Snowfall

The snow is falling lightly on the wind. We have a ground covering and it is 23 degrees out. I was going to church but I don't like crossing the twin bridges when they can freeze. It isn't fun on a sunny day for me but when there is ice, I don't want to cross them.

I sit here in my bed, under my electric blank and keep one eye on the window, which is mostly a white since I'm not directly in front of it and the sheer blurs things. It is warm but not comfortable. My upper back hates it. I rearrange the pillow periodically to make things a bit better. I could go get on the couch but honestly, it isn't much better after a bit. It is a cozy couch. You can have a lovely nap on it. But for long term sitting, it isn't good.

I have to get a new heater for the den. Or I have to have the current one serviced. We have to do that every year. It gets annoying. It won't light. So, no heat in there. I would have liked it this morning. I could sit at the dinning table and watch the snow fall and be on the computer. I have a couple of meds I need to go pick up at the pharmacy but I'm not inclined to go out.

I'm in a strange land today. It is white and cold and windy. I can't really see any paths but I know they are there. I have several to choose from but at this point I'm wandering aimlessly around, creating tracks a blind man could follow. Not that a blind man would be wondering around out here. But if he were. . .

I don't know where I'm going but I feel as if I'm going somewhere. If I could get rid of the constant pain in my extremities I'd feel almost normal. And yet, I never trust these episodes of near clarity. They are deceptive. Usually the entryway to difficult places. While I am an adventurer at heart, I've learned that most of my personal adventures are less than fun.

There have been a lot of adventures, too. But I can't remember them all. It is very frustrating. I've been praying for some of the good memories to return. The moments when we were enjoying our life. They haven't. I can't look at photos still. I have his portraits on the wall and I do stare at them for hours. I want to see his face, touch his cheek. See him smile at me. Other photos are not to be borne.

Change directions. In that direction lie jagged cliffs that will break you in pieces.

No, I'll stay here, walking in circles. That is the least damaging to the psyche. I feel like I could take a nap but I don't take naps and it is early for that. I have a mild headache on top of everything else. Probably a result of neck pain. I have to get up and exercise my neck to see if it helps. It actually usually does!

I'll be around. I actually do have to leave for a bit to get meds. I don't like going out in this but I have to have it before dark.

Hmmm, that's an interesting path over there. I think I'll try that and see where it takes me. {Looks back, waves and pulls the furry hood of her coat more snugly around her head}

See ya!

{Snow blows across the path, obliterating her tracks.}