Off to Work

Monday.

Mild pain in neck.

Work.

Y tonight.

Bed by 10... I hope.

Need I say more?

What A Little Sun Can Do

The sun is blinding today. I know they expect it to be short lived. I will be glad for longs days of sun. I may actually go stand in it for a short time if it is still around after church!

I'm on my way to church. I have to stop and pick up Mike. Then, I'm picking up Becca and Sarah. Dave is working this morning. I'm glad they are going with me. It is always better when they do. I don't feel so adrift. I know that sounds crazy. I can't help that. I hate sitting there staring at empty spaces and expecting a tall form to be there.



Cruise in 48 days! That is what it says on top of the Carnival page. I think I'll get plenty of sun then.

I'm out now. I don't know when I'll get back home this afternoon. We usually have lunch and then take a short nap before church. Hope you all have a great day.

Pray for Kat

Kat's mother passed away today. She and her daughter drove down to Texas yesterday and was able to spend time with her mom this morning. She said she was lucid and I am glad that she was able to have last week and today with her mother. They were able to talk and laugh together before she died.

Keep them in your prayers. It is a hard road to walk and they will need them. At the moment she says she is fine but I have no doubt it gets more difficult as the days pass.

A Friday with Sun

Nice. Sun is already gilding the ground outside the window. I'm always glad of a sunny day but I do so, with fingers and toes crossed, that tomorrow is even sunnier.

I picked up my ring yesterday after I had it repaired. I was so happy to get it back. I have to stop wearing it where it will get damaged. I've put it back on my right hand but I don't think it matters. It just has such a high profile that it gets hung on stuff when I'm working. I really want to wear it though and will have to be very careful what I do.

I had a meeting with the counselor at 5 last night. Dan and I basically just chatted. He too, says I'm funny. {shakes head} I guess I must be. Enough people keep saying it. I don't imagine I'll be going back. We both sort of felt it. He told me to come back anytime I thought I needed to and he'd be glad to see me. I told him that I didn't think there was anything he could really do for me. He can't fix this and neither can I. He nodded and said, "Remember I told you 18 months to two years to recover. You only have a year under your belt."

On my way out he said, "I don't know how your husband kept up with you! You're mind just goes so fast I have a hard time keeping up at times." He said he had to really concentrate at times to keep up with me. I told he had to stay awake. Then, I laughed and told him I didn't know if I'd just been insulted or complimented. He told me it was a compliment and he enjoyed talking to me. I gave him a hug and said good-by.

I got home around 6:30 and got my shower, decided on a sandwich for supper since Carolyn and I had Chinese for lunch when I picked up my ring. The jewelry store was almost right next door to the restaurant. I had a couple of phone calls but I was in bed by 7:30 and read until close to 9 when I could no longer stay awake. Lights out. Slept like a rock, but I had a rough night. I had a nightmare and woke up around 11:30 and made a potty trip... I think.... {shakes head} not sure about the potty. Woke up again around 3 a.m. and again at 6:30 but I didn't get up until 7. For a bit I still felt exhausted and wanted to go back to bed but another day at the mines looms. I hope it passes quickly.

I'm supposed to spend the night with Sarah tonight. When I get off I'll get my stuff and go over there. I don't know how well it will go. I don't sleep well at lot of times and not sure how an air mattress will do me. We'll see. I may have to come home.

I"m on my way to work now. I have to stop and get breakfast but that's fine. I didn't open the computer last night when I went to bed but read instead. I did check mail when I got online but quickly got off when I was done.

Oh, Kat left to go back to Texas yesterday about her mother. Her daughter was going as well. I could tell she was concerned on Wednesday night. She sent me a text message at work yesterday that her mom was struggling. Keep her in your prayers.

Writers's Asylum Meeting Success

We had Writers' Asylum meeting tonight. It is always such fun to have them over. And we hammered out a slogan.. courtesy of the Snowgoon, aka Goon. ( Actually he said it and the inmates all howled approval.)

Here is the new slogan for the Writers' Asylum Writing Group: "You don't have to be crazy, you just have to be committed."

Kathy is working on the logo. Looks really cool so far.

We critiqued Katie tonight, offering her lots of feedback and suggestions that I think will really help her in her writing. She has a good start to a story. One suggestion we really think is a good idea for anyone wanting to write, take your favorite book and critique it. Look at all aspects of it. Take it apart and study the structure, the techniques used and how the writer kept the story moving.

We finished just a bit later than usual. They sat around and listened to me for half an hour. Now that's friends for you. There is just a warmth and security you can't get anywhere else but in the presence of people who you know really care about you. I always say this but it can't be said enough. I love you gals.... and Goon.

I immediately got my shower and am piled in bed doing my final post of the day. I almost forgot it. I'm tired tonight.

I did my presentation this morning. Went fine. Only about 8 people in attendance. Two just wanted to whine in public rather than call the office. I guess they wanted witnesses to their complaints. Suites me. Doesn't change what is.

Its been a difficult week and I haven't done a lot. Told the group tonight I was at a point I was ready to chuck writing into the Ohio and watch it drift away on the tide. I'm just worn out for some reason. I'm needing more sleep than usual. But it is probably because the days at work have been more stressful and hectic. There were 193 tenants between 8:15 and 2:30! And I was out for about two hours of that. We had a lunch break as well of an hour and a half. So, basically, seven clients for each of six case managers every hour for five hours. Something like that. It was a long day.

And tomorrow is only Thursday.

So, good night all. May the sun shine on you all in the morning.

Downhill...

Considering most of the week has been, I suppose I shouldn't be surprise it is Wednesday. The only redeeming quality I see is that Writer's Asylum will meet tonight. I'll get to visit with some funny people and talk about what we all like to do in our "free" time, which none of us have enough of.

I went to bed at 7:30 because I simply couldn't see very well. I didn't intend to doze off but I guess I did because I had a phone call wake me around 8:30. I was so exhausted last night and wasn't even aware of how much so. I chatted with friends for a bit but I was kind of worried that my nap may have finished my night. Not so. I shut the light out again at 11:30 and I was out in minutes. Slept all night until the clock went off at 6:30. No, I did not want to get up.

We have 193 recertification appointments today between 8:15 a.m. and 3 p.m. with an hour and a half for everyone to take lunch. That is 7 people every 15 minutes for 6 case managers. While that is going on, I have to give a presentation at the Apartment Association at 10 so I will leave within an hour of the start of recerts and probably not get back until after lunch.

Our department has an hour and a half to do the presentations. There will be my boss, one inspector and me. Originally it was planned that two others would go but when I pointed out that we had so many people coming in it would be a mad house, he had to change it.

Ok, got to hit the road. I need about another hour of sleep, I think. But not to be. I'll stop and get breakfast. Have a good day.

No sun again.

One Down and Four To Go

Tuesday. Good Lord, how many clouds could there possibly be? They've taken up permanent residence over Indiana just to keep me annoyed.

There must be a terrible drought somewhere. Clouds are water vapor in the air. So if all that water is trapped in clouds, the ground must be really dry somewhere.

I'm tired. I have a cold that seems to be getting a bit worse. Still it is only a mild one so maybe I should take something. But what? It is a head cold at this point with a mild cough starting now. I need to be in bed but I spent the day there Sunday and it didn't help much.

This afternoon I have an eye exam and my teeth cleaned. I need the glasses but my teeth, well, my insurance pays for it so I'm going. But they always say they're very clean. Helps if you brush your teeth regularly with the right stuff. Get an electric tooth brush, too.

Went to the Y. Arm is o.k. Back hurts and neck and they did before I went to bed. I knew I was straining it because I was in too deep. But the class is too big this time. They let a lot of people in who weren't registered and so it is crowded.

Dave and Becca came over after I came home and we had pizzas and of course stories and puzzles. I told someone she chases the dark with golden hair, sunny smiles and giggles. She is just a doll baby and always cheers me up a bit. David worked on my shoulder some and it helped. Sarah told him "Be careful, Daddy, you'll hurt Mawmaw. She's fragile."

I still didn't go to bed until late. I think I probably should tonight. I'm very tired. Probably the cold on top of everything else.

God, I'm a mess. I should make this kind of stuff private, I suppose. Who wants to read a bunch of whining, moaning, groaning, mess. I have to get to work anyway so I'll stop here.

Don't let me rain on your day. I expect nature will do enough of that. For those who have sun. Take photos so you can remember it. I saw Jilly did. Looked so lovely in her back yard. I'd love to sit on that bench in the corner she has and watch the birds.

Another Gray Monday

No sun today. Once again the clouds have blanketed the sky in thick batting. It isn't as cold as it has been, currently 39 degrees but still cold.

I wanted to stay in bed today. I suppose you could say I pray every morning before I go to work. I'm praying before I ever get out of bed. I don't feel overly pious about it. I'm simply repeating certain phrases. "God help me" seems to be the most predominate one. It would be funny if it wasn't pathetic.

I seem to have a stomach issue. I had it yesterday afternoon and last night. My stomach just didn't feel really good. Still doesn't today. Grumbly feelings and not good. I've had to go to the bathroom several times and I'm afraid I shouldn't go to the Y tonight. But it so helped my arm last week.

The pain has been much better this week, a sure sign it is fibro rather than something else. I suspect when I injured the muscle months ago it set up the cycle for the fibro to attack that muscle. The only thing that helps is working the muscle, even when it hurts. And I have to work through the pain rather than wait for the pain to stop. Just about kills you for the first ten minute but honestly, if you stick it out, it gets better after that. I know it is crarzy but it does work.

So, I'd really like to go, even though I want to go to bed. The lesser of two evils is depression. The pain only makes that worse so if I get relief from the pain, I'm ahead... well, it looks like I'm ahead to me.

On a slightly positive note, don't dare get too may of those in a depressing entry, I'm sleeping better since I moved the bed. I moved the night table to the other side of the bed and I now sleep on that side. I still don't like it much because my back is to the door and that was the side Jerry slept on but moving it has helped. I must know that the phone, light and tissue is on that side because I roll over there now to sleep. Silly. At any rate, it has taken some pressure off the left side. I still roll that way but not as much I did.

I'm stopping now and getting back to work. The day has passed quickly, thankfully. I will make my mind up about the Y later. See if the stomach improves.

A Sunday in Bed

I woke up early this morning, just before 8. The plan was to fix my hair, which I had rolled last night, and go to church. I felt hideous. I shut off the alarm and went back to bed. I've been up twice to go to the bathroom, once to get coffee and the muffin I bought yesterday for today's breakfast. the rest of the day I have sat here in bed waiting for time to pass. It has just gone past the lunch hour. I've been looking at movies to watch but actually, I can't get past the first five or 10 minutes of anything. I've switched several times.

I was reading something, not a novel, just a devotional, around 9 o'clock and out of the blue this amazing . . . vision if you will, rushed at me of me running to meet Jerry and throwing my arms around him and he spinning me around. Stupid, stupid, stupid. No idea why or whence it came. It was cruel and painful and ripped me to shreds. I've been here in bed for hours and I do not know when I will be able to get up and face reality. I do not want to get up. I do not want to think. And I do not want to hear platitudes. If one more person tells me it will get better, they're going to find out how many swear words I actually learned listening to Daddy when he drank.

I want to get something to eat but nothing appeals to me. There isn't really anything in the fridge to fix. I've let it get empty. I'm going to give my large freezer to Dave and Becca. They have use for it. If I need anything else, I'll just find me a small chest type. I have a few things in the refrigerator freezer but I usually fill it up with ice trays. I drink a lot of iced tea, sodas, and water.

I also have a cold... nose was all stuffy for several days now. I think I should go see about food. It really is too much bother, though. I'm just really very tired.

And yes, I'm taking the stuff for depression. I'm not depressed. I don't know what I am. Hollow, empty, dejected, filled with an unendurable sense of loss, a sense of never finding my way back, shrouded in a mist that clears briefly but then shrouds me in a thick cloud.

I tired to sleep but couldn't get to sleep. Kat called around 1 and I talked with her for a bit. I am afraid I was not much in a chatting mood. I was very down but it was a good thing to have to think not think about my own life and laugh at some of the things she has seen while she was there. We, of course, talked about writing and how we were going to handle the next set of scenes in the Inkwell. Initially we had intended to be done by now but life interfered. So we'll be stretching it out for at least another week. We've both been working on things that will fill the week up and I hope by next weekend we can get the culmination out there.

I think we've both got a lot of stuff from this experience and we're read to move to another idea or story line.

I finally fixed something to eat about 2. I was beginning to feel strange and figured I should probably eat and see it I felt better. I don't know if I did or not. I feel very disconnected and not sure what that means.

Then, I decided to take the rollers out and fix my hair. I hate it. It looks horrible. I don't like it at all but it 's up and shall remain. I think part of it is that I looked in the mirror and realized I look old today. I didn't recognized myself for a minute. And all the white hair that was visible on the rollers was a real shock. I hadn't noticed when I was rolling it last night but this morning, there was the nearly white head of hair in the front. I wasn't happy with it and it only served to feed an already bad mood.

I'm still in bed. I have to dress in a couple of hours but until then, I'll stay right here. I need to get something to drink too as I may be a bit dehydrated. I've had two cups of coffee, one glass of juice and a glass of iced tea all day... well, except for the water when I took my pills.

This is a totally worthless, depressing post. Sorry, I can't fix it.

That's All I've Got to Say

I'm working.

I appear to have a head cold.

I was in bed before 10 last night.

It's Friday.

Yay.

Wednesday Why

Why indeed. Wednesday, the mid point of chaos and confusion. A week so busy I'm rarely aware of the time passing until I check the clock and see I've forgotten lunch. Fortunately, it is lunch time when I check but to actually get to lunch without being frustrated that it is taking too long to reach it is quite odd.

I'm going to the Y tonight for the pool workout. It does help a little bit but I'm not really motivated. Why should I care how I look or feel or if I am healthy? I'm not going to get better in that area. So who cares. It doesn't really seem to improve and honestly, there is no one to really consider anymore but me. I had Reese cups for supper last night. I ate until I was tired of them. I skipped breakfast. Had junk food for a snack before lunch. Ate more junk food after lunch. Not much because I wasn't actually hungry. But when I looked at it I thought, why not? I'm just going to die anyway of something and depriving myself of things I like and want to do is just a waste of effort. No one to care how I look but me... and I don't so much anymore.

So if I don't want to take a walk why bother? If I don't want to get up, why should I? If I want to leave paper all over the floor, why shouldn't I? It really doesn't matter. And I am amazed that it all makes sense to me now. I don't have to wash the dishes until I feel like it or need something. That's is not going to happen often since I eat an average of a meal a day.

I don't have to sweep, mop or dust. Why bother? I don't! Never again do I have to care about how things look or smell or feel. I clean up if I know someone is coming. Laundry is piled on the spare bed. Why put it away? I just pull it out again. I'm washing now but it can just lay in the basket when it's done. It's only sheets and towels.

I'll have tons of time to do nothing but sit and stare at the television screen or computer screen. I can play games until bedtime. I can write if I want. Or not. Who blinking cares anyway.

Not me.

Huh, I'm already dead, I guess.

Swimmingly

Just got back from the Y and I am going to find food. Wasn't hungry before but am now! My shoulder is painful but no more than usual so I guess it doesn't matter. We'll see tomorrow. I have PT in the morning. I did not do the exercises that put a strain on the muscles that hurt. Some I couldn't do had I wanted to try. Major pain to row backward. No back stroke either.

I'm gone until tomorrow. I'm missing the writing sessions with Kat. So I am going to go in there and after I eat I'm going to do one without feedback. We'll see how it goes. I know she is probably going crazy anyway being without any computer at all. LOL, bet she comes home wanting to write non-stop.

Which brings me to a question. I'll be gone on this cruise for 5 days. I am debating taking my laptop. I can't imagine not writing for five days! It is just not good. No blogs, no stories, NOTHING! Almost makes me thing twice about it. Oh yes it does. Writing has kept me sane for the last year. It is my new drug of choice. So, anyone ever take a laptop on a cruise? LOL.

Ok, I'm really hungry and tired. Glad I got my shower at the Y. I shall leave you all to contemplate and I'll fill my plate.

Dark Ages

Yes, I think we are there again. Look outside! Gloomy gray clouds, colder by the minute, threats of rain or snow. Yucky day! And yesterday was so promising.

I got up at my usual time this morning. No, I had no trouble going to sleep last night, despite my having a nap from 3- 7 last night! Amazing. I thought sure I'd not sleep at all. I'm glad I did. Must have been exceptionally tired.

Tonight is the Y exercise class. I may go a bit early and see if I can get on a machine for a while. I really need to start toning up. I've lost a few pounds since Jerry died and some things are just not looking too good. Remember the video blog about the mirror thing? Yeah.

Ok, going now because work is calling. Only three and a half hours to go so maybe I can get through it.

Some out there, please send sunlight!

Sunday Night Sign Off.

Went to church this morning and spent the whole day in bed when I came home. I actually sat with the laptop and did things on the computer. You know, emails and some games, then my aunt called and then, I got so sleepy! I lay down and went to sleep.

My son called twice and woke me up wanting to know if I was sleeping! And was I going to church. He really wanted to go. I've got to find a car for him to use. My daughter-in-law called and said she'd call back later. As a result when the calls stopped I went into a heavy sleep and didn't wake up until 7 p.m. I guess I was tired. But in truth, I'd been up since 7 a.m. So I probably had reason. My shoulder was hurting badly this morning. It is better but the arm is just not much use when it is like this.

I'm getting ready to turn out the lights now.

Ok, I'm going now. I'm tired again so I hope I sleep. I must have been really exhausted to sleep so much today. I think the depression is much better this week. That or that shopping trip did me a world of good. But I hate shopping and spending money so I can't really believe that. Everyone have a great week.

Lazy Sunday

I'm sitting here in my bed where I've been since around 2 p.m. I was working on emails and reading blogs when my cell phone rang. It was Kat! I couldn't believe it! I told her before she left to call me if she needed to. Just in case she needed to hear a sane voice while she was in Houston seeing about her mom. In crisis it is often nice to have someone on the outside you can call just to keep you calm. You never know.

As you remember, her mother was found unconscious in the doorway of her apartment and has been in ICU. So, Kat called and she was laughing! LOL, she said "I was just sitting here thinking I can't believe I'm going to call Dixie!" I was happy to hear from her, too.

Her mother is improving but they don't really know what happened yet. She is still not communicating well. She has some kind of kidney infection they are treating and it may have caused her to become confused. Apparently that can happen with older people. Her mom is 89! But she is better. Kat said she could see a big improvement from this morning to this afternoon.

She also said it was too early to tell if there has been any secondary problems. There is a risk of brain damage in hypothermia.

I told Kat you had all sent good wishes and prayers. She sends her thanks. It was very nice to chat with her but we are both feeling the impact of writing deprivation of not writing about Simon and Serge. She doesn't have access to a computer there and well, I could write but we're at a crucial place and it won't work. So, I will have to wait for her return. I told her we should have written ahead and so we'd have things to post in the event one of us went on vacation. But who knew!

She did say it was in the 60's there! Spring in Texas!

Everyone have a good Sunday and hope your week is filled with warm weather and sunshine.

I try to be optimistic.

Coffee's On

The sun woke me at 8 and I've already had a cup. I've given up trying to sleep in on Saturdays. I'm going to sit here and do nothing. Well, maybe write.

Everyone please keep my friend, Kat in your prayers. Her mother is in the hospital in Texas in serious condition. She was found lying in her doorway yesterday morning by a neighbor. They don't know how long she was there and when I talked to Kat last night her core temp was only 87. She is flying down there today and I know she must be very worried and upset. Pray for her mother, as well, that she will recover.

We will be letting Simon and Serge stew for a few days until Kat is back and able to write.

Ok, going away for now. I feel pretty empty today. I had a difficult night last night. and did nothing but watch television shows on Hulu and Fancast. Mindless, mind numbing. Could not bear thinking at all. I miss Jerry so much on the weekends. You don't know how important doing things together is until you can't. No one to share a joke with, or watch a funny or exciting movie with, no one to take a walk with or work in the yard or house with.

Do you realize how much fun it is to clean house with a man? It was always, when he was in a normal job, a joint project. Then we'd go to lunch. We loved taking the kids to lunch on Saturday... even after they grew up. It was always time spent with our children we loved the most.

O.k. not doing this.

Running Out of Week

Only a couple of hours until I'm out of work week. I'm thrilled it is nearly over. I can't tell that Monday was a holiday!

I was sitting here a few minutes ago and looked at the clock and said, "Oh God! Still two hours to go! I feel like I've worked all week." Well. . . . . . .I have. So, I'm ready to go home. I'm supposed to keep Sarah some tonight. I'm just not sure I'm up to it now. I want to go home.

Anyway, another week of chaos is ending and I'm glad. I do not anticipate a whole weekend of loneliness but there isn't much for that. I'm not a shopper, runner, or gad about, particularly alone. I always enjoyed the weekends Jerry and I got to spend together. They became fewer and fewer. We hardly got to see one another at all. We both missed it when he had to work all weekend. And now, I can't ever have that again.

I don't want to become one of those women addicted to my job because I have no personal life. That isn't fun for me. Five days as someones servant is plenty. I don't have an solution. Doubt anyone does. I don't like to think about it much because it upsets me a lot. I know it shouldn't but it does. Life isn't very attractive anymore.

Friday's Gold

Once again the sun gilds the top of the trees outside my window. There was sun pouring into the kitchen window as well when I got coffee. I'm half dressed and stopped to drink it. I am so happy it is Friday. I'll be thrilled if the sun shines all day.

I have a PT appointment this morning at 8:30. My arm has hurt less in the last three or days but I don't think it is because of PT. I think, based on the way this pain is behaving, this is fibro pain. It strikes randomly, it last for days, it seem to not be connected with any particular activity. I remember the calf muscle hurting off and on for over a year, with no reason and no fix. I could exercise and it helped ease the pain for short times but it always came back and I'd be limping. As soon as the calf pain stopped, the deltoid pain came back. I still have calf pain once in awhile but it doesn't last long. So, I'm concerned this is not treatable. I know I hurt that muscle and it is probably why it is now hypersensitive and picking up pain signals. Those are coming from my brain.

We'll see. Right now, I have to get my hair combed and get ready to face another day. For the moment, I'll deal with the hour. My grandmother used to tell me, "Stop worrying about tomorrow. You might not even be here!" LOL, she was teasing of course but I've learned what she apparently knew, life is short. And it is painful enough in the now.

Over the Horizon

I believe, I'm not sure, but I believe that is sun peeking over the horizon. Trees just outside my window have the upper sections bathed in a light golden tint. {sigh} One can only hope.

I have a slight headache this morning. I'm not sure why. Had a mild one yesterday, too. I'm still feeling down. Not the blinding depression of two weeks ago but just very sad. It is never far away, just around the next corner. I suppose total escape is not going to be possible. I can laugh for a while, distract myself with writing, chatting, talking on the phone. But laughter doesn't last forever. I can't write all the time. I get tired of the phones.

And I always have to come home, back to reality and such a very empty house. It isn't home anymore. I've always loved my house, warts and all. So many repairs needed. A complete face lift is the only solution. But I've neither the energy or concern to really tackle it.

I've thought about taking some of Jerry's photos down. Not because I don't want to see him anymore. But because I do. Each time I step into the hallway I face two. I sit in my study and he watches from the sidelines. In my bedroom he hangs over my bed. In my living room he smiles into the whole room. Every photo is a family portrait so taking them down means taking down my family. But really, it is just another burial.


People said it gets better. They don't know what that means. They just know that all the people they've seen who've lost someone to death, seem to get up and go about their business. Maybe other people do. I go through a lot of motions. But they don't really mean anything. It's just a way to get through a day without thinking about much except what you are doing at that moment. You don't think back and you don't think forward. You think now. You don't plan.

I suppose we just live with a hope that it will end. That something will fill the hollow spaces. I keep thinking I'll get up and look out to find something bright just over the horizon. Around that corner, something good will step out and wrap me in a warm cloak. I won't be cold. It won't be dark.

I keep hoping so.

I just don't believe.

Wednesday Writers' Asylum

Did I tell you guys that my writing group now has a name? Writers' Asylum. Courtesy of Snowgoon. He named us and we all agree it is perfect. We decided tonight we need shirts.. maybe hoodies. LOL. And I told him he needs to come up with a logo for us.

We had a nice time and reviewed Kathy's story about her reluctant psychic hot-line detective. It is a funny story and we all see lots of potential in it.

Cassie, our new inmate, came and she said she was so excited to be here and you could see that she was. It is always uncomfortable being in a group setting for the first time with virtual strangers. She was very quiet but seemed to enjoy it. She's younger than all of us but in our previous meetings with her we were impressed by her goals and her drive. We're looking forward to working with her, reading her writing, and just getting to know her.

After we finished Kathy's critique we all just did the usual chatter about whatever comes out of our mouth. It is a nice feeling sitting with this group and no one wants to move to end it. We're all, probably for the first time in days, relaxed and there are no demands on us, no pressures from the outside. Just the companionship of friends. It is hard for all of us to get up and say good night. I see it each time with the lingering good-bys, the hugs, and stopping to say one more thing. I'm glad they feel comfortable in my home. I know when they go, there is light here and warmth.