Mid-Day Update

I've been at workthree hours and I've actually got a lot accomplished. I think I have just reached a place I have to keep moving so I don't lie down and die. That's the way it feels. I want to lie down. The day itself is heavily overcast. It hasn't rained but it is just a cotton batting day. That doesn't help my mood at all.

I was thinking on the way to work I need to clean out cabinets and get rid of a lot of stuff. I have tons of dishes that I no longer need. No  big family to feed. No tons of friends. No house filled at the holidays. Just me. I don't need it and I think it is time to go. I also am going to get rid of a lot of furniture. It is just in the way and I have to clean it. Maybe it is crazy but I have this real need to throw everything out. Bit crazy I suppose.

I'm getting rid of the china cabinet and two book shelves. I still have two more book shelves so it isn't a big issues... except the books are a problem. I was thinking of getting rid of all the books in my book shelves and Becca said she would like to have the shelves. I told her she could. One of them is a really nice bookcase with sliding glass doors. The back leg was broken off when I got it used. But it is Ethan Allen and really nice. I have a block I put under it and it has worked fine. No one can see it anyway. Since they will be moving in a couple of months, she can get them then.

Lots of dishes, enough for a family of four. I never cook and so I have some old pots and pans to get rid of as well. I don't know when was the last time I went into the pantry for a pan. I use what is on top of the stove if I need a pot. I'm going to clean out closets and toss a lot of clothes I don't wear either.

I don't want other people pawing thorough my things, I think, when I die. I have some specifics I want to go to certain people but I don't really want all this stuff left behind. It is hell finding things of Jerry's that he kept for some unknown reason and wondering if I need to keep it. That is not happening so much now but still, once in awhile I find something and I spend days trying to decide what to do about it, agonizing over the last thing he touched, wrote, wore. Wondering if it was important. I threw out tons of stuff last year that I knew were not important. Earlier this year I did it again.. things he kept because he was clinging to life itself and by hanging on to a receipt in case he needed to return an item.... well, surely he'd live to return it if he needed to.

I'm not leaving stuff behind to sort out, agonize over, wonder about.