Things are not good right now. There is this sense of hurtling toward something unseen. I've felt very down for a couple of days. There has been some family stress from several sides. I keep trying to back off and let it just move on without me but it simply follows me.
I went and joined the YMCA last night. My plan is to start working out again 3 days a week. That's the plan. I may go tomorrow and Monday and Tuesday since I am off until Wednesday. That might be good. I might feel better getting some exercise.
I think the problem is that I didn't have my pain meds for two days. I've been having more pain since yesterday and last night I was really depressed. Tonight I just feel tired.
Let's face it. I don't really know what the problem is and I'm just grasping. I'm going to get a hot bath, get some comfortable clothes on and I may just go to bed.
Friday, September 28, 2007
Monday, September 24, 2007
Fireworks On The Ohio
This is just one of my 4th of July Fireworks photos taken on the river front. We had a wonderful time.
It was Sarah's first celebration of our Independance. I hope someday she will be celebrating the same event with her children, if not on the Ohio, then somewhere nice.
It was Sarah's first celebration of our Independance. I hope someday she will be celebrating the same event with her children, if not on the Ohio, then somewhere nice.
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Honor Where Honor is Due
I have a dear friend who contacted me Saturday night to say that he has a medical problem and is retiring from his teaching position and moving back to his home state. I am truly devastated.
He was my writing teacher and he became one of my dearest friends. I met him in 1990 when Daddy died and I went to take an Anthropology test I had missed. It was my second year of college. He stood out in the hallway and evesdropped on my conversation because I was talking about writing. He was waiting to get something for his wife, who also took the Anthro class. He stepped brazenly into the room and told me to take his 400 level editorial writing class. I wasn't even a junior and didn't have any of the prerequisits. Yet, he followed me out of the building and dared me to take it anyway. I did and it changed me forever.
He isn't a Christian. I don't actually know if he is even a believer. He's never said so outright but my impression has always been he'd like to think there is nothing to faith or religion. But maybe he was really wanting to find a reason to believe. I don't really know. The few times I discussed religion or faith with him, he would want to debate the issue. This, as you all know from this blog, is not a debatable subject for me. So dealing with questions whose answers are entirely based on my faith was not something I wanted because ultimately it would come between our friendship. I had always felt that God had put this person in my path but there were many times I didn't have a clue as to why. He wasn't going to listen to me on the subject of faith.
So, I avoided that discussion. Only occassionally did some topic of religion come up and we would briefly discuss it but nothing in depth. He knows what I am. He told me the last time we had lunch, "I can't figure you out. How can a woman as intelligent as you be such a fanatic?" I think I just smiled. My opinion is that they are not mutually exclusive. You can be intelligent and believe in a loving Saviour and creator of the world.
He is a hard person to like. Gaining his friendship is one of the hardest things I've ever done. He would hate and deny this but when I first met him he had all these preconceived ideas of "religious nuts". I was immediately a "fanatic". He would make comments in class and watch for my reaction. Only once did he ever offend me and when I told him, he apologized. Since then, I've spent the better part of 17 years trying to shatter every one of those preconceptions. The friendship that has grown has been a blessing to me because it has taught me about me. I've learned to look beyond the surface. I found honesty, integrity, and sincerity in someone I'd not normally spend more than a few minutes on.
I know a little about his personal life here. He set these barriers and boundaries with his students that only a few could breach. I was priviledged to have scaled the wall. On occassion, there would be this glimpse of a funny, relaxed man who wanted to be liked. He hid behind the tough as nails newspaper man. Since I graduated nearly 10 years ago, we've met for lunch off and on and I would listen to what was going on with the students, his latest writing project, what was in his head. I don't think I actually did a lot of talking. It doesn't seem like it. Sometimes he would joke about religion in an attempt to bait me. I didn't usually bite and he would know to move to another subject.
And oh, what a teacher! I loved his writing classes. That funny outgoing man held sway in the classroom and most of his students adored him. Yet, he is a person who will tell you if your work is good or if it stinks. There will be no sugar coated words or sparing of your feelings. Just the Facts, m'am. And that is why he has a hard time with faith. It requires accepting as fact what one can't see.
It is because of him I truly began to write again, to believe that I could write. He told me I could. He told me I was the best writer to ever grace his classes. And because of his words, his honesty, an open wound that I had not realized was there was healed. He couldn't have known then about the emotional damage to a young girl by another thoughtless, stupid teacher many years ago that sent the young writer into hiding. My friend is a Teacher.
Now he is leaving. I realized, when I heard the words, that I would ultimately be friendless here in this city and because we come from opposite ends of the country, I will probably never see him again. It is so painful, that even now I cringe from the reality. Oh, I have "friends" and I love my church family but there is a place that this friend has carved in my heart that will be empty when he leaves. There are conversations and ideas that no one else will understand.
Saturday night I told him that God places people in our paths that we will need in our futures. I said it regarding someone who has helped him during this time but I meant it about me, too. God put this wonderful, stubborn person in my path because of what I needed. I hope I have impacted his life as much as he has mine. I have said many prayers for him - to find peace, to find God, to find faith. I don't know if he ever will. I will just keep praying.
I will miss you, my friend. I won't forget you because I have carved you in the palms of my hands. (Isa. 49:15)
He was my writing teacher and he became one of my dearest friends. I met him in 1990 when Daddy died and I went to take an Anthropology test I had missed. It was my second year of college. He stood out in the hallway and evesdropped on my conversation because I was talking about writing. He was waiting to get something for his wife, who also took the Anthro class. He stepped brazenly into the room and told me to take his 400 level editorial writing class. I wasn't even a junior and didn't have any of the prerequisits. Yet, he followed me out of the building and dared me to take it anyway. I did and it changed me forever.
He isn't a Christian. I don't actually know if he is even a believer. He's never said so outright but my impression has always been he'd like to think there is nothing to faith or religion. But maybe he was really wanting to find a reason to believe. I don't really know. The few times I discussed religion or faith with him, he would want to debate the issue. This, as you all know from this blog, is not a debatable subject for me. So dealing with questions whose answers are entirely based on my faith was not something I wanted because ultimately it would come between our friendship. I had always felt that God had put this person in my path but there were many times I didn't have a clue as to why. He wasn't going to listen to me on the subject of faith.
So, I avoided that discussion. Only occassionally did some topic of religion come up and we would briefly discuss it but nothing in depth. He knows what I am. He told me the last time we had lunch, "I can't figure you out. How can a woman as intelligent as you be such a fanatic?" I think I just smiled. My opinion is that they are not mutually exclusive. You can be intelligent and believe in a loving Saviour and creator of the world.
He is a hard person to like. Gaining his friendship is one of the hardest things I've ever done. He would hate and deny this but when I first met him he had all these preconceived ideas of "religious nuts". I was immediately a "fanatic". He would make comments in class and watch for my reaction. Only once did he ever offend me and when I told him, he apologized. Since then, I've spent the better part of 17 years trying to shatter every one of those preconceptions. The friendship that has grown has been a blessing to me because it has taught me about me. I've learned to look beyond the surface. I found honesty, integrity, and sincerity in someone I'd not normally spend more than a few minutes on.
I know a little about his personal life here. He set these barriers and boundaries with his students that only a few could breach. I was priviledged to have scaled the wall. On occassion, there would be this glimpse of a funny, relaxed man who wanted to be liked. He hid behind the tough as nails newspaper man. Since I graduated nearly 10 years ago, we've met for lunch off and on and I would listen to what was going on with the students, his latest writing project, what was in his head. I don't think I actually did a lot of talking. It doesn't seem like it. Sometimes he would joke about religion in an attempt to bait me. I didn't usually bite and he would know to move to another subject.
And oh, what a teacher! I loved his writing classes. That funny outgoing man held sway in the classroom and most of his students adored him. Yet, he is a person who will tell you if your work is good or if it stinks. There will be no sugar coated words or sparing of your feelings. Just the Facts, m'am. And that is why he has a hard time with faith. It requires accepting as fact what one can't see.
It is because of him I truly began to write again, to believe that I could write. He told me I could. He told me I was the best writer to ever grace his classes. And because of his words, his honesty, an open wound that I had not realized was there was healed. He couldn't have known then about the emotional damage to a young girl by another thoughtless, stupid teacher many years ago that sent the young writer into hiding. My friend is a Teacher.
Now he is leaving. I realized, when I heard the words, that I would ultimately be friendless here in this city and because we come from opposite ends of the country, I will probably never see him again. It is so painful, that even now I cringe from the reality. Oh, I have "friends" and I love my church family but there is a place that this friend has carved in my heart that will be empty when he leaves. There are conversations and ideas that no one else will understand.
Saturday night I told him that God places people in our paths that we will need in our futures. I said it regarding someone who has helped him during this time but I meant it about me, too. God put this wonderful, stubborn person in my path because of what I needed. I hope I have impacted his life as much as he has mine. I have said many prayers for him - to find peace, to find God, to find faith. I don't know if he ever will. I will just keep praying.
I will miss you, my friend. I won't forget you because I have carved you in the palms of my hands. (Isa. 49:15)
Monday, September 10, 2007
Grandmother's Brag Blog
Well, a year has come and gone. Sarah Cheyenne was 1 year old on September 2, 2007. She is the sweetest little thing and such a joy to be around. I know all grandmothers say such things but other people tell us the same thing so I don't feel I am exaggerating.
She is so smart she scares me a bit. I've never seen a baby her age do some of the things she can do. Neither of the boys were as smart as she seems to be, nor as attentive to details. She will watch you do something until she figures it out. In a few hours she learned to turn on a toy she got for her birthday. She has to push down on the head to make it go.
She apparently hides her pacifiers all over the house and no one can find them. Her mother will tell her to go get it and Sarah will come back with one in her hand. She puts them in cabinets, drawers, shoes, and boxes. It is nightmare to try and locate them. So we don't anymore. If Sarah can't find one she comes back in the room and raise her hands in a gesture that says, "I don't know."
Today, the cordless phone was on the floor and Becca said, "Sarah, go get the phone and give it to mommie." Sarah got down off the couch and walked across the room and got the phone and brought it back to her mother. She's 12 months old!
I'd be interested in anyone else who has seen children this young follow such detailed instructions. It has me stunned.
Her mother reads to her but sometimes Sarah takes books and sits down and turns the pages and makes talking sounds! (I have heard of this. My grandmother and aunt said I did that as a toddler.)
I'm a bit depressed as well. Not sure why. My birthday is next month. . . 51. Joy, joy, joy. Officially over the hill. I feel very old and useless tonight. I am homesick again but not so much for home as for some relief from the city congestion and the frustrations of a ridged schedule of work, clean, sleep. My life had become a circle of drudgery. I hate having to be somewhere at a certain time to do the same things every day, seeing the same faces, hearing the same whinning voices. I am missing the travel and excitement of moving to new places to make a new start in new surroundings and finding new interest.
I'm going to bed now because I have work tomorrow. I have bragged and whinned enough. Maybe tomorrow I can do some real writing. I have sort of let this blog falter and I want to get back into it. I like the My Yahoo 360 page with all my friends but lately it has become a burden. I think everything has for some reason.
Saturday, September 1, 2007
Poetic Justice from the Throne Room
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