Some Days are Like That

I woke up this morning with pain in my back. But not much pain anywhere else, thank goodness. I believe I've been in a flare. When I looked in the mirror I saw my skin is clearing up, too. I suspected some time ago that a terrible itchy rash on my back and what looks like rosacea on my face is somehow related to the fibromyalgia. They come and go with varying severity. I've had this darn rash for years and I hate it. I have tiny scars where I have scratched so much. My research found reference to both but I couldn't seem to see any link. Both seem to clear for no reason I could find. This week I saw both come up and then, begin to disappear with the pain escalation and subsidence.


It has been a killer flare. I go to the pain management doctor tomorrow and I'm nervous because if they give me a shot, I could go into a flare again. I don't know if I can handle it. I almost couldn't handle this one. Yes, they can give me narcotics to manage it but I'll sleep for three days and go back to work. I'm not wanting that either. I don't like losing days of my life anymore. Never liked it much anyways but now.... it is worse. They seem to be more limited now.


I have to go to work. I slept a half hour longer this morning and had the weirdest dream. Have no idea what brought it on and I can't tell it because all the people involved in my dream I know! They all go to my church! LOL. Nothing ugly just so crazy I wouldn't tell it, to anyone.


Writer's meeting tonight. I've asked that we start half an hour earlier but no word as yet if that is ok.

There is No Title

I doubt there is an adequate description to allow a title. The pain is terrible. I'm getting very little relief from anything. I have an appointment at the pain management clinic on Thursday afternoon. If I can make it to 2 pm that day I might get some help. It is my last resort. I've taken all I can take and prayed ever prayer I can pray. The pills don't work and God's busy elsewhere.


You can only deal with so much before it breaks you to pieces. To not be able to move without hurting, not be able to think, or sleep, or take care of your basic needs without pain only escalates the pain levels. I'm exhausted when I get up because I did not rest. When I get up I can't move without stabbing pain everywhere I touch. I can't sit, stand or lie down without pain. Not one second of relief. At this point, I begin to understand why some people pray for death.


This is not living. This is hell.

Hot, Hot, Hot

I came back from church and went out to check on the plants. It is over 91 but they say the humidity is so high it feels like 101! I can believe it.


I had to clean out the fountain. It had turned green! I suppose algae maybe.. not sure. I haven't had it on in days because the weather was so hot and I have felt so bad most of the week. I'll have to start emptying it after I come in. I tuned the fountain on after I cleaned it and have let it run. But I came in.


I took another muscle relaxant because my back it still just messed up. I don't know what to do. I can't stand it for long. Sitting and carrying things is bad. I don't have a solution. I'm just tired of living like this. I'm tired of waking up and nearly screaming when I roll over or try to get up. It is worse than it has ever been and I just want it to stop. The hot shower this morning didn't really help much. I took the Imitrex and I think it made me break out in a sweat. That's not a good sign if it was the pill. I was so hot and couldn't get cool and was sweating. This is a vaso-dilator and it can be dangerous. But at this point, I'm not sure if I care.

The Agony of Everything

I hurt all over, I mean everywhere.Feet, legs, back, arms shoulders, everything hurts. I woke at 5 a.m. with it and refused to get up. I dozed back off. Now, I"m up and I'm going to get a very hot shower and see if I can boil some of it away. This is has to be a "flare". I was really feeling better early last week but every move this morning sets off stabs of pain. Even yesterday I felt much better than this.

I am going to church. I am going to church. I asked everyone to go with me last night but got no responses from anyone but Sarah. She said she would go. Of course, she requires assistance so I'll figure it won't happen. Maybe for once I'll be surprised.

I'm seldom wrong about much. If I tell you the moon is made of green cheese you can bet I've checked. It isn't. It isn't arrogance, it's just experience.

Anyway, not sure if I'll make it back today. When I come home, if I'm not better, I'll go to bed. Sleep is the only thing that seems to work. I may take an Imitrex to see if it affects it. I'm getting curious about this migraine effect I have sometimes. If they'd give me the Lyrica I might be able to deal with this. Everyone who takes it tells me it works wonders. God forbid you take a medicine that actually works when you can take ten that don't!

Saturday in the Fish Bowl

I will not be sitting on the patio today. It is 92 and feels as if I need gills. The humidity is unbearable. It stormed Thursday afternoon and night. We're paying the price today. I took photos because Sarah got in the rain. She loves rain. So do I. I was tempted to get in it with her.

Dave, Becca and Sarah went to the zoo in Cincinnati today. They are having a really good time. I've talked to them several times. They took my car because their car has no air conditioning and it rather old. I felt better loaning him mine. They couldn't have stood the trip in this heat, particularly with Sarah. He just called and said they were headed home because it was really just too hot. Sarah has misbehaved all day. LOL, what can a highly intelligent 3 1/2 year old get into?

Last night I met with Snowgoon and we talked about Hidden in the Mist. Basically, I told him the whole story, reading parts because that was the easiest way to get the feel of the story out. The guy is a veritable font of Machiavellian ideas. He can see the sinister in everything. I suppose I should be nervous but he's really quite normal otherwise. I now have three different scenarios to work with that he simply plucked from what I had already written! And I can remember when I originally started it that I was actually thinking along those lines!

Today my back is much better. I came home early for two days this week because my back was hurting so badly. When I came in yesterday, I took a muscle relaxant and an imitrex for my headache. I felt the pain was giving me a headache. I lay down for about three hours. I felt better for the rest of the evening. Today, I've cleaned the living room, dusted, done laundry, vacuumed the floors and dusted under the beds. Put drain cleaner in the sinks and washed the tub mat and shower curtain. The pain is so much better! And the house smells a bit better. I'm considering taking another muscle relaxant just to give me a bit more relief.

I think I slept better too. I didn't go to bed until after 1 a.m.! My mind was running over from my talk. But I always take a muscle relaxant at night . I've just never taken one in the afternoon because they make me sleepy. Although I didn't sleep yesterday after taking it, I just relaxed for a couple of hours. So, I'm going to take one now and see if it will help me again. I'd love to wake up with no pain tomorrow... every tomorrow.

I'm going now. I want to finish some other things while I seem to have the energy. I am not going out at all. I don't have the proper equipment. Maybe it will cool off by dark but I doubt it.