Gloom, Despair, & Agony

Well, it isn't that bad. Really. It is Wednesday and the weather is lousy. I woke to gray cloud cover, everything was wet and cold. I hurt. Not many places but those places hurt a lot. As I sat on the edge of the bed I considered my alternatives. Pain or medicines that could give me cancers or worse. When it hurts that bad it is a hard choice.

Still, I managed to drag myself from the warm bed and get Sarah up for school. I would have stayed there for another 20 minutes but I forgot Sarah. She was not happy either. She wouldn't go to bed last night and she chattered for a good 20 minutes after lights were out.

We had our breakfast and by then, some of my pain was manageable. I took two generic 8 hour tylenol. The alternatives faded from my mind as the morning progressed and pain subsided to tolerable levels. But I am so tired and no medicine will fix that.

I'm concerned about the endless exhaustion. Epstein Barr, which I had for about 6 months last year, is suspect in Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I've had fatigue before but not on the scale I seem to have it now. I can't get enough rest. I fall asleep easily but do not sleep long and when I get up I'm exhausted. My next move will be a sleep study. I need to know what is happening.

I had the MRI yesterday and already folks are asking... namely my children. I understand and appreciate their concern. Nice to feel cared for now and then. Still, no result until they send me a nice letter telling me or the doctor calls me. I have to say the numbness, while still happening, seems to be lessing each day. There's very little pain there now, thankfully. I still get twinges at certain motions and angles. I really believe the worst of it was caused by things in my neck swelling and compressing a nerve. I could be wrong.

My RA doctor will not believe me. I see her tomorrow. Her nurse informed me that the doctor thought I had an upper respiratory infection that caused the swollen glands, neck pain, and pond scum from my nose, despite not a single symptom - no sneezing, coughing, or breathing problems associated with such infections. She never checked my nose. Never commented on my neck pain. How would she even know? She suggested my Primary look into that.

However, since all symptoms, except the neck pain and numbness disappeared within three days of stopping the methotrexate, why would I bother? I saw my primary days after I stopped it and she found no sign of an infection but ordered the MRI to see if there was a herniated disk causing the neck problem.

So, there we have it. Wednesday weather is sucky. My life is exhausting. I very upset because as a result of all this, my writing has come to a screeching halt. I have ideas floating in my head but I can't seem to focus long enough to get them down. I hate it, hate it, hate it.

How is your week progressing? Anything exciting? I could use some excitement... well the good kind, not the usual.

So Busy I Can't Think!

This blog has fallen by the way a bit. I've been spending an inordinate amount of time on the 360 blog. It is easier to post where you know people are reading! And I like my friends list there.

I've been working on my novel for fun "Hidden in the Mist". It is now over 38,000 words! I thought it would have died a painful death long ago. But I have decided to follow it to the end. I have closed it to the public and it is only by invitation now. I am considering doing my next project the same way. This is a good way to get input on my draft. Other eyes see what I miss!

I am also gearing up for the National November Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo). This is where you write a novel of 50,000 in 30 days. The only prize is the satisfaction of doing it. I tried last year and reached about 35,000 words. I was frustrated I didn't make it but I am looking forward to trying again. I did get a good start to a new story so even though I didn't reach the stated goal; I reached a goal of sorts.

I will have a writing buddy this year, I think. Chris from my 360 blog says she wants to try it. It will be nice to have someone to commiserate with! If you are into personal challenges, please look at the the NaNoWriMo site.

Michael had an MRI and EEG this past Tuesday. If you check the 360 blog you will find a post explain why this occurred. He had some kind of seizure a few weeks ago and we don't exactly know what caused it or if it will happen again. The test this week looked ok they said but they want another in 3 months.

I'm not closing this blog down. I just haven't had the time to do two at once. There are still things I like about it, but it needs a few tweaks. I'd like to put up my own wallpaper but don't know how.