Friday Finish

What a crazy week! Finally it is over. I'm exhausted.

Thursday Update

Sometimes I just don't have time to do anything but a video. This is one of those times. I look terrible but hey, I'm relaxing at home. I'll fix up next time.

My Wednesday Vlog

Good grief! I look like a deer in the headlights. Honestly, it wasn't anything scary. And I wasn't even moving! Oh well, just watch. 

Later that day.......

Summer Camp 2013

I'm going to summer camp! Yep, you heard me. Camp NaNoWriMo July 2013 starts in 7 days and I'm there. I don't know what decided me but I just felt like it was time for something to stimulate my brain.

So, I signed up to write 30,000 words in 31 days. Less stress than the November version I hope. And I'm not doing ML duties in this so that's even a bit better. However, at my writing group on Saturday it felt like I was in a kind of ML position and I think most of the group is comfortable having a go-to. I'm good with it. They're a very nice bunch of folks. 

I have a few issues with the way camp is set up. You are assigned cabins but you can't pick your cabin mates. You can list who you'd like but their bots pick for you. My first go round was not even a maybe. They were all under 25! I don't mind a mixed bag but I have no intention of feeling like the den grandmother. I did a reshuffle and the next day I had a new group. One of my local group is in there and I like Gary. He just graduated from high school but since I know him, I'm comfortable with him. I am not really thrilled with the rest of it but the age range is a bit wider. I think I'm still the oldest. I can do another reshuffle but I'm not sure I want to bother. If it doesn't work out I'll go solo. 

Do not ask me what I'm writing about. I have no idea. I'm going to sit down this week and pull some ideas out of my hat... or vase... or wherever I put them... if I can remember.

I have a few things in the pipeline that I could pull up that were only initial ideas and never really developed so there maybe something to work with. I hope so because I've had real problems coming up with ideas for a while. Side effect of fibro is this mental apathy where you mind is just a box of dust bunnies. Remember how good bunnies are with math? The dust kind are just as good.

Anyway, I'm going to try and have fun with this. I would like to actually write something funny. Unfortunately, I'm not naturally funny. I sort of stumble into it. That's why it's funny, I suspect.

If you've never done anything like NaNoWriMo, you should do this once in your life. Just so you can say you did it, if for no other reason. I waited years to do it and the first year I kept it a secret. The next year I jumped into the deep end and met some of the best people in the world... from all over the world. It changed my life in some good ways and is the best fun I've ever experienced. 

So, come to summer camp with me. We'll weave campfire stories and battle mosquitoes together. I'll bring the marshmallows. You bring the bug spray.

Rainy Day Monday

Winding up the Week

It has been a long week but the days have been lovely and warm but not excessively so to me. We've had rain here and there and usually afterward it has been humid but again, it hasn't lasted long. Several days I've taken lunch along and just sat outside and read.

My feet have hurt but far less than they were hurting. I went to the doctor on Wednesday about them. I am to go to a podiatrist new Wednesday. My RA doctor said she thinks it is plantar fasciitis. You can google it. She gave me some exercises to see if they help me in the mornings, which is when it is at its worse.

I'm exhausted today because I was at the ER last night until nearly midnight with Sarah. She was vomiting and had a fever. I carried her and her mother and stayed with them as long as I could. I probably got to bed around 1:30. I was an hour late for work but it's all right. Poor baby has a bad UTI and had to have an IV to rehydrate her. She is absolutely horrified of needles. If you'd had as many hospital visits as that baby you would too. She'd been in and out of the hospital a dozen times before she was a year old with febril seizures. They stuck her so much. Once when she was about two the seizure was very bad and she was out for awhile. They had to call in the life flight guys to do the IV and they finally had to go in her neck. So, when you say hospital, Sarah just gets so upset.

I'm going home tonight and try very hard to do nothing but relax. I've been going in and putting my feet up. It is the only time they don't hurt. This appears to be typical of plantar fasciitis. Hurts terribly first thing in the morning when you get up, gets a bit better as the day goes on and when you're off your feet. Only to slam you again before breakfast.

I'm nearly done with the sweater. I'm concerned I'm going to run out of yarn. I think I can get another skein but the last time I went looking I couldn't find it. Bummer. Caron Simply Soft has a website so I may have to order it. I'd hate to rip it out halfway and shorten it to get enough yarn..

Writers' meeting at the mall tomorrow at 2 p.m. I think my usual group will be there. I'm planning on doing CampNaNo in July. I don't know if I'm going to do a new story or finish an old one. I think I want to finish an old one but we'll see. I have a week to decide. I need the pressure NaNo gives me to be productive I think.

And as one final note to end the week. My new mattress and box springs arrived today. I will sleep on a springless mattress tonight and I hope sleep better. I'm so excited about going to bed! LOL. We have a mattress factory here and they still make "flippable" mattresses right here. I almost bought a memory foam one but at $1000 I decided not. However, they had several versions ranging in price. I finally selected a foam mattress without springs. I paid about $700 for the set and got a 20 yr warranty on it. Believe me when I say you won't find that anywhere anymore. I searched.

I handed my mattresses to my sister. It is one of the last mattresses that Serta made that you can flip.  Jerry and I bought it a few years before he died. There isn't really anything wrong with it except I have so many pressure points that I simply can't sleep on it anymore. Only time will tell how this new one works but I think it certainly can't be any worse on me.

Start of the Week

Monday is drawing to a close. The sky is overcast and a day that started with sunshine and mild temp ends with drizzling rain and 79F. It got up to 90F today, I believe. My car said 91. An auspicious start to the week, I guess

My weekend was too short and filled with distractions. At least, I felt distracted. I couldn't seem to get anything done but laundry and bills. I was behind reconciling my bank statements. Remember, I was terribly sick from February to May.I only realized I'd forgot to do them when I went in to pay bills and there they were, stacked right where I left them. I apparently had done April's statement but have no memory of doing it and I can't find the reconciliation I did anywhere. I forged ahead and did the May and June one.  I'm fortunate that nothing disastrous occurred in my account. It wasn't a perfect balance but close enough I could live with it. I'm learning that unless it is catastrophic, to just be thankful I'm not broke.

Sunday we took Sarah to church with us and she spent the afternoon in her sandbox. She loves that thing. I'm going to get a new bottom in it this weekend and she has stones to make her a little patio around it. This will save me on cutting the grass but also I hope to fix her a small table for her to have lunch on. It is unfortunate that she is an only child. She has no one to play with and there are times she feels it.

I spent the afternoon on the sofa. I fell asleep, as much as she'd let me. You have to speak to her about every 20 minutes to reassure her that you're around. I don't know why but she is very insecure. If you don't answer, she will come look for you, even if you 20 feet away, as I was.

Tonight I'm sitting here in my den with the back door open and the sound of the wind in the trees, birds singing, and the moist cool air of the evening filling the room. It is how I like it. If there house were quiet, it would be heavenly. Dave is watching a movie in the living room. He'll be done soon and go to his room so I can deal with it. In fact I'm headed for a hot shower and something comfortable. I just finished a book and was about to start another but I wanted to finish this first.

The Final Arrangement by Annie Adams is an amusing little mystery. I found myself laughing out loud in several places. I like a book that can make me laugh and Ms Adams has a knack for it. I'm going to look for more of her books.

I've done more reading lately, since I got my new phone. I have a Kindle app on it and find that using it rather than the Kindle is easier. I got the Kindle because I thought it would be lighter than carrying a book. It isn't. In fact, it is probably no lighter at all.  It is lighter than carrying 400.

Travel wise, the Kindle is only compact... you can carry more books on your vacation. Alternatively, the phone is much lighter, multi-use, and I can still access any of my books to read on it. Yes, it is a smaller screen but I can increase the font to a manageable size and I just tap the corner to turn the page. Yes, it drains the battery but the cord weighs nothing. I bought a car charger to use on trips. So with problems with should and neck pain, the phone is winning.

I think I'll go for now. I've got some things I want to do and I'm getting tired. I'll be around.

A Rambling Mess

A week has come and gone and I've not posted anything worth reading here. I'm fairly exhausted but I am so thankful it is Friday. My feet have been giving me fits and my back has been a pain... well, in my back.

If you remember I cleaned out the shed last weekend and installed cabinets. Was that last weekend? Whoa. I've been punished all week. In clearing out the shed I pulled out about seven boxes of paper. One contains our medical records. One contained all Jerry's military & VA records, at least it seems like all of it. The rest are boxes of bank records, school records for all of us, college for the adults and both boys school stuff from elementary to graduation.

My school stuff alone was a whole file box filled with every note I took and research papers, except for a few that I have stored in a binder of other writing pieces. My notes were awesome. My geology notebooks ... I used three different color pens to do my notes and diagrams. . . in both of them!And they were so neat and organized. I almost didn't want to destroy them. I told David, "I was a good student.... I was flippin' crazy!"

Wednesday night I began the tedious process of sorting to determine if there was anything in them that needed saving. I began with the military files first. This was difficult. I learned things that I should have known, probably did know and denied. Jerry was having problems much farther back than even I realized. It wouldn't have made any difference if I had known then and as I read through the records I wondered what I would have done if I'd realized.

I spent hours looking through my journalism file, reading the notes my professor made, smiling because he was so kind and supportive. I read some of the articles I wrote. It was a nice little jaunt into the past. I sent him a note afterward telling him how much I enjoyed revisiting them and he thanked me for sharing it.

Tonight, I sorted two boxes and it was bank stuff, statements and receipts, some of David's home school stuff. I'd found all of Mike's report cards the first night. I read over his evaluations and realized that all the problems he had in school he is still having to deal with today. Nothing has changed and there's no help for him. That was depressing.

I still have two boxes left and then I have to revisit the military records. I am burning things in the grill and with the quantity I have it will take weeks at this rate. The other two boxes are probably more bank stuff and Mike's social security records I kept for two and a half decades. Once this is all done, I need to start on stuff in the files in the house. And then the closets. At least, no one will have to do this when I'm gone.

The result of all this shuffling is a messy house, the den, anyway. I'm very uncomfortable with disarray. I don't ever remember being this distracted by it until after Jerry died. Once I cleaned everything out it is as if I became uncomfortable with clutter to the point I become very agitated when I'm confronted with it. My house is small and it doesn't take long to fill it up. These days I find that I crave open space rather than crowded rooms.

Sometime in the last week I realized I'll probably never remarry. I don't know why I think that. I'm sure several things are responsible. I don't know any single males my age who I'm remotely interested in. I don't live in a city where I'm likely to meet them. I'm concerned I'd meet some domineering tyrant that will treat me like property. My criteria are rather high and I'm pretty certain no one will ever live up to them. And there is this small part of my brain that says, I don't deserve to ever have anyone. So.

Bit much? I can't apologize. This blog is not your usual blog. I have always pledged to myself to speak the truth about what I think or feel because that is what it is about. I'm not concerned about whether people like it or agree with it. It is the story of my Life on the Ledge.

I have been missing Multiply, my old blog site. I read Jilly's blogs this past week and realized I missed reading about her family and life in the village and Simon's latest project. I miss reading some other's as well. Chris still post now and then about her family but it seems many of them don't post stuff much anymore. I read those of the new friends I've found here and on G+ and I enjoy them. I think it was the fact that we made more of an effort to stay in contact then. But two failed social sites is a bit much so I understand people not wanting to rebuild that kind of community again. Facebook just doesn't do much for me. I'm there and I have several friends from Multiply and from NaNo there I stay in contact with. It simply is not the same. But then, neither am I.

Tomorrow I have a few things I want to attempt to do. Laundry is top of the list. Work on the boxes, which shouldn't take but an hour or so. Get stuff to fix the den/kitchen pass through window so it is functional on the den side now that the cabinet covers 2/3rds of it. I have sewing I am itching to do. I would love a nice long weekend with no one around but me. I'm glad I'm able to help David but I do miss having times of solitude. He's planning on taking Sarah to something in the morning so I'll have a couple of hours I hope.

For now I'll say good night. I'm tired and achy and I've forgot my meds again. Not sure what kind of night it will be for me as a result of that.

A Normal Weekend, Almost

My sons and I put up the kitchen cabinets I've had in storage for at least 10 years. Jerry and I bought the cabinets from a guy who was putting new ones in a house he was going to sell. He had time in a trailer beside the road with a sign that said $300. A whole kitchen worth! The plan was to put them up in our really hideous kitchen where we have two overhead cabinets, one sink and another base about 25 inches wide. It never happened. Even with cheap cabinets the amount of work in addition was just too expensive back then. So we stored them and waited, and waited, and waited. He died.

Anyway about three weeks ago I realized I needed to make a decision. The shed is getting in bad shape. It is rusting. I have to repair or replace it. I can't afford to replace it and I am too tired to think about repairing it. I decided I needed to consider putting the cabinets up and just getting rid of the shed. So, last week I had planned to do that but it rained. This weekend was the one where I simply sucked up my pain and did it.

We got started around noon and by three p.m. I had  a truck load of junk to go to the dump. Both boys helped and we sorted the cabinets and I measured the wall, measured the cabinets. I sent Mike for a stud finder and David for square bits and screws. David put up a support board and we slapped them on the wall. By 5 p.m. the cabinets were up and cleaned up. We had supper at Sonic at around 7 p.m. No, installing is not hard. I'm sure we didn't do it exactly the pros do it but unless you watched us, you won't know i.

To tell you the truth, they look pretty good to have been sitting around the shed for 10 years. Yes, they need refinishing but honestly that is something relatively easy. The original finish is still in fairly good condition. What you see in the photos is after a good rub with Old English furniture polish. And they look just that good up close.

As I stood and looked at the finished job, I thought about how happy I was just to see them up and how pleased Jerry would be to see that. Ultimately, any happiness you experience will hurt. Each time I walk into the kitchen I look at them I feel gladness followed by this little twist of disappointment. He should have been here.

I have three base units to put in and a couple of the drawers need repair, the "floor" of the sink base will have to be replaced the guy who removed it just cut it out to remove the base. But I can't do anything with them until I get the floors replaced. I thought I had photos of the kitchen somewhere on the blog. I suspect it as on Multiply. I have the archive but it is too much to go through, particularly tonight.

The floor is horrible. I painted it about 4 years ago just to make it bearable for me to look at. Three levels of flooring must be removed and a new underlay put down. I can do this with help but it means being without ALL appliances for about a week. Once I get new floors down, I have to put cabinets in and get counter tops on. Never mind the wiring and plumbing. So, we'll see.

Last night and today I have paid for my efforts with horrible lower back pain, shooting pains down my legs, leg cramps in both calves and both feet. On top of that I rode painfilled nightmares all night long. I've been having the cramps in my legs and feet for a couple of weeks and walking is extremely hard. But it has managed to attain a new level of intensity. I got an ice pack around midnight and that got me to sleep only to have bad dreams.

I went to church this morning but after the first hour was not doing so well sitting. My back, hip and leg were not happy with me. I stayed home tonight and I have Sarah with me.

For me the weekend felt about like it should feel. This is the kind of things I like to do. The shed is so uncluttered that even I was suprised. Things were accomplished and that makes me feel more human, more normal. There are few days like that for me. If I were not in so much pain... life might be o.k. This is the penalty for a moment's happiness.

Third Time....

I wish I could remember what I wrote in my failed attempts but I can't. For three days I've tried to post something only to have Blogger eat it as soon as I hit publish. I'm very annoyed because in all the years I've been on here, I've had that happen maybe three times.... total. And now it has happened three times in as many days. Words I can't ever retrieve.

I've had a relatively calm week but it might be attributed to my vacation. I really enjoyed my trip to Florida but decided that my next trip is going to have a couple of beach days in it. I don't know how but it will. I am really in need of more sand and sun.

The photo above is that of a "nursing" pillow my sister, Roselynn gave me while I was in Florida. It is designed for new mothers to put in their lap and use as support to cradle the baby while they feed it. What an invention! I had the idea 35 years ago but used plain old bed pillows.

 Anyway, I'm glad she gave it to me. It has been a Godsend. I have a problem with my neck that causes terrible pain in my shoulder, neck, back, and can lead to a dreadful migraine that can last for days. I have a very hard time sleeping because I wake up in terrible pain if my head gets in certain positions. If the pillow is too thick, I am in agony. If it is too hard, I am in agony. I have trouble shifting from my back to my side because I have to wake up and adjust pillows and hope I can find a comfortable position that will keep my neck aligned and not allow it to shift into an awkward position. And then fall back to sleep only to wake up feeling as if I have a broken neck.

I forgot my own pillows when I went down South. She had this and said try it. So I did. And you know what? It worked. This pillow is soft. I can put it around my neck, lie down and my head is stable. It doesn't roll into a cramped position when I'm asleep. If I turn over, the curved arms are in the perfect position and the pillow the right thickness to keep my spine aligned. No, this isn't what the pillow was designed for but it is about as perfect as I could hope. I've had better sleep for a couple of weeks now. I still have pain when I get up but it is a lot better.

I'm feeling a bit distressed about some things but I can't do anything about it so I'm not going to dwell on it. I'm restless and I can't pinpoint why. I don't like this feeling. It is too much like a premonition and I hate when that happens. Really hate it. It is a bit like watching a car accident. You see it coming, know it will happen and you can't do a thing to stop it or change it. Very annoying. 

I'm still working on Sarah's sweater. It is on again, off again. When I get tired of one thing I do something else. You know, if you think about it, our lives are rather dull in general. Unless we're doing something radical, we're all pretty ordinary. I mean, what are you doing? Sitting reading this blog. I'm writing it. When you're done, you'll move to Facebook or G+ or play a game or watch something on television. You might go out and do something outside or cook, clean, crochet, sew or knit. But ultimately, we all generally do the same things, day in and day out. 

I'm going now. My blogs of late are rather boring. At least they're not filled with rants and moans and groans! About time.