Hitting the Pavement

I didn't get far into the light before I fell flat on my face. Literally.

I went to the store and picked up something for Becca to decorate with and was delivering it to her house yesterday before I went to lunch and to do my shopping. She was at the playground with Sarah and that's where we headed.

The sidewalks there have steps at odd places but they aren't marked and tend to blend with the rest of the walkway. She's fallen and I've tripped several times. Yesterday, I did a pancake.

My right foot hit the step and I fell like a falling tree. Straight down on my stomach and chest. I had the forethought, amazing what happens in your mind in split seconds, to arch my back and tilt my head back and use my hands to break my fall, barely. My nose was inches from the sidewalk when it was over. And I couldn't get up a minute.

I rolled over and struggled to a sitting position. There is a fence where I fell. It was difficult because everything was screaming in pain. Mike tried to help me up but I had to just sit for a bit. Knees smacked the ground first and then I fell forward bringing my hands up to brace me. I felt it everywhere. I had a scratch on my knee and my right palm, in the fleshy part near the wrist was scraped. My right wrist was hurting and I know I'd heard something pop. Left hand had a minor abrasion.

Mike looked at my knee and said, 'Well Mom, at least you didn't tear you panty hose!"

{Mom shakes head}

He had yelled at Becca almost immediately. I really couldn't get up! It was crazy but everything was just aching. We went to her apartment where I washed the scrapes and put liquid bandage on them. I iced the wrist. It was achy but I didn't think it was broken. A vein popped up and turned blue but the ice helped. Still, it was stiffening nicely and I decided I should have it x-rayed to be sure. And if I had to file a claim it would be on record.

So, x-ray showed no beaks.l They sent me home. Home, I went. Dropped Mike off at his house and called it a day.

Nothing accomplished.

Today, my usual pain is gone but I'm stiff all over.

How shower in five.

Into the Light?

I'm actually on my way out. I've been absolutely swamped, running all over. I haven't had this much fun since . . . well years. I have had so little pain in years! I'm awake and it feels sort of like Sleeping Beauty must have felt.

O.k. cue Prince Charming, please.

The Meet & Greet was a resounding success. Twenty people showed up and it was tremendous fun to talk and laugh with them all. I got to meet Loraine's husband, who is NOT doing NaNo but I really wanted to meet him and I think she just asked him to join her. The age range of the group was 15 to 55. Guess who was oldest? :-( Everyone seemed to be very excited and really glad to be there. I'm really looking forward to the month. Now if I can just get an idea.....

Cue plot bunnies, please.

Say a prayer for Loraine. She has her second surgery this month. They say it is easier than the first but who knows.

I'm on my way out to do some shopping and pick up Mike. I'm sure he'll want to have lunch with me. He needs hearing aid supplies I think so we'll be going to Beltone, too. Hope no one thinks it for me!

Had an epiphany this week in the car. The thought went through my mind, really a question, "Am I happy?" I really did think about it. My brain is working much better since I'm not dealing with pain and lack of sleep. I had an answer pretty quickly. "I'm enjoying what I'm doing. I am not happy."

I know, bit of an oxymoron. And yet, it is true. I don't actually think happiness is possible anymore. I'm living in a moment. I'm capturing whatever light I can pull around me. I'm latching onto whoever makes me smile, laugh, or feel special. I'm not thinking about tomorrow in any real or long term sense. It will have to take care of itself.

I just don't want to go back in that cave. I really, really don't.

FRIDAY! The Mad Rush to the Weekend

OTGIF!

You've already been apprised of my week. But thankfully, joyfully, splendidly, I've felt wonderful this week compared to how I've felt all year! Virtually NO pain!

Must give God the Praise. Sunday night, Bro Ashcraft visited our church again and I asked him to pray for me again. Remember my feet and how badly they were hurting all the time? After the Sunday night he came over and told me he was going to pray for my feet, I've had almost no pain in my feet. I have not been waking up crippled before I get out of bed. So Sunday I just went up when they asked if anyone wanted prayer. I didn't say what for. And he did.

I had a lot of neck pain that day. By Monday night I have virtually none. I've been sleeping better for a few weeks now but still had pain issues. This week I have one spot that has bothered me and it was so mild I took Tylenol for it!

So, Praise the Lord for that! Will it come back, who knows. I'll take every blessing I get gladly.

I had the Writer's meeting last night. Loraine brought a small cake and she and I and Doug had birthday cake. The others couldn't make it. I talked so much I finally asked someone else to talk because I was babbling. They laughed at me and did! LOL

Tonight, Meet & Greet. In fact, my hair is in a towel now and I have to go get it dry and put on my sweater.

I've had virtual roses in the Smoking Pen and a poem from Dragon (screen name don't know his real name but a nice fellow to write with). I've had a Cracker Barrel gift card from Roselynn, a Starbucks gift card and a birthday cake from Loraine and today my friend Carolyn at work gave me a new beaded watchband. It is really pretty. She always gets me something every year. Must remember her this year! Her birthday is the end of December and she is usually not at work and I don't see her. So a nicer day than I had envisioned. In fact, in the Pen tonight they appear to be gearing up for a birthday party! At least that is what I hear.

So, off for now. I'll let you know how it turns out.

Why?

I'm doing my usual ramble online. I do this by reading headlines I have on my Google homepage. This one, "Mass Alien Abduction Experiment in Los Angeles", struck my fancy.

First, I'm not surprised by the location. LaLa Land is centered in this area. People there do weird thing, well, weirder than the rest of us it seems. If you're from LaLa Land and find this offensive, you proved my point. If you can't laugh at yourself, you're crazy.

Second, and the title of this post, WHY? Why would you do such and experiment if you believe the stories of alien abduction? Did they pick only unbelievers? If so, does that corrupt the data because only unbelievers were used? And if only believer were used, can I trust that the data is not tainted by their FAITH? Takes faith to believe in something you can't actually prove.

If they used both believers and non-believers, what does that mean? Does it mean that they actually were abducted or that it was all in their heads. And if you have an OBE, does it mean you weren't abducted? I mean, we have a soul in my belief system. So, if you're soul leaves your body and goes "somewhere else" without your permission, isn't that an abduction?

I think it leaves far more questions that it answers. The biggest one. WHY!

Mid-Week Mayhem, Madness & Meltdown

Oh my stars and garters! What a week it's been and what a week to come. The past week has been chaotic. We had to help admissions on ... I don't remember the day! Basically, we all had to take applications... oh, last Wednesday, and enter them in the computer. These are the last of our waiting list to be entered. I lost a day of my own work! You all know this happens all the time.

We had a couple of computer issues. Who ya gonna call? Fortunately, it was the nut behind the wheel in one case and in the other a power supply issue that can't be fixed by moi. Call my backup, Jay, supertech! He took the old computer away for repair and hooked up our roaming laptop that we use for briefings for Stacey to use.

Then, I had the weekend with Sarah. Did I take Thursday and Friday off last week? I think I did. I don't remember! I had the P & P meeting on Saturday. Two people showed..... yes I know. But it's fine. They were nice and young and .... intimidated so it was fine. I really am NICE!

Monday rolls around and I'm three days behind. I spend Mon-Tues. catching up and putting out fires in all areas. Today we had move briefing. My day to do the presentation, as it usually is since no one else wants to do it. "But you do a really good job." Yes, I do since I wrote the blasted thing! And my spontaneous jokes are funny... most people laugh. Even the staff laughs. So... it is my one concession to exhibitionism.

After the briefing, which last about two hours, I took the laptop back to Stacey's office and reconnected everything. Then, I went to lunch with Carolyn. Came back to another meeting regarding setting up for the opening of the waiting list. We are opening the waiting list November 3 after three years! We expect ... couple of thousand people to show up. It is only open for ten days. There are 8 of us handling the crowd. There will be NO jokes.

Tomorrow it is software training in the a.m. and HUD training in the p.m. And the piles are growing, folks! Pretty soon you won't be able to find me. OH! Writer's Asylum meeting is tomorrow night!

Friday... God only  knows. Friday night, Meet & Greet for local NaNo's. If you're in the area, come on down!

Saturday I hope to goodness I can relax.

Sunday my aunt and uncle will arrive, unless they come Saturday.

Monday my sister, Phyllis, has surgery to remove her gall bladder. She will come home to MY house with my aunt Phillis and uncle Dale... they're wonderful, really. I don't know what I'd do without them.

We are now into November. Tuesday, NaNoWriMo starts and I have to come up with 1666 brilliant, exciting, wondrous words every night for a month. My original goal was to write at night from Mon. to Fri every week, skipping the weekends. That is 2273 words a day for 22 days... I can do that... really, 2273 words is not much for me.... generally. {sigh} I really, really want to do it that way.

I NEED AN IDEA!

Have I mentioned I'm feeling really, really good? So good that I'm terrified it will end.

A Song & Dance

Tuesday turned into a really pretty day. I just wish I could be home instead of work. However, when the boss is away I actually get a lot more real work done. Imagine that!

Got to tell you, my pain levels are so low it is almost astounding. Yes, I'm using the patches and I'm actually going to bed, if not by 10, at least before midnight. That's no mean feat, let me tell you. The Smoking Pen is open and you all know that when that happens, I'm out of pocket for weeks. The website upgrade has caused delays and difficulties on top of that and I'm trying to keep the ML stuff going. Then, Nano starts next Monday.

The closing on the loan is complete and I have to go by the courthouse today and file the paperwork for the loan. At least I thought I did. They just told me I have a year and I should wait at least a couple of months! Now I'll forget it and that will be a problem, too! Doh! I'll put it on my gmail calendar and it will remind me.

Still have no idea what I'm doing for NaNo. I hate going in blind. I've done it a few times but for some reason it feels all wrong this year to do that. I'm concerned  that I don't have an idea and won't have one!

Believe it or not, I'm blank now, too!

MIA and Other Stuff

Friday arrived on schedule.

I've been around but with NaNo approaching, my duties as ML, and my pain problems, I've not been in any position to do more than read your blogs, which I do. I don't think I've been leaving comments. After Grammy sent out a probe I figured I better pop in just to insure everyone knows I'm around. Don't you all go deleting me just cause I'm MIA a few days!

I'm doing o.k. Not perfect... pain was  pretty horrible from Sunday through Tuesday. I was so sick I really needed to be home but I simply can't afford to miss anymore work. I had a hideous migraine but I didn't really know that was part of the problem. My neck was so bad I was contemplating calling for a cervical block. I took an Imetrex to see if it would help on Tuesday at lunch when I realized I also had a headache. I got sicker but that is what they do to me. Feels like you're dying. No, seriously. I went home after work and got the hottest shower I could stand and lay down on the sofa where I stayed for hours just letting tv shows roll. I was better on Wednesday. Today, I'm relatively well although there is still mild pain in and around my neck and shoulders.

My shoulders hurt. I've had to put one of the patches on my left shoulder for week or so now, right on top of it. I think coupled with my neck problem and a migraine it all served to do me in. I do not know what triggered what but I think the shoulder is triggering the neck which in turn triggers the migraine. Just a guess. As good as I get at the doctor.

My plotting & planning meeting on Saturday is all set. I do not know who will show up. I'd like to see 15 but we'll see. The Meet & Greet is set for October 28 at 6:30 p.m at Panera Bread. I've given a couple of hours. We'll see. Really not sure how this is going to go.

November 1 it the start date, as you all have heard ad nauseum. I'm a bit excited but not overly. I have no ideas and that's a problem this year. I fear with my other problems to go in blank might not be a good thing. So, I'm looking for some kind of plan.

I'm attempting to get to bed at night by 10:30 p.m. I have found that it helps since I'm sleeping better. But I'm constantly tired. I never feel I've had enough sleep. I told a friend at work this week that I was getting worse, not better. I do not, truly do not know how much longer I can function at my job like this. It is taking all I can do to keep up now. It's very depressing. I can't quit and I can hardly do it most days.

Oh, that's enough of that stuff. I've got to get back to the piles of stuff waiting for my attention. I'll let you know how things come out tomorrow.

Senior Citizen's Discount

"$5.37." That's what the kid behind the counter at Taco Bell said to me.

I dug into my pocket and pulled out some lint and two dimes and something that used to be a Jolly Rancher. Having already handed the kid a five-spot, I started to head back out to the truck to grab some change when the kid with the Elmo hairdo said the hardest thing anyone has ever said to me. He said, "It's OK. I'll just give you the senior citizen discount."

I turned to see who he was talking to and then heard the sound of change hitting the counter in front of me. "Only $4.68," he said cheerfully.

I stood there stupefied. I am 56, not even 60 yet. A mere child! Senior citizen?

I took my burrito and walked out to the truck, wondering what was wrong with Elmo. Was he blind? As I sat in the truck, my blood began to boil. Old? Me? I'll show him, I thought. I opened the door and headed back inside. I strode to the counter, and there he was waiting with a smile.

Before I could say a word, he held up something and jingled it in front of me, like I could be that easily distracted!What am I now? A toddler? "Dude! Can't get too far without your car keys, eh?"

I stared with utter disdain at the keys. I began to rationalize in my mind. "Leaving keys behind hardly makes a man elderly! It could happen to anyone!"

I turned and headed back to the truck. I slipped the key into the ignition, but it wouldn't turn. What now? I checked my keys and tried another. Still nothing.

That's when I noticed the purple beads hanging from my rear view mirror. I had no purple beads hanging from my rear view mirror.

Then, a few other objects came into focus. The car seat in the back seat. Happy Meal toys spread all over the floorboard. A partially eaten doughnut on the dashboard.

Faster than you can say ginkgo biloba, I flew out of the alien vehicle.

Moments later I was speeding out of the parking lot, relieved to finally be leaving this nightmarish stop in my ife. That is when I felt it, deep in the bowels of my stomach: hunger! My stomach growled and churned, and I reached to grab my burrito, only it was nowhere to be found.

I swung the truck around, gathered my courage, and strode back into the restaurant one final time. There Elmo stood, draped in youth and black nail polish. All I could think was, "What is the world coming to?"

All I could say was, "Did I leave my food and drink in here"? At this point I was ready to ask a Boy Scout to help me back to my vehicle and then go straight home and apply for Social Security benefits.

Elmo had no clue. I walked back out to the truck, and suddenly a young lad came up and tugged on my jeans to get my attention. He was holding up a drink and a bag. His mother explained, "I think you left this in my truck by mistake."

I took the food and drink from the little boy and sheepishly apologized.

She offered these kind words: "It's OK. My grandfather does stuff like this all the time."

All of this is to explain how I got a ticket doing 85 in a 40. Yes, I was racing some punk kid in a Toyota Prius. And no, I told the officer, I'm not too old to be driving this fast.

As I walked in the front door, my wife met me halfway down the hall. I handed her a bag of cold food and a $300 speeding ticket. I promptly sat in my rocking chair and covered up my legs with a blankey.

The good news was I had successfully found my way home.

Day Off... Or Two... Whatever

I'm sitting here in Panera. I just had a Fuju Apple Salad, the half salad actually. It was very good. I cheated on my diet, which isn't news. I had a toffee nut cookie. OMS (Oh my stars!) that is the best cookie in the world.

No, I'm not at work. I took off today and tomorrow. I closed on my loan this morning. I hope it was the right decision. Time will tell. It is a 15 year loan. I had only 10 years left on the other loan but in the long run, if I can continue to make the same payment, I'll pay it off just as soon but save a bit of money.

Why did I take the day off? I don't know. I just realized that I wasn't going to be able to take any time off for the rest of the year other than the paid holidays at Thanksgiving and Christmas. I volunteered for this ML position with NaNo and my sister is slated for surgery on the 31st. I have several things that must be done but somewhere in there I forgot me.

Actually, I've felt better this week because I'm getting much needed sleep... not enough of it but more and better. So, I'm a bit more alert, particularly in the afternoons. So, I thought, while I did feel better, I should make the best of it and take what I'm given. I can go back to work tomorrow if I want but I don't think I will. Maybe. I have to go get those back xrays anyway so probably, I'll do that.

At the moment, things are quiet. I need quiet. I've decided that my life has actually gotten more complicated rather than less. I have always been a person who like quiet. No parties, fancy gatherings, social engagements, clubs, etc for me. I liked being with my family, with Jerry or alone. Now I find myself filling up time with things to do, places to go, people to see. I look for ways to squeeze in to every minute. That way I don't think much. I don't sit staring at walls, into mirrors, or at photographs. I'm not introspective. When I crochet or sew I don't have memories jumping out at me. When I am working I don't have time to ponder my past. If I have somewhere to go I'm not wandering around the house looking for something that isn't there.

And I don't like any of it. Oh, I enjoy the craft stuff a lot. I like my writing group. I like church. It isn't that these things are unpleasant in themselves. It is just that they are just fillers. You... I don't feel as if I'm living life. I'm just filling it up with stuff, getting through another day.

So, what am I doing today? I went to the bank at 9 and was done by 10. I came home, played a game on the computer for 2 hours, paid a couple of bills, read emails and blogs. Then I realized I had not eaten all day and decided I better do that. I loaded up the computer and headed to Panera where I have consumed the aforementioned items and here I sit. Small booth I picked is not terribly comfortable and it isn't quiet here. The staff are cutting up and laughing on the other side of the wall. Still, it isn't unpleasant. I don't actually want to leave.

The writer's meeting is tonight at 6:30. I'm glad although lately the group has been small. I know that three of them will be there, maybe 4. Melina is, of course, away at college until the holidays. Cassie says she'll only be by for an hour. Kathy, Loraine and Doug say they'll be there. So will I. I believe Kathy is bringing the cake tonight, the wickedly triple chocolate from Sam's Club. Decadent.

I have to get a plan for Nano. I'm making plans now for the plotting and planning meeting. No idea what I'm doing there, not being a good plotter. However, I find letting people talk about their ideas helps. And often others can offer insights. So, that's scheduled, tentatively, for the 22nd. The 28 is the Meet & Greet here at Panera. That's my birthday, too. A celebration of sorts. Note to self: remember to get name tags for that night. I'm hoping Panera is dead that night and we have plenty of room on the off chance 50 people show up! Fortunately I'd spread it out over two hours. Plenty of time to chat and eat and leave. Be nice to have a real room but there are just not that many places here that offer such facilities. Maybe, if we can get an established, consistent group we can make better arrangements but I'm not going to make huge plans for a uncertain number of people.

All right, I need to move on now. I need to head home. It is going on 3 p.m. and the living room must be straightened before the inmates arrive.

Astounding Website

I googled "crazy events". Yep. 

I'm shocked I've never run across this site before, being the ultraconservative that I proudly proclaim. I'm going to read more when I've got time but just the first few items surprised me. Not only are the articles surprising, they provide a link to the articles they get their info from. http://endoftheamericandream.com/

Warning: This is not a site liberals will be interested in. In fact, some conservatives don't want to hear it either.

Rank Has Its Privileges

As the crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a five-year-old boy who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum. No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down, the boy continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him.

Suddenly, from the rear of the plane, an older man in the uniform of an Air Force General is seen slowly walking forward up the aisle. Stopping the flustered mother with an upraised hand, the white-haired, courtly, soft-spoken General leans down and, motioning toward his chest, whispers something into the boy's ear.

Instantly, the boy calms down, gently takes his mother's hand, and quietly fastens his seat belt. All the other passengers burst into spontaneous applause. As the General slowly makes his way back to his seat, one of the cabin attendants touches his sleeve.

"Excuse me, General," she asks quietly, "but could I ask you what magic words you used on that little boy?"

The old man smiles serenely and gently confides, "I showed him my pilot's wings, service stars, and battle ribbons, and explained that they entitle me to throw one passenger out the plane door, on any flight I choose."

Drifting Into Saturday

It feels that way. I had a good sleep last night. I took one of those patches and cut it in half and then half again. These patches are about 6x8 and I was using a whole one on my back and taking a half one cutting that in half again and putting it on my knees. It was working great but my neck and arm and hand were just terrible.


On Thursday night I had a frightening episode where my right pupil dilated to nearly twice the size of the left eye. I could FEEL it! I didn't know that was happening at first. For two weeks I'd have a problem driving with my glasses on. I simply found it very difficult and I didn't know why. I kept having all that pain and my head hurt and well, I won't bore you with a repeat of the blogs. I even asked two people if they ever heard of such a thing. Both said no. Well, Thursday I was reading and notice I couldn't see very good. I could see but it wasn't right some way. After finding I couldn't look at the computer, I held something over each eye and realized my right eye was not as clear as the left and was uncomfortable looking at certain bright objects. I looked in the mirror and gasped.


I was scared to death. I've had a pupil dilation before. About 8 years ago I had double vision about 2 hours in that eye and never did figure out what caused it. Since then, I've had mild dilation once or twice. This was more pronounced. I called my wonderful eye doctor. He actually puts his home phone on his answering machine and his cell! He only asked that you call those in a medical eye emergency. This was for me. He asked me several questions and said he thought it might be a migraine and to call first thing on Friday and they'd get me in right away. I called my aunt and asked them to pray for me and they did. Then, since I could do no more and could not read or use the computer, I went to bed.


Friday morning I was at my doctor's by 9 and was taken in immediately. I had a mild headache then because of the neck and shoulder. Everything else was, of course and thankfully, normal. He said again it was probably a migraine. But he checked thoroughly inside my eye with all kinds of light and lenses. I always joke at my normal exam that I leave his office tired. Emergency exams are only slightly different. I went back to work but that neck and arm still hurt and I figured it was the cause of the headache.


Last night I took the large patch I used on my back and cut it in half and decided to see if that worked as well as a large one. I then took the half and cut that in half and put it my neck. I am pleased to report that my neck is much better this morning. Although sitting on this sofa is definitely part of the problem. I need to get a new living room suite.


So, I began the day a bit better off. I have some things I have to do. I want Mike to come over and help me but he has running he wants to do and I don't. So, not sure it will all get done. I'm going to pay the bills as it is first of the month. I still haven't heard from my bank about the refinance. I'm getting antsy.


I'm trying to organize the meetings for NaNo. Not hard since the Library has someplace reserved every day but Sundays which are bad for me anyway. I think I'm simply going to look for those nights when it is after I get off work and make that the official meets and let the other stand for anyone who wants to get together at other times.


The meet and greet is scheduled at the moment for 10/28, my birthday, 6:30 to 9 at Panera. This is the best for me and the location won't have as many people at night. I'd like to do it somewhere else but there just isn't any place I can "reserve" space for possibly 20 people. The time will allow people to come and go as they like and they'll be tempted to buy food and drink, which helps. The time is also an effort to allow some of the more distant to get there after work if necessary.


O.k., I'm out of here. I have some things to get at Lowe's with the rest of my gift card. I also want to go by Value City and look at a living room suite. And... I need to get Mike to see if he'll help me with that wall. I want it fixed a month ago!


Everyone have a nice weekend. Today it is beautiful outside.

Past the Hump

I am much better today compared to Monday. I still have some minor pain but it is minuscule compared to the past weekend. I got my doctor to prescribe those medicinal patches for both my back and my knees. She did. Now I can put them on both places at night.

Today, my knees don't hurt much and my back and right leg are still good. I suspect that as a result of those improvements my left neck shoulder and hand are down to about a 2 on the 10 scale. You know the one that goes from :) to :O.

The weather is absolutely gorgeous and I'm annoyed I'm locked inside. I really would love to be off tomorrow. I don't want to take off only because I can see me needing the time later for some insane reason.

I've been busy posting dates and locations on the NaNo calendar for my region that show the dates, times and locations the library has reserved rooms for writers. I'm only up to the 15th! Well....I am having to do it on breaks.

I've scheduled the initial meet and greet for October 28th. I have no idea who will show if anyone. I may have to reschedule that as it is also Halloween weekend and Boo at the Zoo is going on and probably other assorted celebrations for the dubious holiday.

It is nearly time to go home now and I'm really anxious to get out of here. I have got to finish Sarah's skirt. I've been sick for over a week and just not able to sit at my machine with the pain in my joints. It is very upsetting with all that stuff piled there waiting for me to create something. I sat in a chair for days, doing nothing but watching television shows. I hate that.

But I am caught up on my shows and even found a couple of new ones.

I've done no writing to speak of, not even the blog. I don't know how I'm going to manage to writer 50,000 words in next month. I'm trying to get my head around it and see if I can actually put together a plan. Planning, these days anyway, seems far beyond me.

I'm very tired this afternoon but then usually after a huge bout with pain I am exhausted for days. I need to sleep and I need to stop getting to bed late. There was a period over a year ago now, where I was going to bed no later than 10:30 and I was actually doing pretty good. I need to get back on track for that. It would probably help me.

All right. I'm heading out in 15 minutes to go home. Not sure I'll be back on today so have a lovely evening. Tomorrow is Friday and supposed to be just as pretty as today. I do like fall in the midwest. About the only season I do like here.

NaNo Approaches!