Just Remembered

I forgot something that I wanted to remember. As I was taking my walk today, I came up with an idea for NaNo. Yes, NaNo. Happens every November.

Anyway, I had an idea for a story. Just a start, nothing more. Probably a couple of pages of writing from it at this point. I've got to write down the idea or it will be gone. I'm surprised I've kept it this long. But that's a good sign, actually.

It is nearly midnight and I have to get to bed.

It Didn't

The day is drawing to a close and it has not been a good day. I got up around 8 a.m. and the day was blinding sunlit and the air was a comfortable 77 degrees. I had a terrible headache but I went to walk anyway, thinking that maybe the exercise would take the pain out of my neck and annihilate the headache.

It didn't.

Becca asked me to take her to work. So, I left the cemetery around 9:15 and stopped at McDonald's to get juice and a sausage biscuit. I thought since I'd had only a half cup of coffee maybe some food would help get rid of the still raging headache.

It didn't.

I took an Imetrix when I picked up Becca. After dropping her off I came home and got an ice pack. I lay down with the ice pack wrapped around my neck, along the left side of my head with the end of the towel wrap over my eyes. I thought after a hour it would ease off.

It didn't.

Sarah was with me and she lay there and played with  my hands for over an hour. She eventually went to do something on her own. I must have gone to sleep. I actually think she woke me several times but eventually I must have been too deep to hear her. I woke up at one and felt as if I'd been steamrolled. My head didn't hurt but I felt as if my brain was pumped full of fog and I was clumsy and kind of punch drunk.

At least the head didn't hurt.

Sarah and I went to the store to buy some fruit but that's pretty much all the action I've had since early morning. I've done nothing all day but sit, like a fungus on a log, doing nothing. I watched some movies, read a little, and finally decided to write a blog.

Well, I tried. Sarah is bored and can't entertain herself. I've never understood children who can't entertain themselves. If I'd relied on someone else to entertain me, I'd have been really bored.

Anyway, we came out here onto the patio. I haven't been out in months because the mosquitoes got really horrible and I started walking in July. So it was usually too late by the time I was done. Frankly, I'm still not feeling very well, just really sluggish and well, I always say a really bad migraine leave me with a hangover.

Dave and Sarah came out to join me and they played ball for a bit. She now wants to play chase.

You know, once again I realize that this lovely yard was meant for children. There are none now, and not likely to ever be anymore. This week I've been contemplating selling the house again. I don't know where I'd go. I really can't rent cheaper than what I pay here if I just count living expenses. But the repairs are what tip the scale. Once again I'm having plumbing problems and I am just not wanting to fork out the hundreds of dollars it would take just to get them to do the simplest of task. Frankly, we've always had minor plumbing problems here. Whoever added the extra bath and added the laundry room just didn't do something correct.

So, I keep pondering a sale.

I need to go in now. I put repellent on to keep the mosquitoes off.

It didn't.

It's the Tooth

I'm home today with back pain. And interestingly, a tooth ache that I didn't have until I ate. I think the filling has come out of a wisdom tooth.  I only have two of them and this is the top right one. The pain is not bad.... yet, but the reason I only have two wisdom teeth is that one went bad about 40 years ago and they had to pull both teeth on the left. It was a bad experience and I refused to allow them to pull the other two. Since the other two have never given me any trouble I don't think it was a bad choice.

I called the dentist last night and left a message and they called me back this morning. I have an appointment to see my dentist at 1:30 today. I have a trip in October and since I don't want to be out of town if something goes wrong with it, I'm not ignoring this mild pain.

On top of the back and tooth issue, I appear to have a chest cold. I was coughing a bit for a couple of weeks now and I'd begun to feel like I had something sitting in my chest. It was just a mild cough now and then. As of last Friday I began to cough a lot more and harder and that something seemed to get harder. I started a generic of Mucinex. As of today, I'm still coughing but now whatever was in my chest is breaking up. I hate it when that starts because the coughing then become much stronger and last longer. The lungs want the stuff that is now loose out.

I've been doing more cooking. Dave's job ran out and he's basically broke at the moment. Please pray for him to find some kind of work, at least for a few months. He's moving to Arkansas to get married but he needs to be able to pay his child support and provide for himself while he is here.

I don't want him to go. I can't even think how this is going to affect Sarah. I remember how it affected me as a child. In addition, I rely on him and Mike a lot and it will be much more difficult in a lot of ways. They do a lot of manual labor around here that I simply can't do anymore. Dave is my mover and builder. I can't afford to hire someone to do the things he does for me. More than that, I just don't want to have someone else leave. I know, grow up. Act my age. Kids leave. Yada, yada, yada. But generally, families live where there are other family members close by. I'm stuck 12 hours from any family other than my sons, sister and granddaughter. If they all up and decided to leave I'd be stuck here alone with virtually no friends that could help if I needed it. I suppose I could sell my house and try to go somewhere else but finding a job at my age is going to be virtually impossible. Thanks to your president, health care is even harder to get through employment now.

Ok, that's my whine today. Mustn't to drink too much of that. I have to drive. Pass the cheese.

A Hurried Trip Through My Week

I actually started this blog on Friday and didn't get to finish it. I hate when that happens. So, we'll do it now.

I hate whiners. Some days I don't like myself. I whine. I've had a terrible week and I've whined too much because of it and by mid-day I was feeling bummed because whining is its own reward. The more you do it, the more you feel it.

I had a lovely lunch with my friend, Loraine on Friday. A nice positive end to the week, at least. She's back home from her summer in Tennessee. Loraine is a nice ray of sunshine and she is such a good friend. Who knew four years ago during NaNo I'd make such a good friend. She's a good listener but today, she actually talked a lot, for Loraine. It was nice to listen for a change.

Walking has been a problem. All week I could barely walk. Shin splints. They're were better by Friday and I took my bike to the cemetery and rode instead of walking but it was so hot. Obviously not doing any hills. I was feeling better doing all that walking. I have to continue. I haven't walked since or ridden the bike. The heat is impossible. I'm hoping for a cooler week ahead and returning to walking. I've bought some inserts for my shoes to see if it helps.

Saturday I spent moving furniture around, clearing some space in Sarah's room. This is all heavy bookcases and a desk with a hutch that only weighs about 700 lbs. Takes two grown men move the hutch off the desk, with a lot of effort even then. I rarely do that. But shoving this thing around the room is work. By eight o'clock I was fairly well unable to move a pillow. The bookcases are quite heavy but thankfully, David moved those. I just manhandled the books.

We decided to take Sarah to Sonic for supper and while we were sitting there I told David, "I can't do this anymore. When Dad was alive I had help but now, I'm too old to be doing this stuff."

Sarah spoke up from the back seat in a chiding voice. "Mawmaw! You shouldn't say you're old! It's true but you shouldn't say that about yourself!"

Needless to say, Dave and I would have rolled in the floor had we the room in the car to do so.

Sunday we went to church. That afternoon around 2 p.m. I decided I needed a nap before church that night. Dave woke me and said, "Mom, don't you think we need to get up? It's seven o'clock."

I looked around window and noted it wasn't very light outside. I said, "Dave, it's Monday, we don't have to work today. I don't have to get up."

He said, "Mom, it's Sunday."

I said, "No it isn't. It's Monday and a holiday. I don't have to go to work."

He said, "Mom, it is Sunday. We went to church this morning."

I still couldn't fathom it. When I finally got my head back on I realized that all of us, me, Dave, and Mike had gone to sleep and slept all afternoon. I knew I was tired and had not slept well the night before because of my aches and pains but I was obviously more tired than even I realized.

Today Dave went to the Labor Day picnic at church and I stayed home, just sitting around crocheting, winding yarn, and watching movies all alone. It has been heaven. We're going over to Becca's in a bit and have cake and ice cream with Sarah. Today is her 7th birthday. She is growing up too fast. I suspect she's still a lot less "mature" than her peers but we've sheltered her from the likes of Miley Cyrus and Hannah Montana. She's not into make-up but likes perfume and powder. She's not into baby dolls but prefers stuffed animals and other critters. And she loves a good story. My girl.

I hate that I have to go back to work tomorrow. It just drains me so much. Lately, I'm looking around at what I'm doing and all the things I want to do and finding it decidedly lacking in several areas. I haven't been crocheting as much but I need another skein of yarn for the sweater. I got that on Saturday. I don't want to start the next one until I'm done with this one.

I've been reviewing my online presence for a while now. More and more I've limited my involvement because it has become very unrewarding and was sucking time better spent on more constructive pursuits. And I've stuck to things that are constructive as much as possible. I was even able to do CampNaNo. I'm trying to do some new things with my local writing group.

I was reviewing my blogs and those I subscribe to. I have all the blogs I'm subscribed to in Feedly and I really like it way better than I ever liked Google Reader. Slick, easy to use, and easy to read. And I can skim much better to see if the topic is of interest.

I noticed I'm subscribed to twenty-seven blogs on a variety of subjects. Some are blogs about things I'm interested in, i.e. crochet, writing, widows. Some are blogs by online acquaintances/friends. Some are special people in my life that I just  like reading about their life. Here and there I make comments and drop a note. 

It suddenly occurred to me that only a handful of people ever interact with me on the blogs. I notice more a one-sided affairs. I've noticed before and wondered about it. I don't expect the specific interest blogs to respond unless I make a comment that requires one. But oddly enough, I usually get an email if I do. The blog that I am subscribed to as acquaintances and friends is another matter. I don't make a ton of comments and lately very few. But I'm trying to evaluate the value of having contacts with whom I'm never in contact.

I'm left with one conclusion. Either my blog is uninteresting, a real possibility that I frequently admit to on my blog, or these are people who really just wanted subscribers for their blogs. I don't like being a pretty face. I'm guessing that for the most part, reading a blog that holds no value to anyone but the blogger is a waste of time. My blog is more of a journal and who wants to read someone's diary all the time. I feel pretty much the same way... well, that's probably not true as I enjoy the personal blogs a lot more than my craft ones. Life is always more interesting to me. So, I'm evaluating what I want to keep and which I want to toss on my blog list.

On top of that, I've been reorganizing my circles, eliminating some, consolidating others. I've got too many and while they are handy for categorizing, too many becomes a chore to juggle. They're colored balls that get bounced around. Even when you delete them, they bounce and roll off the screen. And frankly, this is another case of people adding, not to talk to you but to advertise something they're selling, whether a product or service. I don't want what you're selling so bother adding me. If you're not interested in interaction, don't add me. I'm seeing more of the advertising on Facebook too, leading me again to consider chucking all social networks. I really find them tedious in most respects. I even signed on to twitter and find it eminently useless. Even were I a famous person, I'd find it a waste of time.

My friend, Chris, had a very good blog today. It is what I always enjoyed about the Multiply blogs. They were about people and you cared about each other. You shared a lot more. And I have several of those folks on my list and they're probably the ones I hear from most often. It still isn't Multiply but I'm learning more and more how to utilize G+ to fill in the blanks and it helps. So, I'm going to go through my blog subscriptions and do some trimming. Twenty-seven blogs is a lot. Something has to go.

We just got back from Sarah's birthday celebration. It was very nice for all of us to be there and watch her and eat cake and ice cream. I was very proud of David for making the effort. I want someday for Sarah to be able to look back and say, "Mom and Dad may not have been able to work out their differences but set those aside to give me good memories." I'd give anything to have such a memory.

 Tomorrow is a work day. I think I've got a cold. I've been coughing and have some kind of congestion in my chest. Going to take something and hit the hay. Pray for a better week for me.

Penalties and Politics

This week is nearly over and I'm so glad. It had just been horrible. I'm exhausted. I don't even know what day it is! Someone leaving the office said, "Have a nice holiday weekend!"

I looked at them like they were crazy and said, "What holiday?" Then was so relived when someone said Labor Day. Three day weekend!

I have about four or five hearings tomorrow afternoon. I hate this part of the job. I've had to drop people from the program because reporting violations that resulted in over payments. Understand I have no problem with the person has deliberately committed fraud, like the woman who made $700 a week and we paid all her rent for months because she didn't report her income. She owes the government $3700. I hope she gets fired. Someone else needed that help.

However, there are some folks who just make a mistake and forget. We can tell the difference. And we usually work with them. Not this time. You see, our moronic leaders have graciously sent money to Egypt and Syria and Palestine while cutting the budgets of every American housing program in the country. Meaning Americans are going to be homeless in favor of terrorist controlled countries.

The end result of all that is that we are terminating as many from the housing program as we can in as short a time as possible. I sent out 15 withdrawal letters telling those people I was taking away their assistance as of 08/31. Sunday for you voters. Three of those people have small children and I knew they simply forgot. They made a mistake, their first one. One of them is severely ADD and can't even fill out her paperwork without help. She sobbed and begged to be allowed to remain on the program. We are in a short fall (NO MONEY). There is no grace period. Nothing that will allow me to put her on probation and set up repayment arrangements. Her debt? $92. I asked twice if I could make an exception in a couple of cases. The answer was no. If we paid too much rent, they had to go.

We are sending billions to a bunch of people who will cut off our heads.

I am so happy to say I did not vote for that bunch of Washington clowns. And the idiocy of a voting populace who can't recognize what is happening is just beyond my tolerance. Do not even go there with me. I'm not interested in your justification of the raping of this country. I can only pray that the coming election will fix something. I believe it is too late. We've sold our souls ad I won't be surprised if in less than three years this country will be under a socialist or communist rule with most of our rights suspended. Come back and tell me I'm wrong in 2016. I'll print a retraction. I doubt you'll be able to because government attempts to control the press and internet is already underway. Just watch the biased and repressive media reports. Socialist takeovers always begin with limiting press and suppression of diverse political discourse.

Study the Nazi take over of Germany, beginning with Hitler's bid for election. Learn from it. Get acquainted with it. You'll know it when you see it... unless you're stupid.

On top of that, I can't walk for a few days. My shins are not good, nor are my feet.

My RA Doctor wants me to take Metheltrixate on top of the Plaquanil! She took xrays of my hands and I have erosions in my the joints of my hands. Still, no. The side effects of these medicines are already causing hearing loss, potentially can blind me, and reduced my immune system so I get sick more often. I have mouth sores from lowered immunity and have to use salt water to rinse my mouth twice a day to keep them in check. Metheltrixate causes hair loss and I don't even know what else. I don't suppose joint deformity is any worse than all these combined. If I can keep the pain in check I'll deal with it.

And that is what the week has done to my attitude and mood. I'm headed for bed before I say something I'm regret tomorrow.

Long Week, Short Weekend

My goodness it has been a while, a whole week, in fact. Work has been a beast and all I've done is come home, walk and sit and watch British mysteries. I've was simply brain dead by the time I got home each night. I crocheted a lot.

On Tuesday, some intellectually challenged soul decided to mail letters to 1600 participants to tell them if we found them not reporting income we would be dropping them and if they had any unreported income they should come in and submit the attached withdrawal form. Imagine a program with elderly, handicapped, and intellectually stunted people as well as those who have a reasonable intelligence. What do you think happened? Back to back calls for two day and God knows what Monday will bring. It was horrendous.

I have been walking roughly a mile and a half now, if you've been watching on my Facebook and G+ pages. This morning it took me 45 minutes. I dawdled a bit. I've shot several videos about my walks. Really walking in an old cemetery is awesome. I've learned a lot of things about cemeteries, tombstones, symbols of death, and social status. It just has continued to surprise and entertain me.

Today was my local writer's group meeting. We had a really good time I think. We had a writing exercise that worked out quite well. I brought three old photos that I found online and we had to choose one to write about. I chose two of them, which was cheating a bit. Everyone did very well with their story and hearing the different perspectives was really interesting. Everyone saw something different.

Here's the photo I choose: http://www.flickr.com/photos/addie-b/7359602126/



Here's the story that came with it.

Harry and Maude

Harry smiled across the table at Maude as she told him about her shopping trip the day before. He hated shopping but Maude loved it and he loved hearing her talk, about anything, the price of eggs, the spoiled milk in the baby's bottle, the weather.


“I tell you, Maude, you should not go into that market alone. I don't trust those men with the funny hats. They're bound to be up to no good.” Winnie moved a glass and brushed crumbs off the table. “Harry, you should go with her.”


“Nonsense, sweetheart. Maude can charm the birds from the trees. She's perfectly fine on her own. Besides, I had to take that paperwork down to the Judge. He's been out of town for weeks.”


Maude sat silent, smiling at Harry. Beneath e the table she stretched and rubbed his leg with her foot. He blushed and moved his leg. “I think I wouldn't have got much shopping done if Harry had been along, Mother. He's far too much of a distraction for me.”


“Hush child.” Harry chuckled and winked at her.


Winnie got up and began to clear the table. “Well, I'm still not convinced a fellow who wears a turban and long skirts is to be trusted. They have most unpleasant faces and I'm sure they're just waiting to drag decent women into an alley.”


“Mama, do be quiet.” Maude leaned forward and glared. “The servants will hear you.”


“Don't care if they do.” She picked up her tray and started for the kitchen. “Uncivilized heathens, gadding about in the streets. Makes me terribly uncomfortable.”


She left them and silence lay thick at the mist that had rolled in from the mountains. The sun slanted across the balcony, casting harsh shadows. Branches from a nearby tree shaded Harry's face and he frowned. “It can be dangerous, Maude. You should take someone out with you. I didn't know you intended to go on your own.”


Her laughter dance out onto the air and his heart seemed to speed up. “Darling, I am perfectly fine. No one is going to hurt me.”


“That woman three weeks ago...”


“Was in a terrible part of town, Harry. She should have known better than to go there. I'm sure she must have gotten lost.”


“It was bad, Maude. I spoke with the constable.”


She rose and moved around the table, leaned down to kiss his cheek. “I'm not going walking in the back alleys of the bazaar, Harry. I promise. Beside, who'd bother the wife of the ambassador's son?”


He watched her go into the house and then turned to stare out at the forest a dozen feet away. He didn't want to answer that.

Walking on the Sunny Side

A Cemetery Walk

A Weary Walk

I've done so many videos and gotten out of sequence posting them. Thank goodness Blogger allows me to say when a post is date.

Saturday Surprises

Amazing Saturday. I got up at 8:30 to very minimal pain. Yay! I walked over a mile at the cemetery around 10 a.m. in just over half an hour.

Afterward, I went to Sonic and got onion rings and a drink, picked up Sarah and brought her to her dad and then went shopping and bought... yarn. Got something I want to make. I'm still working on Sarah's sweater. I went to Bath and Bodyworks. They had a buy 3, get 3 free. If you've ever been there, you know that's a bargain. Smells like heaven, too. And so will I tonight.

After all that, I came home. Dave, Sarah and I went to supper at Captain D's and had fish. Sarah loves fish. She now likes clams, too, so I had to share them with her. I don't mind. I'm so happy she likes fish I'd give her my whole plate if she asked. It is the one food I can be sure she'll eat and eat enough to insure she's full. I suppose I should start making it a lot more. Wouldn't hurt us either. Sometimes she'll eat tuna fish salad but not often.

I'm so thankful for a really good day! I was walking this morning and about halfway through my walk I just felt so blessed to have that moment of peace and virtually no pain. I almost had to stop in the middle of that cemetery and praise God for it. I didn't stop but I did do some praising as I walked. I did not look to see if any dead rose but as good as I felt in that moment, it wouldn't have surprised me. The effect that walking there has on me is a bit confusing to me. I do not understand why I enjoy walking.

This is a rather long video and very shaky in places. But I had a really good time doing it, as you will probably be able to tell.

Expect the Unexpected... Especially Here

It started as a lovely Sunday morning. We went to church this morning. Sarah went with us. During her Sunday school class, she stepped on the hem of her sundress and ripped the shoulder straps right out of her dress! They duct taped her until class was over. We made a pit stop after church to Walgreen's and got safety pins. Anyone notice that the modern safety pin is basically junk? Really. Those things won't hold anything for long. I can remember real ones that a magnet would pick up and if you ever crushed the little head... that thing was never coming undone. The ones I used today were not as strong as paperclips. How does that happen? I mean, is it more important to hold that stack of paper together than it is to hold up a dress? Oh... sorry... in the current fashionless society, probably so.

I was going to church but about the time I told Sarah to get ready she got sick and vomited up her lunch. She was complaining of a headache and her stomach hurting but I didn't really connect it. Becca says she has acid reflux. She sent some medicine and I've given that to her.She's dying to eat now. She didn't really eat much lunch so it probably is a good thing.

I'm disappointed that we didn't go to church. Dave could go but he doesn't. I've given up on a lot of things. I have no cure for blindness. No it wasn't because Sarah is sick. He wasn't going anyway.

I have a pot roast in the kitchen and I'm going to have roast beef sandwich for supper. I prepared it for lunch but we went out instead as Sarah was with us. She doesn't like roast beef. As it turned out that whole idea was a wash. We'd have saved money just coming home.

Obviously the unexpected is the norm around here. Still roast beef sandwiches sound good. Then a hot shower and writing. I'm going to look for some good preaching online so I can at least get my soul fed.

Grave Contemplations

It is a warm cloudy day. I woke this morning around 8 a.m. and got up, ate breakfast, got Sarah up, fed her and we went for a walk in the cemetery. I'm getting to the point that I look forward to that walk and that's strange for me. I'm not a walker and never was but as I walked today, I realized I like walking there. It is a beautiful place with an atmosphere of peace.

O.k. call me strange. You have to be there I guess. It is so quiet, other than traffic on Hwy 41 that runs N to S of the cemetery but you forget the traffic and don't really hear it. Today there wasn't a soul around but me and Sarah.

And the dead people, as Sarah says. Probably more than a thousand of them lie there. I always tell her they won't bother us. I told her there are only boxes of bones now, that the dead people had gone back to God. It appears she is beginning to grasp that and acknowledged that they aren't really dead but she seems still think in terms that "the dead people are there." Must be a hard concept to grasp but with every walk she accompanies me on, I sense her adapting, little by little, to the idea that the graveyard is not a scary place and death is not a bad thing, only inevitable and that beyond it, there is more that is better. I think that for children, death seems to be an end and humans naturally fear being nonexistent. Yes, we do. Many adapt to the idea but as children, we're still in a natural state, uncorrupted by adult ideals. That concept of death is not natural to children.

 Today we talked about how lovely it would be to have a picnic under the trees. She said, "Under those spooky trees over there?" It was grove of closely spaced trees at the far side of our walk. I looked and it was dark under those trees. I could see how, at six, in a park of dead people, they would appear spooky. "That is just a grove of old trees and it is really pretty. We could picnic there but I'd rather have a picnic over near Pawpaw's grave."

"I bet he'd want a sandwich."

"I think he's probably having dinner with God but I think he'd like for us to have a picnic near him."

"He could spend time with us. But I bet he'd like a bite of that sandwich."

"I bet he'd just like to spend time with us. He loved being with you."

Eventually, she'll grasp it and when she meets death, in whatever form, maybe she will be better able to deal with it than I am. I never learned that and the reality of death was terrifying when it stepped into my bedroom on a dark winter night. It still is.

The walk was done and we left to get her mom and take her by the bank. In the process, Becca had locked herself out of her apartment. So we spent an hour trying to get that resolved. Eventually, I left her on the steps waiting for someone to come unlock her doors. We had a nice chat during that time. I still love my daughter-in-law, well, my ex-daughter-in-law. I hope, for her and for Sarah, she'll do well and find her purpose. It may not include my son, but maybe it never did. We all take wrong turns now and then but the real trick is finding a path that will help us become better at who we were meant to be. If it was a wrong turn, I'm so thankful for the petite, blond bombshell that exploded into my life. And I'm thankful for the woman who has become like my daughter.

Today, pain is relative to what I'm doing. I'm truly thankful for that. At the moment, it is minor aches and pains when I get up or down. I'm trying once again, to eat less of what ails me. Inflammatory foods that tend to be the things I love. For days now I've been focusing on fruits, strawberries, blueberries, bananas, apples and oranges. I need Bing Cherries but they are hard to come by here. Of course, the citrus is considered inflammatory but I don't eat much. My real weakness is orange juice, which I could drink gallons of if it liked me. I've stuck with one in the mornings before work several days this week.

I bought cereal and put the fruit in it. Cereal is another inflammatory food, as is bread, rice, pasta, and any sugar but again, a cup of cereal is probably not going to hurt me. Much. Oh, and onion rings.... I'm still having flings with them. I don't think the onions are an issue but the fact that they are fired probably is. I've managed to stop using artificial sweeteners in my coffee. I buy liquid creamer from Kroger. It has sugar but the amount I use is minimal and only once a day. I've not taken the Doxepin in over a week either. My sleep hasn't suffered... if I'd go to bed at a reasonable time! And I'm now walking more. So we will see how this all plays out over time. My knees and hips do not care for the walk at all but I push forward, focusing instead on the scenery around me.

I'm writing and because I'm not as foggy at the moment, I'm more consistent with the time I give it. Writing 30 days in a row sets up a habit and it is actually harder to stop than keep it up. Speaking of which, I have to go and write now. I've got a couple of people saying I have to finish the Camp story and I agree. I still have no title. Very annoying, that. I suppose it will come to me. If you haven't read it and want to, the link is above. Feel free to give your comments. I will only leave it open until I finish it. I should set a goal for that or for closing it. Maybe October 31st. NaNoWriMo starts November 1st.

On contemplation, this is the most positive post I've done in ages. It would be nice if they could all sound like this. Of course, the paths we walk can't always been smooth and straight. Sometimes they wend themselves through flower-filled meadows, sometimes through gravestone-filled cemeteries. I guess learning to see beauty in the gravestones is the challenge.

A Thursday Walk

The Last Walk in July

That Kind of Week

I had good intentions. Really. I started this blog two days ago! Today, as for the last three days, we've had rain. I like rain but I'd rather be at home reading, writing or just sitting watching the rain. Do you ever watch the rain?

I was going to do a lot of writing but I had unexpected things happen, as usual. I'm really annoyed with myself. Saturday I had a writer's meeting and it was nice to just sit and chat. That morning I didn't write because I had some things to do and after the meeting I sort of ran out of steam, although I did write a little. But Sunday I was just tired and did nothing but sit and crochet. Crochet is the one hobby you can do when you feel bad.

I am having a bit of pain problems but my biggest problem is going to bed and sleeping. I really need to force myself onto a schedule. I stopped taking the Doxepin this past week because I think some of my problems with sluggishness were a result of that pill. It happens sometimes. That or the pill makes the sluggish, foggy feeling worse. Anyway, stopped it and my brain cleared. I really would rather not take it but it is probably the best sleep aid I have. I've been more alert but sleep is not as good and pain levels are higher.

The story has stalled out again but I'll keep plugging away at it. You can tell it stalled out. I've has some nice compliments so that's encouraging. Today, I'm at work and want to be home writing. Mornings are probably my best time of day, even though I'm not a morning person.

I went home for lunch yesterday and wrote on my lunch hour. That was nice! I got ahead and last night could take a rest. As of today, I only need 300 words. I'll finish it on time but short of my original goal..

I have so much to to that I don't know if I'm going or coming. I just realized Saturday that I'll be at the writer's conference in mid-October and return from the weekend before NaNoWrimo starts in November. I have to get my act together. Plan the kickoff, get a few goodies together, and sort out meetings. I have my NaNo friend, Tammy, acting as co-ML and that's should help a lot. She's going to host some of the write-ins as well. I'm looking forward to November but I am going to be really annoyed if I lose another NaNo.

Must go now because I'm hungry and it is lunch time. Not sure what I'll do today. I bought onion rings and went home with them yesterday. Worked out well. Today, I haven't even had breakfast!

So, off to feed and read.

A Yarn about... Well, Yarns

It is an absolutely gorgeous day outside my window! There is something so unjust about the fact that I'm on the wrong side of the window. I got a towel and cleaner and cleaned the window, inside and out. No, we do not have people who do that. Much better view now. I just wish I could be out there.

I've had a better week than usual, although I think it began a bit rocky. I really had a few days when I was not feeling well but muddled through. I'm antsy to get back to crocheting again. I've let it slide this week because I had some pain in my neck and shoulders. I know what is aggravating it. I've been at my computer at the dining table again. It is just too high and the chairs miserable. I have to stop it.

Here's the stuff I got last weekend for my next round of cloths. I finished two more for a friend of mine over the weekend. They came out just as pretty as the others have. You can see them in the photo below. These work up so fast and the variety that is possible is just wonderful. I have one not pictured here that I did in white and used some of the left over to trim the edge. Looks so nice. Now I want to get a bigger variety of colors than the store carries! I bought all this at Hobby Lobby. Their yarn is reasonably priced I think and they seem to have more than some of the other stores.

The orange and brown are for my friend, Carolyn. She's remodeled her kitchen and the walls are tangerine. These came out so pretty and very different from the other two variegated yarns I used. There is a more stripped pattern and it almost looks like a ripple. I'm impressed with it. There was a third one I did but I forgot to take a photo. It was a different pattern and looked more like a woven cloth.

Still running behind on my Camp NaNo story. It is frustrating but I can't help how tired I seem to be. I simply can't think when that happens. Creating a story takes a lot of work and a clear head. I think, no matter the outcome of camp I will continue till I have some kind of resolution. November is not far away and I will have to be done by then and ready to start a new one. I have the writing conference in October so maybe that will give me some inspiration. I do feel as if I've been trying to establish a routine and I feel it more now when I'm not writing. Writer's meeting is Saturday and it will be nice to meet up with them. Commiseration is very soothing. 

Had a lovely online chat with my friend, Jilly, today. She lives in a village in England. I've really missed the blog she did about her family. She's so busy since moving to the village! I watch all these English mysteries and the ladies are always so busy doing things. They always reminds me of Jilly. I've promised myself after this writing conference, my next big trip is to England to see her. I've said it for several years now but I've suddenly realized that time runs out and I need to spend some of it on me. 

I'd best get busy now. I will be so happy when the weekend arrives. I hope the weather will still be as lovely as today.

Wednesday Afternoon Ramble

Mirror, Mirror On The Wall

It seems to me that when I'm doing my best, I don't have time to post about it. That annoys me. If I'm only posting when things are bad then it tends to be nothing but a rant. I hate that. And that is probably why I've stopped posting a lot of anything. It is why I started another blog about praise. I just hate posting negative content all the time. I don't like reading it so why would anyone else?

Today is a really bad day and so that's how I know all that. I woke up hurting everywhere and most especially my neck. When my neck hurts I have balance problems and I'm really tired. This is fibro at its worst.To have to work with it is just horrible. Nothing works right. You can't really think clearly. You feel as if you're staggering around. You ache for no apparent reason. And you want to lie down and close your eyes. I sat down in a chair across the room earlier and closed my eyes. I knew immediately I could not stay there. So I got up and redirected my attention to work. 

We had a move briefing this morning. One of the first clients I interviewed had on his Jack Daniels cologne and he reeked. The landlord doesn't want to rent to him anymore because he apparently doesn't like the cologne either. When I told him the landlord didn't want to rent to him anymore because he drank too much. He said, "I drink a little but...." It was the neighbor's fault. 

 He was a friendly fellow who I instantly had an aversion to because he's a drunk who came to his meeting drinking.  He carried his problem with him and didn't understand why he had a problem. His paperwork was incomplete. He didn't have any documents. When I pointed it out he couldn't even figure out that he had not answered 7 pages of yes or no questions. He wanted to spend my time telling me how all his problems were his neighbor's fault. He informed me he was about to make her life miserable because his life is miserable. I didn't point out that he was making mine miserable and I hadn't done anything to him.  You'd have to know my history to understand. Just know my tolerance for drunks is below zero.

Another client, who is also moving, cries everytime I see her. Yes, every time. I think she has a anxiety disorder. Do I look scary? I suppose sometimes I'm intimidating.  When I asked her if she has a problem with anxiety she started to cry again and said she did. She sobs that the landlord hates her. She doesn't understand why. The landlord is tired of her constant complaining. I understand the anxiety issues. I have my own anxiety problems. I understand the landlord, too.

I decided that God sends us people that are mirrors. We are supposed to look into them and see our own flaws. The problem is that most of us don't see any reflection at all. We're kind of like vampires who, when placed in front of a mirror, have no reflection. We look at people like this and see nothing of ourselves. But mirrors reflect things back at us. The fact that you see no reflection is in itself telling you something. Because you should see something. 

It doesn't mean we have the same problems, but we might. Mirrors not only reflect what we see, the also reflect what we feel. They reflect light and magnify it. They also reflect darkness. Have you ever looked into a mirror in a dark room. It's scary. 

This lady made me wonder if I whine and complain too much. Do I do things that make people dislike me? When I'm stressed do I make life miserable for other people? Do I generally make life miserable for others? Am I concerned about another person's anxiety? Do I feel compassion for people who are suffering? Do I even care about anyone else's problems? The drunk... didn't do a thing for me. I didn't feel sorry for him. I have no compassion for his plight. Alcohol is simply a way of avoiding life and and responsibility. He is going to take his problem with him and make someone else miserable. If he looked into a mirror, he would see no reflection.

As a result, I can't say I much like mirrors. Today was not a good day to look into the mirror. I feel bad but maybe in the midst of it all I learned something good. When the lady left she asked me if she could hug me. "You're always so nice to me." {sigh} I looked deep into that mirror. Not really.

A Fish Tale

It was a lovely day that has liquefied. Still, I like rain so I'm good. It has messed up my plans for my walk. Thunder is rumbling overhead so I can't even go with an umbrella.

It is about time I rev'd up the walk schedule a bit. I've only been able to go a couple of times a week but I need to add a couple more days. I think I've worked out the best route, despite Sarah trying to kill me on the huge hill at the cemetery. It is a 21 feet elevation. That may not sound like much but believe me, you feel it.  I thought of adding distance first but I am going to stick with the 10 minute walk and work up to several days a week and then I hope to do twice a day, morning (ouch) and evening.

I am dismally behind in my writing. I've been so tired at night that I barely get a thousand words. Still, I'm plodding along. I go until I can't. I need 2000 a night until the 31st. Not good.

Now, I've got to go and make tuna salad for supper. I've had indigestion all day. The onion rings for lunch probably didn't help but that's all I wanted. I stopped and got them and came home for lunch. Once I finished, I lay down for about half an hour. I didn't get to sleep but I did doze a few minutes. I need to do that more often. Get something really easy for lunch and just rest. I feel better in the afternoon, when I usually have my crash.

So, tuna salad and then write.

A short while later.....

Tuna salad done and it was delicious.

Day 10

I trudged along, uphill, fighting off mosquitoes, biting gnats, and assorted other pests. The trail was muddy, slippery, and on one side was a 8000 foot drop, straight down. I slogged on despite the obstacles. The end of my journey lay up there, at 21000 feet. 

Oops... sorry. Actually, that's me working on Camp NaNoWriMo. It is day 10 and I should be at 10,000 words. I'm at 8,029. I'm behind, as I have been for over a week. I missed several days writing and that is not the way to do any NaNo. Still, I'm plodding along. And despite the perils, I am enjoying the trip.

It has been a busy week and I've had Sarah several nights. It is hard to write with her here. It is very odd really. I never had trouble writing with my boys around. They just knew to entertain themselves when I was writing. Unfortunately, Sarah is an only child and so had no one to play with and so she wants to play with the grownups.

I'm exhausted tonight and about to turn in but felt I should at least boast a bit about my progress. This story is turning out different from what I was thinking when I started it. It began as one thing and has become something else entirely. I do not know what category it fits in. I don't have a title. I don't know what it all means. I suppose the characters will reveal it eventually. I am a bit out of my depth since it has been a long time since I was 18. However, I do remember that at 18 I was married a year. Marley is still very naive in ways I wasn't. So, I guess we watch to see how she changes.

One thing I do know, I feel better in the story than I do in my life. That should be a clue. Stay in the stories.

Camp NaNoWriMo 2013