Monday, July 8, 2013

Assimilate or Die

I just realized that my ticker just turned over the 30,000 mark sometime in the last week or so. I haven't been watching it very closely. I have no idea what it means. I saw on one of my blogs last week that something had received more that 89,000 +1s. Don't know what that means either but obviously not that people were reading it. Please, if you don't read it, don't plus it. That makes no sense to me and indicates you're simply trying to impress me. You didn't.

No, I'm not in a good mood. The stupid story is plodding along but not for four days. I've had my hands full with insanity and simply haven't had the time, energy, or desire to write. I have been reading and crocheting. I had to keep my mind occupied so the atmosphere in the asylum wouldn't send me totally over the edge. It is unfortunate that when people are miserable they think they need to share that misery with others they hate. When it is someone I care about it makes it even harder to get my head around. And I grow weary of it.

To be honest, Dave and I had the most peaceful weekend imaginable. We even commented on it several times. We had Sarah and we took turns spending a lot of time doing things with her. She was absolutely so sweet all weekend. There were no phone calls from anyone and no interruptions of any kind! Two days of quiet enjoyment and getting things done. Sunday afternoon gets here and things go to hell pretty quickly.

I went to church but by the time I got home I was exhausted. We got Sarah on Friday evening. Her mom was going out of town and Sarah had battled an ear infection all week but ear infections I know. As a result of being sick I think she'd got her sleep scheduled out of whack and had slept late on Friday. She was still having ear problems Friday night when we got her and had meds to take. So she didn't go to bed till late that night. Around 3 a.m. she woke me up freezing and crying. She had a fever. I gave her medicine for it and she went back to sleep after a bit.  Anyway, she slept late Saturday, too but she seemed to feel much better and no fever. But she had a hard time getting to bed that night too because she wasn't tired. As a result we were both tired on Sunday morning. She napped in church. But I had to go to bed when I got home I was practically a zombie. Two nights of very late hours took its toll and if I didn't sleep I'd be in bad shape soon. Dave took care of her but he was tired, too. He lay down around 3 and Sarah lay down with me.

I don't have phones in my bedroom any longer. They are in the living room and in the study. You can't hear them except in the rooms they are in unless you are awake. We weren't. My cell phone was in my purse on the other end of the house. Really, I dropped everything and went straight to bed after church. So, when Sarah's mom started calling no one answered the phones and this apparently causes a tear in the space time continuum and this results in a black hole, from which there is no escape. Well, were told she'd be back late Sunday afternoon but we certainly didn't expect a return from Branson, Missouri by 1 on Sunday when she didn't leave till after 10 on Saturday! It is a six and a half hour drive one way! My opinion is, she didn't really go to Branson but I don't care. It isn't my concern. You want a break I can sure understand that.Why lie?  But the penalty for not hearing the phones and answering immediately is a federal offense equated with kidnapping. We took Sarah home around five or six. Peaceful weekend over.

I get a text during church that she needs her car seat that Mike had when he took Sarah to the doctor. I tell her I'm in church and will have to go home to get it. I'm on my way home from church and it is right at 9 p.m. I call Dave to see if he can work with me. Too much trouble for him. I took care of it.

Mike, who went to church too, goes after the seat and meets me with it. I call to tell her I have the seat. We get something to eat and it is nearly 10 p.m. I call and tell her I have the seat. I call and guess what... she isn't there to get the seat. It is my fault of course because I told her I was home and would have to wait till after church. What?

I leave it at the door at her request via phone call.  I go home. The chaos is in full reign. I don't know what happened after that on Dave's end. Sometime around the time delivering the seat, David starts getting nasty grams.  Why? I don't know. I don't care. It's unnecessary.

He's called to say good night to Sarah. but she told him she was not with Sarah. What? Sarah was at a sitter. What? So why couldn't he keep her tonight? Yes, she knew I was off today. Who? She doesn't have to tell him and he needs to call before 9 from now on. What? Uh, he has a right to know where his daughter is if she is not with her mother and he has a right to know who the sitter is. He quotes the guidelines for Indiana and will show the judge the texts in the morning. Suddenly he can talk to Sarah and know who the sitter is.

Really? Really? Was all that really necessary. Why would anyone even go to those lengths to aggravate the man. He ask to say good night to his child around 9:30 p.m. He cares about his daughter. But it became more important to control his actions than to let her know that. Wow.

She doesn't get why he won't talk to her on the phone. I've witnessed many of those calls and read the text messages of both of them. I understand his reasons. He is a non-violent and passive personality who refuses to argue with anyone. Even me. She isn't. A passive person can't talk to someone who is always right, always going to be right, even when they are wrong. You can't be friends with someone who is always going to be in charge, demands constant attention and will always get the last word. And their word is all that matters. It is impossible to build a relationship with that kind of person because it is all one sided. They run the show and if you don't like the show you can lump it but you have to attend the show. It is why no relationship ever survives controlling personalities. They do not compromise. They do not yield. They do not concede any ground. They take everything and suck the other parties dry. And other controlling people they meet are quickly disposed of because they can't be controlled so easily. There is no "what do you think about it?" It is "Here's how it is."

Let me be clear on this. I'm suffering the consequences. I lost someone I loved very much. I attempt to keep a relationship going for both Sarah and her mother's sake. Because when I love someone, I don't just throw them away because they screw up. Even when it hurts me. I still love them. I keep trying to reach out and be a support because I know what it means to be alone and feel unloved. In this case I now struggle to do it. I'm getting tired. I care but controlling personalities destroy more than they create. They push away people who actually try to care about them. Because they can't allow the person to be an individual and they can't accept any reality but the one they create. When they fail to channel their energy in constructive ways control freaks are destructive. And they make big mistakes in their personal lives. They fail at many things. . . a lot.

I suspect control freaks are actually Borgs. If you never watch Star Trek you won't get that reference but you can Google it. In nearly all their encounters, they exhibit no desire for negotiation or reason, only assimilation. Their catch phrase is "Resistance is futile." The Borg directive is to become perfect by recreating everyone in their likeness. Ultimately, in the Borg culture, you must assimilate or die. People who are Borgs create an environment of hostility and aggression. Everyone in their world will comply or be destroyed in some fashion.

It is a great sadness when you care about them.

What happened to "I'd never use Sarah as a weapon" or "You can have her whenever you want her" or oh crap, any of the lies people tell when they are trying to manipulate you or get something from you, or simply control situations. Assimilate or die.

I don't assimilate well.


  1. I am so glad that you guys are able to put those things aside for the sake of your granddaughter. You guys are the constant and stability, I'm sure.

    Your son should show those texts to the judge anyway. Just to have a little paper trail.

  2. grandchildren are such a joy, somehow they make it all worthwhile. Hope you are enjoying your time with her. And yes........assimilating is not a good idea...........I was never good at it either.

  3. I, too, don't assimilate well. I was married to a controlling person....not a good thing. Grandchildren are so worth everything, don't you think?