Oh joy, joy, joy! This week is half done! I am so glad.
That's pretty sad when you think about it. I sat up too late last night. Got to writing and forgot the time. I MUST start going to bed somewhere between 10 and 10:30. That's seems to be my limit to get enough sleep and get up in the morning less tired.
Tonight is the writer's meeting at Panera Bread. Not sure how many will be there since the weather has been just horribly cold and nasty. I am betting that the semi slushy show from lunch yesterday is not rock solid ice. So, the drive to work should be interesting for my little Focus. I slid nearly off the road yesterday morning twice. That usually doesn't scare me much because I'm usually very careful and if I slid it is not usually too bad but I nearly turned in the road and there were cars to left of me, cars to the right of me... here I was, stuck in the middle... An old song.
I'm on my way out the door. I have virtually nothing to say at this point. I feel tired. I don't feel horrible. That SJW pill seems to be helping a bit... maybe. LOL, how can I know!
Hope you have a warm day filled with blue skies and sunshine. If you live anywhere in Southern Indiana, that probably won't happen.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Long Winter's . . . Yeah, Right
No nap today. I have to go to work and there is about five inches of snow on the ground. And it is still falling so it won't get better. No plows will be this way so I have to put the shovel in the trunk in case I get stuck somewhere between here and the snow routes. I do not relish the drive. I had a hill in two directions after I get out of my yard.
I'm leaving early so I will have plenty of time.
I went to bed before eleven. . . I think. I called and had Dave and Becca come over with the baby and we had pizza and just visited and watched her be her adorable self. When they left I got online and Kat came on. We chatted for an hour or so. So I had another friend with me in the evening. I do not know what I'd have done without them yesterday. I was exhausted. I can't believe how much I slept yesterday. I have on a pink sweater and that is the only pink I'm in at the moment but I'm not as shrouded in black.
Must go now and get my things together. They are providing breakfast at work today with a meeting. That is just so we don't feel so annoyed by the meeting. It is mandatory. I don't mind breakfast meetings but I had the lunch one. My lunch hour is mine and when they make us come to those I feel they should pay me for being there. The lunch isn't usually very good and I don't really eat a large lunch often. Anyway, enough whining. Hope you all have a good day.
I'm leaving early so I will have plenty of time.
I went to bed before eleven. . . I think. I called and had Dave and Becca come over with the baby and we had pizza and just visited and watched her be her adorable self. When they left I got online and Kat came on. We chatted for an hour or so. So I had another friend with me in the evening. I do not know what I'd have done without them yesterday. I was exhausted. I can't believe how much I slept yesterday. I have on a pink sweater and that is the only pink I'm in at the moment but I'm not as shrouded in black.
Must go now and get my things together. They are providing breakfast at work today with a meeting. That is just so we don't feel so annoyed by the meeting. It is mandatory. I don't mind breakfast meetings but I had the lunch one. My lunch hour is mine and when they make us come to those I feel they should pay me for being there. The lunch isn't usually very good and I don't really eat a large lunch often. Anyway, enough whining. Hope you all have a good day.
Monday, February 8, 2010
Long Day Nearly Over
I don't remember any day being this long for a while. I've slept all afternoon. That is so terribly lazy. Tonight I probably will take something to help me sleep if I can't fall asleep. But since I feel so very tired, I don't know that it will be a problem at this point.
If you saw this morning's post you know the day started in a bad way. It didn't get any better but my dear friend, Sarah, from my writing group saw my post and offered to come over and stay with me for several hours. She is just such a wonderful person. To understand this you have to realize that the time she gave me would mean that she would not get to do her three hour writing session. She takes her little boy to daycare so she can have that time allotted for her to write five days a week. He is four and as you most of you know young children are very demanding. Babysitting me meant she wouldn't get that precious time. Still, she came, smiling, and she stayed until she had to leave to get her son. I do not think the morning would have been very good had Sarah not been here. We just talked, mostly about my problems. But just having her here and not having to sit in this house in this silence was such a blessing.
She's just been such a great friend and I just love her. What a gift God gave me when he gave me this writing group. These five people have become such wonderful friends. I tell them all the time how much they mean to me but it seems a small thing just saying it.
After she left, I covered up and lay on the couch watching stuff on the internet for about two hours and then, closed it up and went to sleep. I just woke up. I think I'm starving. I still feel as if I could sleep forever. I know that is just the depression. I'll be ok once I get it under control. I just took St. John's Wort. I've decided that today, hair is of minor importance. I can't live in this darkness forever.
I've called and asked Dave and Becca to come over with the baby for a bit. I am supposed to go to the Y but I'm in such a mess. I don't want to go where there is a bunch of strangers and try to be nice. I have to go to work tomorrow and I'm hoping I will be fine by then.
I'm going for now. I need to get my shower early. I got dressed for work this morning and I've worn those clothes all day. Changing seemed such a chore. I really kept thinking that I'd get all right and could go to work. That passed every time I thought about it. It was terrifying. That's crazy but nears as I can tell you.
If you saw this morning's post you know the day started in a bad way. It didn't get any better but my dear friend, Sarah, from my writing group saw my post and offered to come over and stay with me for several hours. She is just such a wonderful person. To understand this you have to realize that the time she gave me would mean that she would not get to do her three hour writing session. She takes her little boy to daycare so she can have that time allotted for her to write five days a week. He is four and as you most of you know young children are very demanding. Babysitting me meant she wouldn't get that precious time. Still, she came, smiling, and she stayed until she had to leave to get her son. I do not think the morning would have been very good had Sarah not been here. We just talked, mostly about my problems. But just having her here and not having to sit in this house in this silence was such a blessing.
She's just been such a great friend and I just love her. What a gift God gave me when he gave me this writing group. These five people have become such wonderful friends. I tell them all the time how much they mean to me but it seems a small thing just saying it.
After she left, I covered up and lay on the couch watching stuff on the internet for about two hours and then, closed it up and went to sleep. I just woke up. I think I'm starving. I still feel as if I could sleep forever. I know that is just the depression. I'll be ok once I get it under control. I just took St. John's Wort. I've decided that today, hair is of minor importance. I can't live in this darkness forever.
I've called and asked Dave and Becca to come over with the baby for a bit. I am supposed to go to the Y but I'm in such a mess. I don't want to go where there is a bunch of strangers and try to be nice. I have to go to work tomorrow and I'm hoping I will be fine by then.
I'm going for now. I need to get my shower early. I got dressed for work this morning and I've worn those clothes all day. Changing seemed such a chore. I really kept thinking that I'd get all right and could go to work. That passed every time I thought about it. It was terrifying. That's crazy but nears as I can tell you.
Black Monday
All right. It is probably official. I'm severely depressed. The whole weekend was pretty much a wash. I am sorry if you came hoping for cheerful thoughts, good news, or funny stories. I don't have them. I have reached a place where I realize I'm out of answers, out of energy, out of solutions, out of hope.
I don't know why... could it be my life? In general it's in the well. I feel sick this morning. My neck and shoulder hurt and that makes my head hurt. I feel a bit sick on my stomach. And pretty much everything that happened over the weekend served only to drive me into the ground. Hence, the well.
Sometimes there are people you wish you had never set eyes on, never heard of. They are a constant source of pain in every situation. There are also well meaning people who say things that just say the wrong thing with the best of intentions. Both of these just obliterate whatever mantle of control you've maintained. I can deal with the well meaning. It is the fools I don't tolerate so well, less so now.
I've done a bit of writing but not as much as I should. Amazingly enough it has been the only thing that made me forget everything else. I try to pray at times. You'll think I'm even crazier but prayer is dangerous for me at the moment. I can't control the darker emotion enough to even try that. And I dare not go beyond a certain point. All I can really do is say please God, help me.
I was going to work but I called and ask for a personal day. I get three a year. I'm not in a fit state at the moment to deal with that stress. I'm going back and lie down. At least I'm fully dresses... all in black. I guess today it matches my mental state.
I don't know why... could it be my life? In general it's in the well. I feel sick this morning. My neck and shoulder hurt and that makes my head hurt. I feel a bit sick on my stomach. And pretty much everything that happened over the weekend served only to drive me into the ground. Hence, the well.
Sometimes there are people you wish you had never set eyes on, never heard of. They are a constant source of pain in every situation. There are also well meaning people who say things that just say the wrong thing with the best of intentions. Both of these just obliterate whatever mantle of control you've maintained. I can deal with the well meaning. It is the fools I don't tolerate so well, less so now.
I've done a bit of writing but not as much as I should. Amazingly enough it has been the only thing that made me forget everything else. I try to pray at times. You'll think I'm even crazier but prayer is dangerous for me at the moment. I can't control the darker emotion enough to even try that. And I dare not go beyond a certain point. All I can really do is say please God, help me.
I was going to work but I called and ask for a personal day. I get three a year. I'm not in a fit state at the moment to deal with that stress. I'm going back and lie down. At least I'm fully dresses... all in black. I guess today it matches my mental state.
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Another Snow Day
Snow fell last night. Everything is dusted in white. It is 30 right now and it dropped one degree since I started this!
I finally got to sleep in! Got up at 9:30 and only had a mild shoulder pain, probably because I in an awkward position at some point. I went to bed about nine and watched television shows.I didn't even get online for a couple of nights except to check email and post a blog. I tuned off the computer around midnight.
Then, after lights were out the darkness descended like lead. Horrible, horrible, horrible. Will it every get better or ever stop doing that? When it happens, I can't breath. I can't stop crying. I can't walk. I got up twice because I couldn't lie there. Stuff of nightmares and you're awake. I don't know when I finally fell asleep, probably near two a.m.
Good news is only knee pain at the moment. My blankets were hurting my knees last night. They aren't heavy either. Although I like lots of cover I don't sleep under as much since I got the electric blanket. I have a sheet, the electric blanket, a woven spread with my new spread on top of it. Gives me enough weight to feel cozy and I can set the blanket on a very low setting. Just last night my knees really didn't like it. Sometimes my feet don't either and I have to put a large pillow under the covers near my feet to support the blankets. I know. sounds weird.
I need to get moving now.I need to clean up a few things. The house isn't really messy. Just me around so not much gets out of place. But I think I need to clean off my dresser and change the sheets on my bed.
So, away I go. Hope you all stay warm.
I finally got to sleep in! Got up at 9:30 and only had a mild shoulder pain, probably because I in an awkward position at some point. I went to bed about nine and watched television shows.I didn't even get online for a couple of nights except to check email and post a blog. I tuned off the computer around midnight.
Then, after lights were out the darkness descended like lead. Horrible, horrible, horrible. Will it every get better or ever stop doing that? When it happens, I can't breath. I can't stop crying. I can't walk. I got up twice because I couldn't lie there. Stuff of nightmares and you're awake. I don't know when I finally fell asleep, probably near two a.m.
Good news is only knee pain at the moment. My blankets were hurting my knees last night. They aren't heavy either. Although I like lots of cover I don't sleep under as much since I got the electric blanket. I have a sheet, the electric blanket, a woven spread with my new spread on top of it. Gives me enough weight to feel cozy and I can set the blanket on a very low setting. Just last night my knees really didn't like it. Sometimes my feet don't either and I have to put a large pillow under the covers near my feet to support the blankets. I know. sounds weird.
I need to get moving now.I need to clean up a few things. The house isn't really messy. Just me around so not much gets out of place. But I think I need to clean off my dresser and change the sheets on my bed.
So, away I go. Hope you all stay warm.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)