Voluntary Prison

I am home from church and sitting on the sofa in my pj's. It is a of and on sunny day and the temp has risen to 58 degrees. I thought about going to Kohl's and look for a new shirt. I considered putting on street clothes and walking shoes and going to the cemetery and walking. It is a nice cemetery and people often use it to walk. The paths are paved and there is a variety of hills, levels and curves in the narrow roads throughout the grounds. You could easily walk more than two miles. I followed neither urge. My hip has become nearly unbearable when I walk.

On the way home today I had two realizations. One, dreams do not come true. It is a lie... not a myth. A lie. Two, I realized that I really no longer want to leave my house. I do not like getting in the car and leaving the yard. I cry when I leave and cry when I come home. I cry at the thought of going out of the house every morning to my job. I cry when I get up. I cry when I go to bed. I manage to get through my work day without falling apart but I'm so tired when it is over. I just want to go home and not come out again.

I don't like going out and seeing how very empty the rest of the world is and how pointless it is. I didn't like shopping before, now I detest stores. At least, I can sit outside here if the weather is nice but it is too cold for me today and will probably remain so for six months. So I'll stay in my voluntary prison. It will be a fairly nice prison once all the repairs are completed.

I don't think as much when I'm here. I watch a lot of old t.v. shows and lie around. I'm so tired most of the time I can't do much more than that anyway. Half a day of cleaning house and I'm done for on any given day. Right now I feel exhausted and I'm still not done with getting things ready for house guests. I have felt this way for a few days now. But when I go to bed, I don't rest. There is no position in the bed that doesn't hurt and so my sleep is never very good.

I'm tired. I already said that but it is true.

Solitary Sunday

I'm just getting read to go out the door. I can't get anyone on the phone to go to church with me so I will be going alone. I do hate it but I can't do anything about it. Mike probably will sleep all day. Dave and Becca turn their phones off so I can't call and ask them. I did ask him last night if I could take Sarah and he said yes but I didn't believe it when he said it. But I still asked. I tried twice to call both phones. They don't want to hear it and so turning off the phones is a way to avoid the request. I don't get people who don't have the courage just to say no to your face rather than lie to you.

I don't think I slept well. Woke with feet, knees, hands, and neck hurting. It was cold in the house. I don't know what it got down to last night but it is currently 54 at 9 a.m.I guess I'll have to break out the electric blanket so I won't ache so much.

What am I going to do it this gets any worse? There isn't anyone to rely on for anything.

At the Starting Line

Get ready, WriMos! Thirty day and the fun begins. Yes, folks, 30 days! WriMos everywhere are beginning to sharpen their pencils, create folders on their hard drives, stocking the larder with all manner of cookies, crackers, chocolate, assorted candies, cocoa, and coffee. I still have some of Word's special brew in the pantry waiting for the cold nights of November. The first of November will see a skyrocketing purchase of snack veggies and fruits.

I dropped in this morning and found that the boards have been wiped. The forums are open. Don't forget to go update your profile with your time zone, participant/winner info, and download those lovely badges to show off on your email and websites.

If you have never participated in 30 days of madness, I encourage you to give in and try it. Anyone who loves to write should try NaNo once. You'll be hooked for life and discover a lot about yourself. Of course you'll make lots of friends along the way, too.

So, keep your eyes on this spot. The madness begins November 1st.

Downhill

I'm on the down side if Friday. I'm so glad. I've worked all day in my office moving furniture and cleaning. I'm done with most of the heavy stuff but still have two file cabinets to move and tons of stuff to get rid of.

We do not have maintenance men to do our moving. We have to do it ourselves. This means you have to know how to use a screwdriver and be able to move 100 lbs. I've been on the floor on my back beneath my desk most of the day. First taking it apart. Then, moving it. Then putting it back together. I will get photos for you all next week. I like it this way actually.

I had my desk in front of the window when I first got this office and moved the desk to a corner. It was hard to see the screen and I had to face the window. You can see photos of my office before today's change in layout in the albums. Actually, my keyboard tray won't work in the right place this time either but I'll rig something later for that. The other reason I wanted it moved was I hated my back to the door. My boss never knocks and I'm not allowed to shut my door. So he is eternally coming up behind me. I hate it. Of course he goes through our desks, too. Everyone knows it but there isn't much we can do about it. Not sure what his purpose is.

Anyway, it is almost time to go home and I'm going to finish it up. It was so very dusty and dirty in here. Our vacuum doesn't work well either. The wheel keeps falling off. I could bring mine from home for a day but don't see why I should be responsible for bringing my own equipment to clean their offices.

I'll pop in later. I'm so happy it is Friday! I hope I do not feel all this moving tomorrow!

Friday Has Arrived

I woke at my usual time, 6:30 a.m., to my clocking telling me it was my usual time. I got up, stretched, to the snap, crackle, ouch and mentally sent out scouts to determine where I was on that funny scale of faces they use in the doctor's office. I don't have one here but I think.....I am about ready to head out to work so we will see how the morning goes. I really need to get to bed and rest tonight so I can get up tomorrow and get things in order. I am so excited that my brother is coming up. I so want my house repairs done.

The writer's meeting went well last night but I hate I was so sick. I felt as if I wasn't able to put my best into it. But it was nice to sit and talk to my friends and share some of their excitement.
I hope everyone has a productive Friday. My Brit friends are already well into their Friday and it will be almost Saturday there by the time I get home. I may pop in later today if I find myself taking a break but. . .