It is Thursday and I, for one am thrilled. The week is nearly over and I will be able to put work behind me for at least two days. The weather is terrible. Gray and gloomy and cold. Yuck. Pain is manageable but it is pain. Took benadryl again last night but I'm still having motion issues.
I have a doctor appointment this morning and they are supposed to draw blood. I usually go a week before the appointment but have not had transportation to the lab. I have to do a fasting test and that means going to the lab as early as possible, say 7:30. I can't go much beyond 10 without eating or at least drinking orange juice. So, to day, I will do the lab work while there, either after the appointment or if I arrive early enough, before.
I have writer's meeting tonight. It was supposed to be my night but with all that is going on, I'm not prepared. I hate that. But Cassie switched with me so it will be fine. I have until the middle of April to get my act together.
I got her submission yesterday and read it last night. It is a short story she submitted in her Violence in Fiction class. I must say it was really well written. Cassie is only about 22 and in college so her writing tends to be geared to that age and the behaviors are fairly common among her set. Lots of drinking, drugs, and stupidity but she writes well and it was a different slant on a not unusual situation. Best friends move to big city, they party and drink a lot, one gets pregnant by party boy and begs her friend to do something to cause her to miscarry (she calls it an "MC") because she can't afford an abortion or an "A" as she calls it.
So, we'll see how the rest of the group likes it. I am guessing they will like it fine. Her writing is, as I said good.
Must get my gear together and be ready when my ride gets here. I'll be back later if time permits. Meeting begins at 6:30.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Washington man dies trying to revive dead wife - USATODAY.com
Link
I can't describe this except to say I found it so very sad but so understandable. If I had I been the one to die on January 29, this would have happened.
I can't describe this except to say I found it so very sad but so understandable. If I had I been the one to die on January 29, this would have happened.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Chugging Along
I have an eye appointment today. Since I'm taking an antihistamine I'm not sure how that is going to go. I'm very sluggish. But I have to say, taking it all day yesterday helped. Around 7 p.m. last night I felt better. I actually lay down when I got home and took a short nap. I felt better and actually did some crochet.
I remembered I am supposed to be ready for a critique on Thursday. I haven't got a thing prepared! I had begun something but this balance issue simply threw me off track and I never went back to it.
It is now 2 p.m. and I'm back from my doctor appt with dilated eyes. I can't hardly see. I have all the lights off in my office and everything still looks as if I'm viewing it through that thick plastic we used to put over our windows. I've had this done twice before but it was never this bad. My appointment was at 11 and took over an hour. He's a very thorough doctor. I've used him for 22 years. He's been eye doctor to all of us.
I don't feel very well because the eyes are making me dizzy when I try and walk. So, I'm not going to get out of my chair much. Still viewing the computer screen is difficult, too.The nice thing is that I can actually type with my eyes closed and not worry about it. LOL... of course I'll have to open them eventually to make sure I don't have too many errors.
I mentioned I did some crochet last night. I have been working on Sarah's sweater but last night I took a break from it and began a shawl. I'm making it for a family member. I am going to like it. It is a simple shawl done all in single crochet. No fancy design and it will be all white but it does look very pretty. I do like to crochet and it really is therapeutic. I would encourage anyone stressed to try it. It helps me a lot when my mind is just overwhelmed with things.
I must go now and see if I can do some work. I may be back this evening, depending on how I feel. I want to go lie down at the moment.
I remembered I am supposed to be ready for a critique on Thursday. I haven't got a thing prepared! I had begun something but this balance issue simply threw me off track and I never went back to it.
It is now 2 p.m. and I'm back from my doctor appt with dilated eyes. I can't hardly see. I have all the lights off in my office and everything still looks as if I'm viewing it through that thick plastic we used to put over our windows. I've had this done twice before but it was never this bad. My appointment was at 11 and took over an hour. He's a very thorough doctor. I've used him for 22 years. He's been eye doctor to all of us.
I don't feel very well because the eyes are making me dizzy when I try and walk. So, I'm not going to get out of my chair much. Still viewing the computer screen is difficult, too.The nice thing is that I can actually type with my eyes closed and not worry about it. LOL... of course I'll have to open them eventually to make sure I don't have too many errors.
I mentioned I did some crochet last night. I have been working on Sarah's sweater but last night I took a break from it and began a shawl. I'm making it for a family member. I am going to like it. It is a simple shawl done all in single crochet. No fancy design and it will be all white but it does look very pretty. I do like to crochet and it really is therapeutic. I would encourage anyone stressed to try it. It helps me a lot when my mind is just overwhelmed with things.
I must go now and see if I can do some work. I may be back this evening, depending on how I feel. I want to go lie down at the moment.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Sunday Without A Clue
I have no original title today. Sarah came over around two and is currently taking a nap before we go to church. My sister is off and she is coming to pick us up. It is a rare thing for her to be off.
Mike spend the weekend but he is home getting ready for church.
I had an atrocious weekend. Just really not good. I'm overwhelmingly sad and I'm so very tired of being that way. I'm lost. That is all I know. I feel thrown back to 2009. No bearings, no compass. Trying to buy a car was far to stressful. I felt as if I was simply going to explode until I got out of the place.
I did not buy a new car. It was lovely and drove really well and they gave me the hard sell. All the reasons I needed it. They were right. But I do not need a 6.3 yr loan to buy a car that will be worn out in 5. No. I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't have any idea but I do know that a loan that large for a car is insane.
I'll be 62 in 8 yrs. If God is gracious and I live that long and the world has not annihilated itself, I will be probably leave that job. I can't afford to be saddled with a house payment and a car payment. I will need to be able to survive on a very small income, 1/3rd of what I make now. For less that what I will pay for that car, I can have three used ones in that time. Assuming I can find one now.
So, I'm still without wheels. My friend is taking a cruise in April so I don't know how I'll get to work then. She'll be gone about a week. I can call a taxi I guess. It might be cheaper to rent a car for that week.
I am tired of being tired. I can't seem to get enough sleep. I've decided to try really hard not to take the ativan. I don't like the potential side effects and addiction potential. In my current state it is too easy to rely on a pill. I've been off St John's Wort for about a month now. I ran out and was only able to get to the store two weeks ago but I can't take it with the ativan.
Honestly I'm just sick of taking a pile of pills that seem to do nothing for me anyway. This is no way to live. I thought for a bit during last summer I might be getting clear of it all but now I just don't know. I feel as bad as ever and less able to cope than I have been in a long time.
And I'm just scared. All the time. I'm frightened of being alone. I'm frightened of something happening to me here. I'm frightened of something happening to one of the children and I can't help them. I'm frightened of something happening to my job. I am living like a hunted thing, waiting for something to happen and bring my life crashing down. I have no one, absolutely no one to turn to in an emergency. I've never had to live like that. I don't know what to do to stop it. I don't think another pill is the answer.
I've said enough. More than enough. I don't like spilling all this out here but what am I supposed to do with it?
Mike spend the weekend but he is home getting ready for church.
I had an atrocious weekend. Just really not good. I'm overwhelmingly sad and I'm so very tired of being that way. I'm lost. That is all I know. I feel thrown back to 2009. No bearings, no compass. Trying to buy a car was far to stressful. I felt as if I was simply going to explode until I got out of the place.
I did not buy a new car. It was lovely and drove really well and they gave me the hard sell. All the reasons I needed it. They were right. But I do not need a 6.3 yr loan to buy a car that will be worn out in 5. No. I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't have any idea but I do know that a loan that large for a car is insane.
I'll be 62 in 8 yrs. If God is gracious and I live that long and the world has not annihilated itself, I will be probably leave that job. I can't afford to be saddled with a house payment and a car payment. I will need to be able to survive on a very small income, 1/3rd of what I make now. For less that what I will pay for that car, I can have three used ones in that time. Assuming I can find one now.
So, I'm still without wheels. My friend is taking a cruise in April so I don't know how I'll get to work then. She'll be gone about a week. I can call a taxi I guess. It might be cheaper to rent a car for that week.
I am tired of being tired. I can't seem to get enough sleep. I've decided to try really hard not to take the ativan. I don't like the potential side effects and addiction potential. In my current state it is too easy to rely on a pill. I've been off St John's Wort for about a month now. I ran out and was only able to get to the store two weeks ago but I can't take it with the ativan.
Honestly I'm just sick of taking a pile of pills that seem to do nothing for me anyway. This is no way to live. I thought for a bit during last summer I might be getting clear of it all but now I just don't know. I feel as bad as ever and less able to cope than I have been in a long time.
And I'm just scared. All the time. I'm frightened of being alone. I'm frightened of something happening to me here. I'm frightened of something happening to one of the children and I can't help them. I'm frightened of something happening to my job. I am living like a hunted thing, waiting for something to happen and bring my life crashing down. I have no one, absolutely no one to turn to in an emergency. I've never had to live like that. I don't know what to do to stop it. I don't think another pill is the answer.
I've said enough. More than enough. I don't like spilling all this out here but what am I supposed to do with it?
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