Lost in the Dark

 I never thought I'd have to live through another week, like the last week of May 2025. I thought the horrors of death were far behind me and that life, though painful, would not throw that pain into my path. 

My aunt Phillis died May 22nd, 2024. I started life in her mother's home and she was my big sister. She took me places when I was old enough and she permed my hair, many times, to no avail. I knew her friends. Liz made great chocolate shakes, Patsy was funny. There were many others because she had a large circle of friends. 

I was nearly 9 when she married and from then on, it was visits to her house to stay for a night, and then for summers. As a teen, she dressed me. We were the same size until I was in my 20s so she gave me her clothes. They were beautiful clothes and hand me downs were not an insult in my family. I loved it.

I loved her and she became my second mother when her mother died. Our Mama. For 68 years she was always available to me. Always ready to help with whatever I needed a prayer, a new fridge, a trip to recover from the death of my husband. She allowed me to complain to about my sons, to share my worry about Sarah. And I shared her worries and fears. I consoled her when she needed someone to share her grief. 

Now, she's gone, and I do not know what I will do. I came home on the 28th of May. For days I've sat in my house and tried to think. I do not know what I'm supposed to do. Every day I expect her call or to call her and tell her about what's going on with the boys, with Sarah, with me. I desperately need her to pray for me. To help me through this horrible nightmare. To wake me up. There is no one now look out for me. No one I can call to tell how I feel about this. I more alone that I've ever been in my life. And I'm hollowed out inside like a dead tree. 

I said before that death is not a friend but he is a dark and beastly entity who comes into our home and rips every beautiful thing out by the roots and drags it away. He doesn't knock or politely ask to come in. He kicks in the door and puts out the lights. When he leaves, all we have is a howling wind roaring through our life. 

 Possessions are not the most important thing you will have in your life. They matter very little when you're stumbling around in the dark and can't find the path. When the people in your life begin to disappear you lose direction because the compass points are gone and the light has gone out. 

Treasure the lights you have while they burn brightly. When they go out, you'll be lost.