Understanding The Technology

My youngest son was about 3 years old when the military began using desktop computers. My husband brought this home one day from work. Someone gave it to him. I have no idea who drew it or thought up the concept. I doubt it was Bill Gates.

I've kept it for years but since I'm cleaning out, I'm tossing it away too. I have scanned it and will have a disk copy. However, I'm sending it out to the world via Multiply. As far as I am aware it is not protected. When I was in college. I gave it to one of my professors. Before I knew it I was seeing it all over the campus on bulletin boards. For some reason, people find it amusing. I hope it helps you understand your computer better.

Forward Motion

Sarah is napping on my sofa. Dave and Becca came in and he is napping on my bed. Becca had to be there this morning to finish her registration and get her books. We have a ham in the oven that was intended for New Year's day but things sort of didn't work out that way. Dave has school tonight.

I am not doing much of anything. I've spent the morning dealing with HRH and once she went down, I was a bit at loose ends. Now, I don't know what I want to do. The ham sounds good with potatoes and broccoli with cheese sauce.

I'm at a bit of a loss. I feel as if I'm waiting for something. It is very frustrating. I'm not actually waiting for anything, as far as I know. But it feels as if I'm on that platform checking my watch.

I hate waiting.

Finally, A Monday that Doesn't Stink

Idnit amazin?A Monday that looks good on the outside and in which I don't feel like I've been pounded with a hammer. I do hope this is a portent of the next 51 Mondays.

I'm up a bit earlier than I've been getting up. I have to go back to work tomorrow and I need to finish loose ends here. I still have papers here and there to sort through but most of the damage is done for now. I have one fully cleaned, painted, and organized closet. I have a second that is a bit more organized. I have one on the way and two more that I have to just empty and do the same.

I'm raising the bars in them as well. Most are just head height on my but I need them a bit higher. The storage up top is not very useful anyway and simply makes me stick things back. So, will eliminate it and put storage at the bottom that is a bit more practical. I'll lose about a foot but that's ok since I won't be keeping as much excess baggage. In my hall closet I put my blankets, first putting them in plastic garbage bags so they stay cleaner. The ends are open to allow them to breath but they won't collect as much dust as they would just lying on the shelf. I had them stored in a huge plastic tub that just got in the way in the closet. I gave it to Becca.

I have not been writing at all. I don't know what has happened. I haven't had any contact with my writing group. They seem to have dropped off the face of the earth. Some of the NaNo'ers have stayed in touch so I'm going to try and arrange to meet with them. It has been hard with the holidays. We'll see.

Sarah just arrived to spend the day. Dave and Becca start school today and since this is the first day I said she could spend it with me. After today, they go on a schedule where Becca goes in the mornings and Dave in the evenings. So one of them will be able to keep her at all times.

I am going to see what we can get into now. I have some things to do but when HRH is here it seems they don't get done a well.

Since I started this we have spent about two hours cuddling in my still warm bed and telling stories. Then we got a "nice shower". That is what Sarah called it. She played with the doll house and a movie in the background. I suppose she is used to background noises where I am not. She can't be in a room without them. She hears every sound and the silence disturbs her. So, movies. And now, she is taking a nap.

I'm going to find food.

First Sunday of the Year

I have been here all day at my desk, cleaning out bins and boxes and paying bills. In fact for the last three days I've been throwing things away all over the house... even discarding books. Becca saw me last night boxing books and she said, "Mom... you're getting rid of books?"

I said, "Yes. I'm getting rid of books." I never get rid of books that are shelved because that means they are special to me. They are all hardbacks except for a few paperbacks I found stacked that I had already read. I suspect in the coming months, I'll be getting rid of more of them. My intention is to be rid of nearly all my books in the next year. I will take it slowly as these are all books I love and feel comfortable with them around me. It isn't a resolution, just an intent. I had a desire once to have room in which all four walls were covered in books. Jerry was going to make one for me. I no longer have the desire. Now, it seems I want all of them gone. I was studying the bookcase in the guest room. I have a shelf of Christian books, a shelf of history books, a shelf of more classical literature, a shelf of children's books, and a shelf of textbooks on Anthropology, photography, geology, psychology, business law, journalism, and political science. I had an eclectic education at university. They all need to go.

It all has to go. I have too much weight. I look around and think of all that would have to be done if I were to die suddenly. I can't bear the thought of my family trying to sort through all that I have clung, too. I have had to deal with all that Jerry left behind. It has taken two years of picking up things and trying to let go. I still have things here that were his that really don't need to be here. I can't do that to other people. Mike would be crippled by the choices if that happened. I have to get rid of everything I can. I can't take them with me. They mean nothing to anyone else.

I gave Becca my solid oak table Saturday. It is one long table, no inserts, that seats six. It still has the original ladder back chairs I bought to go with it. Virtually impossible to tear up ladder back chairs. I bought that thing new and unfinished in 1988. I stained it, finished it and raised my family around it. Twenty-two years of meals, games, school work, and memories. I've no need of it now. I've told her if she decides she no longer wants it it must come home. I don't think it will. If she takes care of it, it will last another 50 years. Oak, when cared for, last forever.

I've filled five trash bags with paper. Paper! Why do I have all that stuff? I started Friday and began making piles. I went over and over them, each time throwing more and more away, wondering why I kept it the first time. Then, wondering why when I made the pile I still hung onto it. I went through some things half a dozen times but each time, more went out. I've tossed a pile of old cassette tapes, maybe 50 of them. I have a player but I threw a bunch away. I kept those I really liked and may actually play. I wish I could get them onto a CD and then I'd toss them for good. I have all the tapes that were my and Jerry's favorites.

Today, it is the business end of things I am working on. I have to prepare for tax time and my desk is buried and has been for months. I'm sorting the remodel items so they are easy to locate and I'm tossing stuff that has been lying around for a year... I don't know why I put it in my bill bin.

I will be sorting the "paid" bin, too. I usually keep paid things a year and then decided if warranties are a factor. If so, they go to a special file. Everything else will be tossed.

It is a tedious task that I hate, more now than before. Probably because I am shedding things I would not normally shed. But then my life is no longer normal. The image that came to mind when I typed that statement was of a train depot. I'm standing on the platform looking at my watch. It is cold and windy and people are milling around while I stand with my suitcase at my feet, waiting.

I'm off now. Still trying to get things sorted out. Mike called to see if I was going to church. I honestly haven't decided. I hate to stop and leave this mess. I've been doing that every night for the last couple of days. I'd kind of like tomorrow to be a day I don't do anything but relax. It will be the only day for ten days that I do if it happens.

I hope everyone's New Year is off to a good start. And I hope it brings all of us better times.

Happy New Year...

It is an old custom to celebrate the arrival of a new year. There are usually fire works and laughing and in some quarters, champagne. Usually you are accompanied by numerous friends or someone special. When the new year arrived at my house I was alone and asleep.

I've had two new year's alone. Like most holidays since that began, it is pretty much another day. But I did have a special treat last night at 5:50 p.m., long before my new year arrived. I got a phone call that made the end of the year much brighter than it began. My friend, Jilly, called me all the way from England. It was 11:50 her time. It was such a wonderful treat and while we were talking, 2011 rolled into England and she opened her windows and we listened together to the fireworks. That was amazing. So, I had my New Year celebration early and it was so much fun. Jilly, you are so very special. Thank you... again. What a privilege to call you friend.

I am tired this morning. I was up by eight... not on purpose but when I wake up these days staying in bed is not usually fun. I have to get up and move to stop the pain escalation that woke me. Takes about an hour to become manageable.

I'm not dressed yet but I've had coffee. I've read blogs. Now, I think I better pay the bills and do the bank statement. Not a fun new year's day at all. I have three days left of vacation and I would like them to be filled with things I enjoy. This is not one of them.

So, I'm off for a hot shower to see if I can wash away some of the stiffness. You know, I'm not really that old. I'm 54. I should not feel this way. I know 70 year olds who feel better than I do. That's just wrong.

And this could so easily degenerate into a pity party. I'll take it somewhere else. I just would have liked to start a new year with a brighter view of it. I'd like to be positive and upbeat and eager to see where it takes me. I'd like to get there without all the pain. I used to be like that. I think. I don't remember.