Tuesday Masquerade

Ah, Tuesday, second day of the week, day before the middle day of the week which will signify the week is half over. I could learn to like Tuesday - except that my desk is running over because yesterday was a holiday. Never mind that for the whole month of May I have actually had 10 working days to do my job. Everything else was meetings, holidays, vacations, business trip, and interruptions. Heaven forbid if the paperwork falls below the level of my head for more than one day.

On top of that, this is the end of the month and things only roll faster when they are headed downhill.

I also wonder what all these people do when they aren't in my office turning in more paperwork or calling to complain that they are paying too much rent? Sadly, I have no one to call and complain about my rent.

This Tuesday looks suspiciously like a Monday.

End of a Holiday

The long weekend ends tonight. I go back to the mill tomorrow and put my nose to the grindstone. I always hate the end of the day when it is the last day of a weekend or holiday. It is so depressing.

Today I went to the store and picked up some panels to make a couple of maternity skirts for Becca. I made two skirts and hemmed three of them between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. Not too shabby, if I do say so myself. I love sewing but I am usually just tired after work and don't want to do anything at all.

I think, however, that I am going to make myself a skirt soon. One of the fabrics I used made a beautiful skirt and I want one out of it. I have enough to probably make three more skirts. I also have a crate of fabric from when I sewed all my own clothes. So, with a baby girl on the way I will have to make a better effort to sew more, I guess.

Good night friends, if you are reading this. I am done for this holiday. Next holiday is July 4 and I am supposed to go out of town on the Saturday before to a concert in Owensboro KY... Crabbe Family festival. My uncle has bought tickets for us for Saturday and I think we will go on Friday night.

Remembering the Sacrifices

Today is Memorial Day. It is a day set aside to contemplate and give honor to America's war dead for the sacrifices they made to the cause of freedom and democracy.

Take a moment today, particularly if you are an American, to say a prayer of thanks for those who gave their lives. And for those Vets who are still alive, shake their hands or hug them and tell them how much you appreciate what their sacrifices.

If you have a family member who is currently serving in the military, thank you for the sacrifices you have made. Too often those who have no connection with the military have no idea that the families of soldiers and Vets make sacrifices as well. It is not easy for a spouse to pack up and move every two to four years and set up housekeeping, find new churches, schools and friends.

Soldiers may also spend months away from their families. Children may not see their military parent for weeks, months, and in wartime, for years. The soldier may return home after a parent, sibling, spouse or child has died, never having the opportunity to say goodby. Soldiers may receive letters from their spouse or girlfriend that end the relationship.

So, thank a vet or soldier for their service. Thank God for their dedication.

Everyone Needs a Name

Sarah Cheyenne is the name picked for out little girl. A bit old fashioned and a bit unique. Her grandmothers both picked out her names with her mama's final approval. We kind of like it. Sarah means Princess in Hebrew.

Cheyenne is a bit more difficult. There appears to be some disagreement on the meaning of it. It is, of course, the name of an Indian tribe. One posed definition is "those who speak in an alien tongue". I find this interesting since we are Pentecostal and believe in speaking in "other or unknown" tongues.

Somehow, it seems to belong to her already... and there is a nice story behind the choice. More on that later.

It's A Girl!

We got the news today that the baby is going to be a girl! They got there ultrasound and the doctor pronounced it was a girl. She said she has not been wrong in six years. I suspect that is probably because she also said when she is not sure she doesn't tell the parents one or the other.

They don't have a name picked out yet for a girl. They had one for a boy... but not a girl. So, now begins the fun. Trying to find a pretty girl's name.

I have to start thinking about sewing little girl clothes again. What fun that will be for me.

Do I Hear $5000?

It is another Monday gone and I managed to get a lot of things accomplished at work. I don't know about the rest of my life. It appears it is still in the pits and sinking fast.

I am praying for $5000. Seriously. I have asked God for $5000. I don't have any way to get it. I have no way to earn it. Now one is going to give it to me that I am aware of. I can't steal it because I don't steal, even if I had a clue where to steal that kind of money. So, I have told God that I need it.

You laugh. So what if I don't get it? I haven't hurt anyone or committed a crime. I have done nothing wrong.

Now, the alternative is that I do get it. At this point I don't much care as long as it is honest and I don't have to pay it back. If I could pay it back I wouldn't need it. So let's say by some means I do get it. Then, I have done nothing wrong. I have not hurt anyone, or committed a crime. And I can pay off at least some of my debts.

You wonder why I don't ask for more, say $10,000? Well, I believe that we are only promised what we need. I know that I need at least $5000. I could use $10,000 and be nearly debt free. I figure being greedy, even though I need more, is foolish. So, I ask for the least amount I can use. If God wants to bless me with more, great. If he only provides what I ask for, well, I will be very glad.

I know, it is silly, stupid, ignorant, ludicrious, etc. Well, you handle your problems your way and I will handle mine my way. I am no worse off for asking if I don't get it and if I do get it, well, I figure you'll be calling me. I'll let you know how it turns out.

An American Haunting Historically Inaccurate

Another Saturday ends with me feeling as if I have spent a day working. Actually, I did work from 8-12 today. The rest of the afternoon was spent watching An American Haunting. Don’t waste your money. It is not worth it. I love movies like The Others, The Sixth Sense, and The Village. And this movie started out interesting but it has a lame ending and leaves you feeling like you missed something or that the writers ran out of ideas and just tossed in child molesters because NBC Dateline is getting kudos for catching predators.

I was already familiar with the Bell Witch case in Tennessee. I have read several stories about it and when I saw this movie was based on that case, I searched on-line to read up again. I was truly looking forward to seeing how they used the most documented haunting case in American history to make a movie where it was “happening again”. The truth is that it was about an hour and a half of a very pretty girl screaming and being dragged around her bedroom floor and slapped by invisible hands.

The other children in the household, whom the historical accounts state were also tormented the way Betsy was, were barely seen, let alone mentioned in the movie. People actually had conversations with the entity haunting the Bell family and yet, they eliminated the significant details from the movie. Most important to me was that the return of the entity 7 years later was excluded from the movie, even thought the entity itself is reported to have said it would return. They made it sound as if once John Bell died the whole thing went away. That was not the case at all.

If this were a fictional story it might have been ok but the fact that it was “based” on a true account, aggravated me. As a history major, I expect that when I am told something is based on an actual event that it will be true to the record in large part. They billed this movie as based on fact.

They did put a disclaimer at the end stating that the movie was just one possible explanation of the events as recorded in history. However, by excluding some of the most telling information of the original account they make their premise unbelievable… at least to me. It was all hokey by the end of the movie.

This had the potential to be a really good scary movie and turned into a statement about fathers molesting their children and the mother being blissfully blind.

Two thumbs down and a half eaten 3 Musketeers.

Wishing for A Long Summer Day

Yesterday was Beautification Day at the Housing Authority where I work. I was out hoeing, raking, and cutting. I am sore today. Rather than hire goundskeepers for their housing sites they get the employees to do it once a year. You could tell too, because there were leaves and debris that was a year old. No one had been cleaning anything. Government spending at its finest.

I don’t really want to go there. For two years we were in the papers because the all the guys in charge were mishandling funds. Then we had a year of relative quite and then next guy that came in did the same thing. Then HUD sends in the “roto rooter” people and we have had about two years of quiet. But who knows, that could change tomorrow!

I have to hit the sack in a moment. Tomorrow is Wednesday and the week is half gone. I have a business trip the end of this month and tons of work to get accomplished before then. I am out of vacation time, out of sick time, and so out of sync with working. I want a long, summer day on the sand with the Gulf of Mexico about 10 feet away. It is not happening unless someone donates about $5000 to me to drive off the predators.

Everyone is Boring after Fifteen Minutes

You know, I think most people are boring. Really. There is not enough to the average person to interest anyone for more than 15 minutes. Think about it. If the people you knew were interesting you wouldn't be scouting the web for blogs of people you hoped would be interesting. You would be having reviting conversations with the interesting people you actually know! You would be doing interesting things with those interesting people.

But no, here you sit, reading the thoughts, ideas, and predjudices of people you either don't know or hardly know and trying to find someone who shares the same thoughts, ideas and predjudices as you. And then you are dissatisfied because they are all. . . boring. Admit it, we are all boring.

My goodness yes, even I am boring. This is all about me, after all. My blog is about my boring thoughts, life, family, ideas, and views. I don't care much for politics because I despise liars. I don't care much for movies because they are vicarious living at its worst, although I do like Star Wars immensley... another world where people are much less boring. I don't drink because I do not like being out of control. I don't smoke because I have seen the effects of smoking on the skin of women my age. It is not a pretty sight and for nearly 50 I look pretty good. (No the photo is NOT retouched.) I have no intention of tanning my face to leather. And sex is only interesting for short periods of time and then you have to find something else to do. I speak from a woman's point of view. I am sure the male view of sex differes considerably. It is why men are often the most boring. Everything is about sex. . . even if it isn't.

I thought for a while that there might be some blogs out there that were interesting but they are all about the writers or their views of politics, cute kids, new jobs, other boring people, hobbies, etc. So, up to this point, all of the ones I have run across are pretty much just as boring as you think this one is. I guess I will stick to writing my boring blog and ignore the rest.

But now, I really have to go. I am feeling very sleepy. I did say most people were boring, didn't I?

Finding Lost Treasure

This Sunday is Mother's Day in Austraila. Next Sunday is Mother's Day here in the U.S.

I didn't know they had Mother's Day anywhere else in the world. The woman who began the tradition here in America was from a little town called Henderson, Kentucky. They have an historical plaque to show where her home was in Henderson.

I guess it is possible that they have a mother's day in a lot of places. America has given birth to some wonderful ideals. Celebrating the value of mother's and fathers is a good one. We even have one now that celebrates grandparents. Can't remember when that is but I suspect right after Father's day, which is next month.

Mama died in January 2, 1974. She was my grandmother but she raised me and in every sense of the word was my mama. I have never stopped missing her.

I hope that you will call your mother. It means so much just to get a call for no reason but to say "You are the most wonderful thing that ever happened to me." Try it.

The Bible says in Proverbs 31, "Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. . . .Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her."

Mama was treasure. I've been broke since the day she died.

Vain Attempts

O.k. I need to update the blog and try as I might I can't find one thing that anyone would be interested in.

My week of vacation has been a bust. I spent most of it getting the house rearranged so we could all fit in it with Mike here now. I am exhausted if I think about it. I am trying not to think about it.

Today is Saturday and this post was originally intended for Thursday! Does that tell you anything? This morning I have spent reconciling my bank statement. I have $25 between me and next Friday.

I also finished a book I have been trying to read for three weeks. Not a bad book but not reviting. I made a mistake and joined this program that sends me three novels in the romantic suspense genra. They get to me about a month before they get to the newstand.

So, I get a early shot at them... all for about $15 a month, which is cheaper than going to Wal-mart and buying them if you factor in the price of gas. So far there have been three out of four shipments that I didn't care for. Since money is now a major concern, I put the account on hold until August.

I did the same with my panty hose company, Silkies. I buy them mail order as well. I am trying to figure out what else I can stop spending on. This morning it was 60 degrees and I had no heat or air on. This despite Mike's and my allergies. I am sitting here in my red study with a small electric heater trying to warm myself. When I get cold my joints ache with the RA.

It is still cool out but I refuse to give the energy monster any extry money this month. Vectren is a bandit gobbling up its own customers.

Well, enough of that! Reciting all my vain attempts to accomplish something can get pretty boring. I am considering working on an update to my website. So, with that noble endeavor in mind I will take my leave.

Regrets and Answered Prayers

Again I have waited until after midnight to post to the blog. I am not sure why that seems to be the golden hour but it does.

Tonight is the last official night of my vacation and I am finding myself very depressed. The last three weeks have been long, stressful, and depressing. Mike got his divorce papers today but still doesn’t want to sign them. We will support that decision because we also do not believe in divorce. We believe that there are other ways to deal with problems in a marriage instead of running away. But frankly, I would not bat an eye if he signed them.

This person’s behavior is not a surprise to us and I would commit a much greater sin if I said I was sorry she is gone. There was never a minute that we felt Mike was doing the right thing when he married this girl. There were so many red flags that it looked like a railroad flagman’s convention. For nearly a year, we tried over and over, to talk him out of it. We managed to get a nearly a year’s courtship before finally telling them to marry in December of that year. We felt since we couldn’t stop it that at least they could get a little extra money by filing taxes together. They had so little money to start with that is seemed foolish to not take advantage of something we couldn’t stop anyway.

I thought about that last night, about how I had called and told them to just go ahead and change the May wedding to a December wedding. Mike had asked me why and I said, “You are going to marry anyway so you might as well get some financial benefit out of it.” So, maybe I should have stuck to my guns and said “Never!” Maybe if I had just done that, something would have happened to stop the whole thing. But I didn’t.

I have many regrets but mostly, I think we all feel betrayed. She never loved our son and we knew it beyond any doubt. But we tried so hard to love and accept her. Jerry thought the world of her and really liked her so much more than I did. And we felt compassion for her because we knew that our son was a big responsibility for anyone and from what we had seen of her we knew she was incapable of handling a marriage to him.

We knew why she married him from our early conversations with her. She made comments like “this is my last chance”, “My younger sisters got married first and I want to have the first baby”, “I don’t like controlling men”. So many other statements that were so revealing. But he would not listen. So, she saw a disabled man she could control and she married him to get pregnant. When she found she could not have children and she couldn’t really control him, she arranged to dump him.

I think the most evil thing was that on Tuesday night she told him she missed him and loved him and on Wednesday night she told him she had filed for divorce. She told him she had planned it for a month, all the while kissing him, hugging him, telling him she loved him, and having sex with him.

I prayed for two years that if this marriage was not going to work, and she was not going to be good to my son, that no children would be born. I am so glad God answers prayers. Mike told me tonight, “Mom, I think I am going to be all right.” God does answer prayers.

A Day in a Feather Bed

Depression on a cloudy day is much better than on a sunny day. On a gloomy day the world is a feather bed, with no sharp edges, and the air--soft, cool, and sweet. Everything seems to be cushioned and blunted and you can sink into it, close your eyes, and close your mind. It is a little like a large padded cell. You can’t hurt yourself on a gloomy day because all the sharp edges are gone. And if it rains, it can wash away all the debris that has accumulated.

On sunny days everything has razor edges that can lacerate a wounded spirit. You look out and the reflection on the blade of the day blinds you and hurts your eyes. Green has become a weapon and concrete a furnace. Everything you brush against seems to have points and angles that wound. All you want to do is crawl back into that feather bed until darkness blunts the sharp places of the day.

I love gloomy days.

Today is a gloomy day.

Felling Trees and Planning Meals

Monday dawned as dreary as the previous day but as the morning wanned the sun peeked from behind gray clouds. Between light showers they mowed the lawn with a weed trimmer. The mower say idle and mocking, testament to machine triumph over man.

She swung the axe and felled several of the overgrown hedges before handing it off to her son. He was far less skilled at axe weilding, despite being 27 years old. She had made sure that he had never had to learn such skills. Her experience came years ago when she had to cut firewood for the stove because her grandfather was too drunk to stand, let alone swing an axe. She had cut cord after cord to warm the house in the winter. At 15 her muscle tone was one models would envy today and she could eat anything she wanted. She could also move furniture alone back then. Times changed. But she still knew how to swing an axe. Tomorrow, the pain would be horrendous. Today, she just does what has to be done.

Now, her hunger was announcing itself loudly and she dragged the axe and rake to the shed and stowed them away. Something cold to drink and something hot to eat were as far as she had planned this day. Sometimes thinking beyond the moment was far more work than chopping down trees.

Soggy Sundays and Red Rooms

A soggy Sunday is always better than a sunny Monday. However, this Sunday was not starting out to be a good one. The morning was cooler than usual and she woke up shivering. Last night she had left the windows up to take advantage of the cool night and lower her ever increasing power bills. This morning she wished she had kept an extra blanket nearby.

Wind whipped the trees and the sound of continual rustling traveled thorough the house on the winds. The air smelled divine, even if it was chilly - fresh, clean, and hopeful. Spring was on the way.

She stepped out on the back patio to study a lawn in dire need of mowing and was struck by the intensity of green that filled the landscape. Only three weeks ago trees were bare and grass was brown. Today green leaves, green grass, and weeds were rampant. The mower was broken.

She wrapped both hands around her coffee cup and savored both the warmth and the aroma. Sometimes creature comforts were one's only solace. It was much too gloomy to spend a day on the patio in a soggy green cacoon. One last look, a whistle to the dog, and she closed the door. Her red study was much more comforting and inviting. There, she would try and shut out the world for just a bit longer.

Hollow People

Finally, a long week has ended and a new one begun. I don't want to live through another week as long as this one has been.

I find myself more tired than usual and more restless. I have a week off and tons of stuff to do. I have to make room for all of Mike's stuff. We have crammed 5 people into a space of about 1200 sq. feet. Closet space has become impossible. It was always bad but it is terrible now. No walk-in closets in this house, in fact, you can't hardly get in these closets. They have a door that opens and a rod that extends about 4 feet.... one in each bedroom. Two half size closets in the hallway, one is Jerry's and one has been used for winter coats. Now, Mike has to cram his clothes there.

I know I will get it worked out but not sure when. Dave and Becca have applied for public housing. That is the "projects" to you uninformed out there. No money means you don't live in the nice neighborhoods. He didn't really want to do it but even he can see that we are at a catastrophic point financially. My income will support me and Jerry just fine. It won't support 4 adults and a new baby.

Mike, of course, hopes he will be able to go home to his wife soon. I, and everyone who knew her here, seriously doubt that will be the case. This is not someone I wanted him to marry to start with but I put my objections aside for Mike and tried to make the best of it. We gave her a chance to prove herself to be what she claimed she was - someone who loved our son and cared for him. All she has done is prove that what we originally thought of her was true - a liar who was out to find a man foolish enough to get her pregnant. She was unattracive and our son was the only person she could find to accept her as she was - fat and a sloppy housekeeper. I hope she is completely out of our lives now. She has systematically destroyed everything he had when he met her, including his peace of mind. He has no place to live, no car, no money, and even if he had those things, all the furniture he had when he married her is gone and he has a judgement she caused when she broke their lease to move away. He can't buy a car until it is paid and he has no way to pay it. And he is suffering from severe depression and can't sleep or eat.

Am I being bitchy? Maybe so. I just believe in calling a spade a spade. We all have choices that we make regarding our lives and how we treat others. I despise liars and those who approach me under false pretenses. Invariably they think I am stupid. Equally invariably, I am not. I am seldom fooled. I wasn't fooled this time either. I suspended my belief to give the person a chance to show me what they were made of. Turns out they were hollow and I was right.

Friday Fantasies Foster Fervor For Fun

I am considering lobbying to make Friday the first day of the week. Now before you go saying that it is a crazy idea, think about it. It makes sense.

You get to Friday and you have two free days to look forward to. So, you begin Friday with a positive outlook, as opposed to the Monday morning blahs with its negative outlook toward a long, stress-filled week. On Friday you are thinking about what you will be doing that night and for the next two days. Those thoughts are usually pleasurable.

These positive thoughts often make the day much more pleasant and one often feels it is passing quickly as a result of positive feelings. Throughout the day one can be found contemplating lounging on the patio with a cold drink, warm sun bathing one's body, a good book abandoned on the nearby table but ready to hand should you decide to dive into its pages again. There may be music playing nearby as a gentle breeze wafts across your body. These thoughts alone can make the typical workday stresses evaporate in minutes.

Or perhaps you enjoy working in your yard or on your balcony garden, the warm earth evocking memories of childhood. The warm sun on your back, soothing tense muscles.

So, Friday as the first day of the week sounds like a great idea to me. You start the week with a great outlook. Besides, with Thursday eliminated, it makes for a very short work week!

Terminating Thursdays

Thursdays are really annoying. I think they should take Thursdays completely out of the calendar. It is the day before the last day of the week. You spend Wendsday thinking, "Oh, I am halfway there!"

But then Thursday gets in the way. Thursdays you wake up thinking I still have to get through two more days. No, I think Thursdays should be eliminated.

Really, what happens on Thursdays? Have any great events in history happened on Thursdays? Anything earth shattering? I truly doubt it. All the momentous things happen on Friday night.

That is so Saturday can be spent regretting it. By Monday you should be over it.

Breath Taking

Close your eyes.

Relax.

Breathe.

Breathe in. 1..2..3..4..5

Breathe out. 1..2..3..4..5

Breathe.

Stretch.

Much better.

Now, where was I?

Smiling through Tears

It would be nice to write some extraordinary news here and say that life is totally grand. Today is not the day.

Mike flew home last Tuesday, supposedly to visit us for 2 weeks. His wife had insisted he come home to visit. He called his wife on Tuesday night and they had a nice chat, he telling her that he loved and missed her and she responding in kind. On Wednesday he called his wife again because he was missing her and wanted to tell her he was coming home early. He had been miserable all day. But this time no I love you sweetie. Instead, she told him on the phone he could not come back because she had filed for divorce.

It was the most awful experience I ever want to live through. We heard him scream when she told him. When I finanlly reached him he collapsed. He had no idea when he left that she had done this and had started it a month ago. She told him she had been thinking about it for a year. Mike has a couple of learning disabilities and he has a very hard time with changes of any kind. She knew all this when she married him. But he loves this girl very much. He has pleaded with her over and over to not do this.

We had to rent a truck on Friday and drive to Little Rock and get his things. He cried all the way there on Friday and he stood in his trailer and cried "Mom this is my home. I don't want to leave." All she was giving him was shoved in garage sacks and stacked. We got home last night at midnight. While we were there, we talked with her father, pastor of a UPC church in Bryant, Arkansas and he said she had come to him and begged him to buy a ticket and send Mike home but that he had no idea what was going on. They had put him on the plane with $5 and no way to call anyone should he get stranded in Chicago. I had given him my phone card # in case of an emergency and he needed to call. I had no idea he had no money. She had taken him to the airport and told him she was going to miss him and kissed him goodbye.

Unfortunately, none of us here are surprised at her behavior. The day I met her I told my husband she was trouble. We felt that when this girl first came here that she was not the right person for Mike. She has been very dishonest ever since we met her and last year when she moved them back to Arkansas we believed then that she was doing so in order to be at her home when she divorced him. Mike would not listen before he married her and afterward it was too late, we had to accept her and pray about the relationship. We tried very hard to make her welcome in our family but she had proved several times that we were right in our assessment of her. She was just very deceitful and not good to Mike.

Two weeks ago, when he told us she was encouraging him to come home alone for a visit, I told Jerry she was going to divorce him while he was gone. I just felt it so strongly. The whole family was concerned. I tried to think positive, saying that surely I was over-reacting and imagining things. I told several friends what I felt was about to happen. Today those friends looked at me and said, "You were right!"

We now have both boys at home and a pregnant daughter-in-law. Financially we are beyond our means. David is not getting enough hours at work and Jerry is not able to work. Mike's social security benefits that he was drawing when he left last year are in a mess because his wife was not doing the payee duties as she should and he had to appeal their being stopped. We are waiting for a hearing to determine whether or not he will even get them back. He has no job and has limited skills to obtain one.

Of course there are two sides to everything. MIke has told us there were problems for the last year. He made some mistakes and freely admits that but indicates she never indicated she didn't love him. I have explained that it takes two people to make a marriage and she went into this one with her eyes wide open, knowing the problems. She never made any attempts to obtain counseling for herself or for both of them. Her pastor father had talked with Mike several times but as far as I have been able to determine neither of them were encouraged to seek counseling.

They put a learning disabled person on a flight through Chicago, with an hour and a half layover and $5, no money in the bank, and no credit card. Anyone ever had a lay over turn into days? Could you make it on $5?

Some people come into your life to bless you. Some come to destroy you. I don't think we have to ponder this very long to know what she was here for. I am so thankful she is gone and that God has looked out for Michael during the situation. We have had several small miracles since this happend. Not financial so much as confirmation of some things we had prayed about. Sometimes just knowing who is in charge is all we need to lift our spirits.

Tonight Michael was laughing at his brother's jokes. He has such a wonderful smile.