To be fair, this morning he was a little inattentive. He hung around only about an hour and now, he just wants to hold my hands. I told him I have things to do and he seems to have backed off a bit, but I see him over in the corner just waiting for an opportunity to pounce.
Yes, my Pain is faithful and I can count on him being there every moment of my day. We read together, crochet together, write together. He's really pushy when we do yard work. Jumps right in. There is nothing he won't do with me. I can't remember life without him.
I've had my coffee and actually worked on some laundry. I'm up later than usual. Sarah is still at her other grandparents and I slept in. I have done that for a couple of days. With Sarah off from school, it is easier to fall into that habit.
Today is my first day staying away from Facebook. I elected to take June off and not log on, check messages, or post other than blog posts that go up. I don't have to go to Facebook to post those. I suspect no one will really notice. I get a few blog readers here and there.
To be honest, my instinct was to sit down with my coffee and check my mail as usual. Then, I usually go onto FB and surf the stream and check the group page, maybe play a game. When I first got on FB, that was it. After Jerry died, things changed.
I read a lot of the articles. Much of them are news related, oddities, anything science. That sort of thing. The problem lies in after that. I get caught up in some of the memes, and although I only play one gave on FB, there are those quizzes, which are really just games. So, I end up with hours a day on Facebook and nothing to show for it.
Since Jerry died, I don't really hear from anyone anymore outside of Evansville except my aunt and uncle. I might get a family call every few months from one person. But I have a very large family. So, I told myself it was so I could keep in touch with my family. When I began to loose so much time "staying in touch" I realized how stupid that is.
Why would it be necessary to spend time on Facebook wading through hundreds of posts about nothing to hear from people who could just as easily pick up the phone and talk to you for five minutes? Or who could try and visit you once in a while?
Why would any family think that posting about their trip to Wal-mart was "staying in touch"? Posting "I'm at McDonald's" is not sharing yourself with people who love you. Telling the world you're at Starbucks having a latte is not relating to anyone. It does pretty much tell us you're silly extravagant but its your money.
That's not friendship. That's not love. That's not a relationship.
Someone posted an article by a young woman who withdrew from Facebook. She explained how it was robbing her of a relationship with God. She was so young, newly married. And she woke up. And she woke me up. I realized that I have no desire to live my life checking my phone to get the latest on FB. It is why I don't use that app. I'm not living in Facebook.
Here I was sitting, doing nothing, waiting for a piece of someone's life to be "shared" with me. For hours, days, weeks, months, years. I was foregoing life. I didn't go anywhere. I stopped calling folks. I stopped reading much. I wasn't getting any writing done. I wasn't praying enough. I wasn't reading my Bible enough. Real life was slowing, coming to a screeching halt. For Facebook. No, thank you.
I love my family. I have some new family members I've gotten closer to because I could text to them and interact with them on Facebook. It is totally unsatisfying. I have some new nephews I so wish I could meet and hold and love. They look so adorable.
Facebook doesn't build family relationships. They do not know me. May never know me. Other than a photo on Facebook. There will be no real sadness if some of us dies. We don't know each other. I miss being so far from family and never seeing or hearing from them. I had a great family. We used to plan get-togethers and arrange reunions.
That is not who I am. That is not who I want to be. It is time to focus on real people rather than photos online.
It was hard for about 30 minutes this morning to not get my fix. I suspect I'll have moments when I want to see photos, read about someone's happiness, and "talk" to someone. But I used to do that every day of my life without Facebook.
I truly love the connections I have there. I've met lots of new people who I wouldn't expect to be involved in their every moment under normal circumstances. I like reading some of the things that happen in their lives. I like sharing things with them. I like seeing the photos. If I could travel where they are I am certain we could have lunch together.
But at the end of the day, Facebook is just a newspaper. It is not relationships. A smiley face isn't human. There is something about a smiling human face that gives such comfort. There is something about real hugs that soothe the soul. There is something about hearing "I love you" rather than a heart symbol, that makes life much more bearable.
Where is life? I have a group of great friends I get to see about twice a month. I have a couple of family members I see regularly. When we're together we have the best time laughing and talking and sometimes we go places together. I get to sit across the table and listen to the writers carry on and do you know that is just the best feeling. Listening to other people laugh is so amazingly relaxing. I watch Sarah running in the yard and it is unleashed joy and hearing her giggle is like wine.
Will I go back to Facebook at the end of the month? Will I be so socially deprived that I have to log back into a false life? I hope not.
I hope that there will be more read books, completely written stories, good times with my girl pals and writers' group and giggles with Sarah. NaNoWriMo is coming and I'll have time to plan better. The yard needs things done and Pain and I will be able to get out there a bit. I can start walking regularly and more. I can reestablish uninterrupted devotional time.Life is waiting, but it won't wait forever. I hope that by the end of June, real life will have reasserted itself and filled the vacancies.
