Trip

I'm going on a little trip this weekend. I decided this morning that I have to go away for some much needed relaxation. I'm leaving Friday and coming back Monday. I don't think I will have an internet or computer during those days so you probably won't hear from me during that time. But I'll be back on by Monday night for sure.

I have a therapy appointment in about an hour and today I don't actually want to go. I just really want to lie down. I've been overly tired for a week now. I've been going to bed a bit earlier but I am just waking up earlier! So much for the theory that I'm not sleeping enough. LOL!

I've had a really horrible two weeks. I feel as if I've started all over and that can't be good. I'm not doing anything and I think that is the problem. I'm the kind of person who needs to be doing something constructive and game on the computer and internet reading are just not meeting that need. But I've been so tired and I can't get beyond the start of something before I run out of steam. I don't really know what to do or how to combat that.

I checked on support groups and there are none here. I guess no one else's spouses die. Or maybe their churches provide enough support. It is a heavily churched city - over 700 churches in a city of about 500,000. I don't know. I do know I can't keep operating this way. I am hoping a weekend away will help me get on track.

I've still not bought that laptop. I'm a bit paranoid about money at the moment. I've found that when I feel bad I want to go buy something. That has never been something I did. I've always been conservative about spending and when I had those urges I could handle it. I'd go and get a shake or drink or a book if anything. Or I'd walk around in the store until it passed. But now, it is harder. I've gone out several times and bought things and wondered why I did that when I got home. It isn't things I've splurged on. I could use every single one but this is how addictions are created. The other day I bought a display case for Jerry's flag they presented at the funeral and a frame for one of our family photos that I just love. The old frame got broken so long ago I can't remember. It was taken when the boys were not quiet teenagers. It is a great photo of a happy family, something we lost somewhere. The flag looks so nice in the case and the photo is a special one that should be hung.

I'm going to stop now so I can get some work done. I'll be back off and on the next three days.

Monday Morning Mullygrubs

I woke up again not knowing what day it was. That is so odd for me. When I realized that it was Monday I was plummeted into a depression. I do not want to be here this morning. Yesterday was not a good day in any shape, form, or fashion. I do not want to spend another day like that. I'm tired of feeling swallowed up.

And I wish I could wake up without pain of any kind. I had a bad spell last night that I don't know what it was or what caused it. I was sitting in a chair talking on the phone with my aunt. I had my arm behind my head and was sitting back in my chair. I shifted position and it felt as if someone slammed me in the side of my head so hard that my eyes felt as if they jarred. I got so dizzy that I thought I'd fall over and for several hours I felt lightheaded. It was very scary because I saw no reason for it. I checked my BP several times over the next hour and it was fine. I don't know if that was a sudden drop in BP, a drop in blood sugar, or if that place in my neck is a pinched nerve and when I moved it caused the problem.

When I called my doctor's office a while ago to see if I could talk to the nurse, they said the staff were all out today. O.k. I could schedule a covering doctor but that would mean going over my history with them. I don't want to deal with this today. And I still don't feel well. So, not sure what to do.

Anyone out there a nurse?

I think I am going to ask for Friday and Monday off. I'd like to drive down to Atlanta for a couple of days and just get away. We are only getting a three day weekend on the 4th of July weekend and I don't want to drive anywhere that weekend. I get 13 hrs of vacation a month so I should have plenty of time to do it. We'll see how that goes.

Ok, it has taken the better part of the morning to do this between jobs and I am going off for the rest of the day.

Father's Day

Today is Father's Day here in the states. We use this day to give honor to our fathers. Most churches will have some little presentation for fathers. My church does this. All the fathers will stand and they will give each one a small gift.These are usually small tie pins or bookmarks. Then, they will sit down and when church is over the fathers will go out to lunch with their families.

I did not go to church today. We are not celebrating over lunch.

I am home today because family holidays do not seem to be of interest to any of us. We all talked yesterday and all agreed that today, we would not do Father's day.

I will call my uncle later and wish him a happy father's day. I may call my own father, whom I've only seen once since I was five but with whom I have reestablished tenuous ties in the last 22 years. He has done some nice things for me during that time and I appreciate them.

But the man who was the father of my children is not here. I can only sit and remember what we have lost and I realize how very little a single day of honor can express all that he did for his family.

Wasted Days, Wasted Space

I just spent the morning writing my nephew in Afghanistan and playing some game on the computer. I have to get dressed now and find something really productive to make up for the lost time.

I don't feel the letter writing was a waste of time but then it only took about an hour. I sent it Motomail and the letter had to be broken up into three different emails because it was so long. They can only print one page for each letter. Well, he'll get the equivalent of three letters. LOL. Hope it works.

I want to clean out some closets and toss clothes I can or will never wear again. I am stupid for hanging on to some of this stuff and have no room if I buy something new. It is just wasted space than can be better used. So, it goes. I hope. It is very hard to toss clothes for me. "I'm sure I will wear this again." Right. Not.

Anyway, I am going now and do it. Keep your fingers crossed. I will let you know how it all comes out.

I also want to thin out some books and junk sitting around. Most are books I probably won't ever read again. A few were sale books I thought I'd like, started and never finished. These are not novels. These are books like The Lore of the Unicorn; Exons, Introns, and Talking Genes; The Copernican Revolution (I actually did read that and it was good!); Cosmic Questions (read that too and it was good also). Anyway, you get the idea. These were bookstore sale books that no one else would buy... they know a sucker when they see them. Anyway, the last two were science books that I actually liked and learned from. One actually told me how to tell time by the stars and I used it once camping! How weird is that? That would be the Copernican Revolution.... you know, they guy that actually believe the sun was stationery?

Well, anyway, I've been weeding books for nearly a year now and it is hard for me. I love being surrounded by books and I read anything about everything so it is an eclectic collection. Last night I decided to pick up my spanish book and read to brush up on it. I was sitting on my bed at 1:00 a.m. this morning reading spanish aloud. Well, there was not one to disturbe and it kept the demons at bay. Apparently, they don't speak spanish?

I'm going to check on auditing Spanish classes at the university. I took two years of college Spanish and loved it. My prof wanted me to continue with the next two years but I was in my senior year of college and I didn't want to do it. So, now, I'm sorry. I'm 10 years older and don't know if I can catch it up. But auditing will get me in the class with no credit (I don't need it), and give me something to do. If all goes well, I might actually take the next two levels. We'll see.

I got to go before I waste any more of the day. Nothing gets done! Today I'd like to have something to show for it.

More Information about Insulin Resistance

Here an another article with valuable information on diabetes and insulin resistance. I was actually surprised by the top part of the article. Lower in the body of the test is the information I an referring to you.

The site where this is found is a great health site filled with lots of information. Evaluate all health information careful and research before jumping on any bandwagon.

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