Don't Plan the Future

Finally, we got the mower, and I cut the yard yesterday. It took less than an hour and less than 2 gallons of gas. That's a huge improvement money wise. Weed trimming still has to be done, but that can be sometime this week. It is the one thing that is really hard on me. 

Becca says she'll do it for me, but she's having so much trouble with her foot that I don't want to let her. It was better for a bit but she went into Rural King with me and their floors there are terrible on any foot or back problem. 

Today we were going to clean the garage out, but it was pretty hot. I think we're going to have to pick a time either early in the morning or after sundown. The day was nice but very warm and just cutting low branches off the dogwood tree warmed me up. I cut several other things back. We also worked on our fire pit so we can sit outside in the evenings - after we get some bug repellent. Tomorrow, I'll gather the limbs up and put them in the pit for burning. 

My fig tree has some fresh growth on some of the old stalks. This is the first time I've seen this. Every year it grows new stalks. They die off and I have to cut them out. So, today I cut the old ones off and left the ones with new growth. There are dozens of new stalks coming in too. I can't wait till I can have some figs. I wish I had the kind that fruits in the spring, but mine is a fall producer. Did not know there were two kinds. 

I may see if I can order one of the other kind from some place. They're not native here and the birds have no clue what it is. Nor do the squirrels! The ants don't seem to have a problem.

Time is not my friend these days. I'm very depressed and there is no solution. Facebook seemed to aggravate things, so I deactivated the account. I'm not fit to socialize at the moment and don't know when that will change. I don't actually care if it does or not. 

The beautiful, funny girl I knew has gone. Sarah has become rude and hateful to us. She won't call and if we call, she won't talk to us. I do not know what the problem is, and I am devastated about it. She said she hates us and never wants to see us again. 

Burying the living is harder than burying the dead. Each day is a struggle to get through. More so because there is no grave to visit. No, I'm not sitting crying. I'm not doing anything but what must be done and I don't want to do that. Whatever happens, I don't care. Several times I've entertained selling the house. Today I checked on some senior living sites. My house is still cheaper to live in, so it is probably better to just die at home and sell everything. I just want to go home. And that isn't an actual place anymore either.

Note: check with the cemetery on the tombstone. I keep forgetting that. Also, call about cremation expense and if I can prepay. If I play my cards right, I can be in the ground for less than $5K. I mean, just dig a hole and pour me in it.

The other day I was looking at family heirlooms and wondering what I'm supposed to do with those. When you don't have daughters and no descendants, and you never know who the next daughter-in-law will be, you don't want to leave them to just anyone. I'm trying to get all my family history stuff together to give to the Genealogy library. But really, no one will care. My line ends here, so there's no reason to care about that either. 

I discovered too late that planning a future is a waste of time. Better to have just lived each day and let what happens happen. Your future won't be what you plan. That way, you won't be disappointed, and you may be pleasantly surprised.