This morning, in the small hours of the morning, Nancy ended her battle with cancer. Alice called me about 6:15 a.m. to let me know. She said she had talked with Nancy last night and knew the end was close but of course, we can never be prepared for the leaving of a beloved sister.
If you would like to stop by her blog and express your condolences, you can visit Alice's blog or Nancy's blog and leave her a message.
Be in prayer for this family.
Friday, January 18, 2008
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Since I Laid My Burdens Down
I have received such lovely comments from my friends since the last post. I will admit that I was so sad over something on Monday that I was finding it difficult to get through the day. It was not a life or death situation but it was a personal family issue that I don't want to come about and am powerless to prevent. The worry just kept coming at me all day. I really did have to say at the end of the day, "Enough. I can't change it." It didn't make me feel better but I expended a lot of energy on not thinking about it. So, I was pretty tired.
I spent yesterday evening reading other people's blogs and found that by the time I went to bed, a lot of them had made me laugh. Others gave me food for thought. And for others, I stopped to say a prayer.
So, I am feeling better although still concerned about this issue. It isn't resolved and I don't know the answer.
Today I have been overwhelmed by the thoughtful and even beautiful responses from you, my wonderful friends. I am priviliged to call you friends, blessed to be called your friend. Though I have never met most of you, there is a place that you have come to occupy in my heart because when I have been in dark places you came and shone your light and beat back the darkness.
Alice and many of you, my multiply friends, have asked what you could do for me. You have all done a lot already.
Alice, I think, you did more for me by allowing me to share your burden of worry and concern for your sister. You allowed me to be a part of a very frightening situation you are going through. I could not be there for you in body but I could be there in spirit and prayer. That was my blessing from you. And you have made me laugh for over a year, girl friend! I couldn't ask for more! But I know you willingly give more. I can count on you for the direct, straight from the shoulder truth. Alice, a gun-toting female Will Rogers who has me in stitches at times... from laughter, not bullet holes.
Sheila, sweet, battle scared, warrior woman, creator of beauty with just a pot of paint, brushes, pencils and a thought. You make me smile and laugh and amaze me with your determination to find the right path. And whose grandchildren's smiles decorate her blog and warm any cold heart. In the midst of your own pain you stop and bind up the wounds of others.
Skeeter and Amy my spirit-filled prayer warriors, possessed with vast qantities of humor.
Oh, Skeeter, my NaNoWriMo partner and mother of all, with her servant spirit, nursing the wounds of all as she serves up a heaping dish of common sense and spiritual truth. Another straight shooter but with a needle rather than a gun. Encourager of the sisteren.
Amy brings all that is sweet and kind and caring. She juggles her worries for her little girl and husband, pulls her hair over her family turmoils while finding time to say the right thing at the right time. Compassion would be her middle name.
Tracey has her struggles with her health but still stops and offers comforting Word and prayers and humor. She's a Dixie girl too and I can get a whiff of southern pine when I read her blog.
Lisa and Sunflower always have time to pray for a problem and listen to a whine and dance, offer encouraging words, and still share the amusing moments of their day.
Alisone (I know her as Maeve) encourages and shares her daily woes and whoops with family, work, Mr. Dante, and the struggle to make her way in a world as a competent young woman with chutzpa. I can count on a laugh most of the time and a pat on the back all the time.
I can be certain that Jilly's blog with entertain me for hours. Whether it is the antics of her polka-dot doggies, her five kids, her mechanically inclined husband, a contrary washer or computer, there will be something to smile or laugh about.
This is only a few of those on my contact list. And I could spend all night relating what I have gained from each of you because each of you has given me something important. You shared your lives with me. You have shared your troubles, you frustrations, and your joys. And still you find time to hold out your hand to pull up someone else. I've traveled the world to Europe and back. I have found very few places where such a diverse group of people could offer so much human compassion, and friendship.
And today, a few new people dropped in to extend their hands as well! I
had to put down the burden to reach them. I am really feeling better because of it. I wish I could give as much in return. Thanks to all of you.
I spent yesterday evening reading other people's blogs and found that by the time I went to bed, a lot of them had made me laugh. Others gave me food for thought. And for others, I stopped to say a prayer.
So, I am feeling better although still concerned about this issue. It isn't resolved and I don't know the answer.
Today I have been overwhelmed by the thoughtful and even beautiful responses from you, my wonderful friends. I am priviliged to call you friends, blessed to be called your friend. Though I have never met most of you, there is a place that you have come to occupy in my heart because when I have been in dark places you came and shone your light and beat back the darkness.
Alice and many of you, my multiply friends, have asked what you could do for me. You have all done a lot already.
Alice, I think, you did more for me by allowing me to share your burden of worry and concern for your sister. You allowed me to be a part of a very frightening situation you are going through. I could not be there for you in body but I could be there in spirit and prayer. That was my blessing from you. And you have made me laugh for over a year, girl friend! I couldn't ask for more! But I know you willingly give more. I can count on you for the direct, straight from the shoulder truth. Alice, a gun-toting female Will Rogers who has me in stitches at times... from laughter, not bullet holes.
Sheila, sweet, battle scared, warrior woman, creator of beauty with just a pot of paint, brushes, pencils and a thought. You make me smile and laugh and amaze me with your determination to find the right path. And whose grandchildren's smiles decorate her blog and warm any cold heart. In the midst of your own pain you stop and bind up the wounds of others.
Skeeter and Amy my spirit-filled prayer warriors, possessed with vast qantities of humor.
Oh, Skeeter, my NaNoWriMo partner and mother of all, with her servant spirit, nursing the wounds of all as she serves up a heaping dish of common sense and spiritual truth. Another straight shooter but with a needle rather than a gun. Encourager of the sisteren.
Amy brings all that is sweet and kind and caring. She juggles her worries for her little girl and husband, pulls her hair over her family turmoils while finding time to say the right thing at the right time. Compassion would be her middle name.
Tracey has her struggles with her health but still stops and offers comforting Word and prayers and humor. She's a Dixie girl too and I can get a whiff of southern pine when I read her blog.
Lisa and Sunflower always have time to pray for a problem and listen to a whine and dance, offer encouraging words, and still share the amusing moments of their day.
Alisone (I know her as Maeve) encourages and shares her daily woes and whoops with family, work, Mr. Dante, and the struggle to make her way in a world as a competent young woman with chutzpa. I can count on a laugh most of the time and a pat on the back all the time.
I can be certain that Jilly's blog with entertain me for hours. Whether it is the antics of her polka-dot doggies, her five kids, her mechanically inclined husband, a contrary washer or computer, there will be something to smile or laugh about.
This is only a few of those on my contact list. And I could spend all night relating what I have gained from each of you because each of you has given me something important. You shared your lives with me. You have shared your troubles, you frustrations, and your joys. And still you find time to hold out your hand to pull up someone else. I've traveled the world to Europe and back. I have found very few places where such a diverse group of people could offer so much human compassion, and friendship.
And today, a few new people dropped in to extend their hands as well! I
had to put down the burden to reach them. I am really feeling better because of it. I wish I could give as much in return. Thanks to all of you.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Kings, Caves, and Country Music
I am in the midst of a quandry. I've spent the last several days trying to place myself in the grand scheme of things. I've learned ( actually a long time ago) that I'm not very important to anyone except myself. I don't hold a high position on anyone's pedastal. I'm not at the top of anyone's charts, although I may be on a few "lists". Most of the people I know only call me when they want something FROM me. They don't call to do something FOR me.
No, in the grand scheme of things, I probably rank up there with day old bread or moldy cheese. You can get it real cheap and it will do in a pinch. You can actually cut the moldy part of cheese off an the rest is still edible. Oh yes, it is. Cheese is soured milk! Mold is only on the surface of the cheese. Beside, mold is where penicillin comes from, too.
No, thank you, I do not want any cheese. It doesn't cure depression or disappointment. I've had a couple of disappointments this week. And you know, I am tired of the same people disappointing me!
How is that possible? Am I stupid? And why do we feel disappointment? I can't understand what makes me feel lower than a snake's belly. I tell myself that "it doesn't matter, I'll get through it" but I don't feel better. Do you know that there have been times when I have said, "I won't think about it." And I don't! But I can't always do it. Sometimes, it's just in my face.
My thought as I pulled out of the parking lot at lunch today was this. "This doesn't matter. I will manage somehow. I always do. I'll just not think about it." Now, I'm one who hates lying to myself. If it didn't matter, I wouldn't be wasting my time and energy feeling bad about it. If it didn't matter I wouldn't be thinking about it. If it didn't matter, there is no meaning or purpose. If there is no meaning or purpose. . . I'm not fool enough to think that anyone actually cares but if there is no purpose, I don't matter.
No, there is no point to this blog, it is just my time to whine and dine.
David said "Is there a cause?" Well, yes, sometimes there is. But for the life of me, I can't figure it out. Sometimes, things just don't make sense. No matter how much I look it up in the dictionary, research the web, scour encyclopeidas and devour scripture. Sometimes there is just no reason for some things.
I suspect David spent a lot of time in the caves wondering about his position in the universe. He didn't go seeking the Kingdom, it came seeking him. When confronted with taking it, he ran rather taking what was rightfully his. No one could have wanted to be King less than David. Can't say I blame him either. He didn't run fast enough.
As a child and young boy he probably lay in the fields watching the sheep and dreaming of what he would be when he grew up while he wrote country music. Well, he wrote them in the country with a stringed instrument and they are about all the problems he has, and livestock. Hello! Cowboy alert.
I doubt if he ever dreamed of being the king. It would have been sacreligous. I suspect he dreamed of the huge sheep farm he would have someday, perfect wife and beautiful brilliant children. He wrote a song about that.
He didn't get the sheep farm. He had some beautiful wives but he did stupid things to get them and one was a jealous nag. Let's face it, his children were less than brilliant. As far as I can recall, they were all pretty much stupid except for one. And even that one had some stupid moments. And like all country music singers, he always had a song to sing about his problems. Some of them were pretty depressing. So, my guess is that David spent a lot of time feeling what I am feeling. Disappointment, depression, failure. I just don't have any songs. So, I write blogs.
I don't know why I feel abandoned and alone. Maybe because my hormones are off. Maybe I didn't sleep enough. Maybe ..... maybe it doesn't really matter.
However, over the course of today, one thing has become clear. If I had my life to live over again I don't think I'd get married unless he was a filthy rich. Then I'd spend my life cleaning him up. I'd own my own mountain in the Smokies and have armed guards at the entrance. I don't know if I'd have children unless they did genetic testing for intelligence. Since that is still experimental. . .
But I sure wouldn't hang around in caves writing country music. Its cold.
No, in the grand scheme of things, I probably rank up there with day old bread or moldy cheese. You can get it real cheap and it will do in a pinch. You can actually cut the moldy part of cheese off an the rest is still edible. Oh yes, it is. Cheese is soured milk! Mold is only on the surface of the cheese. Beside, mold is where penicillin comes from, too.
No, thank you, I do not want any cheese. It doesn't cure depression or disappointment. I've had a couple of disappointments this week. And you know, I am tired of the same people disappointing me!
How is that possible? Am I stupid? And why do we feel disappointment? I can't understand what makes me feel lower than a snake's belly. I tell myself that "it doesn't matter, I'll get through it" but I don't feel better. Do you know that there have been times when I have said, "I won't think about it." And I don't! But I can't always do it. Sometimes, it's just in my face.
My thought as I pulled out of the parking lot at lunch today was this. "This doesn't matter. I will manage somehow. I always do. I'll just not think about it." Now, I'm one who hates lying to myself. If it didn't matter, I wouldn't be wasting my time and energy feeling bad about it. If it didn't matter I wouldn't be thinking about it. If it didn't matter, there is no meaning or purpose. If there is no meaning or purpose. . . I'm not fool enough to think that anyone actually cares but if there is no purpose, I don't matter.
No, there is no point to this blog, it is just my time to whine and dine.
David said "Is there a cause?" Well, yes, sometimes there is. But for the life of me, I can't figure it out. Sometimes, things just don't make sense. No matter how much I look it up in the dictionary, research the web, scour encyclopeidas and devour scripture. Sometimes there is just no reason for some things.
I suspect David spent a lot of time in the caves wondering about his position in the universe. He didn't go seeking the Kingdom, it came seeking him. When confronted with taking it, he ran rather taking what was rightfully his. No one could have wanted to be King less than David. Can't say I blame him either. He didn't run fast enough.
As a child and young boy he probably lay in the fields watching the sheep and dreaming of what he would be when he grew up while he wrote country music. Well, he wrote them in the country with a stringed instrument and they are about all the problems he has, and livestock. Hello! Cowboy alert.
I doubt if he ever dreamed of being the king. It would have been sacreligous. I suspect he dreamed of the huge sheep farm he would have someday, perfect wife and beautiful brilliant children. He wrote a song about that.
He didn't get the sheep farm. He had some beautiful wives but he did stupid things to get them and one was a jealous nag. Let's face it, his children were less than brilliant. As far as I can recall, they were all pretty much stupid except for one. And even that one had some stupid moments. And like all country music singers, he always had a song to sing about his problems. Some of them were pretty depressing. So, my guess is that David spent a lot of time feeling what I am feeling. Disappointment, depression, failure. I just don't have any songs. So, I write blogs.
I don't know why I feel abandoned and alone. Maybe because my hormones are off. Maybe I didn't sleep enough. Maybe ..... maybe it doesn't really matter.
However, over the course of today, one thing has become clear. If I had my life to live over again I don't think I'd get married unless he was a filthy rich. Then I'd spend my life cleaning him up. I'd own my own mountain in the Smokies and have armed guards at the entrance. I don't know if I'd have children unless they did genetic testing for intelligence. Since that is still experimental. . .
But I sure wouldn't hang around in caves writing country music. Its cold.
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Update on Nancy
Alice left a note the previous blog. She has returned from her visit to see Nancy. She says that Nancy is still among the living and that she is planning on staying there! Although she is blind now, she refuses to give up.
I'm over here cheering. And praying for her. Keep her in your prayers, too.
I'm over here cheering. And praying for her. Keep her in your prayers, too.
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
Do Not Go Quietly
My friend, Alice is on her way to Florida to say her last good-byes to her little sister, Nancy. They called her today and told her it was time for Nancy to go.
As many of you know, about two months ago Nancy was diagnosed with nasopharengeal cancer. It is an aggressive cancer and she was given weeks to months to live. Yes, it was that fast. I've asked all of you to pray for her numerous times and many of you have emailed me and contacted Alice through her site to let us know you were praying. I am thankful to have such caring friends on my list and I know that Alice has appreciated the notes and emails you have left for her.
Tonight, Nancy's time has run out. I don't know how many days or hours or minutes she has before God calls her name, but I suspect, from Alice's description of the past weekend, it will be very soon. The following is an excerpt from Alice's email.
Nancy had to go to the ER on Sunday, 01/06/08. Her left side was contracting and her had was 'drawing up'. She has lost control of her bladder and bowel.A cat scan was done - she has new lesions on her brain = the technicians quit counting after 20. Death is imminent - approximate time limit - a mere few days...She canNOT speak. But you can call her house or cell and ask to be put on the speaker, and Nancy will respond by writing on a white-erase board and someone will read it.
You can see this is not for the faint of heart. So, for this one final time, I ask you to be in prayer for Nancy and her family this week.
I am hoping Alice gets there before it is too late. It will be very hard if she doesn't get to say good-bye. I don't know what it means to lose a beloved sister. I have two younger sisters and the thought is beyond my ability to entertain. I know what I would be feeling were I in Alice's shoes. I know what I would feel if this were my child. Nancy's parents are still alive and must get through the passing of their little girl. Keep them in your prayers for the days to come. They will need it.
Nancy and Alice are my friends from 360 and just before I came over to Multiply, she got sick. Alice followed me over to Multiply and started a page for Nancy. I've known Alice over a year and met Nancy through her. We shared a love of writing. With each email, she encouraged me to keep pushing myself to write the story I am working on. I don't know if it is really as good as she said but I believe she knew what every insecure writer needs to hear. She fed me encouragement and lifted my confidence. If I ever finish it, Nancy will have played a big part. I am so thankful that I got to meet her, even if it was just a cyber meeting. I like her a lot. I wish we had an opportunity to actually meet and talk. I think we would have liked each other immensely.
Hug your loved ones close tonight. Tomorrow may be the day you have to say goodby. Don't waste your time on the foolish and petty arguments and disagreements of today. Bury them without grief. If at all possible, tell those you love them right now, before you close your eyes. They may not care today, but you can close your eyes knowing you did all you could, said all that mattered. And someday, they will be glad you did.
Good night, my good friend, Nancy. I am so glad for the opportunity to call you friend.
As many of you know, about two months ago Nancy was diagnosed with nasopharengeal cancer. It is an aggressive cancer and she was given weeks to months to live. Yes, it was that fast. I've asked all of you to pray for her numerous times and many of you have emailed me and contacted Alice through her site to let us know you were praying. I am thankful to have such caring friends on my list and I know that Alice has appreciated the notes and emails you have left for her.
Tonight, Nancy's time has run out. I don't know how many days or hours or minutes she has before God calls her name, but I suspect, from Alice's description of the past weekend, it will be very soon. The following is an excerpt from Alice's email.
Nancy had to go to the ER on Sunday, 01/06/08. Her left side was contracting and her had was 'drawing up'. She has lost control of her bladder and bowel.A cat scan was done - she has new lesions on her brain = the technicians quit counting after 20. Death is imminent - approximate time limit - a mere few days...She canNOT speak. But you can call her house or cell and ask to be put on the speaker, and Nancy will respond by writing on a white-erase board and someone will read it.
You can see this is not for the faint of heart. So, for this one final time, I ask you to be in prayer for Nancy and her family this week.
I am hoping Alice gets there before it is too late. It will be very hard if she doesn't get to say good-bye. I don't know what it means to lose a beloved sister. I have two younger sisters and the thought is beyond my ability to entertain. I know what I would be feeling were I in Alice's shoes. I know what I would feel if this were my child. Nancy's parents are still alive and must get through the passing of their little girl. Keep them in your prayers for the days to come. They will need it.
Nancy and Alice are my friends from 360 and just before I came over to Multiply, she got sick. Alice followed me over to Multiply and started a page for Nancy. I've known Alice over a year and met Nancy through her. We shared a love of writing. With each email, she encouraged me to keep pushing myself to write the story I am working on. I don't know if it is really as good as she said but I believe she knew what every insecure writer needs to hear. She fed me encouragement and lifted my confidence. If I ever finish it, Nancy will have played a big part. I am so thankful that I got to meet her, even if it was just a cyber meeting. I like her a lot. I wish we had an opportunity to actually meet and talk. I think we would have liked each other immensely.
Hug your loved ones close tonight. Tomorrow may be the day you have to say goodby. Don't waste your time on the foolish and petty arguments and disagreements of today. Bury them without grief. If at all possible, tell those you love them right now, before you close your eyes. They may not care today, but you can close your eyes knowing you did all you could, said all that mattered. And someday, they will be glad you did.
Good night, my good friend, Nancy. I am so glad for the opportunity to call you friend.
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