Long Week Behind

It has been a very odd week I've had. And I feel as if I am unable to relate it all. Bit strange for me, isn't it?

Last weekend, as you know, Becca spent helping clean the house. I was really not well the whole weekend and my depression and anxiety were out of bounds. I had a washer and dryer delivered on Wendnesday - those new front load stackable ones. By that night I knew they were not going to work. Sounded like a Huey helicopter in my laundry room when it went into a spin cycle. Dryer worked beautifully but the washer I could only use on one cycle to keep it from bouncing. As I spent a ridiculous amount to get multiply cycles, I called and was told to exchange them.

On Thursday I want to the story, negotiated a deal to exchange them for the traditional top load machines, the washer without an agitator. By then, I was truly sick with a cold. Stuffy nose, tired, and achy. I think earlier in the week I had actually run a low grade fever but can't be sure. But I broke out into an all over sweat twice on Tuesday. Sarah was sick with a similar issues at the same time.

Saturday I got up feeling as if I were getting better. I'd started taking a cold medicine. I also stopped taking melatonin. Those of you who have been reading for a while know that I've taken this for some time to help me sleep, in fact, I may be been taking it since shortly after Jerry died but can't remember. Anyway, one day this week I was researching side effects of my medicines. I do this periodically because there is always a chance that a medicine formerly considered safe now is found to have some disturbing side effects. I discovered that with the melatonin this week. Depression and anxiety were listed as well as headache and some others. I've taken this natural supplement before but not for as long as I've been taking it. So, in light of my symptoms in the last year, rather than getting better I elected to stop it immediately. For the last two days I've felt much better emotionally and mentally. Not perfect, but better. And no, I'm no sleeping much differently.

I say this all the time. Check everything you take for possible side effects and recheck them periodically. There may be some thing that shows up later that was not known. And, medicines you take may interact but not be known until you take it! I won't take it again. Too risky. I knew something was wrong but could not pinpoint it. That was the only medicine I had not checked recently.

Ideas Still Drift By

On my way to work I had a glimpse into a twist that would probably let me continue to work on my NaNo novel. The character Jack is the same one I began with. In light of last year, it is not impossible to catch up... but it would be painful. But quitting is a bit more painful than the attempt would be. Here's the opening bit called "Hunting Party"

When Jack arrived a Bob Tynan's place they were all standing around with their hands in their pockets while Lisa Tynan made the rounds with hot coffee and smiles. As she gave them the gift of both, each smiled in return and wrapped their hands tightly around hot cups since they couldn't wrap them around Lisa. Deer season had officially opened.

Each year Bob called in his best friends, fifteen guys with guns. At some point in a distant memory, they'd formed an informal hunt club. Jack couldn't remember the name of it, just that you had to like to hunt to be there and you had to be Bob's friend. The last was no mean feat.

Jack studied the group. Most were standing around in the yard, laughing and talking. Half a dozen were on the porch with Bob - Cary Lewis, Marty White, Don Hopper, Will Davis, Travis Hinley, Deven Elpers, and Harvey Randall. Here he paused.

Harvey Randall stood silent, leaning against the porch rail in his bib overalls and alternately blowing across the top of his cup and sipping his coffee. He was probably the oldest of the bunch at 65 but he missed nothing. His eyes moved around the group and Jack was certain he would be able to repeat nearly every conversation of anyone within six feet of his position.

Harvey was a former sheriff of Riker's Mill who had been both feared and loved. After a gunshot had nearly crippled him ten years before he'd been forced to resign. Recovery had been slow but he'd been as stubborn about that as he had been in his job. After he recovered he'd decided to work his farm full time. He told everyone it was easier work but just as frustrating.

As Jack stepped onto the porch, Lisa sidled up and handed him a coffee and his smile. She smelled of some kind of exotic flower. He marveled at how a woman could smell that good at five in the morning. As she moved away, the scent followed her.

Deven stood between Jack and Harvey. He was a well liked kid around town. Clean cut, tall and muscular from several years of wrestling in high school, a member of the track and baseball teams. He was the youngest in this group at 19 and the next stop in Lisa's orbit.

"Here ya go, Deven, honey," she smiled brightly and paused to lean against his arm. Her voice was as smooth and soft as silk. He shuffled his feet and blushed hard as Lisa rubbed against him. He took the cup and Jack could see he was shaking a bit.

Lisa laughed a bright bubbly laugh and stroked his arm. "Better get that under control, sugar. Your aim will be way off."

It was said so softly that Jack doubted anyone but he and Harvey could hear her. But anyone could see that Deven was clearly uncomfortable. Lisa certainly knew it.

From the yard a voice called, "Deven, come here, boy."

Adam Elpers knew which side of the tree the moss grew on and rumor had it he knew more about Lisa Tynan than Bob. He was 15 years older than Deven and more of a father figure than a brother. Adam was the one who had shown up at PTA meetings and parent/teacher conferences while their mother lay dying with cancer and their father was either driving a truck, dead drunk, or in jail. He had been a member of the group for more than 10 years.

"Hey, Jackie boy!" Bob slapped him on the back with a resounding smack. "We been wonderin' if the new lawman would show up. How ya been?"

Jack hated Bob's nickname for him. Bob knew it and abused it but they'd been friends for nearly three decades so it wasn't likely to stop soon. "Fine Bobby boy. And why wouldn't I show up? Just because I've been elected sheriff doesn't mean I can't hunt dear with the same expertise as I hunt criminals. Besides, as I recall, I still hold the record for points. I have to defend my title."

From the yard, David Wallace called out, "Yeah boy! While you were in Iraq ole Bobby thought sure he had a chance to break your record but most he got was a 10."

Chuckles went around the yard and porch. Bob flushed. "Always another year." Lisa handed him an fresh cup of coffee and smiled up at him. He draped his arm around her shoulder. "Besides, in some circles a ten is the best."

More laughter followed and Harvey stood up. "Y'all gonna stand here and gab all day are we gonna hunt?"

Midway

Wednesday and I do have a cold. I've felt bad since last Friday.

I've got the house relatively clean. The washer and dryer arrived today and were being installed when I left for work. My sister, Phyllis, was there to sign off when it was completed. Tonight I might be able to do laundry... that's be nice. I miss the sheers in the living room. It is very exposed feeling without them.

I dreamed last night that one of my legs was shorter that the other. I was trying to buy shoes or put on shoes and was having trouble walking. Very strange dream and I'm sure it means something profound but for the life of me I can't think what. I already knew I was an emotional cripple so no surprises there!

I went to bed early last night... nearly 6 p.m. My aunt called at 6:30 and asked what I was doing. I said, "I'm in bed." She was surprised but I was just so tired. This cold and everything else has just sucked the life out of me. I was asleep early and the delivery people woke me at 7 a.m. to say they were on their way.

I just got back from lunch. The washer and dryer are way to large for my laundry room if left unstacked. So, I have to get the wall done it that room this weekend and get the water leak fixed. It is barely enough room to move in there. I'm going to try and fix the faucet myself first. Then if that doesn't work, I'll call the plumber.

Now back to work.

Favored Authors - English

I posted that list of novels that is going around. Jilly jokingly noted I don't care for the classic British novels. In defense I have to say, British novelist are some of my favorites! I just don't like the long winded ones...

Here is a list of British novelist, some who are my favorites. Many, particularly those near the top, I've read everything they ever wrote. Some I've only read a few of their novels.

Most Favored
PD James. She writes looooong novels but I love to read her.
Agatha Christy is a favorite.
Dorothy L. Sayers... adore her Lord Peter Whimsey.
Mary Stewart - grew up reading her novels and loved them
Cecil Day-Lewis (Nicholas Blake) I love his character Nigel Strangeways.
John Creasey as a teenager I loved his novels about The Toff.
Margery Allingham and her novels about Albert Campion - love the BBC movies about him.
Arthur Conan Doyle - Love Holmes
Susan Howatch
Victoria Holt



Read and liked for the most part:
Colin Dexter - liked his dective, Inspector Morse... the BBC movies are good too.
Josephine Tey - read a couple of her's
Elizabeth George - read several but she writes loooong novels too
Anne Perry - read a few of her's and they are pretty good.
Ruth Rendell - read a few
Galdys Mitchell - read several
Ellis Peters - read some
Patricia Wentworth - maybe one of her's

There may be more that were not on the lists I consulted. Sometimes I pick up a novel by a person I've never heard of and read it. If I liked it I may look for more by them.

Vertigo

I got notes from several of you. My aunt even called. Just so no one thinks I've gone to Bedlam, I am struggling to get back on my feet. If someone would grab the handled that stops the spinning I might manage it.

The bathroom plumbing to the tub began leaking on Thursday. TJ came and worked all day Saturday and most of Sunday trying to get it stopped. He was successful only in slowing the leak down. I now have a huge hole in the study wall that will need to be repaired. I could stand in it.

But that's easy. I called a plumber this morning. I'm home waiting on him. He will be here sometime today.

Becca came and helped me clean the kitchen, living room, my bedroom and hallway. This established some order and got a lot of dust eliminated. I even took down my curtains and shook them out, since I still don't have a washer. But getting it cleaned and ordered helped greatly.

I've realized this month that I'm very obsessed with order and cleanliness. I couldn't handled the mess for a second and it got worse and worse. I've had several meltdowns. When the tub started leaking on Thursday, I thought I'd lose it. When TJ couldn't fix it, I was angry because I had not followed my gut on that plumbing since the second week. Anyway, now, my stupidity is costing me more. And I have to repair a large section of wall in the study. It's fine, the ceiling is damaged some how... I am hoping it is not a leaky roof since I just spent thousands on that.

Anyway, the house smells better. After it was done I had to go shower at Becca's and she and Sarah spent the night with me. When we came back in even she noticed the difference in the way the house smelled. I still have two rooms to fix. Study and den but I'll work on them this afternoon if I get the plumbing fixed by then.

The final straw to my saga? I loaned Mike the car to go to church last night. He is not able to get to church unless I go and I have not been in six weeks. We go to another town and no one can come and pick him up. But last night he went.

When he came home I opened the front door and he came in. He was dressed in black and was wearing an old jacket of Jerry's. And I realized he was taller. Shocked, I told him, "You're as tall as Dad now!" He looked at me over his shoulder and in a blinding flash it was Jerry standing there. I fell apart. I had to put my arms around him and hang on to him so he wouldn't leave me. It was horrible, horrible, horrible.

Mike seems to have suddenly grown about three inches and in the black clothes and his mannerisms I see Jerry. When he walks away from me, it is Jerry walking away. Sometimes he gives me a look that only Jerry could give. It isn't that facially he looks that much like him, he does resemble him strongly, but it is everything else.

Becca told me when he got out of the car to go into his apartment, "Mom, you know the older he gets the harder it is going to be on you?"

I said, "Yes."

There is no way to recover from this. None. So, I need your prayers, badly, just to survive it.