had an aversion to because he's a drunk who came to his meeting drinking.  He carried his problem with him and didn't understand why he had a problem. His paperwork was incomplete. He didn't have any documents. When I pointed it out he couldn't even figure out that he had not answered 7 pages of yes or no questions. He wanted to spend my time telling me how all his problems were his neighbor's fault. He informed me he was about to make her life miserable because his life is miserable. I didn't point out that he was making mine miserable and I hadn't done anything to him.  You'd have to know my history to understand. Just know my tolerance for drunks is below zero.

Another client, who is also moving, cries everytime I see her. Yes, every time. I think she has a anxiety disorder. Do I look scary? I suppose sometimes I'm intimidating.  When I asked her if she has a problem with anxiety she started to cry again and said she did. She sobs that the landlord hates her. She doesn't understand why. The landlord is tired of her constant complaining. I understand the anxiety issues. I have my own anxiety problems. I understand the landlord, too.

I decided that God sends us people that are mirrors. We are supposed to look into them and see our own flaws. The problem is that most of us don't see any reflection at all. We're kind of like vampires who, when placed in front of a mirror, have no reflection. We look at people like this and see nothing of ourselves. But mirrors reflect things back at us. The fact that you see no reflection is in itself telling you something. Because you should see something. 

It doesn't mean we have the same problems, but we might. Mirrors not only reflect what we see, the also reflect what we feel. They reflect light and magnify it. They also reflect darkness. Have you ever looked into a mirror in a dark room. It's scary. 

This lady made me wonder if I whine and complain too much. Do I do things that make people dislike me? When I'm stressed do I make life miserable for other people? Do I generally make life miserable for others? Am I concerned about another person's anxiety? Do I feel compassion for people who are suffering? Do I even care about anyone else's problems? The drunk... didn't do a thing for me. I didn't feel sorry for him. I have no compassion for his plight. Alcohol is simply a way of avoiding life and and responsibility. He is going to take his problem with him and make someone else miserable. If he looked into a mirror, he would see no reflection.

As a result, I can't say I much like mirrors. Today was not a good day to look into the mirror. I feel bad but maybe in the midst of it all I learned something good. When the lady left she asked me if she could hug me. "You're always so nice to me." {sigh} I looked deep into that mirror. Not really.


  1. Life is hard. I read somewhere that we aren't promised an easy time...but time is given to us and we each deal with it differently. Some not so well, others excel. I would be lost without my mirror. Sometimes when I stand in front of it I have a little conversation with better I tell myself. Get out is speeding by. Sometimes it helps and sometimes it doesn't. Also without my mirror I wouldn't see myself as I am....sometimes it is a rude awakening but mostly I see myself and say comb your hair, fix your makeup, smile.

  2. I think you are brave...............most people can't look at their true reflections, they see what they want to see.