Tuesday Night Crash

I came home from work and showered, had a bowl of Cherrios multi-grain with banana and went straight to bed. I'm sitting here now watching an old Sherlock Holmes show. I will be turning in early, I think. I'm still very tired.

It was a typical "Monday" in that it was the first working day of the week and everyone had to have something, every problem had to arise, and every thing was important. I hate Mondays... even on Tuesday!

So, I'm done for the night. I've still not recovered from the weekend. Hope everyone else is doing all right. Seems the writers are having fun with the challenges. I'm looking forward to reading the stories that come out of them.

Tomorrow is HUMP day! Yay!

Monday, Monday

I got up around 11:30. I am exhausted. Dave woke me at 5:30 to tell me they had to take Sarah to the ER. She woke her mother saying she couldn't breath. Over the phone she was coughing and crying it sounded like a horrible croup.

I got up to go with them and even dressed but I didn't make it past the foot of the bed. I was so tired and so stressed I just dropped to the floor and started to pray. I've never been so tired and so worn out. I couldn't have gone another step if I wanted to.

When I got up a few minutes later I called Dave and told him I just couldn't come. They were in the ER already. He was fine and she she was actually feeling better. He told me she that she had just thrown up a ball of mucus. He said, "Mom, that was the awfullest thing I ever saw. It was the biggest wad of mucus I've ever seen."

On the way to get her medicine, she threw up again and they had to come by and wash her up, change car seats and her clothes. Fortunately she had clothes here since we have been doing laundry for the lice issues. Again, it was a large amount of mucus.She was hoarse but in good spirits. She showed me her dinosaur the x-ray techs gave her and we cuddled a few minutes and I told her a story. She is just such a sweet child.

When they left I passed out. Several calls came in and I was ready to scream but finally people quit calling and I got about three hours of uninterrupted sleep. I'm still tired and I think I will have a nice quite evening with NO company. I love being with my family but I've had enough togetherness for one weekend. Thankfully, this will only be a four day work week. I hope I can manage it.

I appreciate all the feed back on the Writing Challenges. Some have already sent me a copy of their stories and I am so pleased. They are really very good! LOL! Grammy and Nancy were a bit overwhelmed by my putting up four this weekend but I am experimenting with cross posting to the Writing Challenge blog. It hasn't worked right so far and I'm frustrated. It works for my other blog but for some reason it that one. So, you may see others go up.

If you want to participate in the Writing Challenges you don't have to do them all, you don't have to do them in any order, and you don't have to even acknowledge you are doing them. Although, I do like knowing the outcome and if you enjoyed it. And it isn't much of a challenge if no one knows!

I mentioned in the comments somewhere this morning that these are the kind of prompts that get me writing. I don't care for one line prompts much. Maybe I just need more help, lol. My belief is that the forcing myself to follow certain parameters actually gets me to write more "story" in an effort to stay in the guidelines. You can be the judge with your own stories.

I'm not up to par this morning. Thankfully, I am not in terrible pain. LOL. When I finally got up I had some places I was hurting really bad but I think it was position mostly. My back was hurting last night and I couldn't go to sleep until I pulled my legs up, knees sticking up! Released the pressure on my lower back. I also kept checking the bedroom door! I don't know what that is about but I'd doze off and then, wake and look at the door. I don't know. I just know I'm tired.

I may have to move my bed back if that keeps up. But there is no position I can place it where I could actually see to door unobstructed. At the moment it is behind me and at my feet. The only other way would place it at my head to my left. It is a small room. The only other way would be to cover my air vent and I don't think that's a good idea.

Thank you all for being on Multiply with me. It is always good to be able to come here and visit.

No Rest for the Wicked

Or is it weary? I don't know. I went to bed around 5 a.m. and am just now up. Why? Good question. Becca called me around 2 and woke me, horrified. She was helping Arica with her hair after she had washed it (the child has very thick hair.) Ever since we met her Becca said Arica had eczema. She even questioned her mother about it. Becca told her she thought Arica wasn't rinsing her hair thoroughly. Her mother agreed! Last night, Becca decided to try and help her and show her how to properly care for her hair. Since they are all night owls I'm not surprised at the time. BUt I'd been asleep little more than an hour when they woke me.

The child's head is eat up with lice. YES! head lice. Becca called nearly beside herself. Becca has the thickest hair on the planet with a braid thick as my wrist. She caught head lice as a child. Her memories are not good. Her had was shaved.

She gathered up the child and took her to my son's, waking them up. She told her mother about it, asking if she knew when they came last week that the girl had head lice. Arica had told Becca her mother did know because she'd treated her several times in the last several months! The child lives with her father and a girlfriend. Her mother lives with a brother. But honestly, hearing Becca's story of lice falling on to the towel, there is no way this child could have had such an infestation and the mother not know if she was paying any attention to that child.

Dave went to the pharmacy and got kits to treat Becca and I and Sarah. I sent Mike to get two for Arica and Jordan since they found Jordan has them too! I called and they used one treatment for BOTH children after I told him you have to use one for each person. You have to wash the hair and then comb it to get rid of the nits. They sent the kids to bed with the combing gel still in the hair! Idiots! I understand if they didn't know but apparently they aren't losing any sleep over it and I'm guessing that is all the treatment they will get. They can shave the boys heads but Arica has already had her hair chopped off and I'm betting that is why.

We are using the shampoo treatment today. Becca and I are both so terrified. I nor my children have ever had head lice and I wouldn't know it if I saw it. I saw some places on Arica's head but I too thought it was eczema. From the moment Becca found this a week ago she has been worrying and questioning it. David has eczema and she knows what it looks like. It wasn't clicking for her. I told her last night that she must have known without realizing it and it wouldn't leave her alone. Not until she washed Arica's hair and sat down to thoroughly examine it did she find it.

Oh, I'm so furious. Aobut the child and how awful she must feel. We just love her and enjoyed her so much. The little girl cried when Becca had to take her back to her mother. She didn't want to go.I can't have any of them back here until I'm sure they are clear of the head lice.

I was up until 5 a.m. washing the bedding in hot water where she lay on the spare room bed after we got back from the zoo. She was so excited about some books I gave her and lay down to read and went to sleep. I still have stuff to wash. I have a spray for it too. I don't think either Becca, Sarah or I have caught them but we have to treat it just the same. My whole house has to be cleaned top to bottom. I felt so good yesterday and now, I'm exhausted.

I want to wring my son's neck. Mostly, I just feel terrible sending a 10 year old child back to people who won't care if her head is filled with bugs. No one is taking care of this little girl and it turns my stomach. Why God gives children to people like this is beyond me. I see it every stinking day in my job and I am just so tired of it.

If you have a surefire remedy, let me know please. I stayed up and vacuumed the floors, sprayed the spare bed and living room furniture with the pesticide that comes in the kit. I still have to tackle the den where they have been playing for two weeks. I have to mop all the floors and sanitize them.

I have to treat MY bed just in case. She didn't sleep there but she was all over the house. We've accepted her as a member of the family and she is such a sweet child! No trouble at all. Poor Becca has gotten so attached and I thought she would kill someone last night. As I said, her experience was horrible when she was this age. She wanted to wring that woman's neck for Arica.

Ok, I have to go. I'm so tired and you all know what lack of sleep will do to me. Before I dozed off this morning I wondered why it is that one lovely day always cost me everything. I've told Mike he can't come back here until they are all clear and his house is cleared.

What a Day!

Since this morning I've been very busy. I went to the zoo with Dave, Becca, Sarah and Arica. We had a wonderful time checking out all the animals and riding the paddle boats. We have photos and will be getting them up soon. The zoo here in town is a small zoo but lots to see and do. It took about 4 hours to do it.

It is situated on a heavily wooded tract of land with lots of up and down pathways. It wasn't really that hot today but we worked up a sweat walking the miles of path. There were lions and tigers and a tapir. OH MY! Sarah had a wonderful time. Becca had never been to our zoo and had been told it was boring and small. She ended the day happy she went and with a family pass. It is a lovely little zoo. We have lots of photos to put up soon.

We ended up after ice cream, around 4 p.m. at my house. Exhausted. Mike, Rachael, and Rachael's oldest son, Jordan came over. They had fireworks. I bought pizzas and sodas and we sat out back and Mike took care of the entertainment. I wish we'd had cameras at the moment the strange propellered rocket decided to chase him across the yard. Or the moment he thought one rocket was done and it wasn't... just in time. We all laughed uproariously and cautioned him to wait longer. However, we all had a great time and enjoyed the show immensely. Mike remained intact but Jordan and David got burned playing with fireworks. Tsk, tsk, tsk. Actually, Jordan's was a mishap with a match. David had a short fuse.

Every one is gone now and I have to go to bed. It is nearly one a.m. Church is tomorrow. I suspect I'll be up early anyway. But what a very lovely day it was. I had no pain to speak of, except my hip bothered me for a short while during our zoo trip but then, the paths are very steep in some places.

Oh, and thanks to the seeming success of the writing challenge, I've actually started a blogger blog, Dixiegirl's Writing Challenge. I'll still post them here but they will all be in one place on Blogger. Drop by and take a look. I have the first three already up. I don't know how frequently I'll post one but future challenges will go up on Multiply and cross post. I put three up on blogger today only because I wanted to get the blog set up and see how it worked. I've pleased with it. I'll post the other two here soon. Grammy Blicktx and Nancy both did excellent jobs on their stories and have them posted. Can't wait to see who else does one and how it comes out.

Now, bed! What a day!

A Night of Dreams

I had to take a Tramadol early last night AND put a pain patch on my back before Becca left. The came over and she fixed dinner for us. I watched Sarah play. I was hurting all day and it just got worse and worse. The pain became horrendous. I have to tell you, I can't hardly bear this pain in my back. It is the worst I've had and if it is fibro, I'm probably in serious trouble. It is debilitating.

When I went to bed, I slept crazy and not sound. I was in this half waking state for hours. And I dreamed a lot. Yes, I'm exhausted this morning but I have to go to work... very soon! I think this is what tramadol does to me. Seems like last week when I took it I had a heavy dreaming state but not a restful sleep.

I dreamed I was living in this desert. Becca was there for some reason and puttering around the car. At least I think it was her. And Jerry was there. I don't remember what we were doing and I have no idea why we were there. I've never been to such a place. Looked like the Arizona desert, cactus and everything. A HUGE rattlesnake was in the flower bed and he had a head almost like an alligator, shape-wise I mean. I was on the porch and looked down and saw him. Jerry was nearby.

I watched as the snake rose up and began to move toward him. I was trying to tell him to get away and to hurry. But I don't think I got it out because he was just looking at me and then I saw it strike behind him and bite him on his right hand, on one of his fingers. He sort of looked at it and I began to scream instructions. "JERRY! RUN! GET OUT OF THERE! Becca we have to get him to the hospital!" I turned to run inside the house.

Either in my head or out loud I said, "He's been bitten before. We have to hurry." And then, I don't remember anything else. I think, it feels as if I dreamed other things too but that is the only one I remember.

I woke up with relatively little pain but I'm tired.

Dixiegirl's Writing Challenge #1

I present this little challenge to my writing friends here on Multiply. You may infer anything you want from my description but stick to the rules that follow it.

Three men are sitting at a bar in a seedy, rundown room. One is wearing a black trench coat. The second is wearing a pair of overalls. The third is wearing a uniform. You must address these three items: Where are they, what is going on and why they are where they are?

Here are the rules:
1. You must use 1st person point of view.

2. You may use one of the three characters as your POV character but no character already in the room other than the three can be used for POV. Other people can be there and interact but not as the POV Character.

3. You can bring in a fourth character from the outside and use that as your POV if you like but if you do it must be a woman and she must be in need of help in some way, trivial or otherwise.

4. At some point the following phrase must be used: "You want ice for that?"

You need at least 500 hundred words to do this justice. I'm betting you get more.

Some Improvement

Prayer, steroids, whatever. I say that because I have a mixed bag here. I believe in prayer but lately, my faith is pretty thin. You can only live with pain so long before you begin to wonder about the universe in general and God in particular. I understand suicides who were suffering from an illness or injury much better than I once did.

It is not hard to understand at all any more how someone can take their own life. I like to think I am stronger than that but I have to tell you, I'm not sure any of us are when it comes right down to it. I've heard of people who were Christians that committed suicide and wondered what could possibly have been so horrible that they'd do that. These last couple of years, I have an inkling. I don't want a clearer picture than that.

The pain is a bit better right now. I can tell that the stress in my back is building but the morning has been better than anticipated. I'm not standing up and screaming in pain the way I was Saturday night at midnight. I'm doing what I usually do... bearing it like a trooper. But it does hurt still. A very uncomfortable pain is the only way to describe it. As if something jabbed me or slammed across my back at shoulder blade height. My neck has begun to hurt but I think it is secondary to the back pain. I brought hot stuff to work and am going to put more on now. I used it this a.m. and it helped a bit.

I've moved the MRI up to tomorrow. The nurse at my Rheumatologist office called and suggested it because Monday is a holiday and Friday is a long way off. I wouldn't get the reading until Tuesday. I agreed and was fortunate to get it moved so close. I won't get a 4 day weekend but I will get a break in the middle of the work week. I really don't like missing a day at the end of the month but whatever it takes. I am to fast for four hours and the test takes a couple I think. This will not be fun at all! They are doing it first thing so that will be good. But it is very uncomfortable anyway. Be nice if they put me on my face but I suspect they won't. That helped when I had the breast MRI. When I'm done I'll have lunch.

Thank you all for the prayers and notes to let me know you were thinking about me and praying for me. I appreciate you all.

Nighty, Night, Night

I'm headed for bed. I've had less pain today than I had when I got up. They prayed for me at church and it did seem to get better by about 1 p.m. It has not stopped. I'm still wearing a pain patch at tonight. I can only wear them for 12 hours and I put it on at 7 p.m. But my pain for most of the day was about 50%. Last night I thought I was going to have to sleep standing up. It was the most horrible pain. Just a knife in my back and no relief. I finally put a patch on it and went to bed with a heating pad. I'm taking the steroid but so far it hasn't done any good that I can tell.

So, prayers are appreciated. I have pretty much prayed out. It feels as if there is no end to it.

I'm going to bed now and hope tomorrow or rather today is a brighter day. It rained earlier tonight and I hope the humidity is not completely horrible. Probably will be if it is very hot.

Been completely unable to write because I can't stay at the computer long enough. So much for that.

What Happened to 6:00 a.m.?

It came and went and I didn't notice! Amazing. I've been waking up at six every morning for a while now. I woke up at eight this morning.

And you will be glad to know, at least I hope so, that my back was less painful. I still have this terrible pain from one shoulder joint to the other across the top of my back. Hurts to look down but all the back pain is a bit easier. I'm not optimistic because this has happened a few weeks ago. The pain totally left but at least I didn't get up nearly screaming from it. I'm going to try to put this medicine on my back myself. They want it on four times a day but it is an oil based liquid that requires I lie down and have someone do it. Well, I have a few tricks. We'll see.

I seemed to have slept all night too without waking. I guess I was tired. If you haven't seen the album of last night's cook out you won't have seen the new flowers planted at the fountain. Only one of them looks sickly. I nearly lost that one before I got them in the ground. But those moss roses are just endlessly lovely. I wish I'd planted a whole yard of them.

Thank you all for your best wishes for Mike. I have not talked to them about it. He didn't even tell me himself. Had Becca do it. Does that tell you what an ogre I am? I turn purple and grow horns and warts on my head. OH, is is green? Sorry, green. Anyone notice how Shrek's horns are actually horns and not the kind of horn I always thought orger's grew? At any rate, whatever happens, I can no longer try and fix it or make it better. Mike has to do what he has to do. I can't keep cleaning up after him. She does seem very nice and easy going. I just wish they would get to know one another a bit better. And her children are absolutely so well behaved. In my business, that always gets high marks.

On another note. I just listened to Kevin Costner's statement to the congressional committee investigating the spill. If you haven't seen this, here is the link: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ynews/ynews_ts2851
A fix was available for such disasters and the industry ignores it! The oil is still pouring into the blue waters of the Gulf, turning them from aqua to brown and the beaches from my birthplace have been ruined. I can't get my head around that. Politics and greed.

The Weekend Begins

It appears that it will be a busy one. Mike announced this week he is getting married. Yes. You heard me. Her name is Rachael. She is here this weekend with her daughter, Arica and her son, Doug. I met her last week and the little girl. They all seem very nice and the children are very well behaved. Becca seems to get along with her like a house afire but then, it would be difficult not to get along with Becca I think. She's one of those kind of people. I think Rachael and she will enjoy one another's company. Mike's first wife was immediately jealous of Becca when Becca and David came home to live so it is nice to see that these two seem to genuinely hit it off from the start. They seem very much alike to me but that's just me.

We had a cookout again tonight and the misquotes ran us inside. Sarah thinks she's got a new sister and brother. She likes both the children. Arica has just stepped in and been a mother hen with Sarah and it is a bit of a relief for Becca and I both not to have to constantly play tag. We, of course adore Sarah but you can only play so much tag before you run out of steam... not Sarah, us!

I don't know if it will work out. I only know I'm not inclined to interfere this time. She's very different from the other one. And I hope that she loves him more and sincerely. He deserves something good.

I'm going to get a hot bath after I finish posting photos. Run over and see the albums from Memorial Day weekend. They were taken after my aunt and uncle left. And I have taken tonight at our cookout. In case anyone wondered, we love grilling outside. Dave really loves to cook on the grill and would cook everything in sight if you let him! So, we limit the quantity and let him grill away.

Mid-Week Catch-up

Tomorrow is the middle of the work week. I am supposed to see the rhuematologist.They are going to try and get Lyrica for me but I will have to try the neuroton first. I'll take it on the weekend and see how it does. If I get the least groggy I'm not talking it. I have to be able to work.

My back is terrible. The pain is no better and comes and goes at odd times.Nothing I do seems to help much or for long. Sitting all day is a killer.

I'm on my way to bed but wanted to stop in to see what was going on in the blog lands. Seems most are away doing things or going places. It is so hot I'm staying inside.

I am hoping that in the next week or so I'll be able to get a medicine that works to relieve some of this pain. I think the back pain is worse than any pain I've had so far. I can't get comfortable in any position. I'm not sleeping well at all because there is now no comfortable way to lie down.

Hope you all have a good end to the week.

Neb. City votes to Restrict Illegal Immigration

"Not only do local ordinances such as this violate federal law, they are also completely out of step with American values of fairness and equality," said Laurel Marsh, executive director of ACLU Nebraska.

Link

I'd like to know when the ACLU became the spokesperson for American citizens? I didn't vote for them. I didn't hire them. And frankly, I haven't seen the majority get behind them on any issue. They are a bunch of lawyers who are out to make a buck on anything they can.

Americans, the ones I know, believe our government should enforce the laws. We believe that people who come across the border illegally do not have the same rights as citizens who were born in this country or who came here and worked for legal citizenship.

If you rent your house to a known criminal that police are looking for, you're harboring a fugitive. If you house an illegal immigrant, you're not committing an the same crime? And if you refuse to hire an illegal immigrant you're breaking the law? What a bunch of morons. What garbage! Now who's being discriminated against? Criminals should not be allowed to benefit from their crimes. THAT is what the majority of Americans stand for. Fairness and equality? How is that equal under the law?

Not the Saturday I Envisioned

I got up and went to get lab work done. Two sticks. and she was still not sure she got enough blood.

I came home and paid bills but still don't have the bank statement done. I went to Lowe's and spend a stupid amount of money on flowers to plant. I have no idea what I'm doing so that is why I say it is stupid. But it is something to do.

I then went to the grocery store to buy food. I did. I came home and ate and was about to watch television when Mike stopped by and unloaded the dirt and flowers. I will be planting them a bit later. He brought a girl he's seeing and her daughter. She seems nice but I'm not very social today and I feel I wasn't very "welcoming". Oh, I wasn't rude. I did say hello and nice to meet you.

He left and Dave, Becca, and Sarah came by. Sarah played in the sand box. Dave napped. Becca talked. I listened. Sarah fell out the back door and skinned her knee. It did hurt. That's about a 14 inch fall onto the patio. She just missed the steps altogether. We washed, anointed and bandaged the boo-boo. Tried to get her to sleep but she wouldn't. She'd been to a birthday party earlier and should have been tired.

Mike and his friend came back. The little girl and Sarah are playing in the den with the toys. The little girl is about 10 but she seems to play well and Sarah is just happy to have someone to play with. Actually,sitting here in the living room listening to them chatter away, if I didn't know how old Sarah was I wouldn't know there was a six year gap. The other child doesn't sound as young as Sarah but Sarah sounds a lot older than 4!

Dave and Becca went home and Mike and his friend are on the patio. I think D & B will be back. D is supposed to cook out. The pool has water for the kids and I think Mike's friend may stay for supper. So... a nice evening but not the quiet one I had imagined.

Oh, lifting the dirt at Lowes seems to have loosened my back up some. Major clue there. It's probably fibro in my back muscle. If working the muscle makes it feel better, it isn't a pulled muscle.


I'm going now and be a good hostess.

Firday Windup... Wind-down?

Whatever! It is 2 p.m. and I am on a downhill roll. Work is going smoothly. So much so I've managed to get a lot done. I still have lots more but the box is half empty!

My back is sore. It is like fire across the top of my back and when I reach or turn a certain way it is a stabbing pain. I am going home and get a hot shower and have Becca come put some Bio Freeze on it. That is good stuff. Like Icy Hot and Ben Gay but a gel and it just doesn't irritate the way they can. I can only get it at chiropractic offices and spas. And I'm taking 800 mg of flexiril and 1200 mg of tylenol for muscle cramps.

Thanks to all of you that have stopped and offered encouragement, sympathy, and commiseration. I read all the comments. I don't always see it the way you do but it is nice to know someone thought about my words enough to say something to try and improve my outlook.

I can't say it has improved. I was so upset when that doctor said he couldn't do anything for me! It really distressed me and I thought I was going to cry. I'm good at not crying so I didn't but I wanted to. I can't tell anyone just how bad I feel. You wouldn't believe me! I can walk across a room and no one could tell. Well, they used to couldn't. I think now, maybe it is becoming more apparent to people. It is much harder to mask it but I do try. Still people I know ask, "Are you all right?"

So, anyway, thank you to my friends. Sometimes you are all I have.

No Surprises

Went to the pain management center. There is nothing they can do for me. He gave me samples of Savella. In Europe it is an antidepressant. Here it isn't. Go figure. It is used here to treat fibromyalgia. Side effects... elevated bp... so maybe a stroke since I have high bp already.

I called my insurance company because I'm not buying a medicine with the risk in Savella if they aren't going to pay for it after the samples are gone. My insurance won't cover either Savella or Lyrica until I've exhausted other medications. I can get it IF my RA doctor will diagnose me with fibro... she did that years ago. IF I take neuroten and it doesn't work. I have no idea what it is nor the effect it will have on me but so far what I am hearing is it will make me drunk. So, can't work if I take it.

No surprises here. I'm right were I was when I got up. Still in pain with no options.

Thursday Already

I'm taking a short break and I'll be going to my doctor's appointment in about two hours. I'm skipping lunch so I don't use too many hours. I don't know what they will be doing to me, if anything and so can't be sure I'll be back to work today or tomorrow. I will be glad if they can just give me something to make my back quit hurting. Today there is not a lot of pain overall but my back just isn't right. I still have reach problems, certain motions, and turning my head a certain way all send shock waves across my back and up my neck. Still, I'm not looking forward to the possibility of a shot in my neck or back.

I woke up probably around 4 a.m. but I just rolled over and went back to sleep. I didn't wake again until about 6:30. The writer's meeting went a bit long but we had a great time. I went to bed a bit later than I have been and I took my pills much later. So, I'm more tired this morning than I have been being. I'll nap later I think. I am going to be pretty hungry as well since I'm not going to lunch. I don't know what to do about it. I can wait until I'm finished to eat but may not feel like it by then.



It is really a boring day. The weather is lovely. A nice 79 degrees and partly cloudy. It would be wonderful to sit in a lawn chair on the lawn and watch the clouds go by. I've asked Mike to cut the yard so it will be nice out there and I could actually sit outside if I feel ok. That is in the event they stick me.



I have got in this mindset that writing is a waste of time for me. I don't know. In the last month I've just kind of stopped and asked myself what I'm accomplishing and what earthly use my writing could possible be. My response was a resounding silence. I find myself so tired that the effort to put one foot in front of the other most days leaves me with nothing. I'm sapped by Five o'clock. It is distressing to think about but practically speaking, I should find another hobby that is more beneficial to me and the rest of the world.  Doug and I discussed this last night at the meeting. We both feel our jobs wring every creative thought right out of us.



I mean, take my blogs, for instance. They've become mediocre, if they were ever more than that. Who wants to read about my misfortunes and opinions and the craziness of my life? I don't even want to live it! Why would anyone take five minutes to read it. I can almost hear the snores. I don't know why I bother at all. I keep saying I am a writer. I tell myself that the writing is good, the story is good, there is something worthwhile in the whole process. I lie like a cheap rug. None of that is true at all. <sigh> In the end, I'm pretty much left talking to myself about it and talking myself out of writing.

When he left the meeting last night Doug called over his shoulder. "These meetings always energize me. Now, if I can keep the energy up until the weekend I might be able to do some writing."

I didn't last a day.

Cassie's Writing Challenge

The writer's meeting went well tonight even though there were only three of us. Doug, Cassie, and I had a really good time discussing writing.

Cassie and I remembered discussing a statement I had run across in "The Marshall Plan Workbook" at the last meeting. Cassie and I had this ah ha moment where something clicked and we shared it with Doug tonight while we were discussing his writing woes. "Before you can devise a crisis that will set your story in motion, you must define your lead. Why? Because whether or not an event is a crisis depends largely on who is experiencing it." I realized the problem I was having with Simon was solely because of this premise.

As the evening was winding down, Cassie issued a writing challenge. We got very excited about this. It is the first one and I told Cassie that it might become a fixture. "Cassie's Writing Challenge". She had no sooner gotten this one out than she announced her idea for a second one. However, I am sharing the first one here for anyone who wants to participate.

Deadline: June 30

What: Make use of the following sentence: I will show you fear in a handful of dust.

Topic: Any topic but you must reference the quote in the story. You don't have to use the direct quote.

How long: 1000 words

We will be bringing our efforts to the next meeting to see how we fared. The next challenge . . . she is suggesting 6000 words by July 30! No topic has been picked and no other criteria discussed. I'll post it when she gets it worked out.

I'm headed for bed now. Pain in my back has been continuous and in my knees but most of the rest of it is much better. I'm just tired now.

Some Days are Like That

I woke up this morning with pain in my back. But not much pain anywhere else, thank goodness. I believe I've been in a flare. When I looked in the mirror I saw my skin is clearing up, too. I suspected some time ago that a terrible itchy rash on my back and what looks like rosacea on my face is somehow related to the fibromyalgia. They come and go with varying severity. I've had this darn rash for years and I hate it. I have tiny scars where I have scratched so much. My research found reference to both but I couldn't seem to see any link. Both seem to clear for no reason I could find. This week I saw both come up and then, begin to disappear with the pain escalation and subsidence.


It has been a killer flare. I go to the pain management doctor tomorrow and I'm nervous because if they give me a shot, I could go into a flare again. I don't know if I can handle it. I almost couldn't handle this one. Yes, they can give me narcotics to manage it but I'll sleep for three days and go back to work. I'm not wanting that either. I don't like losing days of my life anymore. Never liked it much anyways but now.... it is worse. They seem to be more limited now.


I have to go to work. I slept a half hour longer this morning and had the weirdest dream. Have no idea what brought it on and I can't tell it because all the people involved in my dream I know! They all go to my church! LOL. Nothing ugly just so crazy I wouldn't tell it, to anyone.


Writer's meeting tonight. I've asked that we start half an hour earlier but no word as yet if that is ok.

There is No Title

I doubt there is an adequate description to allow a title. The pain is terrible. I'm getting very little relief from anything. I have an appointment at the pain management clinic on Thursday afternoon. If I can make it to 2 pm that day I might get some help. It is my last resort. I've taken all I can take and prayed ever prayer I can pray. The pills don't work and God's busy elsewhere.


You can only deal with so much before it breaks you to pieces. To not be able to move without hurting, not be able to think, or sleep, or take care of your basic needs without pain only escalates the pain levels. I'm exhausted when I get up because I did not rest. When I get up I can't move without stabbing pain everywhere I touch. I can't sit, stand or lie down without pain. Not one second of relief. At this point, I begin to understand why some people pray for death.


This is not living. This is hell.

Hot, Hot, Hot

I came back from church and went out to check on the plants. It is over 91 but they say the humidity is so high it feels like 101! I can believe it.


I had to clean out the fountain. It had turned green! I suppose algae maybe.. not sure. I haven't had it on in days because the weather was so hot and I have felt so bad most of the week. I'll have to start emptying it after I come in. I tuned the fountain on after I cleaned it and have let it run. But I came in.


I took another muscle relaxant because my back it still just messed up. I don't know what to do. I can't stand it for long. Sitting and carrying things is bad. I don't have a solution. I'm just tired of living like this. I'm tired of waking up and nearly screaming when I roll over or try to get up. It is worse than it has ever been and I just want it to stop. The hot shower this morning didn't really help much. I took the Imitrex and I think it made me break out in a sweat. That's not a good sign if it was the pill. I was so hot and couldn't get cool and was sweating. This is a vaso-dilator and it can be dangerous. But at this point, I'm not sure if I care.